1. All YCM site rules apply (no spamming, flaming, etc.)
2. All Creative Writing forum rules apply.
3. Keep all discussions relevant to the fic.
4. Don't ask to be in a fic. If I feel like including you, I will.
4a. I will not be shipping myself. If you wish to ship me with someone, feel free to write it yourself and post it here.
5. Do not make public complaints unless it pertains to the fic itself. If you have a personal complaint about your character, consult me via PM.
1.) I do not own the rights to these characters. This fic is purely head canon and does not apply to any proof of fact.
2.) These fics are considered comedic/satirical and their contents are intended to be jokes and not legitimate degradation of the members portrayed.
Jake woke up with a big grin on his face. No, not the deranged psychopath grin, but a happy and giddy little kid grin. Today was the big day of his debut of Trio of DEF 2, the unofficial sequel to Fusion’s classic YCM-fanfiction. This was a ground-breaking moment in his many days on the forum. The hype generated by what felt to be a year of waiting is about to unleash, and Jake’s body was ready for it.
“Oh man, they won’t see it coming!” Jake said, practically hopping from one side of the room to the other while he was getting dressed, “I can’t wait to see the look on their faces!” Jake was ass naked as he dug through his underwear drawer to grab the whitest pair of briefs he could find. He saw the winner of the drawer, stretching them out side to side several inches in front of him at eye level. He gazed into the elastic band, pulling it close to his face to sniff the soft cotton that would later catch the sweat from his groin.
Jake heard the door open behind him. It was his daughter, Lora, who immediately wore a face of disgust and terror of seeing her dad ass naked and sniffing his briefs.
“What the f*ck is wrong with you?!” Lora shouted, nearly crying, but shortly shrugging it off, “If you want some time alone with you and your undergarments, then I can leave.”
Jake paused and stared at her, making Lora put on a very creeped-out expression, “Um, dad… you’re staring at me with your ass in full view. Is this your way of mooning me?”
Jake snapped out of it, “No! No, why would you think something like that? I’m your father.”
Lora turned away slowly with wide eyes, “Okay, father, whatever.” She was about to leave the room before Jake interrupted her.
“Hold on a minute,” Lora stopped in the doorway, not looking back, “…what was it you were going to tell me?”
Lora still didn’t look back, answering, “I was just gonna tell you that the Creative Writing forum is packed. People are waiting, and they’re getting really antsy.”
“Let them wait a little longer,” Jake stepped into his briefs, walking over to the bathroom to tidy up his hair, “I want their reaction to be explosive!”
Lora rolled her eyes, “Whatever. Just don’t make ME clean up the mess, like you usually do.”
“I won’t promise anything. I might need some help.”
Lora rolled her eyes again, not hesitating to leave this time. Her footsteps echoed in the wood hallways of the top floor of the Hotel, fading to silence as Jake went over to the window and opened it, letting the breeze ruin his recently-groomed hair. He looked down over the sill, admiring the banner that drooped down to the ground. The banner consisted of a rose-red ribbon as wide as him with letters placed along the vertical spelling “TRIO OF DEF II - PREMIERING IN CREATIVE WRITING TOMORROW MORNING!” Along the sides were two more wide ribbons of a light shade of pink to border the text. Jake was proud of this banner, so proud that he let out a small squeal that showed his obvious feminine side.
“Alright, time to get dressed and head on down to-”
Jake was cut off by a strange sight in the distance. What looked like a black spot in the sky got bigger and bigger by the second, headed in his direction. Was it a bird? No, birds can’t fly that fast. Was it a plane? No, most planes that fly over this city aren’t black. This city was known for their racist air traffic control. Jake saw it come closer and closer at a speed where he was just barely able to make it out to be-
“F*CK, IT’S A GIANT BLACK SPACE POD!” Jake dove to the side mid-sentence as the long, black shuttle-esque pod crashed right through the middle of the red and pink banner along the fifth floor of the hotel. The crash was enough to shake the entire Hotel, making Lora scream from the floor below, “WHAT THE F*CK, DAD, WHAT DID YOU DO?!”
Jake ignored the remark as he stood up to observe the crash. He ran downstairs, not knowing that he was still in his white briefs. Sliding down the railing of the stairs, he nearly crashed into Lora at the bottom. Lora’s eyes were wide as they followed her dad running down the hallway in his underwear, speechless.
The room where the black space pod crashed into was covered in dust and debris from the crash. A giant hole in the wall was filled with the massive, cylindrical object, which half of was still hanging outside of the building. Within the shuttle, Jake could hear a muffled grunt of frustration:
“Sh*t. Just my f*cking luck.”
Jake approached the pod slowly, gliding along the floor like he was on thin ice. He could hear the floor cracking beneath every step he took, but as he reached a stiff portion of the cracked floor, he was able to grab hold of the end of the pod just as a door on the side puffed open. From the opening, a flailing and frustrated Broken walked out, disgruntled by where he stepped. He knew the Hotel’s interior when he saw it, which only meant that Jake was somewhere nearby.
He wasn’t disappointed. He saw Jake groping the end of his pod like Daemon’s breasts.
“Jake…” Broken’s face was cherry red with several veins swelling, “…what the hell are you doing to my pod?”
Jake looked at the pod, then back at Broken, smiling, “What’s it look like I’m doing to it?” Jake started moving his hips forward and back, prompting one of Broken’s veins to pop.
“GET OFF.” Broken took a threatening step forward before he heard the floor crack, stopping him. Broken began to straddle his legs and spread his arms to balance himself. Jake watched him with a smirk on his face.
“You know, Broken, you look kinda cute when you’re just about to fall through the floor-”
“Shut up.” Broken’s face turned even redder, his breathing getting heavier, “If my space pod didn’t malfunction over this shitty city, I wouldn’t have wound up in this shitty Hotel with its shitty host groping the end of my pod in his briefs…” Broken turned his face to the side to avoid making eye contact with Jake, his lips curling. Jake made a hearty laugh, letting go of the pod and making his way to the more stable side of the room. He reached out his hand to Broken.
“Here, give me your hand and I’ll pull you safely out of this situation you’re in.”
“I don’t need your help!” Broken spat, shakily trying to find a stable path to walk across, “I’d rather fall through the floor than accept help from you, let alone right now.” Broken gestured at Jake’s half-nudity with his eyes, flinching at the impulse with red cheeks, "I could've been in SPACE right now. Would've been a helluva lot better if I malfunctioned up there and imploded there..." He looked desperate with the amount of cracking that took place within the floor. Broken took a deep breath, taking a light step forward before losing his balance, falling face-first with his hand held out to Jake out of reflex. The moment Broken’s fingers touched Jake’s, the floor collapsed, sending the two straight down into the lower floor with a massive thud. When Broken opened his eyes, he was on top of Jake, who was gazing into his eyes.
“…Jake… get off me…” Broken’s face was about to burst from redness as he half-heartedly tried to get up, but Jake’s hand anchored him down onto his bare chest. Broken fought with himself to get over his emotions of the moment, but the warmth of Jake’s skin massaged his soul.
“Me? Get off? You’re the one on top of me, silly.” Jake’s remark made Broken scoff as Broken shooed Jake’s hand away and kneeled to stand up, only to trip and fall by Jake’s side. Jake laughed, and Broken punched him in the side in response.
“I’m leaving,” Broken groaned, standing up and headed toward the hole in the wall, “Good luck with your… fic thing.” Broken then jumped out, opening the chute that was folded up in the back of his shirt. Jake made it to the hole just in time to see Broken make a gentle landing at the bottom, catching him looking back and immediately looking away.
Jake wore an emotionless expression over his black and white suit and red bowtie, taking deep breaths backstage as the muffled heckles of the crowd through the door shook the walls.
“C’mon, we wanna read Trio of DEF 2!”
“How long is he gonna make us wait?!”
“He’s lying. He’s just f*cking with us for his amusement!”
The last comment made Jake cringe. He knew there was no time to waste, “Alright,” Jake exhaled, “Let’s do this.” With that, Jake opened the doors, taking in the massive influx of eager DEF readers shouting and begging and potentially rioting for Jake’s so-called sequel. Jake approached the mic, tightening his bowtie and straightening his collar:
“Ahem… Good evening, ladies and gentleman-”
“It’s morning, you numbskull!” A heckler shouted. The crowd burst into shouting.
“Good f*cking morning, then!” The crowd quieted down, “Now, today is a great day for you all-”
“Just get on with it!”
“Yeah! We didn’t wake up this early to hear your hubris!”
“It is not hubris, you fool! I am here to give you all what you want!”
“Not right now you ain’t!”
“Give us the f*cking fic!”
The crowd began throwing trash at Jake. Apple cores, half-sucked Tootsie pops, and Cheetos bags with some Cheetos left in them. Jake could feel the leftovers in the bags, and made it a sport to catch them and eat what was in there. The crowd started showing signs of disgust toward the act, which made Jake stop and continue to speak.
“Calm the f*ck down now. There’s plenty of fic to go around.”
“There’s plenty of YOU to go around too, apparently.”
The crowd burst into laughter and more heckling. Jake wiped his face, sighing, “That was uncalled for! If you want to see the fic, then shut the f*ck up!”
“You made us all hype for NOTHING!” The crowd raised they’re enraged fists, charging the stage in a moshpit style, appearing to be able to chew it away bit by bit. Jake looked around, fearing for his life and sanity…
“SILENCE. ALL OF YOU.” Broken was standing just in front of the doorway; a look of malice and need for order plaguing his eyes. He was breathing heavily, as if he had ran a ways. Broken looked at Jake, whom was sweating with a slightly terrorized look on his face. Broken hesitated to speak on his behalf, holding his breath while turning red to the cheeks, but spoke anyway:
“You all are just a bunch of greedy bastards!” Broken was slightly choked up with feelings, “Jake promised you the sequel to one of the most famous fics on this forum. You’d think that if he really didn’t have the ambition to do something like that, he wouldn’t. He followed through on it, though. I saw him work day and night; stretching the limits of his ability and sanity just to provide you all with some shitty entertainment, and THIS is how you repay him?” Broken was on the verge of tears, but Jake sighed and showed a smile that comforted him.
The heckling seized, and the crowd began to drop their heads in shame. They all saw Jake as an idiot, but since Broken was speaking on his behalf, what Jake said was actually true.
“You guys gonna kiss or something?!”
The crowd immediately went back to heckling, and Jake and Broken simultaneously wore a look of shock. Jake did not wish to waste any time. He grabbed the remote that sat on a chair behind him, lowering the screen and turning on the projector. The crowd immediately silenced, making murmuring comments about it being time.
“Ladies and gentlemen, tentaclies and furries, I give you… Trio of DEF 2!!!”
The room was silent, and everyone’s eyes were glued to the projected screen that was slathered with text. Jake and Broken both exited stage-right through the open door, closing it gently. Jake turned to Broken to thank him, only to find him in tears.
“Jake… I…” Broken looked away with a frustrated look on his face, “…please don’t thank me for that. I wasn’t doing it for you, you know…”
Jake snickered, “I appreciate it nonetheless, Broken.” Broken’s face turned cherry red once again as Jake approached him, gesturing him to stay away but at the same time wanting him to come closer. Emotions intertwined and summoned more tears, making him plunge into Jake’s hefty arms for his tight, warm embrace.
“God damn it, Jake…” Broken was weeping now, returning the embrace, “There’s a reason why I hesitate to accept you, you know. If people find out about us, I’m RUINED.”
“No you aren’t, I assure you that.”
Broken flailed his arms to escape the embrace and started pounding Jake’s chest with the sides of his fists, “NO. NO, YOU DON’T. I’M TELLING YOU, I FEEL LIKE THE STUPIDEST PERSON ON THIS GOD-FORSAKEN FORUM FOR HAVING FEELINGS FOR YOU.”
“Leave being stupid to me, Broken. You go on ahead being a busta.”
Broken sniffled, “Oh Jake…” the embraced returned, and a long moment of blissful silence followed.
Dawn fell on the city as Jake wrapped up his day with a big bowl of popcorn, a liter of soda, and Godzilla on his big flatscreen TV in the TV room of the Hotel. During his busy day, he did not think once about where Lora was all day.
“That’s strange,” he said to himself, “This morning she was on the floor below me doing laundry. I didn’t see or hear her since then.” Jake pondered, shrugging and returning to his movie. His fanboy unleashed as Godzilla crushed buildings and destroyed army vehicles, resulting in a mess of popcorn and soda spilling all over his already sweat-soaked T-shirt.
When the movie ended, Jake turned off the TV and went upstairs, leaving the popcorn and soda sitting on the couch without even cleaning up the mess on the floor. The stairs creaked with each step he took, but he paid no mind to it. As he reached the top floor where his room was, he stopped to listen; the sound of other footsteps and murmurs could be heard in another part of the Hotel. Could it be former renters returning to their rooms?
Jake was curious for a second, but proceeded to his room before the voices got louder. This time, he could tell that it was the sound of two people giggling. He could also make out the sound of a steady creaking like that of a broken clock. Jake’s imagination soared, as it was almost too perfect to not avoid; two people were making love. Jake’s heart started racing as his pants started growing tighter from his boner. He shimmied down the wall adjacent to the door to the lovers’ room, thanking grace for the door being open a crack. He leaned in to peek, and the view hardly disappointed. His boner got harder, but not bigger, as he leaned in just a little closer to get a more detailed look at the lovers’ identities…
Shock and horror filled him all at once. His eyes widened and his legs were about to give in on him as he scuttled back, saved by the wall at the other side of the hallway. The crash made the lovers stop. Jake could not move. His heart stopped as Broken opened the door, looking at the horrified expression on Jake’s face and body language. Broken sighed, shaking his head.
“This must be a total shock to you, huh?” Jake couldn’t say anything. His mind and heart raced simultaneously. Broken continued after curling his lips, “This is just as shocking to me as it is to you… but… you just gotta move on, man.”
“Just like that?” Jake spat, popping veins like no other, “I witnessed you crying in my embrace after defending me from a heckling crowd that nearly killed me, and you just want us to move on?! JUST LIKE THAT?” Jake’s tone was set to ‘kill on sight’ as he just about prepared a fist to punch Broken Square in the teeth, but Broken waited with a grin. Jake’s eyes widened in confusion and terror.
“Jake, go take a look out that window?” Broken pointed at the window in the bedroom opposite of the bed. Muffled heckling could be heard from it, which made Jake look. Just outside the Hotel on the ground was the same group from the Creative Writing forum. A number of them were carrying weapons and torches.
“They think your fic sucked, Jake.” Broken’s words made Jake flail back into the front legs of the bed, making his back crack. Groaning in pain, he watched hopelessly as Broken kneeled down to put a hand on his shoulder, “All that hype that you gave them was for nothing. They are all pretty pissed off.” Broken stood up, “But of course, they’re all too narrow-minded and naïve to have a justified reason to.” Broken’s voice sounded like any antagonist in a fantasy novel, wearing a malicious look that left Jake breathless.
“W-what do you mean?” Jake forced the question from his quivering lips.
“Well Jake, you see…” Broken paused for affect, “Someone had to give them a little… nudge on the shoulder.”
Jake’s eyes widened once again. He had a good idea what Broken was referring to, “You don’t mean…”
“Oh yes,” Broken gestured behind Jake with his eyes. Jake followed the gesture to the bed, where Lora sat with bed covers wrapped around her body. She stared into her father’s eyes with disgust and deviously cunning glance.
“Such a rude thing to do to peek on your own daughter having sex, father!” Lora spat, smirking with a provocative look of lust as she looked up at Broken, who bent over to meet Jake face to face.
“Jake,” he whispered, again pausing for effect, “you have just been, wait for it…” Jake’s lips quivered, his vision slowly beginning to black out before Broken’s last words echoed in his mind…
Striker x Alice - Wrecking Ball
Creator x Lora - Pride and Promiscuity
Sora x Advo - Try Hard Ons
Mugen x Coolspy - The Madman Who Loved Me
Maxxion x Finalfan - Maximum Butthurt (PM)
Night x Yin - Probation With Benefits
Fusion x Clair - Out With A Bang
Crab x Pika - Power Scandal (Part 1) (Part 2)
Remo x Right Hand - On The Other Hand
Desu x Pika - Finishing Blow
Cherry x Welche - The Creation of Jelly (Part 1) (Part 2)
Aix x Cowcow - Dying for Dairy (Part 1) (Part 2)
Edited by Thar, 28 November 2018 - 06:15 AM.