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Cleansed - The Spectral Detectives [Complete]


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#1
Hatcher

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One sentence summary: A pair of ghost hunters help the undead resolve their unfinished business and cross over to the other side during 1964-1966 New York.

It's a poorly written mystery/detective story.

Notes:
1- Since it's a poorly written detective story written for and primarily aimed at stupid 12 year olds, if you figure out all the plot twists beforehand please try your best to put speculations in spoiler tags.
2- There is very little back story to this, and if there was any back story it would be boring or irrelevant. (Stuff like how Cathy and Luke met would be boring. Stuff like what drove Cathy to be a spectral detective is irrelevant.) All chapters start at pretty much the beginning of a case, or right before the beginning of a case.
3- Story is mostly done, or at the very least planned together heavily so don't be insulted if you say something brilliant in a comment and the idea or suggestion isn't/wasn't used.
4- As implied by the chapter titles, a lot of time passes between chapters. Catherine and Luke do not live in a vacuum, and their lives do move forward when the spotlight is not on them. They do have cases, and they do meet people, and they do grow closer during this unseen time, however it is not-related towards the primary focus of 'Cleansed - The Spectral Detectives' so it is omitted. They do make references to it from time to time.

TM - 145W46: Monday, December 28th, 1964

Word Count: 2467

Edited by Hatcher, 05 April 2012 - 03:28 PM.

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#2
Angel Lever

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PikaPerson01's obvious alt account here to present chapter 2:

RC - 4GWDR: Wednesday, February 10th, 1965

(Word Count: 4089)

#3
Hatcher

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Back from the dead to bring you chapter 3:

MF - B47: Friday, August 27th, 1965

(Word Count: 5537)

Edited by PikaPerson01, 08 December 2011 - 09:04 AM.

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#4
Angel Lever

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We now return to Exposition Theater, also known as Chapter 4.

Edit: OH YEAH! This case is kind of a bit more violent/bloody/depressing then the rest. It's not all that graphic because I'm a bad writer but if you're really sensitive to that kind of stuff I'd advise you not read the fourth chapter. Well, not all of it. High Tide is pretty tame, and does have important, worthwhile exposition.

Basically... Insert PG-13 warning here?

LP - 1300MA: Friday, November 5th, 1965

Word Count: 7949

Edited by Hatcher, 08 March 2012 - 01:20 PM.


#5
Hatcher

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Winding down the story with Chapter 5:

ZM - 108OS: Tuesday, November 9th, 1965

Word Count: 5556

Edited by Hatcher, 12 March 2012 - 10:23 AM.

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#6
Angel Lever

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The Anti-Climactic Ending. Chapter 6:

HC - E72PDN: Saturday, January 8th, 1966

Word Count: 8454

Final Word Count: 34052

Edited by Hatcher, 05 April 2012 - 03:32 PM.


#7
Hatcher

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Blast from the past with an epic necrobump!

Cleansed - The Spectral Detectives is now... ready to be read by other people? >_>

Please read and review please.

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#8
6-Shot Finale

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This was posted three weeks ago? I did not even notice this until today. Oh well. Unless you edited anything drastically I've already read the chapters here and a few ahead. I think you have to stop dissing your own work so much. I actually enjoyed what I've read and am looking forward to future chapters.

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#9
Hatcher

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This was posted three weeks ago? I did not even notice this until today. Oh well.

It was posted and hidden, because I asked other mods to proofread and also because I wanted to have the first six posts all to myself. I unhid it today. You can see it in the Update Schedule

Unless you edited anything drastically I've already read the chapters here and a few ahead.

I don't remember which version of the story you've read though. Err... I believe the few changes I've made:

1: Instead of randomly pulling 'Infinite Solutions?!' out of her ass and then having it answered in the second chapter, it's answered in the second paragraph.
2: Stuff with Father McCrimmon was changed. I changed his motives and unfinished business like 4 times. No idea which one you read.

I think you have to stop dissing your own work so much. I actually enjoyed what I've read and am looking forward to future chapters.

> Thinks it's good
> Only read the first two chapters.

I dunno, I never really think the stuff I write is any good. But this aint a pity party. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'll try to finish up the last 3 chapters.

YCM, in a nutshell:

 

 

 
 
 
 

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#10
6-Shot Finale

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It was posted and hidden, because I asked other mods to proofread and also because I wanted to have the first six posts all to myself. I unhid it today. You can see it in the Update Schedule

Oh.

I don't remember which version of the story you've read though. Err... I believe the few changes I've made:

1: Instead of randomly pulling 'Infinite Solutions?!' out of her ass and then having it answered in the second chapter, it's answered in the second paragraph.
My memory is terrible. i'll probably have to at least reread that part.
2: Stuff with Father McCrimmon was changed. I changed his motives and unfinished business like 4 times. No idea which one you read.
Some arsonist confessed to him and the father wanted to make it known about his attacks without directly telling the protagonists.

> Thinks it's good
Said I enjoyed.
> Only read the first two chapters.
Enjoyed what I read.

I dunno, I never really think the stuff I write is any good.
Well who does?
But this aint a pity party. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'll try to finish up the last 3 chapters.
I'll be looking forward to them.


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#11
Twig

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I also read the old version. I've like the changes. The old one wasn't very exciting, and its climax was weak. I liked how you've made it much more dramatic.

There's lots of action, yes, but from a first person point of view, I expected more emotion. I feel that it changing it to third person wouldn't make a difference. First person point of view stories should make the character connect to the main character.

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#12
Hatcher

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There's lots of action, yes, but from a first person point of view, I expected more emotion.

Prepare to be disappointed as the story continues then. o_0

Err... Cathy is very 'detail oriented' and as such she tends to not be overtly emotionally.

In any case, why would she be overtly emotional in the first chapter? This is just business to her, her job. I mean... I recognize the criticism, that a first person story typically delves deeper into emotions, but she's pretty reserved when it comes to that kind of stuff.

In any case, thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter.

I also read the old version.

There is no 'the!' old version. There's at least 5 different versions of that first chapter; three of them I've given to others to read, one that I kept to myself because it was honestly THAT bad, and the one I posted here. I believe there's three versions of the second chapter, but the changes are far more subtle.

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#13
Twig

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Prepare to be disappointed as the story continues then. o_0

Err... Cathy is very 'detail oriented' and as such she tends to not be overtly emotionally.

In any case, why would she be overtly emotional in the first chapter? This is just business to her, her job. I mean... I recognize the criticism, that a first person story typically delves deeper into emotions, but she's pretty reserved when it comes to that kind of stuff.


Well it's not like I'm asking for actions of emotion. Maybe just more of her thoughts. Actually, I've realized that the writing style you've chosen makes it so there's less relation to the character since there's less establishment. I honestly do feel that I've skipped a few chapters of a book and started reading at that spot. Well I guess I can accept that characterization will be more spread out. I'll just wait for more chapters to see how it plays out.

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#14
Hatcher

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I honestly do feel that I've skipped a few chapters of a book and started reading at that spot.

That is the intended effect! =D

Err... the 'backstory' was always thought to be, Cathy and Luke take (approximately) one case a week. Cathy writes down all her thoughts and notes about her case in her notepad. Then at some point later down the road she compiled it into an anthology.

Lastly, some other outside party decide to collect the 6 of them that compiled one larger case and compile them into this story. They all start right before the beginning of a case.

All of them sort of have a 'sudden-ness' to them, or at least, that's what I'm aiming for. Like I said earlier, it's because they're all meant to be episodic.

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#15
Hatcher

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Now with twice as many (complete) chapters, and none of that silly "quality" thing! =D

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#16
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O
M
G

It vrey good. Very very good. Definitely want to read more. I like how each of the cases are subtly linked to one another.

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#17
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I liked it. Although the latest three chapters were not "OMGTHISISAMAZING", the foreshadowing of the dog was interesting. I was actually hoping they would keep the dog and he would become part of the group. D=

Also, is there any point to these odd things?:

TM - 145W46:
RC - 4GWDR:

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#18
Hatcher

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I was actually hoping they would keep the dog and he would become part of the group. D=

That's the first time someone's mentioned that and it actually might be a kind of clever enough idea. But I lose track of Luke enough in stories I don't know how well randomly adding a ghost dog in would be to all of it.

In any case, Cathy would most likely do her best to get rid of it. She feels it's her duty and obligation to help all ghosts (dog or not) cross to the other side, and would consider herself a failure if she stumbled upon a ghost and she couldn't help it cross.

Also, is there any point to these odd things?:

TM - 145W46:
RC - 4GWDR:

It might become more clear when more chapters are present. But beyond that, I'll refer you to note 1:

"1- Since it's a poorly written detective story written for and primarily aimed at stupid 12 year olds, if you figure out all the plot twists beforehand please try your best to put speculations in spoiler tags."

[edit]

Since the story is done, I suppose there's no harm in explaining it. But spoilers anyway, for anyone still reading.

spoiler


[/edit]

O
M
G

It vrey good. Very very good. Definitely want to read more. I like how each of the cases are subtly linked to one another.

Glad you liked it.


SPOILERS! Chapter 3 doesn't link so well to the previous 2. But it does link into the fourth, and the fourth links heavily into the first two (specifically the second one).

Edited by Hatcher, 06 April 2012 - 07:23 AM.

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#19
Dr. Cakey v2.22

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Oh, also...

Posted Image

And...

Posted Image

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#20
Hatcher

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Story is now at it's halfway point. Most likely gonna take a one week break to get myself sorted out before delivering the final 3 chapters.

So... like... yeah. o_0

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