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[Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
07-08-2009, 03:17 PM (This post was last modified: 07-08-2009 08:08 PM by Chaotix®.)
Post: #1
[Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
Welcome to Genesis, my newest fan fiction! I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it ;D

[Image: Untitled-1.png]

Violence is present, so if you mind, it's best that you don't read on =p


Prologue: Infinity on High (Click to View)

Episode 1: Sneak Preview (Click to View)

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07-08-2009, 03:30 PM
Post: #2
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
aww, i already have a fanfic named Yu-Gi-Oh! New Genesis... T_T
urs looks pretty cool though, i wanna see a duel!
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07-08-2009, 03:33 PM
Post: #3
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
Cool fan-fic .con. This is really good. Can't wait to read more.
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07-08-2009, 03:53 PM
Post: #4
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
I take it Duels function like duels in this?

The wordplay at the beginning is a bit laborious, but the flow is much better later in the prologue.

In a world where Duels are available to most esteemed warriors, how is it that Zach-kun gets away with a last name like Raiza?
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07-08-2009, 08:23 PM
Post: #5
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
(07-08-2009 03:53 PM)Supreme Gamesmaster Wrote:  I take it Duels function like duels in this? - Oh yeah. Definitely.

The wordplay at the beginning is a bit laborious, but the flow is much better later in the prologue. - Thanks =) Could you point anything out in particular that needs to be modified?

In a world where Duels are available to most esteemed warriors, how is it that Zach-kun gets away with a last name like Raiza? - They won't be using original cards in the fic, so I though what the hell =p

Thanks for the comments everyone =)
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07-08-2009, 08:33 PM (This post was last modified: 07-08-2009 08:34 PM by Καsτοr.)
Post: #6
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
Hm. . . Its kinda like when Yusei went through the Garbage Tunnel, and Ushio stopped him. I would've suggested to make the prologue just a tad longer. Maybe 2- 3 Paragraphs more, just to start the Duel and leave us in a cliff hanger.

I'm liking the fic right now, though. Good job.
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07-08-2009, 09:53 PM
Post: #7
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
(07-08-2009 08:23 PM)Chaotix® Wrote:  
(07-08-2009 03:53 PM)Supreme Gamesmaster Wrote:  I take it Duels function like duels in this? - Oh yeah. Definitely. No, like, this duel.

The wordplay at the beginning is a bit laborious, but the flow is much better later in the prologue. - Thanks =) Could you point anything out in particular that needs to be modified? "Emitted their radiance" sounds a bit like "departed in an exodus;" you use a fairly weak word followed by a very powerful one. Also, "created a second message to counteract the first one" sounds really awkward. "Ordinary spectacle" is an oxymoron with no real place in the narrative. "But a mere" sounds redundant. It's things liket hat.

In a world where Duels are available to most esteemed warriors, how is it that Zach-kun gets away with a last name like Raiza? - They won't be using original cards in the fic, so I though what the hell =p That'd be it.

Thanks for the comments everyone =)
Il n'y a pas de quoi.
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07-09-2009, 07:38 AM
Post: #8
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
Awesome. I don't like the choice of words in the beginning, but that's just me. I think maybe you could make a bit more original, right now it's too much like the Yusei/Ushio in the pipeline scene in 5D's. Love the story so far though.
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07-09-2009, 11:46 AM
Post: #9
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
Epin. Chaotix is back!!! Cool Fanfic, though it is similar to the Ushio scene in 5D's.
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07-09-2009, 01:59 PM
Post: #10
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
familar...yes.
awesome.
who is the raiza dude?
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07-09-2009, 02:30 PM
Post: #11
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
Awesome.

(07-08-2009 08:33 PM)Καsτοr Wrote:  Hm. . . Its kinda like when Yusei went through the Garbage Tunnel, and Ushio Tried to beat him him. I would've suggested to make the prologue just a tad longer. Maybe 2- 3 Paragraphs more, just to start the Duel and leave us in a cliff hanger.

I'm liking the fic right now, though. Good job.

Fixed
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07-09-2009, 10:17 PM
Post: #12
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
Oh, sorry, I thought I was talking about Yusei thar. Guess I was talking about Ushio.
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07-10-2009, 09:24 PM
Post: #13
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
When is the acual episode 1 coming out? I want to read it.
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07-19-2009, 07:27 PM
Post: #14
RE: [Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! Genesis
Glad to see the almighty kiwi has made a return ^_^

Seems like it's gonna be good..
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