Ren✧ Posted June 21, 2013 Report Share Posted June 21, 2013 @Gray: I swear I haven't given up on this, I'll try to read your two most recent chapters as soon as I can, I am a bit swamped right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted June 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2013 Hope so! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Just bumping again...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomflyingobjects Posted June 28, 2013 Report Share Posted June 28, 2013 After some time stuck in the world of Real Life, I am back. I read Chapter 7 a while back, and didn't really have anything to say about it. I couldn't find anything to point out in that one, as it only contained the beginnings of a couple duels and a fight. And then there was that long break in between chapters.... and when you posted 8 and 9, it took some time to get around to the forum for long enough to read them. But I finally did. Chapter 8: Great chapter and some really great dueling. Skylar did pretty well for himself, even though his winning card IS broken (it can deal 3000 Life Points without its owner taking damage [under the condition that the other guy has 2000 ATK], has a sturdy ATK power, and isn't too difficult to use. The meta would suddenly be White Knight spamming.) Of course, this is a story, and a few broken cards are, needless to say, necessary. I did expect Alistair to win first, but that didn't happen. Heck, he didn't even finish the duel. Chapter 9: Another well-played round in the world of D-Accel. I expected a conclusion to Alistair's duel, but it IS high time to see Damien and Andrea again. Andrea put up a good fight, but I was a bit disappointed when Damien ran off. I was completely confused when Andrea tells Damien to leave, and she proceeds to think 'I'll never forgive you for doing that'. Of course, it was explained later that they were two separate events. You might want to clear that up. I did see a part in there, where they mention 'Two rights don't make a wrong'. I think it meant 'Two Wrongs don't make a Right'. No matter, but you might want to fix that. But good work. To you and Umbra both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a bad post Posted June 28, 2013 Report Share Posted June 28, 2013 Another good chapter! I'm glad we finally know why Andrea hates Damien. I absolutely loved the characterization Andrea got here, it was like I could actually the passion that she's feeling and the passion that went into writing it. One depressing part of this chapter, was Vancer's death. For as little as we saw of him I actually kind of liked Vancer, is that weird? I quite enjoyed this chapter, and eagerly await the next one. Also sorry about noting posting in a while, I'd just been really swamped with stuff lately and couldn't get around to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted June 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2013 Another good chapter! I'm glad we finally know why Andrea hates Damien. I absolutely loved the characterization Andrea got here, it was like I could actually the passion that she's feeling and the passion that went into writing it. One depressing part of this chapter, was Vancer's death. For as little as we saw of him I actually kind of liked Vancer, is that weird? I quite enjoyed this chapter, and eagerly await the next one. Also sorry about noting posting in a while, I'd just been really swamped with stuff lately and couldn't get around to it. No problem, just glad to see you're posting now! We had a bit of a slow week anyway, so I figured it would be a few days before people got around to commenting. You liked Vancer? Well, that certainly wasn't the feeling we were going for, but to each their own. Unfortunately, he had to go. Glad to hear you liked it! :D After some time stuck in the world of Real Life, I am back. Happens to the best of us. It's also Summer in most places, so I was expecting slower responses, too. People are out doing things and stuff. I read Chapter 7 a while back, and didn't really have anything to say about it. I couldn't find anything to point out in that one, as it only contained the beginnings of a couple duels and a fight. And then there was that long break in between chapters.... and when you posted 8 and 9, it took some time to get around to the forum for long enough to read them. But I finally did. Yeah, we took a few weeks to kind've get everything back in order and prioritize some things. But on the plus side, everything is going really smoothly right now, and the next Chapter should be premiering today, actually. Chapter 8: Great chapter and some really great dueling. Skylar did pretty well for himself, even though his winning card IS broken (it can deal 3000 Life Points without its owner taking damage [under the condition that the other guy has 2000 ATK], has a sturdy ATK power, and isn't too difficult to use. The meta would suddenly be White Knight spamming.) Of course, this is a story, and a few broken cards are, needless to say, necessary. I did expect Alistair to win first, but that didn't happen. Heck, he didn't even finish the duel. I wondered whether or not it would be broken in a real meta context, and I still am not 100% sure, but either way it works as a boss monster and as a creative way to end the story. Alistair's duel isn't over yet, either. That part of the story continues in 10, we just felt like splitting it up for a bit to put some focus on the story with Andrea and Damien. Chapter 9: Another well-played round in the world of D-Accel. I expected a conclusion to Alistair's duel, but it IS high time to see Damien and Andrea again. Andrea put up a good fight, but I was a bit disappointed when Damien ran off. I was completely confused when Andrea tells Damien to leave, and she proceeds to think 'I'll never forgive you for doing that'. Of course, it was explained later that they were two separate events. You might want to clear that up. I did see a part in there, where they mention 'Two rights don't make a wrong'. I think it meant 'Two Wrongs don't make a Right'. No matter, but you might want to fix that. But good work. To you and Umbra both. Thanks! I'll definitely go back and check it out, too. There's a lot more backstory to Andrea and Damien, but that was intended to explain the basis for what happened, for why she hates him because of what happened to their family even though it wasn't something she could control. Based on Lisol's comments, I'm guessing it was easily understood, but there was just a disconnect. Just because she hates him, doesn't mean she wasn't working to save them all and putting differences aside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2013 [spoiler=Episode 10: Thunder from Down Under!] Episode 10: Rage of the Spirit Fist! “It’s done, no more time to talk about things!” Alistair bellowed as he pulled his fist from the wall, his energy levels continuing to soar to almost unbelievable rates. Olgarth himself struggled to maintain his footing, while Skylar’s near-lifeless body was blown down the hallway, the boy using what little strength he had left to prevent himself from crashing headfirst into something. “I won’t let you badmouth the name of those who risk their lives to save a friend, no matter what! Now since there’s no monsters on my field, I can banish a Mayhem Beast monster from my Graveyard in order to Special Summon Mayhem Beast – Infinity Blaster (2500)!” [spoiler=Mayhem Beast – Infinity Blaster] LV6/WIND Warrior / Effect Cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. If you control no monsters: You can Special Summon this card from your hand by banishing 1 “Mayhem Beast” monster from your Graveyard. This card can attack all monsters your opponent controls each. After this card’s 2nd attack each turn, your opponent takes no Battle Damage from this card. 2500/1700[/spoiler] In a swirling explosion of energy, the ground beneath them began to shake as the silver-armored warrior strode onto the field, holding a battle scythe covered with ancient inscribing burst onto the field, holding its weapon high above its head. In its eyes was the same blazing determination that covered Alistair himself. That beast, it’s different, in a different category than the others monster’s he’s summoned prior. Olgarth noted. Something about it just seemed different, whereas the other monsters had a beastly, combat-oriented feel to them, each with their own distinct quality, this one was...majestic, for lack of a better term. It was unlike the past monsters; it felt intimidating based on its mere presence alone. “No matter,” he swatted the air around him. “I am Olgarth of the vaych! You can give one hell of a speech, boy, but don’t think for a second that means you have what it takes to turn this duel around! Your fate was sealed the moment Master Terrance selected me as your opponent!” “That’s enough out of you,” Alistair replied, cold. The time for standing around and listening to this man-beast run his mouth was over. This duel had gone on long enough. He had to save the others – before it was too late. “I won’t stand for it any longer! Infinity Blaster, raise your sword high and slice his Stone Grotto Lizard to pieces, Heavenly Twisting Slash!” Grabbing nothing but the sheath of its solid steel sword, heavier than its own body weight, the monster leapt into the air, and before either of them could see the literal movement, slashed the lizard to bits. “What a fool, you think that will matter?!” Olgarth exclaimed. “Here I was, almost letting myself get shaken up by your big words and empty promises, but all your monster managed to do was take my lizard down. Perhaps you weren’t listening when I explained it earlier, but now I can simply send a card from my hand to the Graveyard in order to not only resurrect my beast, but thanks to Minoan Bullhammer, I can draw a card to replace that one!” Good as new, the stone reptilian reappeared on the field. “And now, there is nothing you can do to stop me from putting an end to this duel, once my turn comes around it’s game over!” “Hm,” Alistair smiled. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s the deciding factor. Sure, if you were gonna get another turn, you could make the argument that this duel would end in your favor, but thankfully that won’t be the case!” He made a fist, Olgarth shaking angrily in response. “You see Infinity Blaster ain’t just for show, mate.” He said. “In addition to being one of my strongest monsters, the amount of energy it takes to summon a monster like this is no joke, but my determination to save my friends and the resolve I’ve promised to follow is all the power I need! And just like I won’t give up until I’ve saved everyone, Infinity Blaster can attack all monsters on your field, slashing them all down to bits until nothing remains!” “No that-!” Olgarth exclaimed, cutting himself short. “That can’t be!” “You’ve got no choice but to bring your Grotto Lizard back to life each time its destroyed, and doing so means you draw a card from your Deck once per battle,” Alistair explained, a fact which Olgarth had been quick to realize all too late. From the first turn this duel began, I made a vow that I would not lose to this guy, no matter what it took. And even when the thrill of the duel isn’t there, when there’s life on the line, you just have to tap into that inner-energy, the power inside of you that will give you what you need to save those you care about! That’s what I’ve always believed in. Thank you...for the first time I see what you mean first-hand, friend. “Alright Infinity Blaster, take that thing down, and keep at it till it stays down for good, make this guy pay for hurting innocent people!” The knight turned to face Alistair as if hesitant. Raising its sword high into the air, it nodded, leaping into the sky. “Spiral Infinity Blade!” “No, this can’t be!” Olgarth tried to reason. “You broke through my perfect strategy with nothing but pure will! You didn’t outplay me, or even get lucky, you forced your way through something you couldn’t possibly break through your own determination alone! What kind of human has such an ability?!” In a blazing barrage of lights, the knight slashed away at the lizard, which though it continued to return, grew weaker with each re-appearance, until there was nothing left, and the final slash hit Olgarth directly. Winner: Alistair --- “I refuse to accept failure as an option!” He cried out. “Vaych, listen up! My time here is done, but there is still a mission at hand! Lord Terrance may have ordered these humans returned to him alive, but at this point I could care less what that meddlesome human wants!” The vaych gathered around him, almost distraught and chaotic without a leader. “Do not stop now, destroy them, feast on their souls, enjoy them however you so please,” he demanded. “But whatever you do, make them pay for thinking they could uproot the vaych!” He’s commanding them to fight...? Alistair groaned, dropping to one knee as he felt his body’s heavy use of Rakurai beginning to catch up with them. As the last remaining vaych Captain vanished, the feral beastmen began to surround them. I’m not sure I have the strength to fight all these things...there’s got to be at least twenty of ‘em! He looked back to Skylar, who was still barely conscious. Seething through their teeth and almost foaming at the mouth, anxious to carry out their new orders, the vaych continued to circle them. There’s nowhere to run...he shook, his fists still clenched but what remained of his power was very limited. They were outnumbered almost ten to one, and these creatures didn’t look like they cared much for the orders that ‘Terrance’ had given them. Based on what the Captains had said, Terrance had to have been a human – he must’ve been the one who descended down on that dragon that swallowed up Calle. But what could a human want associating with creatures like this? And where did they come from? He punched the ground. Damn, there were so many questions he wanted answers to! None of this made any sense! There had to be a way to fight them off, if only Skylar could move, if only there was some way he could use seishin kyota to fend them off, he was the only one with a Stage Technique. And it was clear Calle wasn’t going to be able to come to their rescue this time around. As the beastmen circled them fully, a not-so-distinct member of the pack, his fur slightly sleeker and slicked back, stepped a foot ahead of the others. “What a pleasant surprise this has turned out to be,” he remarked, his voice far more understandable and clean than Alistair had expected. Certainly he wasn’t a Captain, but the others seemed to be looking to him for a sense of guidance. “I am Atore of the vaych, and now that the others are out of the way, there is no doubt I am the strongest here,” he replied, surveying the group as some of the vaych bowered their heads in respect to the one taking on the authority role. “Now then, from the start I have believed that the entire idea of working for a human as nothing more than pawns is beneath the might the vaych holds so close. With the foolish Captains dead, it is time the two of you suffer a similar fate. Finish them!” And all at once they charged. Some of them trampled over one another, but it didn’t matter – they were coming in almost endless amounts, or so it seemed. The first one got close to him, and Alistair reacted as best he could, striking it in the gut with as hard a right hand as he could muster. The creature exhaled, its grotesque, vile breath almost intoxicating. Damnit, I’ve got to protect Skylar, he’s in no condition to even move! As the vaych went for the helpless human, Alistair leapt back, standing over him. Skylar was barely conscious, squinting just his right eye open enough to see the boy shielding him. He saw the countless vaych about to make their final strike, and suddenly his memory came back to him; he must’ve blacked out after defeating Aligarth, at least for a few minutes. Skylar shouted, reacting quickly. “Get out of the way, you idiot! There’s no way you can fight these things off on your own! Just get the hell out of here while you’re still alive!” Why is he protecting me? After all of the things I said, my clear distance from the rest of the group and the countless insults I threw in their direction. He wondered, still fading in and out of consciousness. Why would he risk his life to save someone who doesn’t care about him one way or the other? That doesn’t even make any sense! What a damned fool! Alistair shook his head, holding strong as he hovered his body over Skylar’s. The vaych swung at them with their claws, making several wounds across Alistair’s back and lower body in the jumbled fray. “Ah—damn!” He cringed, blood running down his body, collecting itself at a pool beneath his feet. This might really be it...”This could be the end, but...” --- A young Alistair stood by the hospital bed, his hands shaky against the cold, ruthless metal. His young, curious eyes stared up at the man who lay in it, breathing heavily as doctors tended to his wounds with various medicines. “Ah, silly me, I just noticed you,” his grandfather said, his eyes lit up with excitement as a large smile found its way onto his face. “I was wondering when you’d come by, son.” The boy smiled, too, but his eyes soon became overwhelmed with tears. He had overheard the doctors talking, but what’s worse he had seen it happen with his own eyes. He couldn’t wrap his young mind around it, why...the thought of losing the person he’d always looked up to, for such a foolish reason at that! “Don’t cry, my boy,” he said. “There is plenty of reason to be happy.” “Don’t lie to me, grandpa! Why did you do it?! Why him of all people?! He betrayed you, he didn’t care about you or any of us, why risk your life to save his?! You should’ve just let him die, it’s what he deserved!” His grandfather’s smiling tone changed, his thought-filled eyes completely overcome by emotion. “Don’t ever speak in such a way, boy. People in this world are so drastically different, no two of us are the same. We all go through life and experiences that are hardly comparable to one another, and because of it we’re judged based on just one or two actions. Just because a person doesn’t appear to be good on the outside, doesn’t mean they’re not just as worth saving as the rest of us.” Alistair wiped his eyes, still sobbing. His grandfather’s smile brought him reassurance, but he couldn’t hold back the tears. “I don’t understand, it doesn’t make sense to me! Why risk your life for someone who doesn’t care about you?!” “You’ll understand someday, my boy. This is the way we’ve always lived our lives, our family. We were blessed with these powers and have always done our best to utilize them to our full potential.” He smiled, breathing heavily. The wounds he’d suffered internally from the attacks were getting tired of waiting. “I’ll always be watching over you, and someday I know for sure you’ll look back at this moment and understand.” A tear rolled down Alistair’s cheek, but his grandfather smiled, wiping it away. “Your power is stored deep inside of you, and you will find that the moment you need it most is not to save yourself, but to save another. Fighting without a cause is meaningless and destructive, but those who need your help the most are those who will refuse it,” he said. “Your journey has yet to begin, and along the way you will meet hundreds of people, friends and enemies alike, but you will know, boy. You will know when you can truly unlock the power hidden within you.” None of the words made any sense, but he couldn’t control himself as tears streamed down his face, hugging his grandfather tight. Soon the nurses came in and ushered him out, but the last thing he saw at that moment was one last glimpse of his grandfather’s contagious smile. And a look in his eyes that seemed to say “I believe in you.” That day...it had been the hardest day of his life. --- But now, he thought, he finally understood what his grandfather was trying to tell him. Though he could barely move his body, Skylar turned his head just enough to look up at Alistair, the boy’s body still covering him, covered with dozens of cuts from the vaych’s relentless onslaught. And yet as the attacks continued, he refused to move, he refused to allow him to suffer. What kind of warrior puts themselves right in the middle of the enemy’s crossfire, it’s suicide! He can’t possibly hope to beat them, but he could’ve run away, a strategical retreat. They’re going to kill them he—hold on, what is that? What is that light? It’s...so bright...I can’t see! Skylar shielded his eyes as he heard nothing but the screeching of the vaych. Suddenly, he felt massive waves of energy flowing from Alistair’s body, causing literal windstorms around them. Even the vaych stepped back, as the boy’s energy levels began to surge out of control. One by one, his wounds began to heal, the Rakurai spreading through his body and acting as a sealant for each individual cut that had been made. Like a bright light through the morning curtains, energy exploded from his body, so much that he could barely contain it. But only barely. He swung his fist into the air, colliding with the blasts of light that had formed, shattering them into nothing but particles. Where is his power coming from...it’s blinding, I can’t see a damn thing! How is he able to release this much stored up energy after being torn to shreds?! Skylar couldn’t believe his eyes, Alistair’s wounds had sealed themselves and the boy’s energy pressure was off the charts. “I’m ready to rumble now! See we Aussie’s got a bit of a label, the land down under! So it’s only fitting my attacks follow that same pattern, ain’t it?!” What’s he planning? Skylar tried to prop himself up against the wall a safe distance from Alistair’s attack, which had already begun to shatter the windows surrounding them by sheer force alone. “1st Stage: Earthbound Star Shower!” He thrust both fists against the tile floor of the facility, which just a day before had served as the path of travel between office workers. As the vaych tried to back away, eight paths of light shot upwards from the ground around them, circling both the beastmen and Alistair himself. “RAHHHHHHHH here goes everything!” “That’s incredible, he launched his attack from beneath the ground by firing energy down below! It’s a Stage Technique!” On one knee, Alistair kept his fists pressed firmly against the tile. He could feel the energy flowing through him, and he smiled. Skylar shouted out to him, in a state of noticeable disbelief. “But how did you...that power...” “I told you mate, I couldn’t let you die, at least not at the hands of these things,” Alistair grinned. “Because one day, I’m gonna beat you and make you pay for the things you said about me and the others!” “Heh,” Skylar half-smiled. “I welcome that challenge; after all you’re still pathetic.” The vaych cried out, having put together the fact that Alistair’s attack was going to crash down on them. The pillars of light had smashed through the walls of the facility and torn the roof off the ground floor entirely, but truthfully neither Skylar nor Alistair could be bothered to care. “Sorry there mates, but I’m not feelin’ the dinner menu this evening, we’re gonna have to cut this one short!” He kept his hands against the tile, the building falling apart around them, as the pillars of light turned into pointed streams of Rakurai, crashing down onto them in one swoop. All he heard was the screams of the fallen creatures as he struggled to make sure Skylar was alright. He didn’t know anything about the Stage Technique, but it seemed his body and Skylar’s were protected from the blast for reasons he couldn’t really explain. He took them all out with one blast! Skylar was panting – he could barely breathe. Even though the attack hadn’t hit him directly, keeping himself in place with that much energy released at once had taken an even greater toll on his body. But he couldn’t get over what he’d seen. He was certain they were going to die, and at the last moment the kid unlocks his inner strength. He rolled out of the way, just in time, as Alistair collapsed to the ground. His body was exhausted, the first time ever using a Stage Technique had definitely come with some drawbacks. But as his face hit the tile floor, he couldn’t help but smile. They’d done it. Sure, they still had no idea who or what they were up against, but that wasn’t up to them to handle now. Neither of them had the strength to fight another battle but when it mattered most, they were able to do it. And that was a hell of an accomplishment considering it had only been two days since Calle’s arrival. “Guess we did it, aye,” he said. Through gritted teeth as he used his right arm to hold himself up, Skylar looked back at him. I didn’t do much of anything. My body barely held up long enough for me to win that duel. And once it was over, I was one-hundred percent useless. He thought of her and felt a tear come to his eye, wanting to wipe it away before the boy noticed but unable to move his arms because of the pain. I guess I have a lot more to learn than I thought. One day I will fulfill that promise I made all those years ago, no matter what it takes. I’m strong, I know I am, but strength isn’t all it takes to become the kind of person I swore I’d be. But I can’t afford to rush, can I? You’d never let me live it down if I messed it up. Looks like I’m stuck with these idiots for a while, after all I could never live with myself knowing Alistair is stronger than I am. “Yeah, guess we did.” --- Damien couldn’t even hear the sound of his own footsteps as he ran frantically towards the facility’s top floor. He had already gotten a bad feeling, and it worsened as he got closer to the room. Leaving his sister behind, abandoning her at a time like this, he couldn’t forgive himself for it. But it had to be done. Otherwise they were all but dead. Just as he reached the door, he inhaled. A dry, evil air. If they had sent the ratman after he and Andrea, he could only dread the thought of what they’d send after Beatrice. To be continued...[/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomflyingobjects Posted July 1, 2013 Report Share Posted July 1, 2013 Well, I was confused there for a second, mistaking Damien for Alistair in the flashback. That made me rather puzzled, until I realized that this was Alistair we were talking about, with a completely different backstory. It would have been nice to know who his grandpa had given his life to save that was so incredibly evil, but then again, you're probably going to wait at least a few chapters before then. I like how Alistair saved Skylar's rear end. Skylar originally looked like the big, tough guy that would be able to take everybody and anybody out, hands-down.... but instead, he was uselessly unconscious. It does give some pretty good ideas on the characters' personalities: Alistair would risk his life to save the life of somebody he didn't like; Skylar wouldn't have. It all adds up to an interesting plot, so good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted July 7, 2013 Report Share Posted July 7, 2013 Since this has been oddly slow... I thought I may as well lighten both of your guys days with my semi-regular comment. So Chapter 10: We get back to the duel, and I kinda felt... I think breaking it up like you did was a mistake in all honesty. I could understand you jumping between the two groups in the context of one chapter, but splitting it out over many chapters like you did, you took away all the feelings from the scene. What was meant to be cool final turn, just felt... bland, because the feeling of build up was taken away. That's probably actually a good example of my biggest issue with D-Accel in general. How you do chapters. For an anime and stuff, this type of thing is fine, because there's a lot more recapping to rebuild this kind of feeling surrounding it. But in a piece of fiction, the chapters have to flow. I think you constrain yourself to much with the length you have in your mind. I'd personally preferred to have had the duel, and the other groups chapters in one, maybe two chapters, instead of being split over 4 like you have. It would've flowed better, since I had to actively check back on the situation of the duel to check how things were. Otherwise, it was alright as a chapter. The ending was how chapters should end. The duel writing was pretty good, even if the speech is a bit cringey at times. And the background piece was quite nice actually. Sorry for seeming overly critical. I did enjoy reading it for certain, and I do want to see more of the series. I just.. it's been pressing at me for while, and this was a decent enough place to bring that up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2013 Well, I was confused there for a second, mistaking Damien for Alistair in the flashback. That made me rather puzzled, until I realized that this was Alistair we were talking about, with a completely different backstory. It would have been nice to know who his grandpa had given his life to save that was so incredibly evil, but then again, you're probably going to wait at least a few chapters before then. I like how Alistair saved Skylar's rear end. Skylar originally looked like the big, tough guy that would be able to take everybody and anybody out, hands-down.... but instead, he was uselessly unconscious. It does give some pretty good ideas on the characters' personalities: Alistair would risk his life to save the life of somebody he didn't like; Skylar wouldn't have. It all adds up to an interesting plot, so good job. Thanks! More or less, the arc is over, there's just two episodes left. We'll get into that more in the coming episodes, though. :) Since this has been oddly slow... I thought I may as well lighten both of your guys days with my semi-regular comment. So Chapter 10: We get back to the duel, and I kinda felt... I think breaking it up like you did was a mistake in all honesty. I could understand you jumping between the two groups in the context of one chapter, but splitting it out over many chapters like you did, you took away all the feelings from the scene. What was meant to be cool final turn, just felt... bland, because the feeling of build up was taken away. That's probably actually a good example of my biggest issue with D-Accel in general. How you do chapters. For an anime and stuff, this type of thing is fine, because there's a lot more recapping to rebuild this kind of feeling surrounding it. But in a piece of fiction, the chapters have to flow. I think you constrain yourself to much with the length you have in your mind. I'd personally preferred to have had the duel, and the other groups chapters in one, maybe two chapters, instead of being split over 4 like you have. It would've flowed better, since I had to actively check back on the situation of the duel to check how things were. Otherwise, it was alright as a chapter. The ending was how chapters should end. The duel writing was pretty good, even if the speech is a bit cringey at times. And the background piece was quite nice actually. Sorry for seeming overly critical. I did enjoy reading it for certain, and I do want to see more of the series. I just.. it's been pressing at me for while, and this was a decent enough place to bring that up. Appreciate it! Seems the section as a whole has been slow lately. Oh well, won't stop us from producing new content. I can understand what you said and if it really does deter from the story, then perhaps we'll revisit the way we do things and consider taking a different approach. I'm trying to focus less on length and more on story itself, so I'll take your advice into consideration. Really appreciate the feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2013 [spoiler=Episode 11: Judgement Reigns 1/2] The door slammed shut behind him as the man in black entered her office. Beatrice had monitored the invaders with the security system, watching the children keep the vaych at bay, as best they could. Even in light of the grim situation they were in, she couldn't help but to be happy at the remarkable progress they had made. She already knew that Skylar possessed a certain level of skill to put him ahead of the others, but it surely seemed like the others were catching up to him rather quickly. Alistair had shown off remarkable levels of power after Skylar collapsed, and Andrea had even been able to demonstrate a stage technique. So far, Damien remained the only disappointment, but she had a suspicion that he wouldn't remain as such for very long. He was headed their way, and while their new opponent was remarkably more powerful than his minions, she had a feeling that the boy genius would pull through. After all, the others had only needed a true challenge to unlock their full potential. However, she hadn't anticipated this situation. She had overheard the vaych mentioning the name of their master; Terrance. She thought she recognized the name from somewhere, and a few quick searches proved her right; a "Terrance Major" had disappeared shortly before the CLEAR crisis and the downfall of CodEn Industries. According to some rumors, he had been taken out by a rival corporation while transporting some classified technology. The man now standing in front of her could be none other than him, though he barely resembled the man she had seen in the pictures. "What do you want-" She felt the ground escape her feet. She took off from her chair, flipping it over, and crashed into the wall behind. Stuck a good three feet above ground and being crushed into the marble wall, she let out a scream. Terrance did not move a muscle. "I will be the one asking the questions here." Beatrice tried her best to shake her head, but couldn't move an inch. He's powerful, she thought, but at what cost? "I know what they did to you, Terrance. Your newfound friends at the Star Siege. Tell me, does the old man still run the place, or has he finally decided to kick the bucket?" She felt the grip around her throat tighten, and gasped for breath. "You will not speak ill of the master in my presence, woman. You are dust in the wind, and dust neither speaks nor stands in one's way. My men are rounding up the children as we speak, and will return with them shortly." He took a step closer, pressing her even harder against the wall. To her surprise, she saw her desk crackle and unshift, as if something was breaking it from the inside. He's not even doing it consciously, she realized. It's just... some sort of aura, or a forcefield. What tremendous power have they given him? Even so, the grip around her throat had loosened a little, enough for her to speak. "Your men... or whatever you call them... they're dying, Terrance. My children are stronger than you think." He laughed. Beatrice couldn't believe her ears at first. "Think? I know exactly how strong they are, and how strong they will become. I know them better than you ever will. They are the key, and the Four Star Siege has seals for them to break." As his words sunk in, she realized she knew exactly what he was talking about. "No. That's impossible." He can't have found them, she thought. Not after all this time. Terrance shook his head. "Impossible is but a word, and words are-" "-nothing but walls to hold you back." She shook her head, and continued to speak. "I won't let you take my children away. I won't let you." He nodded. "And that's where the problem lies, Beatrice. We can't let you try to come after us. We can't afford any loose ends." He took another step forward, and her desk broke in half, sending splinters and dust flying over the room. She felt something trickle from her nose, and soon she could taste the blood. Cracks spread across the floor, shattering the solid marble as if it was dried clay. She closed her eyes. This is where it ends. "Let her go." The voice surprised her. In her own personal darkness, for a flickering moment she thought it was her son, her own little ray of sunshine. No, Beatrice, a voice whispered to her, he's gone. Remember that. She opened her eyes again, her eyes at the door. Damien was standing right there, breathing heavily. Terrance had turned his attention to him as well, without releasing an inkling of pressure. "Oh, what have we here? A cub, coming to defend its mother? Or a lamb, offering itself to the slaughter?" The boy, regaining his composure, shook his head. "Neither. I have come here to save us all." "I must admit, I'm genuinely surprised to see you've made it this far," Terrance growled, offering a mocking applause as Damienc continued to breathe heavily, standing in the entrance. "I've done my research, and I'm to understand that out of all the recruits Beatrice here has gathered together, you're the standout." Terrance laughed, continuously shifting his glance from his right hand to Damien. "Granted, I see no reason to believe you're any less weak than your comrades, but it is not a surprise to see that if someone were to make it here, you would be the one," he smiled, his hellish eyes shining brightly from the reflection of the window. "The vaych have failed me, though perhaps I should have expected as much for such meaningless creatures. The most effective hunter is one who can use a very well-processed approach; they're nothing more than rabid dogs." "Those creatures..." Damien interrupted, clenching his fists. "What the hell are they! The one that attacked my sister, he could speak, but he sure as hell wasn't human." Sister...I hope you're alright. He was worried about her, whether or not he'd made the right decision, but at this point there was no turning back. He was their only hope. "Ah, that's right, I forgot you've all spent many months here, isolated from the majority of the outside world," he replied. "You see "those creatures", they are known as the vaych. A species of ravenous, wild beast-men that boast some of the most vicious streaks Erebos has to offer," he explained. "Then there's the aeithelis, the mighty dragon responsible for the death of Calle Anden, your instructor." Damien's eyes widened. So it's true...he's really dead. They had all assumed the worst, but deep down he'd imagined Calle would somehow find a way out of it. To hear he had been killed by that...that thing. "Tell me, why are you here! Why are you doing this?!" “Our reasons are our reasons,” Terrance replied. As he spoke, Damien noticed a strange aura about him, a somewhat dark vibe, for a moment he thought he could see it visibly, but that was more or less his fatigue. Terrance’s power seemed out of his control, particularly his right arm, where most of his energy seemed to be concentrated. “They are not of your concern,” he said. “In fact, if you had come with us from the beginning without a fight then perhaps things would not have had to come to this. Try to understand that I mean you no personal harm, but at this point, I will not hesitate to kill you.” “I don’t buy it, you’re bluffing,” Damien said, catching Terrance by surprise. “You just said the four of us were in one way or another the key to your ultimate goal. And while I don’t know what that is, if we’re that important, I can’t imagine you’d kill me so easily.” Terrance shook his head, growing frustrated. As his wrath grew, so did his power, tearing crevices into the walls on both sides of Beatrice’s office without so much as batting an eye. “Bluffing?! You dare insult my words?!”He can’t control his own power, which is the only thing I have in my favor. Damien noted. It’s true, if he could figure out a way to get close enough, he could take Terrance down. But the problem was, despite the man having little control over it, Terrance’s power was exponentially higher than his. Even getting near him was highly dangerous. But no. Now wasn’t the time to show fear. He’d made it this far, and now he was going to finish it! “It’s about time we progress this battle from talking to fighting! Let’s settle this once and for all!” He made a fist with his right hand, centralizing a large portion of his energy towards that direction. In order for his arm to be able to break through the almost force field-like barrier Terrance’s power had established, he’d need to focus nearly all of his own energy to one central point. Using Rakurai as the kickoff, he pressed off the ground and charged for the larger man, his elder by only a few years. They clashed in what felt like seconds, Terrance’s right hand against Damien’s left. The strange aura coming from the man’s body, primarily the right arm as Damien had noticed earlier, grew in intensity the closer he got to it. While it appeared Terrance was exerting less energy, the two were evenly matched, neither one able to break through the other’s attack. He pulled back, the gusts created from their collision tearing into the walls of Beatrice’s office as the woman struggled to keep herself under control, remaining seated at the desk as she watched the battle with fear in her eyes. There’s no way Damien can hope to match his power, it’s entirely implausible. “Is that what you consider your best?” Terrance bellowed, his power continuing to grow, a very uneasy darkness settling amidst the room. “Because if this is how strong you are, maybe it is best to just kill you instead of using you as a tool! It’s not worth the effort when I could finish you off here and now and save the Four Star Siege plenty of trouble down the line!”Now he’s mocking me... Damien shrugged, not willing to let it affect him. He could say whatever he wanted, but nothing was going to stop him from protecting his sister. Above all else, he could give his life if it meant her survival. But it wasn’t going to come to that. Because he was going to beat this guy. He could see the doubt in Beatrice’s eyes, the fear. And while Terrance’s power was extreme, on the contrary he didn’t fear it. It motivated him. He just had to dig deeper. “Well you’re awful confident,” he said. “But I’m just getting started! I’m about to knock you down about ten pegs!” He kicked off again, this time swinging with his opposite hand. Terrance simply put his hand out to block once more, but Damien switched it at the last second, sweeping his leg out from under him. The man lost his grip, but didn’t allow himself to hit the ground, using his hand to stop his fall. Damien grabbed his right arm, kneeing him in the face and crashing him through the floor below. Beatrice’s office, with the floor made of an expensive oak hardwood, was no match for the weight and force of their bodies colliding, as they fell through to the floor below with Damien driving his fist into Terrance’s midsection as the bodies crashed onto the ground with a thud.How did he...outsmart me with pure simplicity! Terrance exhaled, the wind knocked out of his sails all at once as his back collided with the unforgiving tile. Damnit, I went straight for the block without noticing he switched up his strike. Crumbling stone from the weight of their bodies and the velocity of the impact, Damien struggled to stand, withdrawing his fist and slowly bringing himself to a vertical base as Terrance lay on the ground. Above him, Beatrice’s office, or what was left of it, had been more or less completely destroyed, but the woman herself was still seated at her desk, nearly frozen in place.What’s up with her? I took him down, and still her expression hasn’t changed. Damien didn’t understand. He wasn’t letting Beatrice’s fear affect his confidence, but to see the woman who was supposed to oversee their training as fighters sit there like a deer in the headlights when he’d gained the advantage in the fight was not what he was expecting. He tried to shift his gaze away from her, but it became increasingly difficult as he sensed a change in the air. Though not naïve enough to believe he’d won the fight in just one lucky shot, he wasn’t planning on Terrance getting even more powerful than before. “Don’t think for a second you’ve scratched me,” the man said, still in a heap on the ground. His right arm, the source of the dark energy that had since filled the air, began to visibly change, a purple aura taking over from the point of his elbow all the way down to his fingertips. It almost resembled a leather glove, but it was different. Golden-yellow spikes lined it from top to bottom, generating charged electricity back and forth between them, surging stronger than a power line in a hurricane.For some reason, I’m not so sure I like where this is going. He kept his distance as Terrance was pulled to a standing position, but not of his own doing. Whatever power he had tapped into and had subsequently consumed the majority of his right arm, it was controlling his body too. The item’s gravitational pull was strong, literally sucking the life out of the building as it tore the surrounding concrete walls to shreds, drawing in its power without Terrance moving a muscle. What the hell is this? That thing, it looks like the arm of a demon! It’s controlling his movements, it’s like this isn’t even Terrance any longer. At least at the start of their confrontation, Terrance’s humanity was still quite recognizable, but now his face was scarred, devoid of life, nothing but a twisted, crazily delighted expression on his face. This was on an entirely different level than before. Even withstanding his power was growing difficult. Damien had focused most of his energy to his lower body now, using it as a means of grounding himself. "Now is the end for you, Damien Tistro," Terrance commanded, using the boy's full name in a much deeper, darker voice that sounded like a butchered version of his own. Whatever that power was that was controlling him, just like it sucked the life out of the areas surrounding them, leaving but a destroyed, jumbled mess of what had remained of the facility, had sucked the life and identity out of Terrance as well. But with that came a power that had been well worth the sacrifice of his livelihood. "I had intended to spare your life as well of the lives as the others so that you could serve a far greater purpose, but since you have chosen to defy me and display your weakness in full, I believe there is no point in keeping you alive, even if it does go against initial orders." --- Terrance, is this what they've done to you? This is what you have allowed yourself to become just for the sake of satisfying his will? Beatrice sat at her desk, her hands dripping with sweat as she wanted nothing more than to look away at the scene down below her; but she couldn't. She was powerless against him, that much was obvious. Even with her capabilities, the Four Star Siege, he would have taken the necessary precautions to ensure her magic would have no effect on another member, especially when Terrance was here on his own. But whatever that thing was, the power he had gained, it was not of this world, surely something from Erebos. And more so than that, something that Damien stood no chance of stopping. My son... --- "Now you insufferable pest, it is time you die!" Rounding about the golden spikes, the purple aura around Terrance's arm became infused with the static electricity, forming a powerful jolt that fired straight in Damien's direction. The speed was too much, it struck him before his response window even opened, surging up and down his whole body in the most real pain he'd ever experienced. It took everything in him not to cry out as he struck the ground, and even then, the voltage remained, continuing to circle his body even after the attack had concluded. It was restricting all of his magical energy, shutting down his use of Rakurai entirely. He heard the sound of leather as Terrance made a fist, smiling at his handiwork.My entire body is paralyzed, I can't move... It was sucking all of his life-force right out of him, drawing the Rakurai out as Terrance absorbed it. This...this isn't like some kind of normal Stage Technique... "How does it feel?! Knowing you will fail all of your friends, knowing that second by second you grow weaker as my power only increases?" Terrance walked up to him, step by step, feeling better than ever, his veins flowing with limitless amounts of Rakurai. "You're nothing more than a pest!" He kicked Damien in the chest, continuing to kick him over and over again as the boy lay helpless, unable to move at all. "Terrance, stop this!" Beatrice screamed out, her voice in a complete panic. "This isn't what you were supposed to do! He's just a child. You need him alive, don't you?! It's me you want, I will go! Just stop this, stop this now!" Her eyes were flowing with tears, but Damien could barely make out what she was saying. He had to protect her, and everyone. All of them, he couldn't fail again and let them all die... "You couldn't save anyone!" His sister's words echoed throughout his head as Terrance shifted his gaze to the woman's direction. "Oh Beatrice, how lovely it is to see you coming to your boy's aid like this!" He exclaimed mockingly. "If only it were that easy, dear! But this isn't like the movies, you can't simply play the hero and expect everything to end beautifully! It is because of you that this boy will die, you chose to bring them into this and now he will pay for your sins!" "But this doesn't make sense!" She cried out, desperately trying to buy Damien time at the very least. "You said your objective was to bring them all back to the Siege, to him! If you kill him you will be failing your mission, you will be going against your Master's orders, why would you jeopardize yourself in such a fashion! That makes you no better than the hypocrite you're making me out to be!" "Enough!" An enraged Terrance cried out, blasting Beatrice with an attack identical to the one he'd used against Damien. It struck her instantly as she plummeted into what remained of the walls in her office. Damien heard her scream, but she went silent afterwards. What little remained of his Rakurai was still being drained by Terrance, and he could feel the man growing stronger still. "Tell me what does it matter now! I have gained this power, but I can never return back there now, there is no way I would be allowed! You see the true form of Valkyrie's Judgement is that what you see in front of your very eyes," he held up his arm, the veins bulging in and out, overcome with power. "I have obtained the ultimate weapon, this is what real power is! The creatures at my command have failed me, the vaych have been beaten, meaning this is a task I must take on all my own! But to be honest Beatrice, I never cared for you, you sicken me. Your lack of loyalty to the Master is more than enough justification for me to take your life! And since I can no longer return, I shall simply use this power to kill you, and all of your children!"He's...he's too far gone now. She said, a tear dripping down the side of her cheek. What remained of Terrance Major the man has been swallowed by that weapon, there's no rationale at this point. It looks like this might be the real end. "You're all weak, pathetic! It is humanity that holds you back, don't you see!" He exclaimed. "Sure, I may be unable to return to Erebos now but in exchange for that sacrifice I have attained a power so strong that no one can stop me! And if this pathetic fly is all that remains in my way, then I suppose I shall make an example out of him first! I will kill Damien Tistro once and for all right before your very eyes, so you can suffer in the same way the Four Star Siege suffered from your betrayal!" "Perhaps I won't even kill you, I'll leave you here with broken arms and broken legs to relish for the rest of your pathetic existence in the sin that your actions were responsible for the death of innocent people!" He thrust his arm into the air, drawing energy for a final blast. "That is the might of the Four Star Siege, and now everyone will know it! Now watch him die! Crimson Nightmare Flash!" Centralized in sphere above his head, Terrance released the blast all at once, crashing down onto Damien's practically lifeless body in one deadly blow. "No on..." Damien's words trailed off, becoming practically silent. "Pathetic last words! Not even enough strength left in the body of Beatrice's strongest child to muster an entire sentence!" What the - where did he go! Terrance gasped for air as he felt something pressed against the tip of his back. Something sharp, as the blast crashed to the tile, annihilating everything, but Damien's body was no longer there. "This can't be...you were able to move! But how!" His dark voice bellowed. "I said...no one should be forced to live a life of suffering because of a sin they didn't commit!" Damien screamed. "Trust me, I bear the burden because of my mistakes, I won't allow someone else to suffer that same fate! {1st Stage: Lance of the Ice Goddess}!" "The power of ice?!" Terrance cried out, understanding now that the pain he felt in his back was that power exactly, sending frozen chills up his spine. He should have figured that was the boy's element, it was the only one that didn't fit into place perfectly. The others, Andrea's fire, Skylar's lightning, Alistair's earth, it was only fitting that they would fit together in such a way. "Your power was drained entirely, I can feel it now, I still possess it! So how with no energy left were you able to perform a Stage Technique?!" "No one deserves to die but if that is the fate you bear, so be it! Release!" In using the Rakurai, Damien's left arm had become frozen, taking on the form of a lance that his body could control at will. He thrust it forward through Terrance's lower mid-section, and with a release of energy, sent him flying into the air. He jumped up, striking him a second time, this time in the chest as he drove him downwards to the ground, hitting two vital organs in the span of one attack. --- Now it appears I am the one who cannot move. Terrance lay on the ground, breathing heavily, in and out with great difficulty. The lance had torn not one but two holes in his body, and he was losing blood by the second. "Valkyrie's Judgement," he muttered the words. "Legends tell of an ancient battle in the world of Erebos, when the spirits there were attacked by a great force, something so strong that no matter what they tried to do, they were crushed. Lives were lost by the tens of thousands on a daily basis. No matter what the generals did, no matter how the armies tried to fight back, they were crushed with ease. These dark forces, whatever they were, had no goals in mind but complete and total destruction. And so with nothing to lose, there was no way to beat them. Then one day, a lone Valkyrie, a young girl from one of the nearby towns that had been lucky enough to avoid destruction, came up with an idea. She came up with a plan that she believed could save them all. But no one would listen, and one by one those who turned down her efforts marched into imminent death. She was forced to flee for her own safety. But she knew she possessed the power necessary to defeat them, she knew she could attain it, but with great cost. It would mean her own life. And yet she felt hatred, apathy towards all of those who had denied her. All of those lives which had been lost. The story says that in order to obtain that power, she abandoned everything which had made up her identity, and destroyed everything. Both the dark forces and those who had defied her, becoming no better than the dark forces herself. And when the war was over, with the death tolls in the millions, she would pay for her own sins, that same power which she had used to defeat the evil had turned her into the very thing she wished to destroy, and so her life was taken as punishment." "So this is his power, then," Beatrice said, lowering herself from the wall and trying to make it on all fours as she surveyed the damage below. Damien lay out of breath on the ground, unable to move, but she could not help but smile as her heart was filled with warmth. My son, you have done it. You have saved us all. Something about Terrance's story had resonated with her, though. Or at least, she couldn't get it out of her head. If what he was saying was true, then his ability to tap into this power was fueled by his desire to take down a darker force. Did that mean that in some way, he resented the Four Star Siege, or did he view Beatrice herself as the greatest enemy? He knowingly awakened that power knowing it would prevent him from ever returning. But the chaos and destruction he'd caused in the process, there were so many lines that just wouldn't connect. She looked down, hearing movement. That darkness, it was back again. "Terrance..." The man stood up, slowly bringing himself to his feet, his entire body was cut, but his wounds had ceased bleeding. "I have come to far to allow myself to suffer the fate of death before this battle is over," Terrance said. "Where the Valkyrie failed in harnessing this power and succumbed to it, I shall succeed! You shall never forget the name of the Four Star Siege!"No...this can't be. Damien's out, that was all he had left. And Terrance is still standing. What looked like a moment of hope may have been a falsified one. Are we about to meet our ultimate fate? To be continued...[/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 10, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2013 I guess all the readers left. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a bad post Posted July 10, 2013 Report Share Posted July 10, 2013 I guess all the readers left. :( Well I went on a trip this week, and couldn't review, and its really late here so I'll review tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 10, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2013 Oh okay sweet! Looking forward to it! I don't know where everyone went. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomflyingobjects Posted July 12, 2013 Report Share Posted July 12, 2013 I dunno about the other ten readers that disappeared after five chapters, but me? Real Life. Again. I know, but it does happen a lot. For your story, I'm glad we finally got to see Damien fight. He's the one character that hasn't really done anything since the beginning of the arc, so I am hoping that you and Umbra have some good stuff planned for him. Beatrice is the character that I understand the least. There's not much info about her, so it's hard to get attached like the other characters. I do like the whole Fire/Lightning/Earth/Ice thing you have going on here, putting a new spin to the story. All said, it was a good chapter, and I hope you get another one up soon. btw, the characters are all going to be under some huge attack later on, and they can't seem to stop the bad guys, and Calion's going to fall out of the sky with his fancy 'D-Stage' powers and knock out all the enemies with his famous 'Wings of Darkness' move that's inscribed in the title of the series. Just saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2013 I dunno about the other ten readers that disappeared after five chapters, but me? Real Life. Again. I know, but it does happen a lot. For your story, I'm glad we finally got to see Damien fight. He's the one character that hasn't really done anything since the beginning of the arc, so I am hoping that you and Umbra have some good stuff planned for him. Beatrice is the character that I understand the least. There's not much info about her, so it's hard to get attached like the other characters. I do like the whole Fire/Lightning/Earth/Ice thing you have going on here, putting a new spin to the story. All said, it was a good chapter, and I hope you get another one up soon. btw, the characters are all going to be under some huge attack later on, and they can't seem to stop the bad guys, and Calion's going to fall out of the sky with his fancy 'D-Stage' powers and knock out all the enemies with his famous 'Wings of Darkness' move that's inscribed in the title of the series. Just saying. Totally understand dude. It's a bit discouraging but I understand it's Summer and people have lives. I do too, which is why updates have been somewhat slow. Beatrice is a complex character but more about her will be explained as the series goes on. As it pertains to your prediction, no comment. :P Anyway, here's the Arc 1 Finale! The new episode should premiere tomorrow! [spoiler=Episode 12: Judgment Reigns 2/2 (Arc 1 Finale)] "You shall never forget the name of the Four Star Siege!" What little remained of Terrance's human existence was now standing without fear, confident and eerily calm as he stared down Damien's fallen body, and Beatrice's shaking figure above him. Even now, after taking such a fatal attack at Damien's hands, his energy was still increasing, he was still growing stronger. This was the true capabilities of Valkyrie's Judgement, this was his true power. But unlike the legends told, he was able to master it, he was in control. "Nightmare Vortex!" He fired a blast of purple charged energy from the hand, and unlike anything Beatrice had ever seen, it hit the wall and sucked it in, like some kind of dimensional warp. It was just entirely gone, wiped away in a second. She was afraid. No, she was terrified. "Yes, I can feel it's power coarsing through my body! The power of Nightmare Vortex, the ultimate attack! Legend says that it was this attack the Valkyrie used to destroy both sides, good and evil, all at once! It's target is pulled into an endless dimension of emptiness where they will remain sealed away! And now that I've unlocked its power, Damien will be the first to meet that fate! Judgement is upon you!" "Fall. Nightmare Vortex!!" "TERRANCE DON'T DO THIS!" Beatrice screamed out in desperation, but she was too late. He had already fired it. A fate worse than death. But Terrance wasn't expecting it to fail. Just as he released his grip and fired the blast, he felt the blade slice through his back, a cut from the shoulder blade to his lower back, all at once. It wasn't until it was done and the man wielding the sword landed his feet on what remained of the ground that the reality had set in. All at once, blood spattered out from the wound, and the purple blast fizzled into thin air, like it had never been there in first place. The Valkyrie's Judgement began to expand upwards, taking over his arm entirely. Who...who is that... Beatrice asked herself, seeing the outline of the figure who stood with his back to the scene, concealed by a cloak that made him impossible to identify. He allowed the blood to drip from his sword before sheathing it. With nothing more than a slight tilt of his head, he was gone in an instant, the only distinguishable characteristic a hieroglyphic red outline along the backside of the veil. "My...power is...fading..." Terrance put his free hand over his right arm as he fell to the ground, trying to pull away at the spell as it continued to take over his body. "Could it be that I...have lost control..." The pain worsened, his body being consumed by the Valkyrie's Judgement, but this time not granted the power that came along with it, just the suffering. He hit the ground, the all-too familiar puddle of his own blood splashing up from underneath him. That wasn't Damien's magic, but whoever it was, I could not recognize them. Beatrice noted, trembling with fear as she watched Terrance's body become wholly consumed by the same power he had hoped to use to lead him to victory. Could it have been Calle? No, I still sense his presence. He's wounded, but he's alive. Despite Terrance's words Calle must have beaten the aeithelis. This came as no surprise to her, Calle's survival. Even when Terrance said those words, she knew he was bluffing. The aethelis was among Erebos' most fearsome creatures, but Calle had more than a little experience. At full power, he could have gone toe-to-toe with Terrance even under the guise of Valkyrie's Judgment and beaten him. But after fighting off one of those creatures, he would have exhausted nearly all of his magic energy, there would've been no Rakurai left. And hand-to-hand combat would not have done any good against Terrance's spell. --- She watched as the two of them lay helpless below her, though it appeared Terrance’s condition was worse. The majority of his body, from his feet to his upper torso, had become entirely covered by the weird purple color bore by Valkyrie’s Judgment. Damien was breathing heavily, but still conscious, though he was pretty badly wounded. Using her energy, she could lower herself down to their level and try to get Damien to safety. Perhaps Terrance, too. After all, the man’s actions while he may have played a part were not entirely his own doing. “I wouldn’t take another step,” were the words she heard, causing her to cease her transportation at once. The footsteps accompanying the voice were those of Calle Anden, looking as rough as ever with multiple cuts across his face and the entirety of his jacket torn on the right side, with more wounds there. The blood had dried, so it would appear he had either toughed it out or these injuries had occurred quite some time ago. "So you've survived then," a nerved Beatrice replied. Calle's presence had a different feel to it. Whereas she had clearly been in the center of command the first time they'd spoken, now she was presented as nothing more than frail, weak woman who was unable to defend herself. In such a position of power, to feel as insignificant as this was infuriating. "There's still a great concentration of dark energy circulating between them right now, despite the fact that the battle is over," he replied, ignoring her previous statement. "If you get to close to them, it poses a great risk to you at the same time. Valkyrie's Judgment is a type of 'sealed spell', the likes of which are not made known to the average person. Which poses plenty of questions as to how Terrance was able to acquire it." "Hold on," she said bewildered. "What do you mean? You know of this power?" He rolled his eyes at the mere obviousness of the question. "I may not be actively involved in it any longer, but I grew up a researcher. There aren't many things that have to do with Rakurai that I'm not aware of, or have at least studied at one point in the past." She hung her head, having glossed over such a fact. But that meant only one thing. Terrance Major was strong, but not strong enough to be able to tap into that kind of power on his own. Her suspicions were correct - he must have bestowed that ability onto the man. Damn old bastard. "Right, suppose the moment caught up to me. My apologies. Do you think they'll be alright?" Calle shook his head with a cautious uncertainty. "Damien will be fine. He's still breathing, just tired. He used up all of his power and then some. Terrance, on the other hand..." Beatrice didn't need for him to explain any further. But despite what he'd done, she couldn't bear to watch the man die right in front of her eyes. He had been under the control of that thing, his actions weren't his own. Like he’d read her mind, Calle continued. “Trust me, if there were a way to save him I would certainly take it, but there is nothing we can do. The use of a ‘sealed spell’ carries with it great consequence, the worst of which involves the user giving up something far more important than their strength – their very life itself.” She opened her eyes wide, jaw dropped, to the point where you could see her pupils shaking. “You mean by tapping into that power, this fight was over before it even started? His fate had already been decided...” Calle nodded his head. “More or less, using Valkyrie’s Judgment meant he would die once its power had been exhausted. I could sense the change of pressure in the air, and I put together the fact that Damien must have been able to unlock his 1st Stage. At that point, it was either be defeated or kill the enemy trying, at least from Terrance’s perspective.” Beatrice felt her hands shaking, looking back and forth between the two. She had seen how the fight had truly ended, but she had best not say a word. If Calle wasn’t the one to have done it then...she couldn’t have him worrying about another outside force when they would soon have to resume training. “Once he knew the rest of his offense had been beaten, Terrance had no choice but to tap into his last resort –” He stopped for a moment, looking down at what remained of the man who had been nothing more than a pawn for whatever dark power was at play. “There is one thing that doesn’t make sense here, though.” “What’s that?” Beatrice asked, hoping he wouldn’t bring up the fight’s conclusion. “’Sealed spells’, because of their extremely volatile and literally deadly nature, are not only incredibly hard to utilize, but even harder to discover,” he said. “In other words, there’s no way someone like Terrance came into this power on his own. Whatever this ‘Four Star Siege’ is, they’re led by someone strong enough to tap into the darkest of magics, and that...that concerns me.” “I know who he is,” she said with a blank expression. Even the thought of him was sickening, his goals, and his lack of remorse for humanity as a whole. “He’s strong, very very strong. But I believe we can beat him, I believe these kids have the potential to stop the Four Star Siege.” Calle’s eyes told a tale of anger. “With all due respect, I don’t know how you can say something like that at a time like this,” he looked away from her, back at Damien. “I understand this is your operation and yes, there is plenty of potential in all of them, but these kids just put their lives on the line and nearly died trying to protect you, and all of us. It took all of their efforts just to stop one of them, and now they can barely breathe, let alone stand. To expect them to be able to go against this kind of dark magic and survive is crazy, at least at this stage of the game.” “I know they did...” My children. “And they will be the ones to finally restore things to the way they are meant to be...” Alistair, Skylar, Andrea, and Damien. All four of them, the same kids who couldn’t stand around together for more than five minutes without growing irritated, in the span of five days had come together to defeat an entire army of creatures that weren’t even from this world. They worked together, put their differences aside, and risked everything for their survival. And so they were rewarded with the powers to follow their resolve. He couldn’t believe it, truthfully. And to think this morning he was chastising Andrea for her inability to fight. Once she came around, he’d never hear the end of that one. Staring at Beatrice, he knelt down, lifting Damien up and onto his shoulder. Puzzled, she asked, “Where do you think you’re going with him?” He looked back, and she nearly froze after seeing the look of strength in his eyes. “I’ll train these kids alright,” he said. “We’ll assemble a team of warriors so powerful and united that no one on this planet or any other will stand a chance against our bond. But your little ultimatum of two weeks is officially null and void. If you want me to train them to the point of where they need to be, that part will be done on my terms. Otherwise as of this moment you can consider this partnership over with.” The woman had no response as he began walking. I will put my faith in you, then. I know my son will not disappoint me, and the others as well. “Figured as much,” he replied. “Alright then. Let’s hope they’ve got a quick recovery time.” He was going to train them, but above all else he was going to do it for them, not Beatrice. If they were anything like the team that took down CLEAR, these kids would be motivated above all else to protect innocent people, and with that responsibility would come the reward of great power. Of course, things were just getting started. He dreaded and anticipated the road ahead. --- “It would appear that Terrance has fallen,” the man broke the silence as the three remaining members sat around the table, waiting on someone to speak. The girl sat to his right, and their Master, the clear-cut leader, sat across from them both. “That’s a mighty shame, wouldn’t you say?” The girl shot him a look, which he ignored. “You don’t seem all that concerned. We just lost one of our own out there!” “Am I expected to feel pity for him?” He asked. “He was a fool, going to such extents against such weak opponents. He deserved his fate.” “That’s enough,” the old man chimed in, garnering silence. “I have no need to listen to your bickering. Like him or not, Terrance has fallen. He chose to tap into the dark powers because his own strength as not enough to accomplish our goals. I must have made a mistake in believing he was a worthwhile candidate, but it’s no matter now. It would appear that just when one piece falls, a new piece has been added to the puzzle. I sense that new enemies are on the horizon, and for that reason I believe it’s best we fall back for now.” “You can’t be serious!” The girl exclaimed. “After we’ve come this far!” “It is wise to regroup. Perhaps this new threat will take care of our enemies for us.” He said. “This is but a minor setback. The Four Star Siege will reign supreme!” --- END ARC 1[/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomflyingobjects Posted July 12, 2013 Report Share Posted July 12, 2013 [spoiler=' ']That was Calion, right? The weird guy that showed up and saved the day? Kinda funny, how I mentioned that for last chapter and it happened... Unless that was Calle, but I don't think so. Calion's the sword guy.[/spoiler] I didn't expect something like what I just mentioned to happen so early on in the story. I also didn't expect a character with as much depth as Calle/Tres to get killed so quickly, so it was no surprise to see him show up. But it never really clarifies whether Calle saved the day or somebody else did. But that's a good arc ending, the way you did it. Keep it up in arc 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2013 [spoiler=' ']That was Calion, right? The weird guy that showed up and saved the day? Kinda funny, how I mentioned that for last chapter and it happened... Unless that was Calle, but I don't think so. Calion's the sword guy.[/spoiler] I've no clue what you're talking about, my friend. I didn't expect something like what I just mentioned to happen so early on in the story. I also didn't expect a character with as much depth as Calle/Tres to get killed so quickly, so it was no surprise to see him show up. But it never really clarifies whether Calle saved the day or somebody else did. But that's a good arc ending, the way you did it. Keep it up in arc 2. I'm not sure anyone actually thought Calle/Tres would be killed off, but it was a necessary story element regardless. I'm glad it turned out the way it did. I was careful not to mention Tres or have him play any involvement at the end of the Chapter there just to show Calle's transition and the likes. Just for the record, the ending was done that way intentionally, to keep people guessing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomflyingobjects Posted July 13, 2013 Report Share Posted July 13, 2013 I'm talking about the figure who shows up here: But Terrance wasn't expecting it to fail. Just as he released his grip and fired the blast, he felt the blade slice through his back, a cut from the shoulder blade to his lower back, all at once. It wasn't until it was done and the man wielding the sword landed his feet on what remained of the ground that the reality had set in. All at once, blood spattered out from the wound, and the purple blast fizzled into thin air, like it had never been there in first place. The Valkyrie's Judgement began to expand upwards, taking over his arm entirely. Who...who is that... Beatrice asked herself, seeing the outline of the figure who stood with his back to the scene, concealed by a cloak that made him impossible to identify. He allowed the blood to drip from his sword before sheathing it. With nothing more than a slight tilt of his head, he was gone in an instant, the only distinguishable characteristic a hieroglyphic red outline along the backside of the veil. That figure that they mentioned. It wasn't very clear, so I was thinking it might have been Calion. If it were Calle or Calion, I couldn't really tell, but Calion's more of the ominous sword type. And of course it was done intentionally. I'm pretty sure that there isn't a scene in your entire series that was unintentional. And no, I was pretty sure that Calle/Tres wouldn't die so swiftly. I'm not saying they won't die, I'm saying that if they die, it's going to be dragged out, obvious, and heroic/foolish in some way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2013 Still no idea what you're talking about. Who is this Calion character? I'm somewhat convinced you've got this confused for another Fic or something. :o Also yeah, we haven't actually planned out the end of the story yet so even I don't know that part! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomflyingobjects Posted July 15, 2013 Report Share Posted July 15, 2013 Calion? The main character in the original Accel? If you don't know who he is, you might want to re-read the last episode in the first series. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 17, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2013 Just as an update to let everyone know, with the conclusion of Arc 1, we're taking a few days to try and get some episodes done in advance. That being said, the premiere of the new Arc will be posted on Sunday (this one coming up, the 21st I believe). We've done a bit of re-structuring but there's big things coming so stay tuned! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2013 As is usually the case with a new Arc, I'll be sending out a PM to people who comment/have commented in the past to let them know of the update! With that being said, new readers are always welcome (and encouraged) too! Also, anyone who comments will receive a +rep for their time and criticism/critique! Without further adieu, here's the Arc 2 Premiere! [spoiler=(Arc 2 Premiere) Episode 13: The Path Ahead! The Mysterious Shotei!] Episode 13: The Path Ahead! The Mysterious Shotei! "Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to rumble?! Tonight we welcome our esteemed guests, customers, fans, and everyone in between to what is sure to be a legendary showdown! You were all invited here tonight to witness epic battles and scout duelists in what could be the next up-and-coming Pro League Champion! But before the festivities get underway, we've got a special surprise for you!" The spotlights beckoned to the stage as the crowd roared with excitement. Beatrice, Calle Anden, and the four young fighters who had just one month ago helped to defeat an enemy that could have unleashed unparalleled chaos, sat at a table near the front row of the monumental stage, nearly blinded by the presence of the lights. Now that the kids had taken ample time to recover, Calle had decided it was time to resume training. But at the last minute earlier this morning, Beatrice informed him of a dinner party they were invited to, an event that many of the Leaders such as Beatrice herself were often invited to in order to scout potential recruits. Granted, "Dinner Party" was a loose term, since this was more like a rock concert minus the music with just as much flash and flare, but regardless, after stressing so much over the kids' conditions over the past few weeks, admittedly it was nice to be able to spend a night out simply watching the events instead of being part of them. Plus, while their fighting skills needed work far more than their dueling (with Damien being the particular exception), it couldn't hurt for the kids to get some pointers and tips from other duelists and learn to hone their craft. If they were going to go up against the Four Star Siege somewhere down the line, both of these skills had to be top-notch. After all, Duel Monsters was still tied into Rakurai and Erebos in ways he had not yet been able to uncover. On the stage left stood a husky man, dressed in an all-leather outfit, vest and all, that looked to be three sizes too small for him, in what was a somewhat grotesque sight. He was bedazzled with jewels and lightning bolts covered the majority of his gear, looking like a rock star Oompaloompa. A duel disk intertwined with black and white lightning sat on his arm, and a cocky smile rested on his face between his puffy cheeks. The crowd went wild for him, and after a few seconds of brainstorming Calle figured out why. The man was Orin Shiruji, this year's Duel Monsters National Champion. He'd been so caught up in everything lately that he hadn't had too much time to keep up to date with things, but that image and name was unmistakable. Orin was a repulsive man, but his dueling was top of the line. He had become famous for his unbreakable combo, the Hopper-lock. He was famed for his ability to create a ironclad lock on the first turn of every duel, one the opponent could not shatter even with his best efforts. So they decided to start the evening with an appearance from the Champ. Well, I can't argue with that logic, despite the guy's irritating nature. At the very least, this would be a spectacle for the kids. The best of the best in action. Beatrice glanced at him as if to say 'are you thinking what I'm thinking?', and he simply nodded. The kids themselves were fixated on the stage, Skylar in particular. They had plenty of time to recover, but since the battle with Terrance had not been able to train at all. Even though all of them had been able to reach the 1st Stage, they'd only done it once. And it had taken their bodies nearly thirty days to even get back to normal shape. They would have to undergo plenty of conditioning. "Enjoy this night, because starting tomorrow training resumes in full," Calle said with a smile, drawing a look of ire from Andrea, and a look from Skylar that needed no comments. Whatever had happened in that battle, at least it was nice to know he wouldn't have to face as much of Skylar's lashing out. The more easily they could work together, the easier his job became. But above all else, he would make sure they survived. All of them. --- "Oh boy I can tell by the crowd reception that you're all well aware of our Special Guest of Honor, the Duel Monsters National Champion Orin Shiruji!" The crowd roared once more, this time louder than before as Orin soaked in the excitement. "That's right, we've scored Orin for the evening to participate in a duel right before your very eyes! For those of you who wish to someday be a Duel Monsters World Champion just like him, this is your chance to see it all up close and personal! But that's not all, there's still one more surprise in store! Orin Shiruji will take on a challenger, but not of his choosing - our National Champion has graciously accepted the offer to issue an Open Challenge to ANYONE in the audience willing to take him and his unbreakable lock on!" What a dream this was, for so many people sitting in attendance, even some of the other Leaders sitting at their respective tables showed interest in this. The potential to step up and duel against a National Champion, the recognition and name value that would come with defeating him was huge! How could they pass something like that up? People began screaming, cheering, everyone raising their hands with anticipation, hoping to be the one selected. "I'd be more than happy to take him on," Alistair said, roaring to go. "Hm, what makes you think you'd stand a chance against him?" Skylar said in retort. "You could barely take down that beast and you haven't dueled in a month. It's best to let me take him on." "Both of you are wrong, I should be the one to duel him!" Andrea stood up, pounding her fist on the table. "After all, ladies first, right? And besides, we all know I'm the best duelist here!" Damien laughed awkwardly, not saying a word. He didn't dare issue a challenge. There was no desire on his part to embarrass himself in front of a crowd. Things had been different between he and the others lately. It was like they had begun to respect him for his efforts, for being the one who managed to defeat Terrance. Certainly Beatrice had sung his praises, and even Calle had offered positive remarks. But what shocked him the most was the interaction between he and his sister. They had...been hospitalized in the same room in the medical center. While it took a while for them to recover, out of the blue she randomly spoke to him, a rarity of its own. She told him with a smile on her face that what he did, it was unlike anything she would've expected. While her words were spoken in a still-insulting manner, the smile on her face and the love in her eyes showed her true feelings. His actions had been solely to earn his sister's forgiveness, and while he still had a long way to go, it was certainly not a bad start. Someday, he promised himself, he would right the wrongs. "With so many anxious challengers, how will we ever choose just one?! I suppose we'll have to leave it down to chance, a random opponent! Now, everyone lower your arms and sit. On my count, the first person to stand will be the one to accept the challenge!" Anxious and excited, everyone sat as ordered. As the MC began his count...1...2...Who would it be?! "I will be the one to accept," said a voice. Slowing his count, the MC looked around, as did the fans. Orin himself appeared intrigued, someone with the gall to call him out. From behind the curtain a young man, probably in his early twenties, walked out. With mellow green hair and a blue and white tracksuit, he stepped out onto the stage. On the bridge of his nose was a pair of round glasses, and the reflection of the light could be seen in the frames as he watched with a smile. "With all due respect sir, you're not the only one who wishes to duel the Champion! It would be entirely unfair to give it to you when all of these people are so graciously waiting for their chance!" The MC replied, and Orin shot him a look. "Let it be this one," he said in a weaselly tone. "He had the nerve to challenge me face-to-face, I could never turn down a challenge like that!" The MC looked around, towards the crowd, then back at Orin, with clear confliction. Surely, the people would disapprove of him greatly if he were to be the one to break the news to them that they weren't able to duel, but at the same time, their most prestigious guest would be unhappy. "Well then...if our Champion wishes it, I suppose I have no jurisdiction to argue! So it looks like we've found our challenger! I'm sorry folks!" He cringed upon lowering the microphone from his lips, but found that instead of booing, the crowd had went nearly silent, their eyes fixated on the two men standing on the stage. There was a very different vibe coming from the man who had accepted the challenge, and tension between the two had been established from the second he walked through the curtain. "Guess he should consider himself lucky," Andrea remarked. "I woulda crushed him!" "I wouldn't get too far ahead of yourself," Calle noted. She looked at him with a hint of subtle confusion. "This guy's got some talent. While it's true that the majority of the Pro League duelists are nothing more than media tools, I've seen him duel before and I'm very familiar with his lock." Beatrice glanced at him. "Which is why I find it so interesting that this guy has "randomly" appeared to challenge him," he continued. What's the catch? --- "Tell me something punk, what's your name?" Orin demanded, partially slobbering his words. "I'd just like to know so I can add it to the list of puny, pathetic duelists I've torn through to get to the top of the food chain." "I'm not sure it was dueling that put you atop the food chain," the man quipped, much to Orin's disliking. "I prefer to keep a low profile, but since I suppose a duel against the National Champion is something that might make major news regardless, you can call me Shotei. Now, if the introductions are over, what do you say we get down to business?" Shotei beckoned, activating his duel disk. "You oughta be careful what you wish for, punk, because you just might get it!" Orin cried in response, activating his own duel disk as the crowd remained glued to the action. DUEL! Orin vs. Shotei 4000 | 4000 "I tell you what, since it might be the only opportunity you have to showcase any of your Deck at all, why don't you make the first move?" Orin said, smiling maliciously. Shotei nodded, drawing his sixth card. "As you wish. I'm aware of what I'm up against with you, so I think the best option would be to start by playing Lone Gecko (300) in defense mode!" From a small puddle of water at Shotei's feet, the turquoise-colored reptile rose to the field, covered in spots that matched that of the floor on which it stood. "I suppose that will do it for now." "What a novice play," Orin snorted as he drew his starting hand. "You claim to know what you're up against, and yet that's how you take advantage of the opportunity to go first against me? Your pathetic monster stands no chance at all!" "Strong fighting words from the National Champion! But words are just that - let's see how well he can battle back!" "Now it's my turn, and you're about to experience something that's gonna shock you!" He exclaimed, placing a Spell Card into his disk slot. "I activate the Spell Card Wattcapture!" As two magnetic spheres appeared on the field, static electricity began to generate between them. "This Spell Card activates when I send a monster from my hand to the Graveyard! Since that monster has to be a 'Watt' monster, this Spell uses that monster's power to take control of a monster on your side of the field! So now your Lone Gecko won't have to feel so alone!" "Whoa, can he really do that?!" Andrea looked to Calle for the answer. "The Spell Wattcapture, while not the focus of his strategy, has come into play on more than one occasion for this guy," Calle explained. "In order to get both of his monsters on the field to create the lock, he needs to get one of them into the Graveyard first. That's where this one works. At the same time, taking his opponent's monster ensures there's no way for the opponent to counter-attack. It may seem confusing, but it's actually quite simple." Skylar chimed in, almost unexpectedly. He wasn't exactly the social type, even in a setting like this. "Hang on a sec, something's not right," he said. "If this Shotei guy claims to know exactly how the guy's lock works, then why would he summon a monster making it all the more easy for him to pull it off? I think there's more to it." Through the static force’s pull, the lizard was swept across the field, its suction grip powerless to help it remain in place. “Regretting this challenge yet, punk?” Orin sneered. “If not, I’m about to show you why you should! By activating this, the Spell Card Thunder Blast!” [spoiler=Wattcapture] Normal Spell Card Discard 1 “Watt” monster; take control of 1 monster your opponent controls with the same Level as that monster.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Thunder Blast] Tribute 1 monster you control; Special Summon 1 Thunder-Type monster from your Deck with the same Level as the Tributed monster. You can only activate 1 “Thunder Blast” per turn.[/spoiler] “Now, I can do away with your pathetic lizard in order to bring out my own monster, with a flash of lightning I call upon Watthopper (0/LV1)!” Just as described, a tiny bolt of lightning struck the field as the neon-green colored insect appeared on the field, very small in size, but with an ability that had made Orin’s dueling famous. [spoiler=Watthopper] LV1/LIGHT Thunder / Effect Your opponent cannot target another “Watt” monster for attacks or with effects. 0/0[/spoiler] “And there it is! Right before our very eyes, we’ve already witnessed one third of the all-powerful Hopper-lock! Such strategic, skillful play from our National Champion!” The fans roared along with the MC, who’s delight was both a combination of dueling excitement and the fact that he’d managed to keep the fans on his side despite allowing this Shotei character to accept the challenge. They’d be even more excited to see Orin make short work of him. Amidst the cheering, Orin looked up as the crowd’s attention became fixated on Shotei. Its remnants nothing but a tiny blue sphere, Shotei’s monster returned to his Graveyard as normal. But it was just then that Orin had noticed the man’s cunning smile. “What’re you so happy about all of the sudden?!” “No need for such a hostile tone,” he said. “It’s just that I’m amused you’re such an easy duelist to manipulate.” Orin’s eyes reared with fury. “Talking big ain’t gonna get you anywhere, punk! I’ll crush you!” “I assure you, I’m not talking big at all,” Shotei smiled. “In fact, I’m beginning to wonder if you listened to what I said at our game’s beginning. I’m entirely familiar with your lock and how it functions. I’ve seen nearly every duel you’ve partaken in on the pro league and then some. So tell me, having as much knowledge as I do of how you set up your play, why would I make a move like I did unless it was crucial?” “You’re bluffing!” “And you’re ignorant,” Shotei shook his head, the crowd’s eyes wandering back and forth between the two duelists as you could cut the tension with a knife. “I summoned Lone Gecko to the field knowing you’d use ‘Wattcapture’ to seize control of it.” His slob of an opponent was beside himself. “Because control of Lone Gecko is changed, it’s special ability activates, allowing me to search for any Reptile-Type monster from my Deck and add it straight to my hand!” “Damn it! You tricked me the entire time!” Orin shouted, trying to keep his cool; he didn’t want to let the crowd see him all worked up over such a pitiful opponent. “Not like it matters though!” He said unconvincingly. “It’s all in the power of illusion, see,” he said. “This is where reptiles are such effective creatures. They appear weak on the surface, but just when you begin to think you know everything there is to know, they turn the tables. Just like I’m going to do to you. So go ahead and finish your turn.” [spoiler=Lone Gecko] LV1/DARK Reptile / Effect Neither player takes any Battle Damage from battles involving this card. When control of this face-up card changes: its original owner can add 1 Reptile-Type monster from their Deck to their hand. Once per turn: You can give control of this face-up card to your opponent. 300/300[/spoiler] “Oh no! It appears our champion has been duped! This makes things plenty more interesting, now to see if the Hopper-Lock will still get the job done!” “I knew it,” Skylar said quietly. Only Calle looked at him, taking note of the boy’s brilliant mind for dueling. There were big things in his future with such a sharp mind. I think I get it now, Calle thought to himself. If I’m right, I know exactly how the rest of this duel is going to play out. “I will finish my turn! And I’m going to crush you!” He exclaimed. “Here’s where the fun part comes in, because in order to activate my ‘Wattcapture’ Spell Card, I had to send a monster to the Graveyard! And that monster was the one and only Watthopper!” The crowd burst into a frenzy of cheers – they were really going to see the lock up close and in person! Orin grinned, licking his plump lips as they slobbered with drool. For someone of his position to have made it this far, he’d show all of them who doubted him and insulted him, that he truly was the best duelist in the world, and he didn’t need any of these punks to support him! “So now I activate Monster Reborn to bring the second Watthopper back to the field!” Like an identical twin, the second insect appeared on the field alongside the first, with the electricity coming from both of them forming a barrier of sorts. “And if you truly know my lock, then you’ll know that this isn’t all!” He exclaimed, placing a Spell Card into his duel disk as the electric energy began to surge to much greater extents. “Because it all goes together with this, the Spell Card Paralysis Wave!” [spoiler=Paralysis Wave] Continuous Spell Card During your opponent’s End Phase, if your opponent did not declare an attack this turn; inflict 1000 damage to your opponent.[/spoiler] “And here it is! Live and in person, we’re seeing Orin’s Hopper-lock! It would appear the challenger has been backed into a corner even with that hope spot! Sure, he was able to search his Deck, but now he can’t attack or target any of Orin’s monsters, and on top of that, because of Paralysis Wave, for each of Shotei’s turns that he doesn’t attack, he takes one thousand points of damage! It looks like this duel is as good as over, Orin has secured himself the-” Alistair looked to Calle, almost in a state of shock. “Is that really it? Was it this easy to shut this guy down? Is he this good?” “I’d watch and find out,” Calle replied, half-smiling. “There’s an old tale that goes around that suggests the only duelists better than those on the Pro League are those like us, those of us who are born with the power of Rakurai and able to utilize it to the fullest. “ “Hold on, so you’re saying Shotei’s got Rakurai?” He asked, piquing the interest of the others as well. “I’ve just got a sense,” he said. “I think Orin’s about to look like a major fool.” Interesting, you’ve put it together that quickly? Tres said. I suppose you’re even smarter than I give you credit for. I’ve seen this play before, though I don’t quite remember when. I wonder how the humans will react to it. I imagine their reaction will be amusing, but Orin’s will be the one that takes the cake. Now that I understand Shotei’s method of winning, that leaves a question that’s got me a bit more concerned given the circumstances. Why exactly was someone like him hoping to crush the National Champion in an environment like this? To be continued...[/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomflyingobjects Posted July 22, 2013 Report Share Posted July 22, 2013 I'm not surprised about the duel's current route one bit. I don't really think this Watthopper lock is worthy of the championship title, but that's just me. It doesn't seem too hard to break (Mystical Space Typhoon/Dark Hole), but that's just me. If somebody worked with their deck well enough, then it shouldn't be too terribly difficult to break the lock. Of course that final card in the lock is pretty broken... Anywho, the chapter itself worked pretty well in all. Even if I could tell, from the beginning, that somebody would beat this champion guy rather quickly in the story. You should probably include a bit more of Tres in the story, just so we don't forget about him. And keep up the good work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2013 I'm not surprised about the duel's current route one bit. I don't really think this Watthopper lock is worthy of the championship title, but that's just me. It doesn't seem too hard to break (Mystical Space Typhoon/Dark Hole), but that's just me. If somebody worked with their deck well enough, then it shouldn't be too terribly difficult to break the lock. Of course that final card in the lock is pretty broken... Anywho, the chapter itself worked pretty well in all. Even if I could tell, from the beginning, that somebody would beat this champion guy rather quickly in the story. You should probably include a bit more of Tres in the story, just so we don't forget about him. And keep up the good work. I think more or less, the thing with Tres is that while he's there and he's quite a prominent character, he doesn't need to be the center of attention right now. We're building on Calle's connection to the kids and his interactions with Beatrice moving forward, so while it might seem like Tres is a "side character" at the moment, he's still very much there, it's just that the kids don't actually know about him existing at all, so it would seem rather weird for there to be significant amounts of interaction at this point. That's not to say he won't have a much more relevant role later, but right now he doesn't need to be that emphasized. The dynamic I was going for here was to show the difference between the duelists who use Rakurai (man, we really need to come up with a term or something for them. Casters? Mages? Idk, something) and the difference between the duelists that are "nationally recognized" as Champions. This is why I actually made it a point to stress that Orin would not be some kind of "amazing duelist", especially not when compared to someone like Calion, Unos, etc. It was done intentionally. Sometimes the most predictable outcome is the best outcome just because of how it furthers the story. Anyway, working on Chapter 14 hoping to have it posted tomorrow night! Would love some more feedback! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.