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Full Version: My New Fanfic (If anyone could submit a name, there's a positive rep for you.)
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Hey! Welcome to my fanfic! As afore mentioned, if you can suggest a good name, I'll rep you for it. Also, can someone submit a pic of a son between Zane Truesdale and Alexis Rhodes (Needed for book two). Please rate it, and suggest improvments. Hope you enjoy!
BOOK ONE:
Chapters 1-4 (Click to View)
Chapters 5-10 (Click to View)
Chapters 11-14 (Click to View)

BOOK TWO
Chapters 1-4 (Click to View)
Chapters 5-8 (Click to View)
(Chapter 9-12) (Click to View)
How about, Windy Duels, you know, Chicago? By the way, this is a pretty decent Fanfic.
(03-03-2009 06:31 PM)Deadlycreampuff Wrote: [ -> ]How about, Windy Duels, you know, Chicago? By the way, this is a pretty decent Fanfic.
That'd actually be pretty good, but there's more than one main character. The other one's a Jewish kid named Mike, who was sold into slave-esque labor. Thanks, though.
loltriplepost?

The cards in Ch3 were total crap; I don't know if that was intended.

Space things out, will you? Walls of text are eyesores, and no one wants to read an eyesore.
(03-04-2009 09:17 PM)Supreme Gamesmaster Wrote: [ -> ]loltriplepost?

The cards in Ch3 were total crap; I don't know if that was intended.

Space things out, will you? Walls of text are eyesores, and no one wants to read an eyesore.
Okay, I'll space them out more. And, no, I can't believe you didn't see the combo. Summon Relinquished by sacrificing Goblin Caligrapher, set Magic Cylander. End your turn. Opponent attacks. You use Magic Cylander. On your turn, use Relinquished's effect. Attack directly. End your turn. Your opponent will set a card. On your turn, summon Spear Dragon. You pierce his set card. You then attack directly with Relinquished. Bada-bing, you win.
(03-05-2009 08:16 AM)Kenny Bohner Wrote: [ -> ]
(03-04-2009 09:17 PM)Supreme Gamesmaster Wrote: [ -> ]loltriplepost?

The cards in Ch3 were total crap; I don't know if that was intended.

Space things out, will you? Walls of text are eyesores, and no one wants to read an eyesore.
1) Okay, I'll space them out more.
2) And, no, I can't believe you didn't see the combo.
3) Summon Relinquished by sacrificing Goblin Caligrapher, set Magic Cylander. End your turn. Opponent attacks. You use Magic Cylander. On your turn, use Relinquished's effect. Attack directly. End your turn. Your opponent will set a card. On your turn, summon Spear Dragon. You pierce his set card. You then attack directly with Relinquished. Bada-bing, you win.

1) Good.
2) WTF?
3) First of all, I see no Black Illusion Ritual.
Secondly, how do you know what your opponent is going to do in a real Duel?
Thirdly, this is what happens if an opponent gets a really godly hand, assuming you do cheat and Summon Relinquished sans ritual:
  • Activate Foolish Burial, send Destiny Hero - Malicious to Graveyard
  • RFG Destiny Hero - Malicious to Special Summon another Destiny Hero - Malicious from your Deck
  • Activate Emergency Teleport to Special Summon Krebons
  • Normal Summon Armageddon Knight; send Plaguespreader Zombie to Graveyard
  • Place 1 card from hand on top of Deck to Special Summon the Plaguespreader Zombie
  • Synchro Summon with Armageddon Knight and Plaguespreader Zombie to Summon Goyo Guardian
  • Synchro Summon with Krebons and Destiny Hero - Malicious to Summon Stardust Dragon
  • Special Summon Dark Armed Dragon from hand
  • Activate Mystical Space Typhoon to destroy Magic Cylinder
  • Attack with all three for game
Be sure you lrn2ygo before writing fanfics about it.

Also, a new paragraph starts every time someone new is speaking.
Before even reading it, I have 2 suggestions. First, use spoilers. If you don't know how, here's the code
Code:
[spoiler=The spoiler's title goes here]The text within the spoiler goes here[/spoiler]
And the result:
The spoiler's title goes here (Click to View)
Second, instead of making a new post for every new chapter, just edit your first post and put them there. NOW I'll read and rate the story.
And I like it! It's very well written, and you've got the dueling started. Fix things the way I suggested above, and you got yourself a regular reader. Looking foreward to chapter 4. As for the title, I think Yu-Gi-Oh: Rising Up! would be a good idea, seeing as both characters talk about only being able to gain, not lose.
(03-05-2009 11:30 AM)Supreme Gamesmaster Wrote: [ -> ]
(03-05-2009 08:16 AM)Kenny Bohner Wrote: [ -> ]
(03-04-2009 09:17 PM)Supreme Gamesmaster Wrote: [ -> ]loltriplepost?

The cards in Ch3 were total crap; I don't know if that was intended.

Space things out, will you? Walls of text are eyesores, and no one wants to read an eyesore.
1) Okay, I'll space them out more.
2) And, no, I can't believe you didn't see the combo.
3) Summon Relinquished by sacrificing Goblin Caligrapher, set Magic Cylander. End your turn. Opponent attacks. You use Magic Cylander. On your turn, use Relinquished's effect. Attack directly. End your turn. Your opponent will set a card. On your turn, summon Spear Dragon. You pierce his set card. You then attack directly with Relinquished. Bada-bing, you win.

1) Good.
2) WTF?
3) First of all, I see no Black Illusion Ritual.
Secondly, how do you know what your opponent is going to do in a real Duel?
Thirdly, this is what happens if an opponent gets a really godly hand, assuming you do cheat and Summon Relinquished sans ritual:
  • Activate Foolish Burial, send Destiny Hero - Malicious to Graveyard
  • RFG Destiny Hero - Malicious to Special Summon another Destiny Hero - Malicious from your Deck
  • Activate Emergency Teleport to Special Summon Krebons
  • Normal Summon Armageddon Knight; send Plaguespreader Zombie to Graveyard
  • Place 1 card from hand on top of Deck to Special Summon the Plaguespreader Zombie
  • Synchro Summon with Armageddon Knight and Plaguespreader Zombie to Summon Goyo Guardian
  • Synchro Summon with Krebons and Destiny Hero - Malicious to Summon Stardust Dragon
  • Special Summon Dark Armed Dragon from hand
  • Activate Mystical Space Typhoon to destroy Magic Cylinder
  • Attack with all three for game
Be sure you lrn2ygo before writing fanfics about it.

Also, a new paragraph starts every time someone new is speaking.
Hey, bud, Black Illusion Ritual is his ritual. That, and this guy's a nub. This is the first round.
(03-05-2009 12:04 PM)Southparkerstan Wrote: [ -> ]Before even reading it, I have 2 suggestions. First, use spoilers. If you don't know how, here's the code
Code:
[spoiler=The spoiler's title goes here]The text within the spoiler goes here[/spoiler]
And the result:
The spoiler's title goes here (Click to View)
Second, instead of making a new post for every new chapter, just edit your first post and put them there. NOW I'll read and rate the story.
And I like it! It's very well written, and you've got the dueling started. Fix things the way I suggested above, and you got yourself a regular reader. Looking foreward to chapter 4. As for the title, I think Yu-Gi-Oh: Rising Up! would be a good idea, seeing as both characters talk about only being able to gain, not lose.
Thanks a lot! The only thing I don't want to do is the spoilers. I don't like them, and I never have. But, yeah, I'll use the chapters like that. Thanks again!
Ok, your decision, and keeping them in the first post is more important. I'll be coming back for more!
Double-space between paragraphs.

The plot temporarily stops during the Duels; therefore, said duels are boring. At least add some banter or something; after all, it's illegal not to announce your moves.

Jeremey should have drawn an additional card when Chainsaw Insect attacked per its effect.
(03-07-2009 10:54 AM)Supreme Gamesmaster Wrote: [ -> ]Double-space between paragraphs.

The plot temporarily stops during the Duels; therefore, said duels are boring. At least add some banter or something; after all, it's illegal not to announce your moves.

Jeremey should have drawn an additional card when Chainsaw Insect attacked per its effect.
Magic Cylander negates the attack; it never happened. Therefore, no cards are drawn.
Sorry, not used to that. I'm thinking of Mirror Force, probably because it's so much more consistent *hint hint*.
(03-08-2009 09:36 PM)Supreme Gamesmaster Wrote: [ -> ]Sorry, not used to that. I'm thinking of Mirror Force, probably because it's so much more consistent *hint hint*.
LOL, even though I hate chat speak. Very funny.
Okay, if you've read this, you'll know that I made some of those cards here. I'll be posting them as I go along. There's an epilogue coming, and, eventually, a full-fledged sequal. I know you can't wait; no need to tell me. Also, I've got biographies on their ways. Enjoy!
Sneak Peek! (Click to View)

Jeremey's Bio (Click to View)

Mikey's Bio (Click to View)
Why don't you use spoilers? That way the fist post isn't all that long...
(03-14-2009 06:35 PM)omega21109 Wrote: [ -> ]Why don't you use spoilers? That way the fist post isn't all that long...
I don't really like spoilers; I think they're a cheater's version of a book, you know? I spent a while making this, so just enjoy the story. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post, though. Thanks!
HAHA OK!!You're welcome..I've been meaning to read some fanfics instead of working on them anyway....
Chapters are too short. And too compact. Edit.
(03-14-2009 06:47 PM)Kenny Bohner Wrote: [ -> ]
(03-14-2009 06:35 PM)omega21109 Wrote: [ -> ]Why don't you use spoilers? That way the fist post isn't all that long...
I don't really like spoilers; I think they're a cheater's version of a book, you know? I spent a while making this, so just enjoy the story. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post, though. Thanks!
Not that kind of spoiler; spoiler tags. >.<

A little early for a sequel, isn't it? You've barely started this.

Nitton is right; these chapters are miniscule.
(03-15-2009 03:57 AM)Nitton Wrote: [ -> ]Chapters are too short. And too compact. Edit.
Well, sir, I can safely say that you are a moron. Did you even read it? One through six-ish are pretty dainty, but after that are pretty lengthy. So, uh, think before you speak.
(03-15-2009 04:12 AM)Supreme Gamesmaster Wrote: [ -> ]
(03-14-2009 06:47 PM)Kenny Bohner Wrote: [ -> ]
(03-14-2009 06:35 PM)omega21109 Wrote: [ -> ]Why don't you use spoilers? That way the fist post isn't all that long...
I don't really like spoilers; I think they're a cheater's version of a book, you know? I spent a while making this, so just enjoy the story. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post, though. Thanks!
Not that kind of spoiler; spoiler tags. >.<

A little early for a sequel, isn't it? You've barely started this.

Nitton is right; these chapters are miniscule.
Pardon my asking this, but are you retarded? Dude, I've finished it. Please, in the future, READ THE F****** POST BEFORE YOU RANT!!! And, one through seven-ish are pretty small, they pick up after that. And as for the spoiler tags, they're already done. Thanks for your time.
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