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Full Version: Yu-Gi-Oh D.A (Dark Awakening) ~Best seller~ ~Characters bassed on real people~
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cardcreator 444 Wrote:Ok...
Enjoy the next part guy's...

Unknown Men:650
Alex-Rahim:1
"...Ok, Dark Crusader, ATTACK, Dark Mormentom!!!!" with a big smirk on the unknown men's face, they exclaimed, "HA, I'M AFRAID... YOUR VICTORY HAS NOT COME YET" with a blunt confused look on alex's and rahim's face, they mumble,"HUH...!!" with a short explanation, the other unknown man said, "That's right, you realy should pay more attention on our face down's... I activate, Wobuku!!" With a sroke of unluck, Alex said,"Fine, there's still no way you can win!! I play a face down and then play...Defusion, with my life point's and Ra, which mean's that our life point's go back to 6800 and my monster is now 3900 again!!" as thing's were getting better, the next move was in place,"Ok, i activate block attack, on your Dark Crusader, and then i activate shield crush to destroy it, and now i'm going to activate, Musilaum of the Emporor, then i also play Dian keto the cure master, and then another, so i gain 2000 life point's, and now i pay those 2000 with my musilaum of the Emporor ro summon, Rad Eyes B. Dragon, and then i play Megamorph, which makes him 4800, now attack Ra, even though he dosn't get destroyed you still lose 900 life point's, and now that the battle phase is over i end!!" Now It was Rahim's big moment, he drew, then he summoned red gadget again, then with the special ability he summoned all three off them again, then he only put 1 card face down and ended, the unknown men wondered what they where up to, then quivered with fear, "Ok, i set 1 card and end!!" Then Alex straight away ended his turn, now thing's were getting strange. The men were at this point realy confused, "Okkkk... I...draw, umm, i'l play one card in deffence position and end my turn...??!!" Now it was Rahim's move, and this is where thing's get good, "Ok, I SUMMON...SLIFER THE SKY DRAGON BY TRIBUTING MY GADGET'S... NOW BEHOLD...!!Now because i have five card's in my hand he has 5000!! Now i give Ra our 5899 life point's, which makes him 9799, although our life point's are 1, we can still win, and now Ra attack that Deffence Monster, and now...SLIFER...ATTACK!!" A vast smoke cloud passed the street, and all that remained were Alex and Rahim, the two boy's still unconsious on the floor, Alex's Mellenium puzzle desapeared into the thick dust, and by now... another adventure begin's. They walk off and as they got to the next street evrything had disapeared, and now they knew something was wrong...

Ok, that's all for this chapter, in the next chapter Alex find's Obolisk the Tormentor and Rahim find's the Melenium Rod, but Alex loses his soul in the middle of a duel, so Rahim has to take on two people at once, but he takes Alex's God card's and Melenium Puzzle, but even though Alex is dead, he comes back later on, but Rahim's replacement tag partner cannot duel so Rahim almost dies, but you have to wait for the story until the later date!!^_^
BYE!!
^_^

First, all parts are supposed to be under the same thread, stupid.

Second.
cardcreator 444 Wrote:"...Ok, Dark Crusader, ATTACK, Dark Mormentom!!!!"
What. The. Heck. Just.... no. the spelling and grammar in the first line is already horrendous.

Then you go on to misspell everything without so much as capitalizing your character's names. Waboku not Wobuku, Masoleum not Musilaum, Defense not Deffence, Millennium not Melenium, and Obelisk not Obolisk. It's also a text block, making it not very good on the eyes.

On top of that, the Millennium items were destroyed, and there's no way in hell that anyone could possibly get their hands on the God Cards anymore. This entire thing is so wrong it doesn't deserve to exist. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but it just has so little quality (ha!) that I'm not sure why you put it up.

Once again, I apologize for being harsh, but I can't stand someone butchering the english language like this. Sorry.
Ok, i apreciate the comment and advice, but just don't call me stupid!! Also, i think i know more then you about FanFic's, and if you read the last part, you will see that i said it is going to turn into a whole series, next time...please read the previous part before predicting!!
If you hadn't noticed, this is chapter 2, it's continued from chapter 1, so read the last lines of the first chapter. In school, they teach you that, it's called...Building up suspence!!
Don't comment until you've read the 1st chapter!!
O.K. Just remember to place it all under one thread ^_^
I already read (sort of) part one when I saw your part 2.

And sorry for calling you stupid. I'm just used to making remarks like that when talking to my friends. I didn't mean to offend you.

The spelling and grammar in thew first line has nothing to do with being a continuation of part 1, however.

Building up suspence is nice, but they also teach basic writing skills like spelling and grammar in school too, you know.


If you took the time to edit your story for that, it could become acceptable, but you still have baisic plot issues like the destroyed items. And if you some how put into your plot them getting remade, you clearly haven't seen how they were originally made.
Well grammar and the fact that it should be all under one thread but it's pretty nice dude. Keep it up. You can't get better by giving up.
Grammer. Once thats out the way it's a good fanfic.
It's grammar.
I never get that right. What he said.
kk!!^_^ THANK'S!!
BYE!!
^_^
Aozora Wrote:
cardcreator 444 Wrote:Ok...
Enjoy the next part guy's...

Unknown Men:650
Alex-Rahim:1
"...Ok, Dark Crusader, ATTACK, Dark Mormentom!!!!" with a big smirk on the unknown men's face, they exclaimed, "HA, I'M AFRAID... YOUR VICTORY HAS NOT COME YET" with a blunt confused look on alex's and rahim's face, they mumble,"HUH...!!" with a short explanation, the other unknown man said, "That's right, you realy should pay more attention on our face down's... I activate, Wobuku!!" With a sroke of unluck, Alex said,"Fine, there's still no way you can win!! I play a face down and then play...Defusion, with my life point's and Ra, which mean's that our life point's go back to 6800 and my monster is now 3900 again!!" as thing's were getting better, the next move was in place,"Ok, i activate block attack, on your Dark Crusader, and then i activate shield crush to destroy it, and now i'm going to activate, Musilaum of the Emporor, then i also play Dian keto the cure master, and then another, so i gain 2000 life point's, and now i pay those 2000 with my musilaum of the Emporor ro summon, Rad Eyes B. Dragon, and then i play Megamorph, which makes him 4800, now attack Ra, even though he dosn't get destroyed you still lose 900 life point's, and now that the battle phase is over i end!!" Now It was Rahim's big moment, he drew, then he summoned red gadget again, then with the special ability he summoned all three off them again, then he only put 1 card face down and ended, the unknown men wondered what they where up to, then quivered with fear, "Ok, i set 1 card and end!!" Then Alex straight away ended his turn, now thing's were getting strange. The men were at this point realy confused, "Okkkk... I...draw, umm, i'l play one card in deffence position and end my turn...??!!" Now it was Rahim's move, and this is where thing's get good, "Ok, I SUMMON...SLIFER THE SKY DRAGON BY TRIBUTING MY GADGET'S... NOW BEHOLD...!!Now because i have five card's in my hand he has 5000!! Now i give Ra our 5899 life point's, which makes him 9799, although our life point's are 1, we can still win, and now Ra attack that Deffence Monster, and now...SLIFER...ATTACK!!" A vast smoke cloud passed the street, and all that remained were Alex and Rahim, the two boy's still unconsious on the floor, Alex's Mellenium puzzle desapeared into the thick dust, and by now... another adventure begin's. They walk off and as they got to the next street evrything had disapeared, and now they knew something was wrong...

Ok, that's all for this chapter, in the next chapter Alex find's Obolisk the Tormentor and Rahim find's the Melenium Rod, but Alex loses his soul in the middle of a duel, so Rahim has to take on two people at once, but he takes Alex's God card's and Melenium Puzzle, but even though Alex is dead, he comes back later on, but Rahim's replacement tag partner cannot duel so Rahim almost dies, but you have to wait for the story until the later date!!^_^
BYE!!
^_^

First, all parts are supposed to be under the same thread, stupid.

Second.
cardcreator 444 Wrote:"...Ok, Dark Crusader, ATTACK, Dark Mormentom!!!!"
What. The. Heck. Just.... no. the spelling and grammar in the first line is already horrendous.

Then you go on to misspell everything without so much as capitalizing your character's names. Waboku not Wobuku, Masoleum not Musilaum, Defense not Deffence, Millennium not Melenium, and Obelisk not Obolisk. It's also a text block, making it not very good on the eyes.

On top of that, the Millennium items were destroyed, and there's no way in hell that anyone could possibly get their hands on the God Cards anymore. This entire thing is so wrong it doesn't deserve to exist. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but it just has so little quality (ha!) that I'm not sure why you put it up.

Once again, I apologize for being harsh, but I can't stand someone butchering the english language like this. Sorry.
i would say that to
kk, and just so as your all aware, i will now start making the next cahpter's on this thread, until i finish this series, when i get to the next series, or this thread run's out of space, i will make another thread of it.^_^ ^_^ Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
URGENT ATTENTION!!:NOTE!!
The new chapter will be made on this thread soon!! Please be aware that it may NOT be posted this week as this week i have my year 6 SAT's!! Thank you for reading!!^_^
Oh can't want.
Only look if you name begins with A, ends with X, second letter l and third E spelt bakwards is Xela (Click to View)
Then you think the spoiler wasn't worth it.
To be doing wid your sig... I know, i asked conor, and did Rowena turn up today?? If so i bet she got shouted at!! Otherwise the sig, thank you, especialy since i die, but your left with a duelist who can barely remember the rules, oh well, you get 3 Egyption god's and 2 Mellenium item's. Just so as everybody is aware, this series is based on me and Death Reborn, and in the next, it turn's into a four way tag, so me Rahim, 2 other other my friend's are a whole team!! And the egyption god's are destroyed, and me and Rahim at the end of the series wipe the mellenium item's off the face of the earth, along with all the life hidden inside them, like Yami Yugi, Yami Bakura, but they have to go, because it turn's out the egyption god's posses them, the god card's wanted me and rahim to posses them and get to Yugi, as there plan to destroy all, but Jaden Yuki turn's evil again, so he get's his evil hero deck back, but he turn's good again, and he lives. Also, the first duel was fake, the men were supposed to be found and supposed to lose. I will not say any more, because then you would know the plot to series two aswell, yep, i have it all planned out!!^_^
P.S. If you like my new avatar, thank's!!
BYE!!
^_^
don't triple post and i can't wait
Ok...Chapter 3 is coming soon!! I've finished it, it will be great. I will post it some point next week!!
Waht kind of crap is this!
THe whole thing is wedged into 1 big paragraph,didn't you learn anything about compo writing!
nto much spelling please use a spell check before you post
Chaos Impact Wrote:nto much spelling please use a spell check before you post
That's obviously a NO.
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