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"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here" (Dante).Most macabre archetype ever: The Crimson Army (33 cards+Musical Accompaniment)


Kwisatz-Haderach

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After kinda 3 days of "work-in-progress" I can finally introduce to you my third big archetype: 
the Crimson Army (CKA - Crimson King Army). Few informations about them:
- they're all Fiend and DARK
- they're all effect monsters, 1 Union and 5 Xyz 
- The highest lvl is 7, highest rank 9, highest ATK 4000
- they should be 17 monsters with many support cards
- their support cards' name always contain "..." since i wanted to give them the looking of a chronicle narrated to the player, and each "..." card it's a "chapter" of that chronicle
- most of them are named with ranks and roles of the ancient Rome military hierarchy
- IMPORTANT NOTE: all the pictures are beautiful and horrible at same time in my opinion. All the pictures are artworks made by Douglas W. Barlowe, who described his vision of the hell with his pictures. The pictures are very macabre, and some of them have a little bit of nudity (just warning you :) however i'm just talking of some breasts)
- the game mechanic maybe is a bit twisted; it all relies on having monsters affected by other monster effects so that other effects can be triggered... also they can mutate the opponent monsters' name
- the biggest card is a rank 9 xyz which can be summoned using 3 level 9 fiends (but this deck doesnt run lvl 9 fiends!) or with magic astral force and, as you will se, it can be summoned during the opponent turn too
- as i saw them i suddenly thought of the corte of the crimson king by King Crimson, and indeed i named a card after them
I think that now i can show you my work :)
 

This is my suggestion as musical accompaniment for my Crimson Army

[spoiler='Musical Accompaniment'][media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df7rIC6FEmQ[/media][/spoiler]

 

If you prefer music more technically virtuous, you might want to listen to The Court of the Crimson King, which will fit my archetype's spirit very well


[spoiler="Effect Monsters"][spoiler="Crimson Army Miles"]JC7pfeO.jpg

If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster's effect, it gains the following effect:

@ Once per turn: You can Special Summon 1 "Crimson Army Miles" monster from your Deck or hand, then reduce its ATK by 1000. That monster cannot be used as a Xyz Material, except for the Xyz Summon of a Fiend-Type monster.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Haruspex"]4kt05JQ.jpg

Once per turn: You can target 1 other "Crimson Army" monster on the field; it loses 1000 ATK. If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster's effect, it gains the following effect:

@You can declare 1 "Crimson Army" or "..." card name; Reveal the top 3 cards of your Deck, then add any number of revealed cards with the declared name. Return the remaining cards to the top of the Deck in any order. You can use the effect of "Crimson Army Haruspex" only once per turn.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Triarius"]XiEOIHX.jpg

Once per turn: You can target 1 other "Crimson Army" monster on the field; that monster's level becomes 3. If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster effect, it gains the following effect:

@ Once per turn: You can shuffle 1 "Crimson Army" monster in your hand or on the field into its owner Deck; add 1 level 5 or lower "Crimson Army" monster from your Deck to your hand.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Draconarius"]ktNJK16.jpg

Once per turn: You can target 1 other "Crimson Army" monster on the field; Set it face-down Defense Position. If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster's effect, it gains the following effect:

@ As long as this card is face-up on the field, other "Crimson Army" monsters you control cannot be targeted by card effects, except by "Crimson Army" card effects.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Signiferi"]Z3rMlc4.jpg

Once per turn, during either player's turn: You can target 1 other "Crimson Army" monster on the field; put it on top of its owner Deck. If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster's effect, it gains the following effect:

@ Once per per Battle Phase, at the end of the Damage Step, if this card attacked: Destroy the monster this card attacked.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Speculatores"]iCKf8pn.jpg

The controller of this card, must reveal every card he/she draws during each Draw Phase. If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster effect, it gains the following effect:

@ You can reveal 1 "Crimson Army" card in your hand; banish 1 card in your opponent's Graveyard, and if you do, give control of this card to your opponent.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Dethroned King"]ZjHbSXA.jpg

Once per turn, if this card is in your graveyard: You can target 1 "Crimson Army" monster on the field; it loses 500 ATK.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Glaring Mistress"]Crimson Army Glaring Mistress
(nudity censored with paint - _ - )

VQ0gsWX.jpg

Once per turn: You can target 1 other "Crimson Army" monster on the field: reduce its DEF by 1000. If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster's effect, it gains the following effect:

@ Once per turn: You can target 1 monster on your opponent side of the field; That monster's effects are negated, it can't declare an attack and it can't be used as Xyz material until your next Standby Phase.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Scriba"]AxYpRjO.jpg

When this card is destroyed and sent to the Graveyard: You can add 1 "..." card from your Deck to your hand.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Weeping Augurs"]4Bn9jVI.jpg
Once per turn, during your Main Phase, you can equip this card from your hand or side of the field to a "Crimson Army" monster you control, OR unequip it to Special Summon this card in face-up Attack Position.
The equipped monster gains 300 ATK, also once per turn it cannot be destroyed by battle. During either player's turn, when a monster effect is activated: You can target the equipped monster; banish that monster, and if you do, banish this card too. During the Standby Phase, return both monsters to the field, then equip this card to a "Crimson Army" monster you control. (A monster can only be equipped with 1 Union Monster at a time) [/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Primus Pilus"]GQMMgy0.jpg

During your Main Phase 2, if a "Crimson Army" monster was previously destroyed this turn, you can Special Summon this card from your hand. Once per turn: You can target 1 other "Crimson Army" monster on the field; give control of that monster to its owner's opponent. If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster's effect, it gains the following effect:
@ Once per turn: You can target 1 "Crimson Army" monster in your Graveyard or banished; Special Summon that monster, then make its ATK equal to half of this card's original DEF.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Firstborn"]f5i5nC6.jpg

If you control no face-up monsters, and you have a "Crimson Army" monster in your Graveyard: You can Special Summon this card from your hand, and if you do, shuffle this card you control into the Deck during the End Phase. Up to twice per turn: You can target 1 other "Crimson Army" monster on the field; reduce the target's ATK by 1500, then gain 1500 Life Points. If this card is destroyed by battle: Target 1 card on the field; destroy it.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Guardian Beast"]Y79cgyW.jpg

Once per turn: You can target 1 other "Crimson Army" monster on the field; negate that monster's effects. If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster's effect, it gains the following effect:

@ Once per Battle Phase, when this card declares an attack: You can target 1 face-up monster your opponent controls; change that target's battle position.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Scholae Palatinae"]Gsqg7tV.jpg

Once per turn: You can target 1 other "Crimson Army" monster on the field; banish that target. If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster's effect, it gains the following effect:

@ You can send 1 "Crimson Army" monster from your Deck to the graveyard; this card's level becomes the same level of the sent monster.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Dux"]gel4tyG.jpg

If there are 2 or more "Crimson Army" monsters on the field, and at least 1 of them is currently affected by a "Crimson Army" monster effect, you can Special Summon this card from your hand, and if you do, destroy it during the End Phase and you cannot Special Summon any monster this turn except "Crimson Army" monsters. If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster's effect, it gains the following effect:
@ You can target 1 other "Crimson Army" monster on the field or in your Graveyard; this card's level becomes the same level of the target.[/spoiler]

[spoiler="Crimson Army Legatus"]Super rare
ksu28Bc.jpg

You can Special Summon this card (from your hand) by discarding 1 card, but its ATK is halved and it cannot cannot be used as Synchro Material Monster or Xyz Material Monster until your next Standby Phase. All face-up "Crimson Army" monsters on the field, except this card, gain 300 ATK. Once per turn, if this card would be destroyed, you can pay 800 Life Points instead.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Dreaming Prophetess"]super rare
3Az7wRQ.jpg

Once per turn: You can target 1 other "Crimson Army" monster on the field; Reduce its level to 1. If this card is affected by a "Crimson Army" monster's effect, it gains the following effect:

@ During your opponent's turn: You can tribute this card; Activate 1 Normal or Quick-Play Spell Card directly from your hand.[/spoiler][/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Xyz][spoiler="Crimson Army Praetorian"]OcsVPyI.jpg

3 level 3 DARK monsters

If a face-up DARK monster on the field would be destroyed, you can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card instead. Once per turn, during the End Phase, if a Xyz Material(s) was detached from this card: Target 1 DARK monster on the field; It gains 500 ATK.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Crimson Army Shrieking Priestess"]RrDLO29.jpg

2 level 4 "Crimson Army" monsters

If this card attacks a "Crimson Army" monster, it gains 1000 ATK during the Damage Step only. Once per turn, during either player's turn: You can detach 1 Xyz material from this card to target 1 face-up monster on the field; that monster's name becomes "Crimson Army Slave".[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Lilith, Mother of the Crimson Army"]FKS2viR.jpg

DARK/Rank 4
[Fiend/Xyz/Effect]
2 level 4 "Crimson Army" monsters
When this card is Xyz Summoned: You can Special Summon 2 "Black Egg Token" (DARK/Fiend-Type/Level 1/ATK 0/DEF 2200). During each of your Standby Phases: Place 1 Brood Counter on each "Black Egg" card you control. You can tribute 1 "Black Egg" card with 2 Brood Counter on it: Special Summon 1 "Crimson Army" monster from your Deck, then switch its ATK and DEF. If this card and/or a "Black Egg" card(s) you control would be destroyed, you can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card instead. During each of your End Phase, take 300 damage for each "Black Egg" card you control.
ATK/ 1000 DEF/ 2700[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Sargatanas, Infernal Majesty of the Crimson Army"]fFV8IaP.jpg

2 level 7 "Crimson Army" monsters
When this card is Xyz Summoned: You can shuffle 1 "Crimson Army" monster on the field into the Deck; Special Summon 1 "Crimson Army" monster with different name from your Deck, then reduce its ATK and DEF to 0. Once per turn, during either player's turn, when a card or effect is activated that would target exactly 1 "Crimson Army" monster on the field: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from a DARK Xyz monster you control; Negate that card's effect, and if you do, shuffle that card into its owner Deck. If this card is destroyed by battle: Banish the monster that destroyed it.[/spoiler][/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Spell/Traps][spoiler="The Horrible Altar"]ppYI8uf.jpg

During your turn, the first "Crimson Army" monster that is summoned to your side of the field, cannot be destroyed or targeted by your opponent's card effects until the End Phase. Once per turn: You can target 1 "Crimson Army" monster in your graveyard whose effect requires a "Crimson Army" monster on the field as target; activate that monster effect selecting a proper "Crimson Army" monster on the field as target.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="...They Left in Great Number..."]ijlqD9Z.jpg

You can control only 1 "...They Left in Great Number...". Once per turn: You can banish 1 "Crimson Army" monster in your Graveyard; add 1 "Crimson Army" monster from your Deck to your hand. Destroy this card during your 3rd End Phase after activation.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="...They Camped and Prepared for War..."]MGQvaSg.jpg

Once per turn, if the number of Spell/Traps your opponent controls is equal or higher than the number of "Crimson Army" monsters you control (min. 1): You can target 1 Spell/Trap card on the field; destroy that target. Destroy this card during the 3rd End Phase aftet activation.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="...They, Horrid and Mercyless..."]Wf7sXmR.jpg

Activate this card only if there are 3 or more "Crimson Army" monsters with different names on the field. All "Crimson Army" monsters on the field gain 1000 ATK during damage step only. Destroy this card during your 3rd End Phase after activation.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="...They Marched Horribly..."]F60rKFG.jpg

You can control only 1 "...They Marched Horribly...". Each time a "Crimson Army" monster you control destroys an opponent's monster by battle and sends it to the graveyard: you can select 1 empty Monster Zone of your opponent's side of the field; as long as this card is face-up on the field, monsters in that Monster Zone will have their name treated as "Crimson Army Slave". Destroy this card during your 3rd End Phase after activation.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="...Their Macabre Tortures..."]Dvz5vsp.jpg

Once per turn: You can declare 1 Monster Card name; until your next Standby Phase, monsters with the declared name will have their name also treated as "Crimson Army Slave". Destroy this card during your 3rd End Phase after activation.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="..Even Hell Needs a Rest!?"]3rdYPRN.jpg

You can activate this card at the start of your Main Phase 1 and only if there is a "Crimson Army" monster in your graveyard or on your side of the field. During the End Phase of the turn you activated this card, if you didn't declare an attack, activate other Spell Cards or monster effects and Special Summon any monster after this card's activation: Draw 2 cards.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="The Court of the Crimson King"]6Yka0vn.jpg

You can control only 1 "The Court of the Crimson King". You can activate this card only if you already control 2 or more "..." cards. Once per turn, if you control no face-up monsters or if there is a "Crimson Army" monster on your opponent side of the field: You can take 666 damage; Special Summon 1 "Crimson Army" monster from your Deck or hand. Destroy this card during your 3rd End Phase after activation.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Soul Ravish"]fFWWj0Q.jpg

When a monster effect is activated: pay 500 Life Points; negate the activation, and if you do, banish that monster. You must control a "Crimson Army" monster affected by a "Crimson Army" monster effect to activate and resolve this effect.[/spoiler][/spoiler]

 
[spoiler="Descending Sargatanas, Catastrophe of the Crimson Army"]SqBBr6u.jpg

3 level 9 Fiend-Type monster
Cannot be Special Summoned except from the Extra Deck. This card cannot be destroyed by card effects the turn it is summoned. When this card is summoned: Destroy all Spell/Traps on the field or all other monsters on the field. During either player's turn, when this card is targeted by a card effect: You can detach all Xyz materials attached to this card (min. 2); this card is unaffected by other card effects this turn, also it can attack your opponent directly during your next Battle Phase. During your End Phase: Special Summon 1 Xyz Monster attached to this card as Xyz Material (if any), and if you do, attach 1 "Crimson Army" monster from your Graveyard to it as an Xyz Material, then return this card to the Extra Deck.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler='The combo i'd love to do with them!']Cards needed in hand: Legatus, Dux, Scholae Palatinae.
Summon Legatus by its eff; Normal Palatinae, Dux summoned by its eff; Palatinae eff makes it 7, Dux's eff makes it 7; Xyz Summon Sargatans, then i shuffle another C.Armi with Sargatanas eff(Legatus or an opponent's monster renamed as Crimson Army Slave) to summon another C.Army. If i have Astral Force in my hand, i summon Prophetess, so during my opponent's next turn, i'll use Prophetess eff triggered by Sargatanas to activate A.Force and summon Descending Sargatanas! [/spoiler]
So, here they are. I'm sure there are some aspects to correct. They took me some time i must admit, so i'd like to know if you like them, if you love them, if you hate them, what you think of their mechanic and so on :)

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Miles - Think you might want to add "Once per turn:" onto that effect. And instead of "then reduce" how about "it looses 1000 ATK"
Haruspex - Looks good. Maybe "excavate" instead, maybe :D
Triarius - About the shuffling effect, I believe it should always be referred to as "the Deck".
Draconarius - So can the monster be face-down already? And I assume you mean set it "face-down Defense Position". And in the 2nd eff I don't believe you need the "as long as this card is face-up.." just "Other "Crimson Army" monsters you control..." But I maybe wrong.
Signiferi - Nice effects, but since monster can generally only attack during your turn wouldn't 

Once per turn, after Damage Calculation: If this card attacked a monster; destroy that monster.

be better?

Speculatores - haha trollish. love it.
King - Nice creative way of getting off effects.
Mistress - Once per turn clause? Other than that good.

Scriba - Looks good and simple. Nothing wrong with that though.

Weeping Augurs - I can see it being used for some combos. 

 

Getting tired, but all the others look good except for some text.

Will look at xyz/spells later :)

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thank you for expressing yourself on my work.

Miles - i think that in this case the once per turn is useless since, as you spawn the second miles the aim is to summon the third miles, which can be done with the first miles still or with the second miles, since the second miles will be affected by an atk reduce, so its eff will be tiggered...however i think i'll add the clause

Haruspex - i truly don't know what you mean with "excavate" now...maybe that it truly thins the Deck? However it is a Haruspex, so its eff is coherent with its name ;)

Triarius - think you're right, i wrote "owner's Deck" to remark the fact that the oppo monsters can become c.army too

Draconarius - the as long as part is just to make the clearest possible what it does

Signiferi - i might change it to "if this card battled"

Speculatores - hehehe it's a real scallywag

Mistress - added

Don't forget to let me know what you think of the others or if you have any idea for a card missing in this archetype

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"Excavate" basically means reveal or "flip over", it is a new game term/mechanic coming out.

The Xyz seem good.

Paetorian - maybe a bit too high ATK.

Priestess - Interesting idea but again I think the ATK is high (considering the detach eff). Maybe change the detach eff to have to target a monster with a higher ATK than Priestess?

Lilith - Seems pretty well balanced. But wtf that picture o.O

Sargatanas - Not sure if you knew/wanted to but his effect to Special Summon 1 from Deck won't trigger the one you summon's "when targeted" effect. Detaching to negate from any of your Xyz seems a bit OP, but maybe not since it is kind of a specific requirement. 

 

Altar - Wow. Pretty good field spell.

Great Numbers - Seems balanced. Since it requires you to keep banishing and destroys itself.

Prepared for War - Good again. Just maybe change a couple things, such as "on your side of the field" to "you control" and (at least 1) to (min. 1).

Mercyless - Kind of hard to tell how easily the monsters could swarm, but I think 1000 ATK is way too much. Considering you only need the 3 monsters out once (when you first activate) it.

Needs a Rest - 

You can only activate this card during your Main Phase 1: If there is a "Crimson Army" monster on your side of the field or in your Graveyard; you cannot activate other Spells, monster effects, or declare an attack this turn, at the End Phase, draw 2 cards.

is how I'd put it. Obviously a difference though.

 

Soul Ravish - When I was first reading its effect I was like wow, then I seen the requirements, good way of balancing a power card with an archetype.

 

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Thx for the "excavate" notion, it's always good to learn something new ;) now:

 

Praetorian: it's a 1900 and gains 500 for detached material(s)...in the current meta a card like that would lose all its material in one turn or at least 2, so i think that in the best hypothesis it can reach 2800..however i might reduce to 1800

Priestess: i think your idea might give a good bit of balance to it

Lilith: ehehehe she's very "sexy"

Sarga: my monsters are triggered "when affected" not "when targeted", so it seems logical to me that if Sarga summons 1 from Deck and then reduces its ATK to 0, that monster will be triggered. I gave Sarga this effect because it can lead to interesting chains (prophetess, miles..)

Altar: actually i didn't know what eff i should have given to their field...but now it seems ok ;)

Numbers: ye a nice card

Camped: i'll correct the lore

mercyless: hmm...i might change to 3 c.army monsters on the field with different names...i decided to put 1000 since they're all fiend and at this point a player would prefer to play solidarity

Hell needs a rest!?: the spirit of this card is that the player can activate this card, but he's not obliged to follow the conditions to obtain the draw, because in a duel who knows what might happen in any moment. With your lore the idea of the card radically changes

Ravish: the original idea was to make it a "spell\trap\monster negate card" but i decided to make it a monster-focused card

 

Thx for your comment, but i'm surprised you didnt say anything about the rank 9! That's the card that makes me more proud, even if a bit op 

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In my opinion, these cards seem a little too dark for a children's card game, but I guess that's what the archetype is supposed to be about. About the 'Hell rests' spell card, I would recommend changing it to the following:

You can only activate this card during your Standby Phase: If there is a "Crimson Army" monster on your side of the field or in your Gravyeard; Draw 2 cards, and if you do, it becomes the End Phase.

Typically if you activate something, your going to be set on fulfilling the requirements, so there's not really much point in having to skip each of your phases just to end the turn quickly. Additionally, there wouldn't be any strategic changes while this card's effect is resolving; if you successfully activate it, then you'll follow it through obviously to finish it. The only tactical change that could occur is for the card to be negated, so it'd simply be easier to just say 'You get two cards, now it's your opponents turn' instead of saying 'If you don't do X, Y or Z, which you obviously won't, then you get two cards at the end of the turn.'
Additionally, I would recommend changing the damage dealt by 'King's Counsel' (Or however the spell was spelt) to a more commonly seen number, such as 500 or 1000. (They typically have the first 2 units as 0's because damage calculation gets messy when you need to calculate how many life point's you've lost after activating a card that deals 666 damage three times. [1998 points of damage])
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In my opinion, these cards seem a little too dark for a children's card game, but I guess that's what the archetype is supposed to be about. About the 'Hell rests' spell card, I would recommend changing it to the following:Typically if you activate something, your going to be set on fulfilling the requirements, so there's not really much point in having to skip each of your phases just to end the turn quickly. Additionally, there wouldn't be any strategic changes while this card's effect is resolving; if you successfully activate it, then you'll follow it through obviously to finish it. The only tactical change that could occur is for the card to be negated, so it'd simply be easier to just say 'You get two cards, now it's your opponents turn' instead of saying 'If you don't do X, Y or Z, which you obviously won't, then you get two cards at the end of the turn.'
Additionally, I would recommend changing the damage dealt by 'King's Counsel' (Or however the spell was spelt) to a more commonly seen number, such as 500 or 1000. (They typically have the first 2 units as 0's because damage calculation gets messy when you need to calculate how many life point's you've lost after activating a card that deals 666 damage three times. [1998 points of damage])

thx for comment ;)

first of all, the damage dealt by court of the crimson king, i put it at 666 just for trolling lol since they're hellish creatures and 666 it's said to be the classic symbol of hell. For the spell Need a rest!?, i notice that is the card that attract more attention...i'll try to explain again the concept i tried to put in that card: a player can activate, then he is free to follow its instruction in order to draw, or free the same to not follow....then why a player should not follow a card's lore if he activated it previously? for the simple reason that in a duel who knows what might happen during each turn, after each sub-step...so the player might need to activate a spell\monst.eff to answer to something made by his opponent etc etc etc....but a player who uses rest!? can  still set cards and use traps without negating in anyway rest!?....and yes the cards are a "bit"  DARK...konami would never make something like this, but i love Barlowe's work and i found funny making cards with his works :) and i add that this archetype is an "answer" to the spreading decks i see all around here that have pictures of little girls, which i personally don't like.

What you think of the xyz rank 9?

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As far as I'm aware, there are no spell/trap cards that activate once your opponent enters a specific step, so very little would be likely to change once Need a Rest is activated. In my opinion, the opponent would most likely not do anything to stop it's activation, since it essentially wastes the users turn, giving the opponent an upper hand. Still, it's up to you, but I personally think it would be better to have it just skip the turn. The Rank 9 XYZ has a good concept, but is fairly unbalanced which makes it pretty overpowered. There's one or two clauses in there that don't need to be, for example I would recommend changing [quote]During either player's turn: You can detach all Xyz materials attached to this card (at least 2); this card is unaffected by other card effects this turn, also it can attack your opponent directly.[/quote] to [quote]Once per turn: You can detach all XYZ materials from this card (minimum 2); This card can attack your opponent directly this turn.[/quote] Because due to it's other abilities, you can only use it during your turn (the ability immediately after forces you to return this card to your extra deck during your end phase, meaning this card is not on the field during your opponents turn) and it is already invincible to card effects (the ability immediately before makes it so this card is immune to card effects the turn it is summoned, however this card leaves the field the turn after it is summoned, meaning it is basically immune the whole time it is on the field.) Additionally, this card doesn't fit in very well with many other of the Rank 9 XYZ: They usually have moderate ATK/DEF and good abilities that are hard to activate (Such as Number 9: Dyson Sphere, which is essentially impossible to destroy while a monster with over 2800 ATK is on the field) or has useless ATK/DEF, but it's ability makes that a VERY large strong point (Such as Number 92: Heart-eartH Dragon, which has 100 ATK/DEF, but is indestructible by battle and all damage you would take is inflicted on your opponent instead.) This card seems to have an extremely strong ability AND a high ATK and moderate DEF, which can make it quite unfair against your opponent, especially since it could destroy your opponent very quickly due to it's ATK being equal to half the life points you start off with and is capable of attacking directly, and that's if there's even any monsters on the field. It could easily be abused, as I will show in the following scenario:[quote]A Rank 7 XYZ is targeted by Astral Force, Summoning Sargatanas. Sargatanas' ability activates, destroys all monsters on the field, attacks directly without using Direct Attack ability: 4000 damage inflicted. Turn ends, rank 7 XYZ monster re-summoned, opponent might summon a monster but is unable to do much. Becomes your turn, Astral Force returns to your hand by its ability, re-summoned Sargatanas due to it being in the Extra Deck. Destroy all monsters by its ability, attack directly, win duel.[/quote] Overall, I'd recommend making it considerably weaker, and looking into Official Card Grammar to get rid of some of the unrequired clauses.

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hmmm....i think that, for example, we have malefic cyber end dragon that is much easier to summon and it's a 4000, but however i'll change the clause to 

"During either player's turn, when this card is targeted by an opponent's card effect: Detach all Xyz materials attached to it (min.2); this card is unaffected by your opponent's card effects, also it can attack directly during your next Battle Phase."

Now, i let you notice that Descending Sargatanas can be summone during the opponent turn with a simple combo, the 1 i would prefer for example is:

i summon legatus by its eff, then normal summon Platinae and use its eff triggered by legatus, then summon Dux by its eff and use its eff triggered by legatus; now i should have 2 level 7 on the field; Xyz sargatanas then i shuffle legatus to summon Prophetess from the Deck, that will be triggered by sargatanas...prophetess allows me to use a spell during opponent turn, so i use astral force in  the opponent turn at the time i prefer, so i nuke the field at my will. However i made it so powerful since summoning a rank 9 with astral force is not that easy summon to perform, and moreover it requires rank7 sargatanas that is not easy to summon too, since this deck doesn't run level 7 easy spammable

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when writing the post, look at the first row of tools just a bit above where you're writing...the 3rd symbols, that kind of green\aquamarine box; click on it. It's the bbcode, then select from the options list Spoiler. Add in Option the title of the content you want to put under the Show button, and into the other blank you put the text, lore of the card, BBcode for images and so on

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