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[Sakura] Psychic Dragon Hakuryu

- - - - - sakura single psychic dragon xyz rank 4

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#1
Flash Flyer - Sakura

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2 Level 4 "Psychic Dragon" monsters
You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to target 1 "Psychic Dragon" monster you control; until the End Phase, it gains 700 ATK, and if it attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict piercing Battle Damage to your opponent. You can only activate the effect of "Psychic Dragon Hakuryu" once per turn.

 

Before I get backlash about using the name of another anime's character in this card, it's named because of the monster's coloration (NOT after a Pokemon).

 

(I have to write this note again since a couple members neglected to read the notes under 110 when it got posted. The fact that the character's name and this card's one in Japanese translate to being the same is coincidental.)

 

----

Another card for that Archetype I'm working on inside the RC-Multiple Written section (a general Xyz card for the series that has no relation to the Numbers at all; unlike its predecessor). As a note to the piercing effect, it IS linked to the ATK boost as well so when the turn ends; the monster loses both the boost/piercing ability.

 

To get an idea of how this card can be used, here's a link to the current cards that support this: http://forum.yugiohc...hic-dragons-19/

 

IMG credit: http://cache.desktop...igthumbnail.jpg

 

Anyway, rate/love/hate/fix OCG/CnC; do whatever.

The usual reps will be given for any/all good reviews and CnC.


Edited by Sakura Haruno, 26 November 2013 - 01:05 AM.

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#2
-Noel-

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Since many of ur Psychic Dragons effect's activate when they destroyed an opponent's monster so it mean that their unique concept is battle, so a card that grant piercing to them is a very nice support, also its stats are well balanced even it seems a bit less than other rank 4 monsters, but if u target itself for its own effect then it will have 2400 ATK with piercing that's decent for a rank 4 monster, nice card overall :)
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#3
Flash Flyer - Sakura

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Yeah, this card goes well with them/the others (and gives them that slight edge to get rid of a monster they currently can't or just deal some damage on a monster that won't die)

 

And yeah, 2400 ATK on this card (assuming you summon another one and use its effect here) is relatively decent, considering the requirements to bring this out in the first place. (Might consider getting taking off the "other" restriction on its effect; though since using 2 will stack the ATK boosts if I do, I'll need to edit the effect so you only get one use of Hakuryu's effect per turn, but that might be a bit much.)

 

Thanks for commenting though.


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#4
Matches

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I believe the OCG would be more like this:

Once per turn: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card: Target 1 other "Psychic Dragon" monster you control; until the End Phase, it gains 300 ATK and this effect.
If this card attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict piercing battle damage to your opponent.


Other than that, I don't see much (or anything) wrong with this card. It's balanced but personally, I would remove the "other" in the text, that way it can use its effect for itself as well. What I would like to ask though is about the piercing battle damage effect. Is that also until the End Phase?

#5
Flash Flyer - Sakura

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Yeah, the ATK/piercing effect are both included in the detach. At turn's end, the monster affected by this loses that bonus and the ability to pierce.

As for removing the "other" part, I was thinking the same thing.

 

Editing the effect so it can benefit from its own stuff (and fixing the OCG).

 

 

Thanks for commenting.

Feel free to look at the rest of the Archetype if you choose to.


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#6
TGPhoenix

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-Cant target itself for its own effect.
-Feels a little underwhelming...
-Removing the other monster effect would be quite good but at the same time it would also be a 2700 piercer rank 4...
-Possibly make it to where you can only recieve Hakuryu's effect once... maybe like...

 

Target 1 "Psychic Dragon" monster you control whose ATK isnt higher than its original ATK.

 


The correct "piercing" card text should read:

 

"During battle between this attacking card and a Defense Position monster whose DEF is lower then the ATK of this card, inflict the difference as Battle Damage to your opponent."

 

The phrase "piercing damage" was only used once on cyberdark horn and was later replaced. All in all your text should be more like this + my edits

 

2 Level 4 "Psychic Dragon" monsters
Once per turn, you can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card: Target 1 "Psychic Dragon" monster you control whose ATK isnt higher than its original ATK. It gains 300 ATK and this effect: ● During battle between this attacking card and a Defense Position monster whose DEF is lower then the ATK of this card, inflict the difference as Battle Damage to your opponent.



#7
Flash Flyer - Sakura

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I checked some other cards that can pierce, the wording I have it now is correct. Below are some examples from recent boosters if you need proof.

 

If your opponent controls a monster, you can Tribute Summon this card with 1 Tribute.

If this card attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict piercing battle damage to your opponent.

Evil HERO Malicious Edge (BP02)

 

Level 7 monsters
You can also Xyz Summon this card by using a Rank 5 or 6 Xyz Monster you control as the Xyz Material. (Xyz Materials attachedto that monster also become Xyz Materials on this card.)

If this card attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict piercing Battle Damage to your opponent.

Gaia Dragon (GAOV)

 

 

As for the other comments, it can target itself now (you made that reply right when I was making the new changes); alongside having an OPT clause into it so effect doesn't stack like stuff such as Delta Flyer and others; meaning even if you have 2 of them out, you can't use both of them to pump for a 2700 monster that pierces.

 

Even if you use it on this card, still 2400 ATK (which is around the usual range for a Rank 4). I clarified the detach effect underneath the card: When the turn ends, the ATK boost alongside the piercing effect will disappear. While yes, 2100 ATK is underwhelming for a 2-material Rank 4 that requires specific materials (- Someone - already mentioned that); considering how Psychic Dragons are intended to work [I'm assuming you've checked the rest of the set], it balances out. But a slight ATK raise could do it some good.

 

However, I do thank you for commenting.


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#8
Dark Strawberry

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The added effect needs to be on a separate line, like so:

 

Once per turn: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card: Target 1 "Psychic Dragon" monster you control; until the End Phase, it gains 300 ATK and this effect.

● If this card attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict piercing battle damage to your opponent. You can only activate the effect of "Psychic Dragon Hakuryu" once per turn.

 

You can look at cards like Gagaga Girl for an example of what I mean. I also think that it should be a semi-colon at the "from this card" part and to clarify that the effect for the second part is also until the end phase, it should probably be like this:

 

Once per turn: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card; Target 1 "Psychic Dragon" monster you control; it gains 300 ATK and this effect until the End Phase. 

● If this card attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict piercing battle damage to your opponent. You can only activate the effect of "Psychic Dragon Hakuryu" once per turn.



#9
Flash Flyer - Sakura

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Yeah, that looks about right.

Although you are supposed to give some form of comment about the card, outside of the usual OCG fix because of Advanced Clause (but I think your stuff counts as commenting over the card's effect anyways). Basically, rewriting it so the ATK/piercing effects tie in together and expire at the End Phase.

 

Anyway, thanks for commenting


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#10
Darj

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I think the OCG still looks odd, especially because the restriction is after the dot effect when it should be mentioned before (see "Verz Ouroboros", which has "Each effect can only be used once while this card is face-up on the field." before describing the multiple effects).

 

I suggest the following instead, taking "Spellbook of Power" as example:

You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to target 1 "Psychic Dragon" monster you control; it gains 300 ATK. Also, until the End Phase, if it attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict piercing Battle Damage to your opponent. You can only activate the effect of "Psychic Dragon Hakuryu" once per turn.

 

Now, onto the effect, I think it is a bit weak. Before taking a look at the rest of the Psychic Dragons, I thought some of them would need to inflict battle damage to trigger their effects, in which case they would be greatly benefited by this card's piercing effect; but that was not the case, as none of them have such requirement, but instead only need to destroy a monster by battle. For that reason, the only thing the piercing accomplishes is just adding extra damage to the opponent, which will be minimal unless you are hitting monsters with 1000 or less DEF.

 

Then, 300 ATK is really low. Excluding the Synchro Boss, the strongest Psychic Dragon is Emperor, who after this card's ATK bonus would reach 3000 ATK, not really impressive. In comparison, Sacred Praesepe/Beehive has a similar ATK boosting effect that supports other Sacreds, but instead it increases by a whooping 1000 ATK, which can make huge differences, and applied on itself it becomes a 3400-ATK beast, unlike Hakuryu who becomes a mere 2400-ATK beatstick while still being as archetype-specific as Beehive.

 

Not saying that Hakuryu should be boosting ATK by 1000, but it could boost by, let's say, 500~600 ATK while keeping the piercing effect.


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#11
Flash Flyer - Sakura

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Yeah, raising the ATK pump of this card's effect should make better use of the damage; so 700 should work now [it's a little higher than what you just suggested, since given that most of the cards in this series have relatively average stats for their Levels/Rank, the extra boost should help them deal with most Level/Rank 4 or 5 stuff).

 

On itself, 2800 allows it to run over Utopia, Pearl, 104/105, Stardust, Ouroboros and ties with Shark Drake and other things). Even on Emperor with 2700 to begin with; 3400 should make it tie with Beehive after the effect (and destroy most monsters that see play nowadays)

 

On another note, I am still developing that Archetype (based on the comments about them needing to do Battle Damage, I can make the next set of them deal Battle Damage to make use of that extra power + benefit from the piercing ability this card grants.)

 

Thanks for the CnC and the fixes. (+repped)


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#12
Matches

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With the way it's worded now the ATK increase becomes permanent and a 700 permanent increase seems a bit much for a rank 4. If it pumps itself up, it can be a 3500 beater in two turns. Also, a side note, battle damage is no longer capitalised as "Battle Damage", it's just "battle damage", so I would recommend changing that.

#13
Flash Flyer - Sakura

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Yeah, I had the "battle damage" part written correctly back from Strawberry's fix.

As for the ATK boosting, I added a second End Phase limit on it so can't stack it to 3500. (It's supposed to be temporary until the End Phase)


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#14
Darj

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With the way it's worded now the ATK increase becomes permanent and a 700 permanent increase seems a bit much for a rank 4. If it pumps itself up, it can be a 3500 beater in two turns. Also, a side note, battle damage is no longer capitalised as "Battle Damage", it's just "battle damage", so I would recommend changing that.

 

 

That was my bad. I looked at Gaia the Thunder Charger when I revised the effect, which still has "battle damage" capitalized.


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#15
Flash Flyer - Sakura

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That's one of the reasons I don't really like the new PSCT. While yeah, it makes it easier to understand when stuff activates; it's irritating to use all the semicolons and colons to denote when stuff happens; plus there's no standard for capitalizing or lowercasing stuff (Wikia is accurate to some degree)

 

Don't worry though, I won't hold it against you. (How would you rewrite the effects so BOTH the ATK boost/pierce effect expire at the End Phase; as Matches mentioned, it's now a permanent boost. Although the new End Phase limit should hopefully make it a temporary one again)


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#16
Darj

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Maybe something like this?

You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to target 1 "Psychic Dragon" monster you control; until the End Phase, it gains 300 ATK, and if it attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict piercing Battle Damage to your opponent. You can only activate the effect of "Psychic Dragon Hakuryu" once per turn.

 

Just remove the "also", and start the effect with "until the End Phase" so it won't mess with the piercing effect.


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#17
Flash Flyer - Sakura

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Yeah, that cleans up everything; fixing it once more. Hopefully, that'll deal with the OCG and keep what I originally intended to do with the effect (not including the increase to ATK pump).

 

 

Now, onto the effect, I think it is a bit weak. Before taking a look at the rest of the Psychic Dragons, I thought some of them would need to inflict battle damage to trigger their effects, in which case they would be greatly benefited by this card's piercing effect; but that was not the case, as none of them have such requirement, but instead only need to destroy a monster by battle. For that reason, the only thing the piercing accomplishes is just adding extra damage to the opponent, which will be minimal unless you are hitting monsters with 1000 or less DEF.

 

I took this into consideration when making some new stuff for it; there's another Level 8 that deals with it (and increases any Battle Damage by a small amount); which combos well with this card's effect. 

 

All in all, thanks to all members who posted corrections.


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