That's ... that's a shame Bahamut. I would call you Matt, but online respect for a person I don't know dictates that I call you in the way I did. But as I say again, It is really sad that you are leaving YCM and that you plan to stop writing. And let me just ignore your story for a little while and give you some personal history. I have been part of this forum for more or less 4 years. I'm only a 4 star member, and my interactions with members are few and between, but regardless I have been here a long time (in my opinion at least) to see enough of YCM and what every section has to offer to the fullest. I have bounced between Realistic Cards, Card Contests, Creative Writing, General, and TCG General. In 4 years, this is the best story I have read in this crumbling section. I mean no offense to any writers, members, or administrations of this section of the forum; but the Creative Writing section is not what it used to be when I first became a member. Not only is the name different, but the activity has declined, as well as the quality in writing that one can actually find. When a piece of writing that is somewhat presentable is found, a higher-level member feels the need to take it apart with ferocious intensity.
At first I was appalled by such an action, but then I realized that is how this forum works. You put yourself out there, then your knowledge and persona is broken down, then it is up to you how you chose to rebuild. I've seen many of members lash out and get banned or forever leave this forum, then I see a few that manage to actually stand up for themselves and gain a permanent place (and respect) in this forum (Clairedestroyer is the only immediate member I have seen do that). My point still stands though: This is a truly amazing story, and you are truly gifted writer. Your words have inspired me to improve my writing, and to write a story of my own. It's tough work, and the quality my not be up to the standards that your stories have set, but the fact that you can inspire somebody else by doing what you love is no small feat. You should hold your head up high with the brightest smile possible, because you have done something truly special: With relentless determination, you have conjured up two stories through the sweat, tears, and stress that have plagued you since it's beginning that will forever join the few stories in this section that can hold the title of being truly completed.
Canopy Star mentioned ways you could have improved your story in better ways then I ever could, however the ending is something that I must put my own thoughts into. I hate it. I hate it because now there will be no more of your writing for me to engulf and aspire towards. I love your ending because of the emotion put into it was able to translate to those you read, but still I hate it so much. I know I'm just some random 4-star member that you (nor anyone else for that matter) will truly have a memory of, but I still want you to know that you will be missed man, and I WILL catch up to your writing someday. Best of luck to you.