another time!

[tazeel3]

."We can go!" shout Yuma

"Not" said Astral "Why?"

Yuma was surprised by Astral's reply

"Because Shark and Rio aren't here" replied the astral.

After a look, Yuma said "Mmmm, it's true. And strange. Shark and his sister never arrived later."

 

Meanwhile...

 

"Faster, faster!" was shouting Rio.

"That isn't a jet, is a motorbike!" replies his brother.

"I know, but there is reaching!" she advised.

Durbe could see is face reflected on Shark's motorbike.

He said "Stop now, Reginald! Barian's can run up to 300 per hour if well-trained! You cannot leave me behind!" Shark'face was angry, but, in a moment, he began to smile and to slow down.

Durbe was exulting "Ah! You understand that you have to give up!" but Shark gave him a strange answer, "If you can't negate the attack, banish the monster! Hold on Rio!" Shark turned quickly, but Durbe was running too fast and he could just go straight.

"As I had expected. Now come on, Yuma and others have waited long enough. To the harbour!" He was saying, but at the first turn, they found Durbe at the end of the street.

Shark, with a murderous look, said "I don't want to stop, so he has to move!" and accelerated. But when he was in front of Durbe, the alien jumps and drops Shark with a handful from the motorbike, and fortunately Rio manages to stop the motorcycle near.

Shark was still trying to get back on their feet that Durbe launched a Barian sphere-cube, trapping inside him and Shark. 

 

Inside the sphere

 

Shark, furios, asked to the Barian "What do you want from me?"

Durbe smiled and said "It's natural. I want to duel with you. And if you didn't know, you can't get out until a Barian decides that. And I will release you only after you defeat me, so ... you can do only one thing."

Shark knew what and prepared himself to duel. Durbe said "Good choice, Shark" turned in its true form and activated his duel equipment. Then they said, togethere "Duel!" 

 

Turn 1: Durbe

 

Shark said to his sister "Rio, warns Yuma that we have aliens problems, but we will solve them in a quarter of an hour" "Ok" Then she tried to call Yuma but.... "The duel gazer is on, but there isn't anyone on the screen. That's strange...."

 

At the harbour 

 

"Go Hope! Attck Ethere...." Yuma was about to give the order to attack, when the duel gazer began to play.

"It's Rio!" He said, enthusiastic.

Rio's face appeared in front of him, but did not speak.

"Rio?Rio!" he called, but don't get answers.

Yuma insisted "Rio where are you? What's going on? Where is Shark?" Silence. After some time, the call ended.

Then Yuma said "That's strange. What are happening?"

 

Over a skyscraper

 

The cloaked figure watched amused the effects of the time bender. "Ahahahahahah! thanks to this device that I put on the duel pad of the humans in the area around their the time will slows down in a terrifying way!"

 

Near the sphere 

 

Rio ended the call, then he said "Nothing to do Shark, Yuma does not respond!"

Shark looked furious Durbe and said "You may know what you're doing?"

Durbe calmly replied, "If you think I have to do with the fact that your sister can't call Yuma, I'm not the cause of the problem"

Shark, angryer, asked "And then you can know what is it?"

"I have no idea" Replied the alien "and I don't even care. It's my turn, Draw!" "First of all i summon Holy Lightning-Wings!"

A pair of golden wings descended from a yellow hole .

"Then i activate it's effect, that when is summoned i can special summon a Holy Lightning monster from my hand! Come out, Holy Lightning-Books!" and from another yellow hole descended a book

"And then i activete Books effect! I can send a card from my hand to the Graveyard for special summon one Holy lightning monster from my hand, and i summon Holy lightning-Sword!" 

 

Holy Lightning-Wings

Lv 4 Light Fairy

ATK 1200 DEF 1800

 

Holy Lightning-Books

Lv 4 Light Fairy

ATK 1600 DEF 1400

 

Holy Lightning-Sword

Lv4 Light Fairy

ATK 1400 DEF 1000

 

"His number is coming!" Shark muttered.

But Durbe said "I know what you're thinking: That now I will summon 102. But for this Duel I thought to do something a bit different"

"What?" askeed Shark

"You will see!" said Durbe "I activate Abyssal Legion! When i activate this card, all the monster on my field change attribute in Water increase the level of one for each monster on my field (Wings Lv 4-7) (Books 4-7) (Sword 4-7)!"

The light over the three monsters was trailed off and they turned blue.

Shark thought "What he want to do with those monsters?" the answer came shortly after

"I overlay the level 7 Holy Lightning Wings, Books and Sword!" The three monster became completly blue, and after shooting in the air "Xyz summon!" the rep portal was opened, and three monster go inside.

Then was an explosion. "Then appear the God of all the sharks! The avenger of the Fiji's sea! Dakuwanga God Shark!" everyone expected to see a shark, but it appeared...... a mere man.

 

Dakuwanga God Shark

Rank 7 Water Sea sepent

ATK 0 DEF 0

 

Shark stopped the laughter and said "And this would be the god of all the sharks? I was expecting something more threatening"

Durbe replied "Never underestimate your opponent's monsters. I finish the round with a card face down"

Durbe thought "Does not seem to say anything. Maybe when he see him in action ..."

 

Turn 2: Shark

 

"It's my turn. Draw!" "Then i summon Rabca Friller!" The shark exit from the water on his field

 

Rabca Friller

Lv 3 Water Fish

ATK 700 DEF 1500

 

"Then i special summon Shark Stickers thank his effect!"

 

Shark Stickers

Lv 3 Water Fish

ATK 200 DEF 1000

 

 

But then Durbe made his moves "I activate the Quick-Spell card Demise of the Land! When my opponent special summon a monster i can active this card, that allows me to search a field card in my deck and active it! And i chose Umi!"

The zone around them became a seabed "Until this card is on the field, the ATK and the DEF of all the Fish, Sea Serpent, Aqua and Thunder-Tipe monster are increased of 400 (Rabca Friller 700/1500-1100/1900) (Shark Stickers 200/1000-600/1400) (Dakuwanga God Shark 0/0-400/400)!"

Shark re stopped the laughter and said "Thank Durbe! Now i can crush you faster!"

But Durbe said "Are you really sure of that?"

"Uh?" Shark can't understood.

Durbe expleined him what he wanted to say "I activate Dakuwanga's effect! Until Umi is on the field, he gains 3000 ATK, and can't be destroyed (Dakuwanga God Shark 400-3400)!" The man turned into a huge shark!

Shark wasn't intimated and said "This does not change my plans! I overlay the level 3 Rabca Friller and Shark Stickers!" The two monster became blue and after shotting in the air "Xyz summon!" The red portal was opened, and the two monster finish inside it. After there was an explosion. "Appear Submersible Carrier Aereo Shark!"

 

Submersible Carrier Aereo Shark

Rank 3 Water Fish

ATK 1900 DEF 1000

 

"Thank to the effect of Umi he gains 400 ATK and DEF (Submersible Carrier Aereo Shark 1900/1000-2300/1400), then i activate his effect! By deteaching an Xyz Unit, i can inflict you 400 life points for each card in my hand! I have 4 card, so i can inflict you 1200 Life points!" The monster fired 4 missiles, but Durbe was prepareted.

"I activate Dakuwanga's effect! When my opponent active an effect that chose one of my card as a target or inflict  me Life Points, by deteaching an Xyz Unit, i can negate that effect and destroy the card!"

The Xyz unit went inside the monster's mouth, then he charged eating first the missiles, and after Shark's monster!

Shark start to thought "I must destroy Umi for win, but i can't with that monster on the field!" Then he made the best move that he could do "I set a card and  end my turn"

 

Turn 3: Durbe

 

"It's my turn.Draw!" "Go Dakuwanga! Attack Shark directly! Giant Bite!" The shark charged with the mouth opened to eat Shark, But he active a Trap card.

"I activate the Trap card Zeus Breath! When my opponent declare an attack with a monster, i can activate this card to negate it!"

A poseidon statue's appear and with a strong wind reject the monster.

Durbe then said. "Umpf. A rescue at the last minute. I set a card and i end my turn."

 

Turn 4: Shark

 

"It's my turn Draw!" "Then i activate submerged treasure!" A chest appeared near Shark.

"I can activate that card only if i have no monster on my field. I can draw two card!" "Then i Summon Duble Fin-Shark!" The monster appeared from the water

 

Duble Fin Shark

Lv 4 Water Fish

ATK 1000 DEF 1200

 

"Then i activate his effect! when is normal summoned, i can summon another Duble Fin Shark!" another Duble Fin Shark exit from the water.

"Then i summon Silent Angler! I could special summon this card only if there is another Water monster on my field!" A  

 

 "TThen an angler fish exit from the water

 

Silent Angler

Lv4 Water Fish

ATK 800 DEF ???

 

 

Durbe said "Umi is on the field, so the ATK and the Def of your monsters is increased (Duble Fin Shark 1 1000/1200-1400/1600) (Duble Fin Shark 2 1000/1200-1400/1600) (Silent Angler 800/???-1200/???)!"

After he said "It was only to remember you that there is a card that make my monster to be invincible"

Shark didn't take care of him and continue "I overlay the two Duble Fin Shark and Silent Angler, all of level 4!" The three monster became blue, after shooting in the air. "With this Three monster, i build the overlay network!" the galaxy portal was opened "Xyz summon" and with an explosion, the monster appear in his sealed form "Appear, Number 32! Shark Drake!" said Shark meanwhile the monster show his free form.

 

Shark Drake

Rank 4 Water Sea Serpent

ATK 2800 DEF 2100

 

Durbe said "Your Number can have the bonus of Umi (Shark Drake 2800/2100-3200/2500) but he can't destroy Dakuwanga, who have 3400 ATK!"

Shark reply "So i should use something to increase his ATK! I activate from my hand Surging Wave Erosion, that allow me to destroy a face-upmegic or Trap card and increase the ATK of all my Water monster by 500! i decide to destroy Umi!" a strong corrent try to destroy Durbe's card, but he was ready and said "I activate Dakuwanga's effect! if my opponent active an effect that could destroy one of my card, i deteach an overlaing unit to negate the effect and destroy that card!"

Dakuwanga aet another overlaing unit, then charge, aeting the corrent and the card.

Then Shark said "I haven't finished yet! I activate Magical Spacial Tiphoon, that hallow me to destroy a Magic or Trap card on the field!"

A tiphoon try to destroy Umi, but Durbe said "And i reactivate Dakuwanga's effect!" Dakuwanga then aet the last overlaing unit first of aet the tiphoon and the card.

Then Durbe said "your last moves wasn't the best!"

Shark reply "I wanted only to make you deteach all your Overlaing unit! And the i can make my moves! I activate Sharksize! I can equip this cardto a "Shark" monster on my field and he gains 500 ATK! I choose Shark Drake!(Number 32: Shark Drake ATK 3200-3700)"

Shark Drake's head was covered by an armour "Then i attack Dakuwanga! Go, Shark Drake! Marine bite!" the Number launched a sort of blue mouth of energy, but Durbe activate a Trap "I activate Holy Lightning Shield! By banish a Holy Lightning monster from my Graveyard, i can negate your attack, and decrease the ATK of the attacking monster by the ATK of the banished monster! I banish Holy Lightning Sword(Number 32: Shark Drake ATK 3700-2300)!" the monster appeared, destroyed the energy mouth and wounded Shark's monster

 

Outside the sphere 

 

Rio was watching worried the Duel, then he heard Yuma's voice "Rio!" she turned and see Yuma with the others of the gang.

She replied angry "Yuma! Why you didn't answer?"

Yuma replied "But aren't talking" she replied "I was talking, but you aren't on the screen and your Duel Gazer was on!"

Astral then took word "Silence. I want to make a trial. Yuma go to the end of the street, then turn behind you and count 5 seconds. Then return in the street and say what Tory was doing" Yuma start to run.

Then Astral said Tory "When Yuma go out the street, put high your hand" she reply "Ok" Yuma was about the end of the street, but then he.... disappeared.

Then Tory, still shocked, following Astral istruction, put is hand high. After 5 second, Yuma reappered and returned to the others and said "Tory haven't do anithing!" all were shockend by that, without Astral.

He said "My theory was correct. The time is slowed. then the people out of the zone moves at an high speed in confront of people in the zone. So if someone try to talk someone outside the zone, he didn't see anithing, because the other is too fast for him. And the one outside of the zone see the one inside blocked, because for him is too slow. Now your difficulty of communication was explained"

Shark have heard all, so he asked to Durbe "Are you that have created this situation, right?"

Durbe replied "Not. I've just said you. But said me why i should be guilty of all?"

Shark replied "Because you are a Barian, and all you are cheaters, liars and evil!" but Durbe replied "So for you all the Barian are like Vector. But i know that there are bad humans. I should considered that all the humans are bad?"

Shark raech only to said "N-N-Not..."

Then Durbe continue "And said me a thing: why do you think that i'm evil, after i've saved you from certenlt death?"

Then Shark raech to reply something " Yes, because you really what to lure me in a trap like Vector have made with Yuma!"

Durbe replIed ready "So all the Barians for you are friendly only to lure humans in trap. Then say me, in what trap you want to lure your friends because you are a Barian?" all was shocked by that, so Durbe continue "Yes, you are a Barian. I should understood it from Sargasso, but your human apparence cunfused me. But at the first set of ruin, i see the truth: you with your Barian enrgy, repair my Barians lapil, allowing me to return to my true form. Now i've the prove: you aren't Shark, you are one of the two lost Barian Empereors, Nasch!"

All are shocked. Then Yuma crying, said "All the people that i trust in, first or after, reveals to be Barian. Why, why,why?"

But Shark said "Don't heard to that guy, Yuma! He was only searching to deceive me."

Now was Durbe the one shocked "What? You don't trust me?"

Shark replied "Not, you only want to separate me from my friends, but i don't allow you to make that! I set a card and i end my turn!"

 

Turn 5: Durbe

 

"It's my turn. Draw!" "You will return to your race, that you want it or not! I activate Rank Up Magic, Barian Force! Whit this card, i Rank up an Xyz monster on my field, and special summon a Chaos Xyz monster from my Extra Deck! I use Dakuwanga God Shark to rebuilt the overlay network!" the monster became red and shooting in the air and finish in a purple vortex. "Chaos Xyz Change"!" and after an explosion green and black, the monster appeared in a sphere of green strings.

"Then appear the sea's terror of the Barian world! Dakuwanga God Creator Shark!"

 

Cxyz:Dakuwanga God Creator Shark

Rank 8 Water Sea Serpent

ATK 300 DEF 300

 

Was a white man, whit glowing red enrgy on the body, the arms and the legs. "Then thank to the effect of Barian Force, i could steal all the Overlaing unit of an opponents Xyz monster, and that monster lose 300 ATK for each overlaing unit stealed (Number 32: Shark Drake ATK 2300-1200)!" the three overlaing unit start to go to Durbe's monster, becaming Chaos xyz unit. After they shot a red ray to Shark Drake, making him to lose ATK.

"Thank to the effect of Umi, he gains 400 ATK (Cxyz:Dakuwanga God Creator Shark 300-700) then thank to his effect, he gains 3300 ATK because Umi is on the field(Cxyz:Dakuwanga God Creator Shark 700-4000)!" The man turn in to a giant white shark!

"Then i activate Dakuwanga's effect. By deteaching an overlaing unit, i can take control of an opponent's Shark monster! And i choose your Number 32!"

The shark aet one of his Xyz unit and after launched roar, and then Shark Drake go to Durbe's part of the field!

Shark raeched only to said "Not! Sharke Drake!"

Durbe, uncommoved, said "That's not all! Now i can inflict you damage equal to the ATK of that monster! (Shark 4000-2800)" the shark lauched another roar, more strong, and Shark finish at the end of the sphere.

Durbe continued "Dakuwnga can't attack in the turn that he active his effect, but Shark Drake can! Attack Shark direcly! Marine Bite!" the monster launched an blue energy against Shark (Shark 2800-1600) "Then i end my turn".

 

Turn 6: Shark

 

"It's my turn. draw!" " Then i summon Dredger Shark!" A shark with shovels on his paunch appear on the field

 

Dragger Shark

Lv 3 Water Fish

ATK 300 DEF 1200

 

"He gains 400 ATK and DEF cause Umi's effect (Dragger Shark 300/1200-700/1600)!" "When i summon this monster, i could special summon a monster from my graveyard, and if is a Shark monster, i could draw a card! i special summon Aereo Shark!"

The monster return on the field and Shark drawed his card.

Durbe said "And then he gains 400 ATK thank Umi's effect (Submerible Carrier Aereo Shark 1900/1000-2300/1300). So i only need to use the effect of Dakuwanga and i don't need to attack."

Shark didn't listened to him and continued "I Summon Shark Stickers thank to his effect and i end my turn."

 

Turn 7: Durbe

 

"It's my turn. Draw!" "Then i activ.."

But Shark said "Don't run too fast! I activate Full-Armored Xyz, that allow me to make an xyz summon in your tuen! I overlay Dragger Shark and Shark stickers, both of level 3, to summon Black ray lancer!

 

Black Ray Lancer

Rank 3 Dark Beast Warrior

ATK 2100 DEF 600

 

"And isn't all, because i can equip my new Xyz monster with another Xyz monster on my field, so i equip Black Ray Lancer with Aereo Shark!"

The monster became of two colors, then shooting in the air and after go on Balck Ray's neck! "The monster equipped gains the attack of the first monster, so Black Ray Lancer gains 1900 ATK, and with Umi we arrive at 4400 (Black Ray Lancer 2100/600-4000/600-4400/1000)! Durbe made the only move that he can do "I set a card and i end my turn"

 

Turn 8: Shark

 

"It's my turn. Draw!" "I activate the magic card Break Stream! When the monster equipped with this card attack, my opponent can't active magic or trap card, and after destroy a monster, i can destroy a magic or trap card on his field! I equip it to Black Ray Lancer!" the monster was sorrounded by the wind

"Then i attack Shark Drake! And thank to your Rank Up Magic, because you have stealed a overlaing unit to him, he have lost his effect that protect him for being destroyed by battle by non-Number monster! Go, Black Ray Lancer! Black bright spear!" the monster launched a black spear against Shark Drake, destroying it (Durbe 4000-800).

"Then i active Break Stream effect to detroy Umi!" with a black ray, the monster destroyed the card and the seaside disapperend (Black Ray Lancer 4400-4000).

"Then Dakuwanga lose 3700 ATK (Dakuwanga God Creator Shark 4000/700-300/300)! And that's not all! By destroing the equip monster, thank to the effect of Full Armored xyz, i can attack another time!" Aereo shark disappeared (Black Ray Lancer ATk 4000-2100) "Go Black Ray Lancer! Attck Dakuwanga!" The monster launched another spear, destroing the white man (Durbe 800-0).

 

Then the sphere disapperend. and the two arrive to earth. but when Shark close his Duel pad, immediatly became night.

Then Astral said "The time has returned as normal, so we was reallined with the extern. And in the extern are night".

Durbe said "So you didn't go to search the seventh Legendary Number?"

Yuma replied "Not. Say to the other that they can search it in peace."

Durbe then said "Every time we follow you, Yuma. It seems that there is someone that want to stop both the factions" then he return to his world.

Yuma thought for a moment and after said "I'm not worried about Barian or some strange people that want to stop both, tomorrow we will go to search the number!"

 

Near..

The clocked figure was angry. Yuma is stubborn, but he knew how put him knok out... with 45 moves.

[Astolfo]

This is really good, tazeel. Keep it up. I really like how your spelling and grammar makes everything really clear and easy to read. Also, your plot is really good and it doesn't have any sort of errors that would be cringe-worthy. I really want to see the next chapter, but make sure you keep that same quality up. I don't want to see that quality drop just so I can see the chapter faster. I want to see the next chapter be just as astounding as this one. c:

[BlackRoseQueen]

-Don't mix past tense and present tense together, and really don't do it in the same sentence. It can be done for certain effects, but you need to pull it off the right way. -Spellcheck -Show them going to each location, not this "Outside the sphere" stuff. -GRAMMAR, GRAMMAR, GRAMMAR.

[bury the year]

Neph, you're rep fishing. I can smell bull. |:

[BlackRoseQueen]

[quote name="Rinne" post="6221636" timestamp="1371246104"]Neph, you're rep fishing. I can smell bull. |:[/quote] I think it was sarcasm, actually, because he pointed out exactly what was wrong with the story.

[The Warden]

Sarcasm or not, that's still rep-fishing.

[BlackRoseQueen]

[quote name="BrokenHeart15" post="6221766" timestamp="1371264932"]Sarcasm or not, that's still rep-fishing.[/quote] Oh, that makes sense. I see where that's coming from now

[tazeel3]

What mean rep fishing? And Black Rose, if you don't like this story, go away, or i will unleash my flamers, and for a rose isn't the best....

[BlackRoseQueen]

[quote name="tazeel3" post="6221817" timestamp="1371269590"]What mean rep fishing? And Black Rose, if you don't like this story, go away, or i will unleash my flamers, and for a rose isn't the best....[/quote] Where you try to get people to give you positive reps. And oh noez, not the FLAMERS! :O

[Aix]

if you don't like this story, go away, or i will unleash my flamers, and for a rose isn't the best....

But, honestly, there are a whole shitload of spelling and grammar mistakes. You really got to proofread before you post.

[BlackRoseQueen]

If English isn't his first language, that's perfectly fine. But Yugioh is a worldwide franchise, there should be a forum in his native language, that might be a better fit... Or he could at least ask someone to help him out.

[tazeel3]

English isn't my first language, but if i like this forum, why i should go away? And i didn't know Neph personally. For finish i've a question for Black Rose. Fantasy or 40000?

[a bad post]

English isn't my first language, but if i like this forum, why i should go away? And i didn't know Neph personally. For finish i've a question for Black Rose. Fantasy or 40000?

Well if you had Microsoft Word, that does a decent job with Spell Check. I said it once and I'll say it again, you need to separate one person speaking from the other. Astral and Yuma speaking should not be in the same paragraph.

 

Also I would suggest reading some other FanFictions on here, because at the moment your plot is bland, and unoriginal, and doesn't really set itself apart from the anime, plus there's really not much room for characterization if you use canon characters, as that's also all done in the anime.  

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Okay, question: How come out of all of these threads that tazeel has posted and got locked, why didn't Rinne not lock this one? 0_o

[tazeel3]

Rinne have helped my to wrote this history. Why he should lock it? But someone can give me some advice and not only criticism?

[BlackRoseQueen]

[quote name="tazeel3" post="6222297" timestamp="1371356405"]For finish i've a question for Black Rose. Fantasy or 40000?[/quote] Huh? Also my first post WAS advice.

[tazeel3]

tzeentch.. this name don't say you anithing?

[Bauldrere]

I'm looking forward to that guy...