R3mixKillah Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 <p>Im a lil nervous... this is my first Archetype and im just a newbie. Its not completed yet and im working on it but i think i have enough cards to show you. Please go easy on me, but at the same time you are more then welcome to point out any OCG errors and telling me <u><strong>YOUR</strong></u> opinion. Have fun and Enjoy! [spoiler='Monster'][spoiler='Baby phoenix'][img]http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/34/535184s.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler='Deadly Phoenix'][img]http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/8517/535184.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler='Noble Phoenix'][img]http://img197.imageshack.us/img197/8517/535184.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler='Crysora'][img]http://img440.imageshack.us/img440/8517/535184.jpg[/img] This card is also treated as a LIGHT monster. This card cannot be destroyed by battle. For each monster you destroy or banish increase this cards level by 1. For each level it gains increase it's attack by 500, this monsters ATK cannot exceed 4500. Once per turn normal summon a monster from the banished zone with a level lower than this card. Negate it's effect.[/spoiler] [spoiler='NiiRama'][img]http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/9463/535184w.jpg[/img] "Deadly Phoenix" + "Noble Phoenix" If this monster is successfully Summoned your opponent loses 500 lifepoints.This card cannot be targeted by spell/trap cards on the turn it was summoned. Discard 1 card from your hand. Once per turn activate one of these effects: -Discard a card from your hand or on the field. Increase this cards ATK by 500. This card cannot attack directly once you activate this effect. -Pay 1000 lifepoints. Banish a low-level, 4 or below, monster from your opponents side of the field. Your opponent loses lifepoints equal to the banished monsters ATK.[/spoiler][spoiler='Asteroid Phoenix'][img]http://img818.imageshack.us/img818/1664/535184f.jpg[/img] If a "Phoenix" monster attacks your opponent directly deal 500 extra damage to your opponent. If your opponent targets a "Phoenix" monster for an attack pay 500 lifepoints and banish this card instead, the attack is negated and your opponents monster is destroyed. Your opponent loses 200 lifepoints at the end of each of your battle phase.[/spoiler][/spoiler] [spoiler='Traps'][spoiler='Anti-Flammable Bird'][img]http://img832.imageshack.us/img832/8517/535184.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler='Phoenix Art Masterpiece'][img]http://img825.imageshack.us/img825/8517/535184.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler='Two-Sided Phoenix Assault'][img]http://img855.imageshack.us/img855/8517/535184.jpg[/img] If a non-FIRE monster on your opponents side of the field targets a monster with "Phoenix" in its name activate this card. Your Monster and your opponents monster switches ATK and DEF for 1 turn. If your opponent has 2 or more monsters on the field you may ATK directly with this card. Destroy both your "Phoenix" monster and the opponents attacking monster on the following end phase.[/spoiler][/spoiler] [spoiler='Spells'][spoiler='Irrelevant Growth'][img]http://img808.imageshack.us/img808/8517/535184.jpg[/img] Equip this to a monster with "Phoenix" with its name on your side of the field. That monsters effect is replaced with the following effect: " Pay 300 Lifepoints for each Standby Phase. Gain 1 level for each monster you destroy. For each level gained increase this cards ATK by 400. This card can only be destroyed by spells and trap cards. If this card reaches level 12 destroy it.[/spoiler] [spoiler='Phoenix Aurora'][img]http://img710.imageshack.us/img710/8517/535184.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler='Pure Phoenix Unity'][img]http://img818.imageshack.us/img818/34/535184s.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler='Rebirth Aura'][img]http://img560.imageshack.us/img560/9463/535184w.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler='Searing Array'][img]http://img827.imageshack.us/img827/8517/535184.jpg[/img][/spoiler][/spoiler] [spoiler='Special'][spoiler='Devolaria'][img]http://img545.imageshack.us/img545/6145/535184g.jpg[/img] This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by its own effect.Pay 900 and Banish 3 "Phoenix" monsters that exists in your graveyard to Special Summon this card. The Special Summon of this card cannot be negated. This card occupies 2 Monster Card Zones on your side of the field. This card cannot attack directly on the turn it was summoned. If this monster is targeted by a spell or trap card discard 1 card on the field or on your hand and negate the effect and destroy the card. This card inflicts Peircing Battle Damage. If this card exists in the graveyard you and your opponent loses 300 lifepoints after each Standby Phase for 5 turns.[/spoiler][/spoiler] You can probably count "Devolaria" as a "God" card but ill leave it to you</p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 for Deadly Phoenix, you need to make the LP gain bigger, 400 is virtually nothing for Celestial Phoenix, the summoning part of the effect you should allow it to keep its effect, but then say it has to return to the banished pile during the end phase for High Phoenix, in the 1st effect you can discard a card from on the field. For the 2nd effect, you said low-level monster on your opponent's side of the field. You have to be specific when you said low-level Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kryptic Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 NiiRama - Cost of the banishing effect is a bit low Anti-Flammable Bird Trap - Do you discard a monster on attacking or upon flipping the trap? Masterpiece Trap - Shouldn't be continous if the effects are permanent, more of a normal trap Two-Sided Trap - Do ATK and DEF switch with opponent's monster? Rebirth Spell - Very overpowered, more of a trap than a spell Searing Array Spell - Extremely overpowered Devolaria - Balanced, DIVINE is reserved for the God cards, FIRE recommended so it can be affected by your spells Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3mixKillah Posted January 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 [quote name='Kryptic' timestamp='1326664694' post='5765734'] NiiRama - Cost of the banishing effect is a bit low Anti-Flammable Bird Trap - Do you discard a monster on attacking or upon flipping the trap? Masterpiece Trap - Shouldn't be continous if the effects are permanent, more of a normal trap Two-Sided Trap - Do ATK and DEF switch with opponent's monster? Rebirth Spell - Very overpowered, more of a trap than a spell Searing Array Spell - Extremely overpowered Devolaria - Balanced, DIVINE is reserved for the God cards, FIRE recommended so it can be affected by your spells [/quote] NiiRama- does 1000 LP seem good? Anti-Flammable Bird Trap- Discard the monster upon attacking. Masterpiece trap- I purposely made it continous. say for example i attacked with deadly phoenix and destroyed a monster... I can choose wether i want to pay 600 lifepoints to banish that monster and that monster cannot be summoned or permanetly increase Deadly phoenix's attack by 200.....then the next turn if deadly phoenix kills another monster i do the same thing.... Im terribly sorry for not mentioning this but the effects are negated if this continous trap card is destroyed. meaning deadly phoenix's attack goes to original and the banished monster will be able to be summoned Two-Sided Trap- Yes, it clearly states that on the card. Rebirth spell- okay then how about 1 turn it cant be destroyed and its ATK is increased by 400? Searing Array spell- Alright ill take away the "destroyed trap card, opponent loses 500 lifepoints" effect. you dont have to say thats most likely the part that makes it overpowered. Devolaria- okay... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kryptic Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 [quote name='R3mixKillah' timestamp='1326666595' post='5765765'] NiiRama- does 1000 LP seem good? Anti-Flammable Bird Trap- Discard the monster upon attacking. Masterpiece trap- I purposely made it continous. say for example i attacked with deadly phoenix and destroyed a monster... I can choose wether i want to pay 600 lifepoints to banish that monster and that monster cannot be summoned or permanetly increase Deadly phoenix's attack by 200.....then the next turn if deadly phoenix kills another monster i do the same thing.... Im terribly sorry for not mentioning this but the effects are negated if this continous trap card is destroyed. meaning deadly phoenix's attack goes to original and the banished monster will be able to be summoned Two-Sided Trap- Yes, it clearly states that on the card. Rebirth spell- okay then how about 1 turn it cant be destroyed and its ATK is increased by 400? Searing Array spell- Alright ill take away the "destroyed trap card, opponent loses 500 lifepoints" effect. you dont have to say thats most likely the part that makes it overpowered. Devolaria- okay... [/quote] Satisfaction acquired Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3mixKillah Posted January 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 [quote name='Kryptic' timestamp='1326670455' post='5765837'] Satisfaction acquired [/quote] I highly appreciate your comments. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsianGuy1137 Posted January 16, 2012 Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 I've always liked Phoenixes, but I don't quite see how your archetype ties together the concept of rebirth and immortality usually associated with Phoenixes to itself aside from the namesake. The cards don't have any flow well and aren't synergistic with each other. How would any of your Phoenixes be banished for you to use Baby Phoenix? The wording is also weird. Check out the Commonly Used OCG Phrases topic, it'll give you an idea of how to word effects. The artwork for some of these cards is pretty good though, especially for Delvoria so congrats on that. Some of these are used in my own Phoenix-based Archetype, Flames of Eternity, which you can find in my sig. I think it incorporates the idea of Phoenixes fairly well, but the thread itself is old and the effects are broken and outdated (I've changed them since). I think it'll give you a good idea of how to approach making a Phoenix-based archetype. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3mixKillah Posted January 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 [quote name='AsianGuy1137' timestamp='1326672684' post='5765887'] I've always liked Phoenixes, but I don't quite see how your archetype ties together the concept of rebirth and immortality usually associated with Phoenixes to itself aside from the namesake. The cards don't have any flow well and aren't synergistic with each other. How would any of your Phoenixes be banished for you to use Baby Phoenix? The wording is also weird. Check out the Commonly Used OCG Phrases topic, it'll give you an idea of how to word effects. The artwork for some of these cards is pretty good though, especially for Delvoria so congrats on that. Some of these are used in my own Phoenix-based Archetype, Flames of Eternity, which you can find in my sig. I think it incorporates the idea of Phoenixes fairly well, but the thread itself is old and the effects are broken and outdated (I've changed them since). I think it'll give you a good idea of how to approach making a Phoenix-based archetype. [/quote] Im simply not neccessarily trying to tie the Archetype with the real concept of phoenixes....mainly because trying to find a balanced effect that also refrences the fact that phoenixes live eternally through ash and fire is hard without going off-topic. so i said f*ck it and did my own thing You spelled Devolaria wrong. Im not angry at you since it couldve been a typo but i find that extremely offensive since i came up with the name myself Nonetheless thank you for saying the artwork was good.. it wasn't so hard to find these pictures. I appreciate you trying to help me by giving me a concept of what a "Phoenix-based" archetype might look like but i honestly rather do stuff on my own and make my own work relying on other ppl isnt gonna get me too far. I havent play yugioh for years so ive onnly just recently learned about this OCG stuff here and there. please dont blame me im just a newbie at this. Yes im talking like ragnarok1945....but thats only cuz he comments on every single one of my damm topics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3mixKillah Posted January 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 A new card has joined the group! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted January 16, 2012 Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 you were supposed to put a NEW next to the added card so we know which one it is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3mixKillah Posted January 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 [quote name='ragnarok1945' timestamp='1326704352' post='5766634'] you were supposed to put a NEW next to the added card so we know which one it is [/quote] Dont say that like i've been in this site all my life... its not like i know what im doing bro. just tell me that kindly and ill listen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted January 16, 2012 Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 fine, fine. So which one was the added one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3mixKillah Posted January 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 "Asteroid Phoenix" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 1300 atk is VERY weak for lv5, so I'm unsure how much the extra 500 damage will really count for in addition 200 LP loss at the end of each battle phase isn't really much yes you would burn your opponent more than 200 per turn, but it's still little I'd raise it to 500 or something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3mixKillah Posted January 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 [quote name='ragnarok1945' timestamp='1326762557' post='5767593'] 1300 atk is VERY weak for lv5, so I'm unsure how much the extra 500 damage will really count for in addition 200 LP loss at the end of each battle phase isn't really much yes you would burn your opponent more than 200 per turn, but it's still little I'd raise it to 500 or something [/quote] Only reason i made it 1300 is cuz of the 200 LP loss after each battle phase. Plus if your attacking directly your dealing 500 more damage... Maybe ill raise the burn to 300 and raise his attack to 2000? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 That's fine too. Personally 2000 is still a bit weak for lv5, but it works Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3mixKillah Posted January 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2012 Im gonna be remaking this set. I toke what Asainguy1137 said into consideration and im starting to think about remaking it. Anyway enjoy this while you can cuz im gonna start taking all this out and posting a new one with more monsters, spells, traps, and another "Special" (hopefully). but dont expect it to be a perfect example of how REAL phoenixes are. Yugioh can only go so far into making concepts a reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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