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Yu-Gi-Oh! 24 - Finished

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#1
False Skel Bahamut Dragon

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“... If you are reading this message, then you have my deepest sympathy. For you now find yourself trapped in a world caught in a struggle that holds millions of lives in the balance. Trapped in a virtual nightmare where enemies gather in every shadow and your next loss may be your last. The real world will not be free from this chaos for any more than a few hours. If you chose to fight you must act fast, for the clock is ticking. There will be no escape. There will be no reprieve. For many, there will be no tomorrow. It is Thursday 17th April 2059, and this will be the longest day the world has ever known...”

‘Welcome to the Virtual Duel System. We hope you enjoy your experience...’

 

YU-GI-OH! 24


*streams of fireworks and the below rock music*

Welcome to Yu-Gi-Oh 24. My name is Matt for those who don’t know, and this is my second fan-fiction on this site following last year’s popular fantasy Yu-Gi-Oh Armageddon. Some of you might have read my first story and know what my storytelling is/was like. But this story will be very different. Based on the hit television series 24, the time-based action thriller starring a character voted as ‘TV’s Hardest Man’, this story is based in the near future of our world, a world where Duel Monsters has become just as popular as it is in the worlds seen in the anime shows. But more of that in the first chapter; all will be revealed in time. Please give any feedback that you wish, positive or negative, I appreciate any and all comments. I hope you enjoy.

Theme Music


Credits/Thanks


Table of Contents


And now, if we are all sitting comfortably on the edge of our seats, we may begin...

Chapter 1:1


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#2
Agro

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Herro Matt. IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME. I mean honestly, how long has it been?

Watch me not read it 8D

#3
Ke-Nan

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Thats pretty cool. Neat. And a little confusing.....meh.

Great job, cant wait for the next chapter.

In loving memory of Matt Bahamut, the man that inspired me to write

YES. YES. SO MUCH YES.

Best present. Evar. <3


#4
False Skel Bahamut Dragon

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Herro Matt. IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME. I mean honestly, how long has it been?

Watch me not read it 8D


I dunno. About six weeks of shameless plugs?

You're here now aren't you? Bet you will, at least this chapter. Mwahaha.

(Conveniently reserves this post to move Chapter 1:1 to for when editing the Chapter Contents inevitably becomes unbearable)

So yeah, I have high hopes for this. I have set a few goals for it, hopefully will make a few firsts, and generally for it to be a worthy successor to and hopefully actually be better than Armageddon.

*waits for hopes to be shot down in flames*

Thats pretty cool. Neat. And a little confusing.....meh.

Great job, cant wait for the next chapter.


Wow, you're a fast reader.

Well glad you liked it.

And it's good that you're confused, I think. I want this to be more of a mystery than Armageddon was and keep people guessing a bit more. Unless you're confused about other stuff, depends what you're confused about.

Confused by that? Me too 0_o

Ps: The first person to compare this to Dead Zone gets shot!

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#5
.Rai

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Just thought I'd quickly point this out while I'm reading this:

stripe the deceased man of his clothes



#6
Ke-Nan

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I read the seventh Harry Potter book in one night.

I read fast.

In loving memory of Matt Bahamut, the man that inspired me to write

YES. YES. SO MUCH YES.

Best present. Evar. <3


#7
Pacmanexus

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I don't think anything need be said, except holy s*** the awesomeness...

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#8
AsianGuy1137

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I just read half of this, and I'm starting to see why you're revered around here as an amazing writer. I like how detailed your exposition is along with inter sessions of plot-progressing action. You pulled off the suspense of 24 quite well despite how unorthodox the notion is. I wonder how big of a component dueling will be and how realistic they'll be by current meta standards. Haven't gotten that far yet. Other than that, nice first chapter with exceptionally refined writing for a fanfic - I'm completely jealous.

#9
Gendo Ikari

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O_O
This is...incredible...
I can't wait for the next chapter!
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#10
~ Epic Hero - Saber ~

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Wow, looks like you've already acquired quite a decent reader base.

You already know my thoughts on this, so I won't repeat myself. It was an extremely enjoyable opening. I still think the first scene should've been a separate prologue, though.

Anyway, I hope you are in a better state now. Cheers, and hope this goes as well as Armageddon, or even better.

#11
False Skel Bahamut Dragon

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*sits punching the air with silly grin on face*

I don't think anything need be said, except holy s*** the awesomeness...


Thank you, glad you enjoyed.

I just read half of this, and I'm starting to see why you're revered around here as an amazing writer. I like how detailed your exposition is along with inter sessions of plot-progressing action. You pulled off the suspense of 24 quite well despite how unorthodox the notion is. I wonder how big of a component dueling will be and how realistic they'll be by current meta standards. Haven't gotten that far yet. Other than that, nice first chapter with exceptionally refined writing for a fanfic - I'm completely jealous.


Thanks for reading and commenting. I honestly only started watching 24 just before Christmas when I bought a boxset (Season 3) to see how things worked in mind of doing this, and I was like "WOW THIS IS SO AWESOME". It's been quite challenging so far to wrestle with the timeframe and have events happen in relation to each other, but one I'm enjoying.

Hope the second half of the chapter went as well. You'll have seen an example of dueling now you've read it (I assume you read the 2nd half after commenting. I should probably mention at this point about length: out of what I've done so far this and Chapter 5 are the longest chapters so far, due to explaintory back history and such, so don't fear on that front). Regarding duelling, it does take up a good portion of the action but I'm trying not to let it be the be-all-and-end-all. Once more characters are introduced the action will get quite spread out and not focus everything on duelling. In fact the duel in this chapter was a bit of an odd one to fit in; hope Clarissa cleared up why it happened (rather than just example of duel and pop for Wilhelm).

O_O
This is...incredible...
I can't wait for the next chapter!


Thank you for reading and commenting. :)

Details on Chapter 1:2 below.

Wow, looks like you've already acquired quite a decent reader base.

You already know my thoughts on this, so I won't repeat myself. It was an extremely enjoyable opening. I still think the first scene should've been a separate prologue, though.

Anyway, I hope you are in a better state now. Cheers, and hope this goes as well as Armageddon, or even better.


Advertising works ;)

Thank you, thank you and thank you again for all your help with this. And yes, I am feeling a bit better now than I was yesterday. Managed to crawl through a bit more of the latest chapter, so might be getting a groove back. No doubt it will crash down again on occasion, but now I've gotten so many kind words already how can I not press on? :D

But there are so many spoilers in that post, I thought it might get lost/missed, and I thought it would a good 'holy s***' kinda start.

Chapter 1:2 is intended for Friday.

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#12
The Bright Dae

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I read the seventh Harry Potter book in one night.

I read fast.

Not very impressive.

Anyways. I loved this. It was amazing. So suspenseful and everything. The details are so descriptive, but have a great limit. Keep at it, I loved to read more.

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Because of Kaito, who is amazing at what he does! Thank you so much.


#13
~Tico~

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Oh. My. God. That was absolutely amazing. All the description, the perfectly executed scenes...You sure didn't keep us waiting for nothing. You really had me on my seat edge, wondering how this all fit together. Now I just wanna read MOAR! I wasn't exactly surprised that the president lost so easily, but still not bad for a first Duel to start off the thing. Nice job, I'll be looking forward to seeing Chapter 2.

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#14
Hatcher

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It is Thursday 15th April 2059

April 15th, 2059 is a Tuesday, not a Thursday.

YCM, in a nutshell:

 

 

 
 
 
 

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#15
Agro

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*starts reading*

*stops at credits*

You didn't come to me for deck help? D8

#16
Lexadin

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Finally I can enjoy your fics again.

At first I was slightly disapointed in that you didn't continued the story in the same world as Armageddon, but after reading this, I don't mind anymore.
I must say, it was really well written. Everything just was good, even Meta-builds (or where they, no seriously I can't quite tell) and amazing combo's where used.
Just overal an excelent chapter. I hope you'll keep this up in the others.

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#17
False Skel Bahamut Dragon

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Anyways. I loved this. It was amazing. So suspenseful and everything. The details are so descriptive, but have a great limit. Keep at it, I loved to read more.


Thank you for reading and glad you enjoyed. Always wanted to open with baddies.

Wait shouldn't be too long.

Oh. My. God. That was absolutely amazing. All the description, the perfectly executed scenes...You sure didn't keep us waiting for nothing. You really had me on my seat edge, wondering how this all fit together. Now I just wanna read MOAR! I wasn't exactly surprised that the president lost so easily, but still not bad for a first Duel to start off the thing. Nice job, I'll be looking forward to seeing Chapter 2.


Thank you.

President was always gonna get thrashed, so why drag it out? I wanted to get all the RDL seize done in one chapter so we can get into the thick of it asap, and Daigusta Phoenix OTK was always pencilled in for Wilhelm. Ideally I would have rather had an Xyz-only OTK, but can't complain. I guess Gustaph Max OTK might have done, but this should be more consistent for him.

April 15th, 2059 is a Tuesday, not a Thursday.


...whut?

I swear I'd checked that *double checks*

Alright, not sure how that happened. Thursday the 17th it is then.

Thanks for pointing that out. I assume you didn't read further.

*starts reading*

*stops at credits*

You didn't come to me for deck help? D8


Makoto helped me all through Armageddon, and I know him better overall.

And now he's gone ;(

Finally I can enjoy your fics again.

At first I was slightly disapointed in that you didn't continued the story in the same world as Armageddon, but after reading this, I don't mind anymore.
I must say, it was really well written. Everything just was good, even Meta-builds (or where they, no seriously I can't quite tell) and amazing combo's where used.
Just overal an excelent chapter. I hope you'll keep this up in the others.


Hi Lex. :)

Yeah, I just wanted to do something different from the fantasy adventure, especially given the jump from Synchro's to Xyz.

Don't worry, there wasn't enough duel to determine meta from that. Gonna try to spread the meta staples out more and keep individual archtype support and other cards as needed so people don't keep using the same cards over and over and keep it varied. I'm enjoying playing with Xyz combo's though.

Let's hope so too.

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#18
Arin the Illustrious

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April 15th, 2059 is a Tuesday, not a Thursday.


Really? Are you that much of a die-hard perfectionist that that would be the only response you have to this entire fic? I really don't think it matters at this point.

Now, with that out of the way, the introduction was fairly interesting. When I first woke up and logged on, the first thing I noticed was a status about 24, so I decided to look. Now, I'm going to have that song stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Anyways, there were a couple of things that I wanted to clarify. Passive Voice is used quite a bit throughout the piece, and that takes away from the formality of the writing. I assume you know what Passive Voice is, since you're a halfway-competent writer, but it's basically sentences that have "is", "was", "were", or "be" as the verb in the sentence. Revise those sentences and make not sound so passive-ish.

Also, a hint on Gravekeeper's Spy...the Wikia lists it as a female card.

I hated the third-to-last line with the "You are..." in it. Feel free to kill the plot and drive another hole so deep it might as well be the Rabbit-Hole to Wonderland.

EDIT: Does Clarissa get a drum machine at the end of the story? :)

Theme Music

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What you just said completely blew my mind. And although I disagree with you, I respect you immensely for having the guts to say it. You know, next time we potentially disagree on a subject, I would really like to hear your opinion on it. And hell, I'd like to find out what kind of things we have in common. I hope you don't find it too disrespectful, but I'd really like to shake your hand.

 


#19
False Skel Bahamut Dragon

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Really? Are you that much of a die-hard perfectionist that that would be the only response you have to this entire fic? I really don't think it matters at this point.


Well it is a valid point in terms of being careless with attention to detail and being realistic. Yeah I'd have liked a comment on the chapter attached along with, but if that's all Pika wants to put then its Pika's choice.

Now, with that out of the way, the introduction was fairly interesting. When I first woke up and logged on, the first thing I noticed was a status about 24, so I decided to look. Now, I'm going to have that song stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Anyways, there were a couple of things that I wanted to clarify. Passive Voice is used quite a bit throughout the piece, and that takes away from the formality of the writing. I assume you know what Passive Voice is, since you're a halfway-competent writer, but it's basically sentences that have "is", "was", "were", or "be" as the verb in the sentence. Revise those sentences and make not sound so passive-ish.


Someone comments on the opening track at last, cool. It was fitting just for those one or two lines. :)

I honestly don't have much understanding of proper writing techniques like that, I just... write. Sorry if that sounds like I'm ignoring you, I just don't have the knowledge that you think I have. I'll try to catch those sentences but I'm not massively aware of how it works.

Also, a hint on Gravekeeper's Spy...the Wikia lists it as a female card.

I hated the third-to-last line with the "You are..." in it. Feel free to kill the plot and drive another hole so deep it might as well be the Rabbit-Hole to Wonderland.

EDIT: Does Clarissa get a drum machine at the end of the story? :)


Right.

Eh? Feel free to PM me your concern if you don't want to spoiler people.

Double eh?

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#20
Agro

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I read it. I kinda wanted to stop reading it. But that's just me. :\

Also, I've never seen 24. Would that have helped?

The opening was excellent though.




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