Therrion Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 I accept my mistakes, as life is one after another, but one day it will be an accident much like what triggered every other, yet this one will yield prosperously. Each wrong turn in the labyrinth, is a hint at which turn will finally be the right one. When I see the same result after each path, I know for certain there was one un-taken, and I can't blame others for not finding it for me. I take it upon myself, and you will hear my story told in full one day. The story of the man who triumphed over none but himself, who failed many times, yet has come to stand stronger than all, this is only a prologue to the great, so just imagine the climax to come. A little poem I wrote to myself when in heartache. You know, similar to talking to yourself, telling yourself that punch didn't hurt or that this situation will get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted June 23, 2013 Report Share Posted June 23, 2013 Slightly disappointed that this didn't get any comments. Although I guess I am partly to blame for that, seeing as I read it before and didn't say anything. I am sucker for things like this. This work really speaks to and actually sends a shiver down my spine when I read the last two words. They are genius my friend! Absolutely genius. I love it! You might want to look over it again though. I noticed you used then instead of than and came can probably be changed to come. But all in all, it is a powerful piece. And it really connects with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Therrion Posted June 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 I just realized this actually got a reply. Thanks Renegade. Yeah, my much more serious side that I don't really show much. I was happy with how it ended up. Thanks for the grammar, I usually do poetry at 4 AM in the morning as that's when I "feel it". So, my grammar usually sucks at that time XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 I just realized this actually got a reply. Thanks Renegade. Yeah, my much more serious side that I don't really show much. I was happy with how it ended up. Thanks for the grammar, I usually do poetry at 4 AM in the morning as that's when I "feel it". So, my grammar usually sucks at that time XD Completely understand, that's when I do most of my writing. It must be something about the early morning hours and the hot Texas air :D. I am trying to get more in touch with my poetic side. I can usually create deep, meaningful quotes, but poetry is just kinda difficult to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Therrion Posted June 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 I find quotes easy, and most of the time not really all that much relating too me. I find poetry more challenging, as the word flow and choice all have to tie together and make a nice sound and rhthym, and none the less poetry is more deep, emotional, and personal, so I tend to prefer poetry. Also, it works wonders with girls. *hair flip* Texas air is great at night on the real though XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Therrion Posted July 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Hey, anybody else care to share their thoughts? It is the first time I've shared one of my poems with anybody other then the girl I love, so I would like some feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Just one very good question: Did you read this aloud at all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Therrion Posted July 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2013 Why do you ask? I've read it in my head, but no real reason to speak it outloud. If you see an error in grammar, which I see none any longer after Renegade, then feel free to point it out. I know some commas seem random, or some of it seems like a run-on, but I placed them in the way of which when your speaking outloud you would make a stop to add dramatic effect, quite honestly. Will like for a review, as I don't really think of that as a review. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted July 4, 2013 Report Share Posted July 4, 2013 See, if you read aloud, you discover things your mind could not. What I'm saying is, your poem has no flow. It reads like nothing more than chunky sentences. You also made the commitment to a rhyming scheme, then just forgot about it. If you're going to rhyme at the first two lines your reader does expect you to keep the commitment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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