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First FanFic - Please Comment
12-17-2008, 06:38 AM (This post was last modified: 12-23-2008 05:42 PM by WhinstonKnight.)
Post: #1
First FanFic - Please Comment
This is my first time posting anything and I don't know how to do the "Click to show" thing, if someone could help me with that it would be much appreciated.

Edit: The 'Click to View' has been sorted thank you for your help!

I am quite new to the Yu-Gi-Oh! world being a fan of GX first, then the originials. I hope you find this story enjoyable. If so, please let me know, if not, all critiscism is welcome.

Intro

Chapter 01 – To The Tournament!

Chapter 02 – Round 1
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12-17-2008, 07:51 PM (This post was last modified: 12-17-2008 07:53 PM by ***Rapscallion***.)
Post: #2
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
realy good, and the spoiler

type [ spoiler=what you want] and when your finished put [/spoiler]
on the^space in between, there shouldn't be a space
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12-18-2008, 05:41 AM
Post: #3
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
(12-17-2008 07:51 PM)***Rapscallion*** Wrote:  realy good, and the spoiler

type [ spoiler=what you want] and when your finished put [/spoiler]
on the^space in between, there shouldn't be a space

Thank you for your help Rapscallion, it worked a treat! And thank you for the kind words too.
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12-18-2008, 04:16 PM
Post: #4
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
Cool story. It's interesting how Josh won. It's also interesting why he took the Kaiser Sea Horse.
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12-18-2008, 06:21 PM (This post was last modified: 12-18-2008 06:24 PM by ***Rapscallion***.)
Post: #5
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
(12-18-2008 05:41 AM)WhinstonKnight Wrote:  Thank you for your help Rapscallion, it worked a treat! And thank you for the kind words too.

no problem, I think this is the of best fan-fic I've read from someone that that was they're first post (or even a two-star), great job

(but it gets people intrested if they can make characters, my friend says he did it once and people were checking back everyday for the next chapter) Smile
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12-18-2008, 06:42 PM
Post: #6
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
it was pretty cool, i'll admit, but be aware of Junk Warriors power, because it wuda been a better idea (just for canonicity and proper effect) that Josh summoned Copycat BEFORE Junk Warrior because Junk Warrior's effect only works when he's Synchro summoned, but still pretty cool.
I am gonna keep reading in the future.
Maybe you could check mine out Smile I only have a prologue at the moment.......
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12-18-2008, 06:44 PM
Post: #7
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
i like a lot if you want check out my fan-fic its in my sig
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12-19-2008, 08:51 AM (This post was last modified: 12-19-2008 08:58 AM by WhinstonKnight.)
Post: #8
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
(12-18-2008 06:42 PM)VWXYZ Wrote:  it was pretty cool, i'll admit, but be aware of Junk Warriors power, because it wuda been a better idea (just for canonicity and proper effect) that Josh summoned Copycat BEFORE Junk Warrior because Junk Warrior's effect only works when he's Synchro summoned, but still pretty cool.
I am gonna keep reading in the future.
Maybe you could check mine out Smile I only have a prologue at the moment.......

Thank you for the great feedback. And thanks for the advice on Junk Warrior's effect, I must admit that was the one bit i was a bit unsure of. I'll keep it in mind for the future though.

I look forward to checking yours out.
(12-18-2008 06:21 PM)***Rapscallion*** Wrote:  
(12-18-2008 05:41 AM)WhinstonKnight Wrote:  Thank you for your help Rapscallion, it worked a treat! And thank you for the kind words too.

no problem, I think this is the of best fan-fic I've read from someone that that was they're first post (or even a two-star), great job

(but it gets people intrested if they can make characters, my friend says he did it once and people were checking back everyday for the next chapter) Smile


Wow thank you! I have read some of the other stories on here and although good some of them lacked a bit of character development. So i wanted to get people into the Duelists as well as the duels.

I hope the second chapter, for which i have just finished planning the duel, is equally as enjoyable!
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12-19-2008, 09:16 AM
Post: #9
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
Very good!Blue-Eyes Rocks!
If you like Dragons,check out mine too.
10/10
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12-23-2008, 05:44 PM
Post: #10
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
Chapter 2 is now up! It's a bit longer than I realised it was when I was writing it.

If you spot any mistakes in the duel please let me know so I don't make them again Smile
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12-26-2008, 12:56 PM
Post: #11
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
I think maybe after reading this, you'll soon realise that im a complete bastard for noticing errors and i'll agree with you on that.....but i did notice some errors in this duel.

I noticed you played Valhalla, Hall of the Fallen as field spel, even though it is actually a continuous spell. However I personally prefer it as a field spell. Makes more sense if you know what i mean, so a good and bad point there.

Second, Junk Warrior (him again haha) KEEPS the attack points he gains from a level 2 or weaker monster. So effectively Junk Warrior beat Guardian Angel Joan (it was wasn't it?) without suiciding.

Bit of terminology (I'm a bit of a stickler when it comes to terminology so bear with me). You said that Alex sets Fairy Guardian? in defence mode. If he set it, it would be face-down, not face-up.

Lastly.......I'm aware you watched the anime (GX, then Yugi and Joey etc) so you know that they play spell cards as quick-plays. I'm not sure if that's the route you're taking, but cool if you are. I picked that out because Monster Reincarnation isn't a quick-play.

Some really critical things there so sorry, but you might need to know for the future chapters Smile. If you want anyone to proof read it before you post, i'll be happy to. go on my page and get my msn address and email it to me. I'll email it back with what you can change.
But overall im cool with all that went on. Like for example playing Monster Reincarnation to dispose of Avian to increase Colossal Fighter. Any way........did you find mine? and what did you think? just so you know there aren't any duels for quite some time :L but it's still pretty good in my opinion Smile
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12-28-2008, 05:13 PM
Post: #12
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
Told you once and I'll tell you again:
Good fanfic
plz read mine too \/
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12-28-2008, 08:43 PM (This post was last modified: 12-28-2008 08:44 PM by Supreme Gamesmaster.)
Post: #13
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
I decree this fanfic to be... FAIL.

The Decks in this are, as I feared at first, utterly worthless. The combos played are barely combos at all, and every card used is pathetic. Even my Spellcaster build, which I know full well is crap, could beat these Decks, easily. It's like this was written when LOB was released... but using a few decent cards, like the self-resurrecting beatstick that is Colossal Fighter.

Even worse, though, is the lack of originality. You seem to be stealing from the other three animes (hero uses E-Heroes, villain uses BEWD, hero uses Junk Warrior, there's a card artist...) to cobble together your own, far less powerful characters. The results are ultra-linear, incredibly boring characters that do nothing to keep the reader's attention. Add this to a generic, bland plot, and you have an awful story.

Your first stop should be your local library; writing YGO before writing realistic fiction is learning to walk before you can crawl. Then hit metagame.com, or the YCM TCG section (but don't post in the latter if you don't want to get flamed to death), to learn more about how to play the game as it is now. Lastly, ensure that everything you're doing has a consistent, recorded set of rulings, preferably those already set down by Konami.
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01-11-2009, 05:22 PM
Post: #14
More wrong effects - sorry :P
I didn;t notice this but my friend did, who told me, so i thought i'd point it out.
When Alex summoned Fairy Guardian whilst Athena was face-up on the field, Josh SHOULD have lost, because Athena deals 600 points of damage to the opponent when you summon a Fairy-type monster and seeing that Josh was on 100, well yeah.
Sounds harsh that, sorry, but it was my friend who noticed it, the first time he read it.
Chapter 3&4 of Machine Wars up btw Smile
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01-11-2009, 07:20 PM
Post: #15
RE: First FanFic - Please Comment
(01-11-2009 05:22 PM)VWXYZ Wrote:  Sounds harsh that, sorry, but it was my friend who noticed it, the first time he read it.

Uh, what? That's not harsh at all...

On-Topic: My comments still stand. lrn2develop, then lrn2play, then write.
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01-12-2009, 05:25 AM
Post: #16
RE: More wrong effects - sorry :P
(01-11-2009 05:22 PM)VWXYZ Wrote:  I didn;t notice this but my friend did, who told me, so i thought i'd point it out.
When Alex summoned Fairy Guardian whilst Athena was face-up on the field, Josh SHOULD have lost, because Athena deals 600 points of damage to the opponent when you summon a Fairy-type monster and seeing that Josh was on 100, well yeah.
Sounds harsh that, sorry, but it was my friend who noticed it, the first time he read it.
Chapter 3&4 of Machine Wars up btw Smile

lol no need to apologise, it was my mistake. Thank you for pointing it out though. Against some people's I shall continue with chapter 3 and hope to iron out any mistakes before posting.
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