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Yu-Gi-Oh! Armageddon - Birth of the Ice Queen


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2vjcxmo.jpg

 
 
*stream of fireworks in appropriate time to given music*
 
[spoiler=Opening Theme Music]I listened to this song a lot when I started writing this, and when I think about it being sung, by our lead in particular, then it seems to feel right, along with the opening build-up for a long awaited return. Plus guest lyrics on the chorus from another character... ;)
 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeDrHY_8DB8

[/spoiler]

[spoiler=During the Last Year]First of all, I know what I said a year ago at the end of 24. “This is the last thing I’m ever writing, period.” Well yes, that was how I genuinely felt then, for several months prior to finally dragging myself over the line and publishing the end of it, and continued to feel long after I left this site in March last year. I was disillusioned with writing, I wasn’t getting any joy out of what had become a laborious and unrewarding chore, I wanted to do other stuff in the real world which were then more important, and so on.
 
However, around September last year, and I can’t remember what sparked it now but something did, I thought about the stories I’d written again. I’d reread them both since, and now with more experience and knowledge could see what was good about them and made them stories that became as popular as they did (one more so than the other despite being of significantly lesser written quality) and what could have been done better, tweaked, explored more, or was just outright bad. (Murtagh, Death, I’m looking at you here <_< No, must put that behind me now...) Either way, my thoughts swayed more towards the other story. The first one. The one that was poorly written, unoriginal to borderline copyright infringing, cliché as hell, scattergun in leaping from plot point to point as I randomly invented ideas and characters with no build up, full of frankly crap duels bullet holed with many mistakes... and yet somehow became one of the most loved and iconic stories published on YCM. This was later thought by myself and others to be largely down to the strength of its cast who developed into a group of such well-loved characters that touched people and meant a lot to them, some especially so (and also perseverance and it being one of the very few stories around here to actually reach its end probably helped too). One of my best friends here has also reread it recently and, despite pointing out a thousand flaws in it, maintains a positive awesomeness won through despite them. In particular thanks to two certain characters...
 
Things felt better then, walking down the paths of those characters with them to discover their ends, just as in the dark as the readers were half the time as to where they would end up. How every time I sat at my computer, it bought me an exciting new adventure. Just how much bloody fun the thing actually was. But despite its success and love, a part of me felt unsatisfied. If the duels had been done better; to the same standard that 24 reached as one of its stronger points. If some plot points had been better built up, developed, or fixed to create a better story without so many holes and WTFH moments of frustration/disappointment/Dues-Ex-MACHINA! Etc. But the idea of rewriting and republishing the whole thing? No, I didn’t want to do that. Retelling something people already knew and loved as it was despite its flaws didn’t feel right or something I wanted wholeheartedly to do. I tried to cast the idea off, but something about it kept nagging me. Things hadn’t been exactly as busy or indeed brilliant as I was hoping for when I first left. And the more I mulled it over, the more I felt drawn back into the universe created three years ago.
 
Not a rewrite, so a sequel then? No, I didn’t like that idea at all. It was left in a good place that I was satisfied with. Then an idea came, and again I dunno from where, of what to do. At first I tried to reject it. So scarred by what happened with 24, I thought of every excuse not to go into writing again. Again I talked to my friend, told him what I thought I wanted to do, and asked, nay begged him to tell me to see sense and forget it...
 
Instead the bastard insisted I write the story. <_<
 
He told me to forget publishing and do it for myself, and my own enjoyment... and for his own fan-boy urges as well of course ;) So in late September I finished chapter 1, with a vague plot in mind for a short story, but nothing concrete. And he enjoyed reading it. And, unbelievably, I had enjoyed writing it. A lot. So I kept writing, just a little here and there, steadily progressing the story and developing it with a little guidance. And before long I realised I’d fallen in love with writing again. Well, maybe that’s too much. I’d fallen in love with this story again. With this world, and with the characters that had been in my happier memories for the last three years. New characters were created to join the old returning, and they grew on me in a way those in 24 just hadn’t felt special. By the time I finished writing the conclusion of the second arc in about mid-November, I accepted what I wanted. I know other people here feel the same about the original story, so now, on the third anniversary of its original debut on YCM, I am happy to say that “Yu-Gi-Oh! Armageddon” is back with a brand new story. A prequel set a few years before the events we’ve seen before; with new allies, new enemies, new adventures, and new highs and lows on the way for all to enjoy hopefully as much as I’m doing now. But some things remain the same. This is the story of Armageddon’s most special character. It’s leading lady. This is the story of how she became the girl we once knew, and (despite bad writing) mostly loved. This is where the end began.
 
This is the story of the birth of the Ice Queen...[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Credits, References and Influences]

  • Vector Nightmare - The aforementioned bastard who coerced me into this! Dion has taken up the task/mantle/burden once again of proofreading everything for me, checking for any glaring mistakes or plot conflictions against the event’s of the first story. He’s also been there to offer support and encouragement, bounce ideas off, reason with me (or alternatively kick my head in) in order to make me see sense and reject some of my terrible ideas, cleared up some messy and error-some duel sections, created and developed characters to fill certain roles particularly in the first few chapters, and so on. So yeah, a pretty important guy it has to be said =D Thanks for everything Obi-Wan Sensai. Now everyone get out of this thread and read his magnificent work, it’s better than this’ll be (Dead Zone link)
  • Demmy/Dem the Dragophile - The lovely Dem has also helped in this – albeit without quite so much knowledge of having done so. Given my somewhat limited understanding of card effects and game mechanics in places, Dem has been my go-to on any tricky effects and phases of play in duels that I’ve needed help with fixing. So a big thank you also goes out here too.
  • Evilfusion - Has also provided huge amounts of help with tricky duel sections
  • Tormented - For the awesome banner up the top there, and Yin - For providing the render for it ^_^
  • Plainview - You don’t know this guy, it’s not YCM’s Plainview (or is it...? :blink:) This is one of my in real life friends, who deserves credit because eighteen months ago, he got a very special birthday present he’d found and thought would be of great help to me knowing I did my own creative writing, the book being listed below. It has been an amazing help, and it meant a lot to have someone take such care and thought giving me something special like that. He’s moved abroad now, but I hope he’s well and doing alright, and thanks again.

I’m also adding a section here about the works of real authors and directors who’ve influenced me and what I write having enjoyed their work (since I’m truly incapable of original thought, it’s only right =D)

  • The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins – As is quite well known I read the trilogy in Jan-April last year, and it’s one of my favourite book series. I think because of that my writing has improved in the way it takes a darker tone on the aspects that need it, and it’s also helped me to portray characters in desperate struggles. I hope so anyway. Mention also goes here to Stieg Larsson’s Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, which is darker still and I’m currently reading.
  • The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini – The base source for ideas about the Armageddon world and setting, along with its fantasy elements, and in truth its original inspiration. Told you I don’t do original thought. Though I maintain the series petered out badly in its second half, a lot of the stories environments and premises are drawn from the original books and are credited as such.
  • Black Swan (Film) – One of the best films I’ve seen in years, that inspired a couple of scenes that appear later in the story, as well as the general messed up warped characterisation! >=D
  • Do The Work by Steven Pressfield – This book has been so important getting me to write again, like seriously it’s a bible for anyone doing anything creative. It’s a motivational book that helps people plan ideas and more importantly help them get them done, and overcome the crap like writers block and resistance. It can be applied to anything in life, I cannot recommend it enough.
  • Dead Zone by Vector Nightmare – See Vector’s credits and go read this. Like now. Seriously.

[/spoiler]
 
Regarding age ratings, the original YGO Armageddon came with a generic PG-13 rating I slapped on as a caution, so I guess the same applies here, although I don’t think there is a real need for it. There is at the stage I’m at now a couple of fairly graphic gory bits (thanks again Suzanne Collins :D), moderate violence throughout, bad language only occasionally and when necessary, and so on. But nothing to greatly disturb and destroy the minds of impressionable 12 year olds I’m sure... (At least as far as I’m admitting to here anyway... ;D)

[spoiler=Chapter Listing]Arc ONE
Chapter 1 - The Orphans (this post here. Just look down a bit, seriously)
Chapter 2 - The Consequences (Post #9)
Chapter 3 - The Rebels (Post #15)
Chapter 4 - The Rescue (Post #24)
Chapter 5 - The Thorn (Post #32)
 
Arc TWO
Chapter 6 - The Dual Warrior (Post #45)
Chapter 7 - The Arms Dealer (Post #47)
Chapter 8 - The Magician (Post #51)
Chapter 9 - The Raid (Post #55)
Chapter 10 - The Poison (Post #63)
Chapter 11 - The Imposters (Post #68)
Chapter 12 - The Trial (Post #76)
Chapter 13 - The Princesses' Final Counterblow (Post #80)
 
Arc THREE
Chapter 14 - The Devil (Post #93)
Chapter 15 - The Tetragram (Post #98)
Chapter 16 - The Rogue (Post #103)
Chapter 17 - The Noble (Post #106)
Chapter 18 - The Naturia's Pride (Post #109)
Chapter 19 - The Masquerade (Post #112)
Chapter 20 - The Man in White (Post #117)
Chapter 21 - The Justice (Post #122)
Chapter 22 - The Tower (Post #126)
Chapter 23 - The Gathering Storm (Post #133)
Chapter 24 - The Wheel of Fate (Post #139)
 
Arc FOUR
Chapter 25 - The Fools (Post #155)
Chapter 26 - The Archer (Post #157)
[/spoiler]
 
Okay then *takes deep breath* here we go again then. Guess this is it huh?
 
Enjoy, and as always all comments/reviews/praise/critisism/etc is appreciated. Like, a lot. Please leave any comments, questions or so on you have and I'll respond to them when possible.
 
[spoiler=Chapter 1]Chapter 1: The Orphans
 
It was raining. In the bitter December air, each hammering droplet stung against her cheeks. Still she stood there though, frozen in place in the darkness and the rain, unable to move as she stared at the splintered front door hanging off its hinges in front of her. The smashed windows. The wisps of smoke billowing through the shards into the chill outside. She knew, deep in her stilled heart, what the inside awaiting her would be like. The destruction. The ruin. The remains of her home; broken and shattered.
 
Steeling herself; she went inside, but still choked at the scene she was already expecting. The place had been ransacked completely. Everything had been smashed as the intruders searched high and low for what they were after, and the rest simply because they could. Picking through the wreckage towards the splintered remains of the kitchen table, she stopped as one item caught her eye. A framed photograph from a few years ago; battered and cracked, but largely undamaged. She picked it up and shook the shards of broken glass away. There was the strapping, commanding figure of a man with a broad grin and wavy white hair, handsome and proud as ever. His arm was round the shoulders of his wife, smiling up at her. Her lovely pale skin, her long light blue hair flowing down the length of her back, and her piercing blue eyes - almost hypnotic as she stared hopelessly back at her happy face. In her arms was a small baby; peacefully asleep. And finally, by her side, waving and smiling for the camera, was a smaller girl who even then looked almost identical to her mother. The younger version of herself. A tear fell, and splashed against the photo.
She had to tear herself out of her trance and put the photo down. That family, that time, was gone now. It was shattered, just like the frame. But unlike the frame, it could never be restored.
 
The girl quietly moved upstairs where the carnage continued, perhaps even intensified, and tried to hope against hopelessness. Hope that something had to be here. Something had to have survived. It just had to. Please let it be here, unharmed. She passed her parents room; it had been completely destroyed by the invaders ruthless search, and into her own. It likewise had been ransacked, not one personal or private possession had been left sacred. She knew what they had been looking for, but they wouldn’t find it. She kept those items on her always. Her disk had been found and taken, but she expected that and it didn’t matter much. Nothing mattered, as long as one thing at least survived.
 
And, mercy beyond all mercy as the faintest, tiniest whimpering snivels reached her alerted senses, it had.
 
She burst into the last bedroom; this one had mercifully escaped the raider’s interest for the most part. Her sudden entry caused a sudden muffled gasp came from under the bed, the hider trying to recover silence and regain the position they’d already given away to the returning aggressors, but ducking down she could clearly seem him. A just turned six year old boy with a mess of similarly pale aqua hair to those in the family photo, clutching a rabbit doll and crying quietly to himself. Trying not to scare him too much, she tapped him on the shoulder.
 
“It’s me Mel. I’m here.”
 
The boy yelped at first, but once realising who it was he recovered, although couldn’t calm down. He continued to huddle into a trembling ball under the bed and clutch at the doll, still too scared to come out. But he reached out for her as well, forcing her to crawl under to him. The boy held and squeezed her tightly as she joined him under the refuge of his bed, desperate for the safety of her presence, burying his face into her shoulder as tears streamed down it.
 
“Erin? Where are mom and dad? What happened to our house?”
 
“I... I don’t know...” Erin couldn’t bring herself to tell Mel what she knew full well had happened, not yet. “But we can’t stay here, it isn’t safe. Please come out and get dressed quickly, and wait here for me to come back. If you hear anything scary, hide again straight away.”
 
Mel gulped and nodded, wiping away the tears on his pyjamas, and she helped pull him out. He ducked back down though and reached under again, coming out with a treasured possession he’d hidden with him; a recent and last birthday present from their father. He stared at the small pack of cards for a second, perhaps hoping for some miraculous answer to come from within and make everything right again, before scuttling off to get into warmer clothes. Erin left him to dress himself and returned to her room to look for any remains they might need. There wasn’t much. As she moved her upturned dresser to search through what was left, her eyes caught something in the gloom. Her little jewellery had mostly gone, but on the floor in front of her was a necklace they had missed, glistening in the little light. Her mother had handed this down to her recently. She picked it up and cradled it, the silver chain with a single teardrop shaped opal on it, and glanced at the mirror in front of her. In her reflection, in her own ghostly pale face, flowing aqua hair, and welling glistening eyes, her mother’s face stared sadly back. Swallowing, Erin slowly put the necklace on herself, the opal gem dangled cold against her breast. It still being here, it must have been fate. This was the last reminder of her parents; she would never let it go.
 
Then, grabbing her bag, she returned to Mel, and holding his trembling hand tightly, they made their way downstairs, took a last haunting look and a deep breath , before pulling up their hoods and stepping out into the chill and the rain, leaving the ruined remains of their home and lives together.
 
...
 
Two years later...
 
Erin blinked as the first rays of sunlight touched her face. Another night had gone by, and still the memories of that terrible night of her parent’s loss invaded her dreams. Groaning as she stretched and forced herself up, she had long gotten used to them now, at least in terms of accepting they’d never stop anyway, and looked over the edge of her bunk at the figure below. Her little brother Melanc was still peacefully asleep; he must have had a much better night than she had. She smiled as she watched him, before dropping down and getting dressed and ready for another day.
 
Erin was sixteen now, and thus was of legal - and by legal meaning, unless you were a noble child, compulsory - working age, but she was at least working for her continued keep here at their home. Melanc would turn eight in a few weeks, but he would still have plenty of chores once he was done with his classes for today. Erin pulled on her uniform; a standard white shirt and blue jeans, finished with hard work shoes, did her hair and little makeup, and studied herself critically. These clothes would likely soon not fit her if her body; now tall and slim and, in her opinion modestly attractive, grew and changed anymore than it already had, as she approached the last stages of change from child to full womanhood. Uncomfortable and irritated, she finished dressing and drew the curtains, fully letting in the light to wake up her brother and allowing her to look out upon the city beyond the grounds of their refuge; the hovels and shacks across the cobbled street, the bigger houses just peeking over their roofs as the land rose up into the city, and rising up in the distance at the heart of it, dominating the scene, the royal palace, where the Emperor responsible sat on his black throne. This was the capital of the mighty Empire, the great city Senn’enki no Toride, and this was their life in the Orphanage of Saint Alexis.
 
The orphanage was small and poor, and home to around twenty children of various ages, all either orphans of the Great War between the two major nations three years ago, or of the ‘Duelist Purge’ a year later, like the siblings were. Ever since the Empire had won the war and taken over most of the land they knew, the Emperor’s rule had become steadily more iron-fisted and oppressive. His first peacetime decree had been to make the actions of anything related to duel-monsters - a game where two duelists could summon the spirits of powerful creatures through card vessels - a criminal offence, punishable by execution. The Emperor had used duelists and these creatures as soldiers in the war, but he feared their power could spark a revolution against him, thus all threats had been hunted down and eliminated. Staring at the palace looming over her, Erin knew this was true, as she touched the place where her necklace dangling inside her shirt. Because this was why they were here. It was why she was going to start working on breakfast for the younger children, and why she was the only family Mel had left...
 
There was a thud, causing her to blink and shake her fists. So lost in thought, she’d punched the windowsill without realising. A second, louder thud signalled Melanc had fallen out of bed.
 
“Ugh, sis...” he whined, rubbing his eyes. “It’s still early.”
 
“Yes, but early is when I have to start, and if you were good you’d help your big sister.” She stopped and smiled at Melanc’s groan. It was only a mild tease, but enough to cover up and hide what she was really feeling inside. “Don’t worry, you get yourself ready. I’ll see you downstairs.”
 
With that and without looking back at her bleary-eyed brother, she quickly left.
 
The kitchen was cramped and poorly equipped, but the cook had got most of the food on the stove cooking already, leaving Erin to set the common room that served for meal times and other activities. The orphanage was run by nuns from the local church. They were tasked with homing, educating, and caring for these children as part of their mission. As the eldest here now, Erin did what she could to help out, although she distanced herself from the education side. She knew the nuns meant well and were just acting as they had to, at least she hoped they were, but she refused to teach these kids the warped propaganda of the Empire as it was now, and to her relief the nuns preferred that anyway. Slowly the ragtag bunch of children, Melanc included, trickled in and Erin helped served the porridge bought out by the cook. It couldn’t be the most nourishing stuff, evident by how small and underdeveloped most of the kids were for their ages, but what could the nuns do but their best with what they had to work with?
 
Something that would soon be made abundantly clear.
 
As Erin and one of the sisters started to clear away and the children began to file out for their early lessons, a group of them went to the window, and suddenly broke into a panicky whisper. One of the kids broke away and ran up to the senior sister. She gasped as the boy grabbed her and shakily said “It’s the guard miss. Gaius is coming!”
 
The warning didn’t do much for them, as the sound of the front doors being barged open was followed by the quickly stifled squeaks and cries from the children already exited into the corridor beyond. Erin frowned as the soldiers thoughtlessly shoved their way through, knocking down any of the small kids disrespectful enough, or in truth just unable to get out their way fast enough, and into the common hall. The first two were clad in basic steel chainmail armour over their blood burgundy robes, armed with broadswords, and the Empire’s insignia emblazoned on their round shields; just standard foot soldiers. Path cleared they stood to attention either side of the door and saluted. The children in the corridor fell silent, and the sound of heavy footsteps slowly came through as their leader entered. Thump... Thump... Thump. The heavy, militant, foot to the throat like steps that heralded the arrival of the guard Erin hated the most of them all, entering and standing smugly over her and the sister now. Gaius.
 
The general had at least a good foot in height over Erin and more over the elderly sister trying not to meet his dark eyes anyway. But his broadness, enhanced by his armour of polished bronze plate that fitted his powerful frame perfectly, made him a real mountain of a figure, real intimidating. He didn’t wear a helmet on civic duties, thus revealing his sharp face, with his finely styled short goatee covering his thick jaw, and his cropped spiked black hair. A scar ran diagonally across his face; between and just missing the eye and running over his nose and the side of his snide mouth. Over his back, hidden by a fine red cape, a mighty two handed great sword was slung, and attached to the left gauntlet was a heavy rectangular shield, again quality bronze and inscribed with the royal emblem. Gaius ignored Erin’s glaring, focusing on the haggard old woman cowering before him.
 
“Sister, please forgive me for intruding on your honourable duties.” He spoke eloquently as someone of noble birth, but given his smarmy tone he obviously couldn’t care less about her forgiveness. “But I come under orders from the Emperor. I am here to collect back-taxes that this orphanage owes to our Excellency. Please be so kind as to go and bring me the necessary payments.” The lady suddenly looked up at the knight in shock.
 
“B-b-b-back-taxes? I... Lord Gaius, I don’t understand” the old lady stuttered. “A... All of our taxes for the month are up to date and paid to the Emperor.”
 
“I’m afraid that you are not up to date sister. You are short by a good forty silvers” Gaius interrupted smoothly, disdainfully removing some dirt from his gauntlet. The two women baulked at the announcement. Forty silvers was, to an establishment like Saint Alexis’, a huge amount to suddenly lose in taxes. It was the difference between having four days of having food, or not. Gaius was quick to stifle their objections. “The royal accountants have checked your figures, and it seems the shortage was due to non-payment of the new care scheme fund. All households designed for either the care of children or elderly are to pay into a collective, communal fund - two silvers a head - and all the monies raised by the scheme will be put towards communal projects, repairs, and equipment for those contributing facilities. It’s all about all the care-homes supporting each other together. So you see, you really have much to benefit from your enrolment into the scheme, as long as you do your bit towards it. Now, if you could...”
 
Gaius stood there and waited, smirking. He made it sound all pleasant with that silky lie, but they all knew that the orphanage would never see one coin of that money again. The poor old lady tried to protest, but gave up under his stare, mumbled an apology, and went to shuffle off to try and find the money. That was until Erin grabbed her arm.
 
“Sister Margaret, we can’t afford this” she begged, trying to ignore the frowning knight. The old woman tried to shake her off, but she clutched her tightly. “This isn’t right. We don’t have the money.”
 
“Erin, you have to let me go.” Sister Margaret replied slowly and bluntly. Her voice was shaky, her eyes flicked back towards the knight. Erin looked up at him. He shook his head at her, cracking his knuckles and nodding towards his two associates, who made to draw their swords. A couple of children started to cry. As she stood there, desperately trying to stop Sister Margaret giving in to this thieving, exploiting general, she realised she had no choice. She had to give into him. Furious but helpless to do anything, Erin limply let the woman go and hung her head, letting her hobble off. Immediately the tension diffused as if nothing happened, as the two lackeys sheathed their weapons.
 
Gaius’ smirk broadened as he looked down on this upset child as though she’d suddenly just become remotely relevant to him. “Good girl. We have to do our duty to the Empire, and pay our just dues.”
 
“Just? You know we can’t afford this cooked-up tax” she muttered without thinking. She could feel the children staring at her as his eyes narrowed again. Still she tried not to falter against him, but he was just so big, so commanding. He had all the power; he could do whatever he wanted to any of them. She felt so small against him. She was terrified of this man. They all were. But she had to try to look like she wasn’t for them. “We have twenty young children here; we need that money to feed and clothe them.”
 
“You don’t seem to understand” Gaius grinned. “This isn’t just about your one little.... I guess you call this a home. Don’t be so selfish, this is about the whole community. You will get your share back, and more, when it is deemed necessary. If that dilapidated thing you call a roof was to fall in for example, the Empire will have the funds to look after all your children. Don’t worry; this is all worked out by our great Emperor and his clever accountants, I think they know how to run this city better than pretty, airheaded little girls like you.” Erin choked as Gaius grabbed her by the chin, held and examined her, his studious gaze made her skin crawl as she stood weakly paralyzed in his clutches.
 
“Hey, let her go!”
 
Erin gulped as they both looked up at the speaker. Melanc had broken ranks from the watching crowd inside the hall and ran up to the armoured brute, and was hammering as high as he could reach up the man’s back. Gaius’ frown deepened, turned savage even, as he looked back down at the little boy and snarled. Sudden terror clutched Erin instead as she realised what he was going to do before it happened, and tried to speak. Tried to warn Mel. Make him go. But Gaius was faster.
 
“Impudent brat” he swore, and with one powerful butting motion he clubbed Mel away with the back of his shield arm. Mel cried as the shield struck him in the face, forcefully enough to knock him backwards a few feet, before he collapsed on the floor, panting and snivelling. Horror-struck, Erin broke from the knight’s loosened grip and ran around to him, kneeling beside her brother.
 
“Bah, peasants like you are no more than useless vermin.” Erin glared back at Gaius, who was towering over them with that disdainful, disgusted look. “You just want to take and take and take; all the resources we have to waste on you. Homing you, feeding you, protecting you. And what does the Emperor get in return for his generosity and love? Nothing but ungrateful wasters, beggars and thieves. I don’t know why we bother with you. We should let you all starve.”
 
And with that, just to put the final authoritative nail in the matter, Gaius took aim and spat in Erin’s face.
 
For a few seconds, nobody moved. Erin didn’t move, as the disgusting spit trickled down the side of her face. She didn’t notice it though. She didn’t notice anything. Not the children’s horrified reactions. Not Melanc’s. Not that she was trembling, violently as she was. Not her erratic breathing or heart beating fit to burst. All she was aware of as she knelt there was Gaius, the replaying image of him beating Mel down, and that the long building wave of blind fury inside of her was emphatically spilling over.
 
Without a word, Erin pulled Mel to his feet, dusted him off, and marched past the stunned audience out of the hall and upstairs, nearly knocking over another sister she didn’t even see, and back up to their room. Kicking the door in she went to her bunk and yanked the mattress down, and started to tear into a small hole she had once sown up. Buried amongst the straw inside was a small white contraption; with a flat blade with several slots across it, and a small panel attached over a wrist guard...
 
Back downstairs Gaius simply shrugged and dismissed the stunned looks off his two allies. His focus was now returned to Sister Margaret, who was hobbling her way back into the room.
 
“Excellent. I’m glad we could sort out this little slip up... amicably.” Gaius made little effort to hide the mocking edge in his voice as the woman approached him with a little purse of silver coins. “Thank you dear sister, your co-operation is appreciated, the model behaviour of a respectable civilian. A shame that is hasn’t yet rubbed off on some of your elder children.” He chuckled to himself as the nun reached his side and presented the money for him to take, the two accomplices quickly followed suit. “But I guess there’s only so much you can do for some wretched creatures...”
 
Gaius stopped mid-insult as he saw it coming at him. Only the soldier’s instincts got his shield up in time; the bronze plate taking the full brunt of the torrent of icy mist that shot over the shoulder of the old nun and drove into him with force that kept pummelling him, driving him skidding backwards across the hall as Sister Margaret, the other children, and the two other guards dived for cover. As the blast abated he looked, and scowled as Erin returned, head high and staring straight at him, armed with the contraband weapons of a Duel Disk on the arm, and holding a card bearing an image of a monster entombed in ice.
 
Gulping, the two other soldiers tried to steel their nerves and advance towards the girl with their swords drawn, but a second blast of icy wind saw them hop and shout, and they quickly retreated again.
 
“Idiots! Hold your ground! Hold, Your, Ground!” Gaius barked. He was furious clearly, but he collected himself as he turned to Erin with a recomposed smirk. “Well now... isn’t that interesting? Now where would a pretty little slum girl like you get illegal weapons like that from?”
 
“Does it matter?” Erin shrugged, keeping her gaze firmly on the lead soldier. “Let’s just say we’re not all as useless and air-headed as you believe. All that you need to worry about now is that I’ve got it, and that unless you leave this place and these children alone right now, then I’m going to bury what’s left of you in the ice in the garden. Understand?”
 
Half the threat was bravado, but not entirely without merit. A lot of things around duel monsters had never been fully understood. Duel Disks had holographic projectors built in, but many believed there was more to things than just a simple hologram. Something more... real. The guards did, certainly now, which was why they were keeping their distance while she held this ‘weapon’. The Emperor believed it too. It was why he used duelists as soldiers in the war, and their duel monsters as weapons. It was why, with a campaign of hyperbole and ‘incidents’ showing how duel monsters were a threat to civilization, he drilled into people a state of fear towards the monsters and the once celebrated people who used them. It was why her parents.... Erin shook her head. She didn’t know what to believe, but there was definitely some ‘other power’ within the small card she held, as evidenced by the force that pushed Gaius back a good ten metres. She’d thought this threat would be enough to get them to go. However...
 
“Humph, you talk big little girl.” Gaius smirked and rolled his shoulders. Something was starting to worry her. She couldn’t understand why he was reacting like this. After all the misinformation that had been driven into the people over so many years, most people ran a mile when a duelist occasionally showed up, guards included. But he still had that bloody smirk on him. “However, unfortunately for you, an elite general is always prepared for such an eventuality...”

Gaius opened his arm up, and with dreadful horror Erin then realised why he was so confident. As did Mel and the gathering onlookers. On the inside of his shield was a modified Duel Disk of his own.
 
“But...why? How can you have one?”
 
“Surprised huh girl?” Gaius laughed. Damn right she was, given how he’d just touted about how these things were illegal. “What, you thought you could just attack me, a general of the Emperor’s army, with that little bit of magic and get away with it? Well I’ve got some bad news for you. The Emperor’s most trusted and high ranking generals have now been issued with our own D-Disks from those we confiscate, in order to better deal with troublemakers who would commit acts of treason. Troublemakers like you.”
 
Erin was starting to panic. Any connection to anything related to duel monsters or those who were was seen as treason against the Emperor. And that meant... well, the gesture Gaius was making by looping his hand around his neck and upwards made it clear what that meant. But she had attacked in her anger only because she was certain that he’d be unable to defend himself against the power she held, and that would be enough to get rid of him and his cronies, at least for now. Since when did the guards have duel equipment!? He had it fully armed now, and was motioning for his two aids to get into position ready to pounce or block an escape. His plan was clear; he was going to attack her, aiming to beat or wear her down enough for the others to take her. She glanced at Mel, he was mercifully hidden amongst a group, and he was white as a sheet and had tears in his eyes. Swallowing, she looked at flashing panel on her Disk; indicating her starting life points score and flashing turn randomizer. In blind rage she’d dumped herself into a right mess, now somehow she’d have to haul herself out of it.
 
“If you wanna pick a fight, you should be prepared for when people fight back.” Gaius smirked as he took his starting five cards, threatening to attack right away with them unless she did the same. “But against the elite general of the guard and with my elite deck? Little girl, you don’t stand a chance!”
 

“Duel!”

 
“Th... Th-en you should be to!” Erin tried to retort, but there was little conviction in it, as the randomizer gave her the opening privileges, her deck offered her a sixth card. She was unprepared for this. Now that her rage had subsided, the reality of what she’d done was setting in. She had duelled with Mel a bit, in the dead of the night under the covers when they were certain not to be disturbed. Nothing like this. As she glanced at her hand, and the three figures cloaked in various blue and white garbs emblazed with the same crystal symbol somewhere on their person, she had to hope that it, and the deck she had been given so long ago, would be enough to protect them. “I’ll... fight you... with everything, starting with my first turn! I summon Strategist of the Ice Barrier!”
 
As she placed the card on her Duel Disk, a glistening portal opened before her, through which emerged an elderly man in dark navy robes, grasping an amulet bearing the snowflake symbol of the Ice Barrier clan, and a ceremonial fan. This was a member of The Ice Barrier; the tribe that she not only had used ever since she’d been introduced to Duel Monsters, but also symbolised her, and now all she had left to protect herself (Lv4, ATK 1600). “Strategist’s effect activates. Once per turn, I can discard an Ice Barrier monster from my hand, in order to draw a new card.” She performed the exchange quickly. “Then I activate the spell card Surface. This summons a low level fish or aqua type monster from my graveyard in defence. I’ll be summoning my discarded Cryomancer of the Ice Barrier.”
 
A different portal, one to hell opened in the ground, from which a dark skinned shaman armed with a short wand made of ice rose up through and knelt before her. Its defence was a lamentable zero, but that didn’t matter much to him (Lv2, DEF 0). “While Cryomancer is on the field along with another Ice Barrier, no monsters can attack that are rated stronger than level three.” Hopefully that would protect her for a bit. Finally, the images of the backs of two more cards, hidden in identity, appeared behind the two icy men. “I’ll set two cards face down and end my turn.”
 
“Then it’s my turn” Gaius declared, forcefully drawing for his deck. His smirk broadened. “So already you are on the defensive. How weak. But there is no hiding from, no escaping from the might of the Empire. I’ll smash down your barriers. Summon, Marauding Captain!”
 
A veteran, battle-scarred warrior armed with two broadswords landed beside his commander (Lv3, ATK 1200). “When Marauding Captain is summoned normally, I can immediately perform a special summon to call another monster from my hand. Gearfried the Iron Knight.” A taller, broader warrior, covered from head to toe in cursed black armour, joined the captain (Lv4, ATK 1800). Erin gulped. The captain’s level was low enough to already break through her lock, and then the stronger Gearfried could take her Strategist. But at least she’d survive intact. Gaius however was not yet done.
 
“Now, I’m going to activate the Equip Spell, Divine Sword Phoenix Blade. This sword increases the attack of a warrior type monster by three hundred. Since Gearfried can’t be equipped with anything lasting, I’ll use it on the Captain.” The weapon exchange didn’t seem to do much (ATK 1500), but Gaius revealed another spell which made Erin gasp, and him chuckle in reply. “Next I activate Shield Crush. This destroys one monster that’s on the field in defence position immediately.”
 
Erin winced as the helpless Cryomancer was obliterated by a shaft of light that smashed right through its guard. On the charge, Gaius punched towards her with his command. “Gearfried, destroy that old man!” The plated warrior obeyed, charging the Strategist, and Erin lost her composure, shying away from the attack. The old man was flattened by one blow, disappearing in a shatter of snowflake like particles as he hit the floor, and Erin shuddered as the difference in strength was fed back to her in damage (LP 3800). Delighted, Gaius went again.“You’re wide open girl! Marauding Captain attacks you directly!”
 
“Aah! No, please!” Erin cried out as the veteran leapt at her with swords raised. Of course mercy was not going to be forthcoming. Instinctively she threw her hands up to protect her face as both swords came crashing down, clashed into her D-Disk. Startled and shocked as the impact fed through her from the disk, Erin staggered and fell backwards, shaken by the attack (LP 2300). The children watching gasped in horror, Mel among them was shaking as much as she was. Gaius laughed at her reaction.
 
“Pitiable. After all that front with your sneak attack, you don’t like it when it’s coming back your way.” Erin just sat there panting, numbed by what had happened. She wasn’t hurt by the attack, just shocked. Her first attempt at defence, and it had been ripped through near effortlessly. And she realised, now the battle phase was over, she could have prevented it if she hadn’t panicked! Sensing an opportunity, the guards went to move in. Seeing them move made her quickly stagger back to her feet, and they backed off again. But it was a reminder; any more serious damage... and she’d be vulnerable to them.
 
“I... Is... Is that all you got for me Gaius?”
 
Gaius scowled. Perhaps he had actually expected that to be enough to make her give up. “Humph, so you managed to get back up this time. I promise you won’t the next. But for now I place one card of my own face down, and end my turn. Not that you’ll do much in response.”
 
“W... We’ll see about that. Draw!” Erin stammered. Furious with her failures in the opening rounds, she had to focus on her cards again, and the revival spell she had drawn. ‘Calm down, and think about what you’re doing. What you’re going to do. You want any chance at all of getting out of this in one piece, you have to beat him! Now deep breaths, stay calm, think about your move, and do it.’
 
“I activate the spell card, Premature Burial. By giving up eight hundred of my life points as payment, I can bring back a monster in my graveyard and equip it with this card. Then I summon Shock Troops of the Ice Barrier.” Another masked warrior in blue robes landed before her, clutching a trident (Lv3, ATK 1500), whilst another hellish portal opened, pulling the Strategist back from the dead. Erin flinched as her life dipped again, but it was worth it (LP 1500). “Now battle. Strategist, attack Marauding Captain.”
 
“Is that really all the attack you can muster?” Gaius sighed, almost pitying of her weak effort. “All you can do is a measly one hundred damage, and that’s if I even let the attack go through to begin with. However, I’m going to let you and your monsters run right into my trap instead, by activating Mirror Force. When you attack, this powerful trap card destroys all attack position monsters you control.”
 
Erin gasped as the potentially devastating trap opened in response to Strategist’s movement, and the crowd gasped. If she lost all her monsters a second time... ‘No Erin, you can’t afford to let fright overcome you again. You knew this could well happen, now react to it. You can do this.’
 
“I activate my own trap card, 'Magician's Circle'. When I attack with a spellcaster type monster, this card gives us both the chance to summon another spellcaster from our decks in attack mode.”
 
“Uh, what’s the point in that?” Gaius sniffed, making no attempt to summon anything. “You know card chains resolve backwards right? Your monster will be summoned before Mirror Force resolves, you’re just going to waste an extra monster.” He was expecting this news to bring more terror to this pathetic urchin. However it was his turn to be surprised, as for the first time she smiled instead.
 
“I don’t think so. The monster I’m summoning is Dai-Sojo of the Ice Barrier!” A magical man burst forth from the portal; athletic and dark in build, his face obscured by wild white hair and a large bladed hat as he struck a dynamic pose (Lv6, ATK 1600). “And while Dai-Sojo is on the field, all my Ice Barrier monsters are protected from the destruction effects of spell and trap cards by his magic.” Gaius gasped as he realised... “Mirror Force does nothing! Strategist’s attack continues, and destroys Marauding Captain.”
 
An icy blast smashed into the captain’s chest, blowing it to particles. The general grunted as he took a small amount of damage (LP 3900). “Pretty clever for a little slum girl. But even that monster doesn’t have enough attack to take down Gearfried.”
 
“Not until I activate this!” Gaius blinked as Erin, her confidence suddenly rising, revealed a spell in her hand. “Now I’ve taken care of your defence, I can safely go ahead with this. The quick-play spell Shrink can be activated during the battle phase, cutting the attack points of your monster in half. Dai-Sojo, attack the weakened Gearfried!” The suddenly downsizing and alarmed iron knight was obliterated by another magical blast, and Gaius’ life took another dip (LP 3200). “Now Shock Troops, attack directly!”
 
The warrior moved at speed and lunged at Gaius, striking him across the shield. He grunted and lost another bit of ground (LP 1700), emerging from behind his block panting and scowling. Still the assault kept coming. “Now that all my high level monsters have attacked, I’ll activate my other trap, Graceful Revival. This summons the low level Cryomancer back once again, and now he can attack you as well.”
 
The other shaman was back, materialising a set of magical ice knives and launching them at Gaius’ head, who snarled as he took evasive action again. The tables were completely reversed now, and so was the mood inside the hall. Each knife thudded into the raised shield, the general lost more ground with every hit, until he was backed against the far wall. The children, suddenly inspired, cheered with every hit, completely ignoring the watching nuns trying desperately to shush them. Little Mel was amongst them, dancing and shouting in glee. The guards were panicking now, unsure whether to assist their senior or to attack Erin. Belatedly they chose the latter, but it was too late. As soon as they made a step towards her, the four warriors of icy brotherhood immediately stood in their way, blocking their path. They were helpless to do anything now. Erin allowed herself a small smile at their dilemma, but quickly refocused. She wasn’t out of the woods yet. Gaius had recovered and was glaring furiously at her, all his haughty, goading air had gone now. He was battered and bent over, exhausted from the constant barrages of icy magic, but he wasn’t quite finished (LP 400). And his dark eyes were so fixed on her; piercing through her. Not with contempt anymore, now with utter hatred. She shivered, now he was really dangerous...
 
‘I just need one more attack to finish him. But I’ve got nothing left to play to do it, or to protect myself for his turn. The only thing I could do now is use the effect of Shock Troops. By releasing it and another water monster, I could add any Ice Barrier monster of my choice to my hand. I should maintain some hand, and since Strategist is reliant on Premature Burial staying on the field, I should release it. But then... what should I choose? Maybe Dew... no. He has two cards to initiate a reversal, what can he do to get through this field? Dai-Sojo protects me from any field wiping spells, and Cryomancer will stop any strong attacks. I’m safe now, and besides; look at how this field presence is intimidating the guards. I should keep it.’
 
“I... end my turn.”
 
Wordlessly, Gaius drew his card, glancing only for a moment at the result before turning back to her. Slowly, horrifying, the ugly grimace turned back into a slight smirk.
 
“I activate the spell card, Monster Reborn.” Erin scowled at that card’s appearance. Whereas she had to make do with what she could with the limited cards she had, Gaius clearly had access to a pool of the most powerful types. Still, Gearfried was the monster he was bringing back, and there wasn’t much he could do with that now other than stall against her weaker monsters. Unless... Gaius revealed his drawn card. “Then I activate the spell Release Restraint! This card shatters the binds that restrict my iron knight, and allows it to unleash its full power. Gearfried, break free from your armour and show that wretched child the power of your full form!”
 
A hush overcame everyone as the gaps in Gearfried’s armour started to glow, before the black iron that imprisoned him suddenly exploded, freeing the true warrior within. A powerful warrior with long wild hair, his muscular body almost entirely uncovered, burst forth from the blast, landing with such power that the floor shook. “Behold, Gearfried the Swordmaster!” (Lv7, ATK 2600)
 
Erin swallowed as Gaius revelled in his ace. She daren’t look at Mel; she couldn’t let him see her fear. Gaius could see it in her though. “I admit you had a good little flurry there girl... But not good enough. I activate the effect of Divine Sword Phoenix Blade from my graveyard. By removing Marauding Captain and Gearfried the Iron Knight from play, I can return it to my hand, in order to re-equip it to my Swordmaster.” The blade materialised in the warriors empty hands, raising its strength accordingly (ATK 2900) as it raised the weapon towards her, pointing at Cryomancer. “Now Gearfried’s effect is triggered. Each time it is equipped with a new weapon, it immediately destroys one monster on the field!”
 
Erin gasped as the warrior lunged, and Cryomancer was destroyed again. Spitting furiously in his anger, Gaius went for the jugular. “Now with him out of the way, attack her trooper! Divine Slash!”
 
Another lunging slash and the masked warrior fell in a shattering of snowflakes. The resulting blast of the attack, damaging shocks passing through her Duel Disk into her body, made Erin cry and drop to her knees, leaving her whimpering slightly. This was too much. She couldn’t get back up. She couldn’t even look up. Her life points were at the minimum (LP 100). The room was silent now. The guards were only kept at bay by the remaining presence of her two sorcerers. Not that they would be able to protect her from Gaius’ Swordmaster for long.
 
“Turn end.” Gaius declared smugly. “Face it little girl. You’ve lost. And when I defeat you next turn, after your actions here, owning an illegal item and attacking an official servant of the Empire, you’re going to lose everything.” Everyone stared at her, but still Erin just knelt there, looking at the floor and trembling.
 
‘I’ve... I’ve blown it. I should have added Dewdark to my hand when I had the chance. Even if I drew him now, he’d be no help to me as things are. I’ve kept making silly mistakes, right from the moment I went and attacked him. I just... the Empire just makes me... they just keep taking... and when he attacked Mel like that... oh you stupid girl! How can you protect Mel from the Empire? You can’t if you do stupid reckless things like this, and get yourself killed! What the hell was I thinking attacking this man? Foolish girl, you’ve let him down.’ She could feel everyone was looking at her, waiting for her. Fools, what were they expecting? For her to make some sort of miraculous recovery and defeat Gaius? To somehow make everything alright? She scoffed to herself as she hung her head. She couldn’t face them. She couldn’t look at Mel. Not after letting him down like this. ‘Miracles don’t happen here. Not in the Empire...’
 
Looking at her deck, she could see a card had automatically offered itself for her draw. Well she was in this deep; she might as well go down fighting. Shrugging, knowing full well it wouldn’t make much difference; she drew and looked at it.

She blinked as she looked at the result. ‘Wait a second... this card...?’ The seconds dragged as Erin stared at it. And the orphans stared at her with baited breath. So did the nuns. So did the guards, poised and ready to arrest her. And Gaius, snorting with contempt at this battered, delinquent little girl who was transfixed by her card, the little magic card depicting a sea recovery operation, shaking as she held it.
 
‘Oh my... thank you...’
 
“I activate the spell card; Salvage!” Gaius jumped as the beaten girl suddenly hauled herself up and slammed it into the disk with some renewed strength, a crane appearing behind her and reached into the depths. “This card retrieves two water attribute monsters from my graveyard with fifteen hundred or less attack points, and adds them to my hand. Then I summon Cryomancer once again.”
 
“Grr, stalling again?” Gaius growled as the shaman returned once more to frustrate him. “It hasn’t worked for you once yet. You can’t keep Gearfried out forever!”
 
“Who said anything about me stalling?” To his amazement, Erin shook her head. “There’s one more thing about my Cryomancer that you should know, and that is he is a tuner monster. So now the stage is set, I will unleash the true power of the Ice Barrier. I tune my level two Cryomancer with the level four Strategist, to summon a more powerful force from my extra deck whose level is six. I Synchro Summon!”
 
Many gasped as the bodies of the two monsters turned to snowflakes, but this time they rose upwards and joined in a flurry of white rings and stars, forming a new snowy portal. As the gate opened, an arctic wind began to billow around the hall, forcing everyone to huddle down, trying not to be blown away by the growing blizzard. Gaius fought the wind furiously, trying to slowly inch towards Erin, until a terrible scream echoed through the portal above her. “From the depths of the icy realm, through the power of the divine’s pure prayer, a miracle will emerge to protect the weak. I Synchro Summon the result of that prayer. Brionac, Dragon of the Ice Barrier!”
 
The snowflakes blew apart, and from them appeared a great crystal blue serpent, with great icy wings and a snowflake shaped face, an icy mist emanating with its breath. Its yellow eyes burned down on him, before it screeched again (Lv6, ATK 2300). Below it, Erin just stood there, transfixed and relieved. Still Gaius remained defiant. “Bah, I don’t know why you look so happy. That dragon isn’t strong enough to defeat Gearfried. This isn’t a miracle. This is just another false hope for a stupid, arrogant little girl.”
 
“We’ll see about that!” Erin retorted. Her voice was the strongest it had been since Gaius had entered the building. “Brionac’s special effect activates. By discarding the Shock Troops card from my hand, I can return up to one card on the field to the owner’s hand. Gearfried is helpless...” The swordsmaster leapt at the dragon desperately, but to Gaius’ shock was caught straight in the chest by an icy blast from its maw. Leaving him with nothing, as the dragon turned her attention on him. Below it, Erin had to shout over the cacophony of noise in the hall. “...and you’re through! Brionac, attack him directly! Ice Burial!”
 
...
 
The passersby outside the small grounds of Saint Alexis’ got the shock of their lives as a wooden wall of the orphanage suddenly ripped open, a blizzard erupting from with the hall. To their amazement, Sir Gaius of the Royal Guard was launched through it, landing heavily in the courtyard on his back, wincing and groaning as he tried to pick himself up (LP 0). Two more soldiers came running through the hole after him as the wind abated, followed by - and if they hadn’t voiced their surprise yet they did now - as a pale faced snow dragon stuck its head out of the hole. Gaius was yelling at his allies and pointing furiously at the girl who had just run up to the gap after them, looking exhausted.
 
“Don’t just stand here! Get her! Get the kid! Get someone!”
 
The soldiers eventually did as they were ordered, but a rumbling growl from Brionac, along with its ally Dai-Sojo emerging to join the fray, quickly made them change their minds. There was no way they were going to fight that thing. So they sheathed their weapons and ran, out of the gate to the courtyard and fled into the narrow streets of the slums, ignoring the tirade of abuse following them as Gaius staggered to his feet. He was clutching his side, and breathing raggedly. He was too exhausted to fight anymore, they both knew it. So they stared at each other for a long while, neither willing to break first. Erin’s face was blank, but held fear. Gaius made no attempt to hide his fury, until finally he conceded and backed towards the gate. But not without giving her one last dirty look, and jabbing an accusing finger at her.
 
“Don’t think this is over.”
 
With that he hobbled off into the slums, shoving anyone in his way to the ground in anger, leaving Erin stood in the hole she’d broken in the side of the hall, trying to take it all in. And as she slowly regained awareness of the mutterings of the orphans and the nuns behind her, of the people in the street ahead, and as she felt Mel’s shivering body press against hers; a growing, horrible realisation dawned on her.
 
‘Oh my god... What have I done?’
[/spoiler]

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Firstly: Welcome back =D The section has missed you.

 

Secondly: Congratulations, you've managed to have an idea that wasn't one of my 6 predictions. So you've already won some respect from me there.

 

Fourthly: You probably should post the forbidden list for the time that armageddon was in the first place. Because funnily enough, I think like a third of the cards you used are now banned. Just helps us keep a track of things I find.

 

Finally, reviewing the actual chapter:

 

As a first (Well technically -60th? Or is it -54th? How many Chapters were in Armageddon again =P) chapter it was pretty damn good. Opening part was sad... Poor Erin. Very well written as a start, and probably a good tone setter given the focus character of this fic. Nice to see Erin before she became all Erin-y as well (This is true of the whole chapter btw, you handled Erin very well)

 

The second part was kinda... not as good for me. Just a couple of little things like a): Why was one of Nero's General's collecting taxes from an orphanage? Even if he was big-ing himself up (Which would make no sense unless he was some kind of secret general, because presumably the general's would be well known) surely he had better things to do that to collect a minor tax from an orphanage, in armour, with multiple guards?

 

The duel itself was really good. No errors in it, and it felt as smooth as the 24 duels thus far (Much better than the first duel in Armageddon for sure). Not much else to say about it.

 

I have to wonder how far this prequel is going to stretch, like all the way up to th start of Armageddon, or is it going to criss-cross and intersect with bits in Armageddon and show them from Erin's perspective.

 

It has a lot of potential, and I look forwards to reading the rest of it. Given how much your writing itself has improved since early days in Armageddon.

 

Thirdly (I never forget number 3): Don't get annoyed at a lack of comments, the section is for all intents and purposes dead as the metaphorical doormouse.

 

Till next time, Barty signing off~

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Well as someone that hasn't read the original Armageddon, I have to say that I enjoyed reading through this first chapter, and I can't wait to see what goes on as I follow this story. I have to agree with Bart above that the first part of the chapter was most definitely the best part. It really made me feel bad for Erin, and I don't even have any emotional connection to her like some of your long time readers might. So kudos there, it was very skillfully done. 

 

As the story progressed to the duel, I felt we fell into some cliches, but that is bound to happen in any Yu-Gi-Oh! Fic so it is probably best to get them out of the way now. In addition to hitting a few cliches, I felt as if the second half of the chapter just didn't carry the same depth as the first half. Now that isn't to say that it wasn't good and that I didn't enjoy reading it, but more so that you truly excelled with the flashback. 

 

Now that I'm done fixating on that small matter, lol, there are just a few things that I am wondering about, that could very well just stem from the fact that I am ignorant as to what happened in the original Armageddon.

 

1) What's technology like in this world? I got a medieval feel from everything up until the point you started talking about holographic projectors in the duel disks. That would allude to some sort of electrical power among other things.

 

2) Why didn't Erin just synchro to begin with? Of course now that I ask this question I have come up with two very plausible explanations: fear of the face-downs & wanting to keep field presence. But I will carry through with the question just so that I don't make any assumptions.

 

I am eager to see how this story goes. You've got yourself a new reader!

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That first chapter was interesting, it was good to see a glimpse of Erin as she was before the events from Armageddon. It will be interesting to see if the story is just a prequel, or if it will show us the events of Armageddon from Erin's or Mel's perspective as well. Either way, I'll continue to read it as it comes out, as if there's anything I've seen in this section, it's that your stories are enjoyable reads. Also, welcome back Matt, it's good to see you back on the site and in the Creative Writing section again.

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Definitely a better start than the first Armageddon, which is always nice to see. Erin's story definitely isn't one I expected to hear, but it is welcomed. So far, it treads that thin line between cliché and familiarity, and at this point really could go either way.

The problem with writing a prologue is that you lose a bit of the suspense. It has been a while since I read the original, but just keeping it in the back of my head, a lot of plot details from this story are ultimately "spoiled". We know the destination already; it's up to you to make the journey interesting. I think you can.

Other than that, I'm gonna reiterate Barty's point that it doesn't make much sense for someone like Gaius to be there. This would've been a perfect opportunity to introduce a smaller villain for a smaller scope.

All in all though, it's still good. I know what it's like to come back to an older story and see it in a new light; it's definitely a challenge to just pick it up again. If anyone can do it though, it's you.

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Comes on to four comments. I'm... quite happy with this, given what I've seen of YCM recently.

 

Well I was looking forward to replying to all these, but it seems the release of this has coincided with a major YCM blowout/hack that has screwed up most of those who've commenteds accounts, so this is a bit messy. Multi-quote is down too :( I'll do my best to reply to everything though.

 

Firstly: Welcome back =D The section has missed you.

 

Secondly: Congratulations, you've managed to have an idea that wasn't one of my 6 predictions. So you've already won some respect from me there.

 

Fourthly: You probably should post the forbidden list for the time that armageddon was in the first place. Because funnily enough, I think like a third of the cards you used are now banned. Just helps us keep a track of things I find.

 

Finally, reviewing the actual chapter:

 

As a first (Well technically -60th? Or is it -54th? How many Chapters were in Armageddon again =P) chapter it was pretty damn good. Opening part was sad... Poor Erin. Very well written as a start, and probably a good tone setter given the focus character of this fic. Nice to see Erin before she became all Erin-y as well (This is true of the whole chapter btw, you handled Erin very well)

 

The second part was kinda... not as good for me. Just a couple of little things like a): Why was one of Nero's General's collecting taxes from an orphanage? Even if he was big-ing himself up (Which would make no sense unless he was some kind of secret general, because presumably the general's would be well known) surely he had better things to do that to collect a minor tax from an orphanage, in armour, with multiple guards?

 

The duel itself was really good. No errors in it, and it felt as smooth as the 24 duels thus far (Much better than the first duel in Armageddon for sure). Not much else to say about it.

 

I have to wonder how far this prequel is going to stretch, like all the way up to th start of Armageddon, or is it going to criss-cross and intersect with bits in Armageddon and show them from Erin's perspective.

 

It has a lot of potential, and I look forwards to reading the rest of it. Given how much your writing itself has improved since early days in Armageddon.

 

Thirdly (I never forget number 3): Don't get annoyed at a lack of comments, the section is for all intents and purposes dead as the metaphorical doormouse.

 

Till next time, Barty signing off~

 

Firstly, thank you. Secondly, really? You didn't suspect :blink:? I thought from the end begins stuff and the promo it was quite guessable. PM me what you thought, I'd find them interesting. Thirdly... where's thirdly?

 

Fourthly, I'm well aware of the banlist issues, and am quite happy someone bought it up early so I can address it now. The banlist I'm using is...

 

...there is no ban list. Except there is. Sort of.

 

Let me explain, and refresh the memories of those familiar with Armageddon, and clarify for newcomers. In the Armageddon universe, ALL cards are forbidden (... except Frog the Jam). So the idea of some cards being more forbidden than others is kind of made redundant. In the original Armageddon it started with someone using the at the time banned Black Luster Soldier as a statement, and then I kind of just carried on from there and used some banned cards when needed (I think about 7-8 in the end). So the theme has kind of carried on here. At the time of writing this I think maybe a dozen have been used/pencilled in. However I do have rules for their use; ie nothing absolutely stupid such as the likes of Raigeki/Change of Heart/Pot of Greed that has been banned forever will be used cheaply, and also each banned card will only appear in the use of one duelist each (such as only Erin will use Cold Wave, for example). I think the only cards I've broke this second rule with so far are Monster Reborn (didn't realise it was banned now) and Premature Burial (simply an incident of needing to make LP work). Pot of Avarice will probably get used by two people too, but that should be it. Hopefully their use is liberal yet restrained enough to not be a detracting factor.

 

And thanks for the review. Your point about Gaius is... valid. I must have thought about it at the time, needing an excuse to get an imperial bigwig with access to duel disk in Erin's path and emphasis the situation the majority of the citizens are in, and... yeah, it is an oversight to be honest to which I can't really offer a great explanation. Glad the duel flowed well though, was quite out of practise when I started so was harder than it usually would have been to put a simple one together. As for how far the story goes in the timeline, we'll see. But the purpose of this story is mainly to explore Erin's character and show how she became the girl she was in Armageddon, so it should at end when her transformation is complete. Question is when will that point be huh, but we'll see ;)

 

Oh, there's thirdly. Don't worry, any comments are nice, I understand the state the site is in and I'm fine with it.

 

Well as someone that hasn't read the original Armageddon, I have to say that I enjoyed reading through this first chapter, and I can't wait to see what goes on as I follow this story. I have to agree with Bart above that the first part of the chapter was most definitely the best part. It really made me feel bad for Erin, and I don't even have any emotional connection to her like some of your long time readers might. So kudos there, it was very skillfully done. 

 

As the story progressed to the duel, I felt we fell into some cliches, but that is bound to happen in any Yu-Gi-Oh! Fic so it is probably best to get them out of the way now. In addition to hitting a few cliches, I felt as if the second half of the chapter just didn't carry the same depth as the first half. Now that isn't to say that it wasn't good and that I didn't enjoy reading it, but more so that you truly excelled with the flashback. 

 

Now that I'm done fixating on that small matter, lol, there are just a few things that I am wondering about, that could very well just stem from the fact that I am ignorant as to what happened in the original Armageddon.

 

1) What's technology like in this world? I got a medieval feel from everything up until the point you started talking about holographic projectors in the duel disks. That would allude to some sort of electrical power among other things.

 

2) Why didn't Erin just synchro to begin with? Of course now that I ask this question I have come up with two very plausible explanations: fear of the face-downs & wanting to keep field presence. But I will carry through with the question just so that I don't make any assumptions.

 

I am eager to see how this story goes. You've got yourself a new reader!

 

Hey Renegade. Thanks for commenting. This is an awesome comment because I'm quite excited to have a mix of people who've read the original and some who haven't and are all new to it (so people, please bear in mind Armageddon-spoilers when commenting).

 

Regarding the first scene/prologue as it was; most of it, well all the content at least, was taken from the original Armageddon. Updated, improved and filled out in terms of the way it was written of course, but the actual events had been seen before in an extra chapter. It seemed a nice way to kick things off using stuff from the original work, for me anyway, and it felt a pretty good opening hammer. This... may not be the only time events from the original story and this cross-over in some way...

 

Good point. The Armageddon world was always very warped inconsistent in it's setting and things like this, as I wanted a fantasy setting typical to something out of the aforementioned Inheritance and my beloved Final Fantasy, but with the convenience of technology available. FF is probably the best thing to compare it to. In the Empire there is some technology, quite a bit in fact. But it's mostly only available to the privelaged as things are. A lot of technology has been removed by the Emperor to cement his authority, although weapons like the swords and shields thing is where the advances in technology in this world seems to have lagged. It's a very time-warped kind of world really. The joys of having to work with a setting fixed on stuff I created 3 years ago and bound to the many errors made at the time <_<

 

Do you mean on her first or second turn? It was mainly to illustrate Erin's duelling and by extension her personality; ie very defensive and just looking to protect herself at all costs behind the Ice Barrier rather than go on the attack. For now at least anyway. Hope you enjoy it :)

 

(God this is hard work without multi-quote :()

 

That first chapter was interesting, it was good to see a glimpse of Erin as she was before the events from Armageddon. It will be interesting to see if the story is just a prequel, or if it will show us the events of Armageddon from Erin's or Mel's perspective as well. Either way, I'll continue to read it as it comes out, as if there's anything I've seen in this section, it's that your stories are enjoyable reads. Also, welcome back Matt, it's good to see you back on the site and in the Creative Writing section again.

 

You'll be getting more than glimpse Sim (hi btw). Thanks for the kind words. It's nice to be enjoying writing again, I think it's just these characters and this world more than anything that gets me excited.

 

Definitely a better start than the first Armageddon, which is always nice to see. Erin's story definitely isn't one I expected to hear, but it is welcomed. So far, it treads that thin line between cliché and familiarity, and at this point really could go either way.

The problem with writing a prologue is that you lose a bit of the suspense. It has been a while since I read the original, but just keeping it in the back of my head, a lot of plot details from this story are ultimately "spoiled". We know the destination already; it's up to you to make the journey interesting. I think you can.

Other than that, I'm gonna reiterate Barty's point that it doesn't make much sense for someone like Gaius to be there. This would've been a perfect opportunity to introduce a smaller villain for a smaller scope.

All in all though, it's still good. I know what it's like to come back to an older story and see it in a new light; it's definitely a challenge to just pick it up again. If anyone can do it though, it's you.

 

Haha, thanks Umbra. Well that's a relief to start with :D

 

Yes, I've realised that as well, especially when it comes to who we know will make it to the end or not (although again, please keep comments as spoiler free for the new readers as possible please). But yes, the journey is just as important as the destination and hopefully it will live up to expectations that I realise are probably high now :)

 

Yes, granted on that point. But thank you for your positive reaction and I hope this goes well. And I see you've posted something too *excited noises*. This is awesome and I will get to it when I can with great excitement.

 

Oh, regarding updates. I'm going to try and be a lot more relaxed now, given stuff you all know about, so they'll be semi-regular with no fixed days for posting like usual. I've got a good headstart built up, so there shouldn't be huge gaps between chapters, but they won't be rattled out automatically on set dates either.

 

Also pointing out credits and references been updated.

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You already know... all of my thoughts on this actually as I was beta-reading from the start, so I don't have much to say here (other than beat myself up for not saying anything about needing justification for Gaius, lol). So I'll mostly just acknowledge my credit, wish you good luck and hope it gets the attention it deserves. Oh, and reaffirm the fact that I'll continue to beta-read faithfully along the way.

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Wow, never thought I'd see something Armageddon-related again! What's it been, two years?

This was certainly a nice surprise and it's good to see you back, dude. 

 

This was a good start, it's reassuring you haven't lost your touch. I guess it makes sense for Erin to have had a humble origin in a place like an orphanage (I will admit, there are some details from Armageddon I may have forgotten here and there, feel free to point out if I'm ignoring something from there). I'm curious where she got her new disk since they're supposedly hard to find. She had one before her house was raided too, maybe she has connections with the right people?

I liked the duel; I don't really play YGO at all anymore, but it was easy getting back on that flow through that duel, so thanks for that.

 

I'll admit I didn't stop to think why Gaius would pillage an orphanage. I did think it'd be obvious they wouldn't have enough money and would eventually collapse, which I feel Gaius knew, but now that I think about it, it'd be dumb to nix a continual source of income just because of impatience.

But oversights happen to everybody, (especially) me included.

 

I'm looking forward to following this, good to see you back, Matt.

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Woo. I asked for comments, and I recieved them.
 

You already know... all of my thoughts on this actually as I was beta-reading from the start, so I don't have much to say here (other than beat myself up for not saying anything about needing justification for Gaius, lol). So I'll mostly just acknowledge my credit, wish you good luck and hope it gets the attention it deserves. Oh, and reaffirm the fact that I'll continue to beta-read faithfully along the way.

 
Well, yeah. But it's still nice to see you comment every now and then. You might see something on the second reading, and connect it to something you know is coming up and can point things out that may go wrong or won't make sense before they happen :) Thank you so much for doing this Dion, I'm so happy you're enjoying it.
 

Wow, never thought I'd see something Armageddon-related again! What's it been, two years?
This was certainly a nice surprise and it's good to see you back, dude. 
 
This was a good start, it's reassuring you haven't lost your touch. I guess it makes sense for Erin to have had a humble origin in a place like an orphanage (I will admit, there are some details from Armageddon I may have forgotten here and there, feel free to point out if I'm ignoring something from there). I'm curious where she got her new disk since they're supposedly hard to find. She had one before her house was raided too, maybe she has connections with the right people?
I liked the duel; I don't really play YGO at all anymore, but it was easy getting back on that flow through that duel, so thanks for that.
 
I'll admit I didn't stop to think why Gaius would pillage an orphanage. I did think it'd be obvious they wouldn't have enough money and would eventually collapse, which I feel Gaius knew, but now that I think about it, it'd be dumb to nix a continual source of income just because of impatience.
But oversights happen to everybody, (especially) me included.
 
I'm looking forward to following this, good to see you back, Matt.

 
Hey Fusion. Glad to see you here again. Yep, about that. Two and a half maybe.
 
Thanks. Erin's background was never really covered as much as it could have been before, other than above seen that was reused, but it's been nice to do (although no-one seems to have noticed something of a connection about the orphanage, which is a little bit of a shame). It's not really gone into at any detail how she got her duel disk, other than by some backhanded illegitimate means obviously. I'm glad the duel was simple enough. I was worried Brionac wasn't a good enough finish and was trying to much around with it too much, but as the opening duel it's best to keep it simple I guess. As for Gaius, well, we know our dear Emperor. Since when did he consider anyone other than himself? I guess that's my defence of that.
 
Anyway, six commentors of a mostly happy variety, plus I'm aware of a few more readers (yeah I saw you people). I'm pretty happy with that to be fair. Anyway, best get this ball rolling while it's got something akin to what you might call opening chapter momentum, and post chapter 2; where the consequences of Erin's reckless actions become clear. If you thought the actions of Gaius were questionable doing the duties he was with his position... well I can foresee more eyebrow raising here. Or maybe not and it will all be good. I don't know. I get awful paranoid about chapters when I release them, just ask Vector. :o
 
Will just point out again that there are no set days for updates, they'll up as and when I have time. And depending on level of response to each chapter, maybe... ;) Enjoy
 
[spoiler=Chapter 2]Chapter 2: The Consequences
 
Nearly kicking over a startled young stable boy as he dismounted from his horse, Gaius barked at the sentries to get out of his way and stomped into the grand hallways at the heart of the Royal Palace. Half an hour had passed since he had been blasted through the wooden structure of a slum building by an icy dragon, and he was still clutching his ribs from the impact. The experience had also been quite fatiguing, or would have been, had he not been so fuelled by rage! The gall! The dishonour! The humiliation! He would not stand for this. Orders of containment had already been issued, now he needed to prepare himself. Passing through the great hall, he shouted at the first servant he saw to go fetch the royal physician, order him to go down to the palace vaults to see to him immediately, and that he would put both of their heads on a spike if he didn’t go at once. An angry looking master of the palace; an old but stern head-servant to the Emperor’s palace for many years came rushing up to him, challenging him about his outrageous behaviour inside the Emperors court. Gaius picked him up by the neck and threw him away; all the watching maids shrieking in terror as the master slammed into the banquet table back first, and the general marched on without a backward glance. Down a stairwell into the lower levels of the palace, past the treasury and the servant’s quarters, through some more guarded doors, shouting at the treasurer to fetch the keys, and continuing on until at last he reached the vault he wanted. Inside that room would be what he needed for his revenge. Sitting down at last to remove his chest plate for the physician’s examination, Gaius tutted irritably at the wait. Although not quite as irritably as the person waiting in the shadows for him. As he fiddled furiously with his armour, a gentle fragrance began to drift through the chamber around him.
 
“Temper temper Gaius, you’re giving the army a bad reputation charging around like this.”
 
Gaius pricked up as the words wafted over him. It was only then that he noticed the full flavour of the aroma enveloping him; strong, rich, and enticing to lesser men. A siren’s scent. He recognised the voice and the smell, and shaking the stuff out of his senses he stood up to confront the silhouette approaching from its hiding place in the shadows of the chamber.
 
“You?! You’ve got some nerve to judge me. What are you doing down here anyway?”
 
An amused ‘humph’ met him in reply, before the speaker emerged from the darkness. Dressed in fine silver chainmail that was tailor fitted for her slim figure, matching her gauntlets, and finished with fine red silk cloth underneath; the rank and nobility of her standing was clear for all to behold, as was the fortune of her looks. A mane of blonde hair fell down her back over the scarlet cape. Styled eyebrows and pinched cheekbones made her look bold and striking. Her eyes were sharp, emerald green, and dangerous. One flutter of those eyelashes and whiff of her perfume, and the minds and wills of men would be lost forever in a haze. Gaius acknowledged she was beautiful alright, but he knew better. He had been a warrior for a long time, and fought countless battles. He knew the cold, savage, ruthless eyes of a killer when he saw them. He had seen those eyes during that process. The warrior woman stood with her hand on her hip in a lazy, indifferent way, and a small smile as she looked up at her ally.
 
“This, and your medical, can wait. The Emperor is waiting for you.”
 
...
 
“But Sister Joanne...”
 
“Hush child, please will you be seated.”
 
Sighing, Erin flopped back onto the little stool indicated and stared at the floor, trying not to look at the stern elderly woman who was sat at the desk before her. In the immediate wake of the battle and the guards retreat, she had been so shell-shocked, not to mention fatigued by the duel, that she had just sat in the wreckage of the main hall; trying to catch up with what happened, and what the consequences of her actions would be. Melanc had tried to get her to respond to him, but she’d given him little comfort other than the occasional numb touch or answer. All the other nuns and children had left her well alone, skirting around her at a distance and speaking in whispers in her presence. She slowly recovered her senses, and came to terms with what she had to do now. She had to escape, however things weren’t that straightforward. Sister Margaret immediately collared her and ordered her to the office of the head of the orphanage and the sisterhood. She was actually fine with this; she needed to talk to her, as much as she dreaded the prospect, as long as the discussion was quick and action taken swiftly. Neither was.
 
“But...” Erin nervously started again, but the head sister’s frown deepened and she lost her nerve. Sister Joanne was well into her eighties and looked it, with wrinkly skin and knotted hands that were she flexed and wringed, and tired eyes behind a pair of half moon spectacles that cut such a withering, disapproving look at Erin now that she felt very small and very aware of how much trouble she was in. How much trouble she had put them all in. This was not to say Sister Joanne was an unkind woman, far from it, just stern and intolerant of any nonsense. The old woman sighed in a long tired breath.
 
“You realise what you must do now.”
 
“Yes sister” Erin mumbled. “I know what I did was wrong, and I’m sorry, but I...”
 
“That would be putting it mildly” the sister interrupted, Erin frowned as she had to stop again. Didn’t the slow old bag think that she knew that already? She tried to speak again, but Joanne just cut her off, and there was no stopping her when she got going. “If only I had known that you’d had those items, I could have confiscated them long ago. I should have known you might. You are such a nice young girl Erin, but you are short-tempered and impulsive. It pains me to think of you and your sins, after how the sisters and I have tried so hard to raise you here. And to think of you going to the gallows as a traitor...”
 
‘It pains you to think that? How do you think I feel?’ Erin bit her tongue on that thought; she couldn’t afford a full scale argument with this woman. There’d be no convincing her otherwise.
 
“... Oh my dear child, you have lost so much, but the path of wrath and vengeance is a dark and twisted road, and now it’s going to lead you to this... I pray for you, and ask the lord to forgive your wickedness. I must double my efforts, and now I must try to ask the guards that they will be merciful.”
 
“Sister, you can’t honestly believe they will be?” Erin was shocked. She winced at the glare she got for interrupting, but she hadn’t got time for this. “My temper is only short because of what the Empire and people like Gaius have done to me and my brother. I know I lost it just now, and that it’s done irreparable damage to your orphanage, but we don’t have time to dwell on what’s happened and regret about it. We have to deal with it now and respond, and quickly.”
 
Sister Joanne sighed again. “We? And what do you suggest that we do; to ‘deal with it’?”
 
Erin swallowed. The conversation had gone badly up to this point in the build up to what she was going to suggest. She had needed to butter up Sister Joanne as much as she could before making it, it would take a miracle for her to listen to her now.
 
“We have to run.”
 
Sister Joanne just sat there and blinked a couple of times, as if she hadn’t really understood. Erin waited for her to respond, the silence was awful and unsettling, but still the old woman didn’t seem to have taken in her suggestion. She’d have to elaborate. “You know as well as I do that half the armed guard is going to be knocking on your door soon and demanding for me. They could arrive at any moment, and they will tear this place apart to find me. Never mind about what they’re going to do to me if they catch me, the Emperor has made that clear enough. Do you honestly think you or anyone else here will be spared? Do you realise what they’ll do to this place if they don’t find me? What they’ll do to you?”
 
Sister Joanne frowned and leaned forward. “... and whose fault is that?”
 
“I know it’s my damn fault!” She was shouting at the stupid old nun in frustration and was on her feet without realising. Immediately the sister stood up and ordered her to sit back down, and she would not do anything until Erin calmed down and behaved herself properly and in a courteous manner. The cane just behind her desk emphasised that point. Furious, Erin slumped back into the stool so forcefully it nearly buckled, crossing her arms and tapping her feet impatiently. Didn’t this old spinster get it? They were all in danger because of her, like she didn’t already know that. They had to go, and she didn’t have time to play along to her stupid rules of house and etiquette. But she was so unyielding about them she had to. Once the head nun had finally decided the child was reasonable again, she resettled herself.
 
“Alright, now if you can stop behaving like a spoilt child for just a moment and think about what you’ve just suggested. About what an absurd idea it is? Have you even thought about what that means?”
 
Erin had to bite her lip again. How could Sister Joanne be so calm? And how could she be so stubborn and blind? “I have thought about it. I know it’s desperate, but there is no other way I can see. People saw what happened, and talk of it is going to spread fast. The Emperor will want to punish people for what happened, and not just me. I was raised under your roof, and as far as they’ll be concerned I’ve come out as I have with your knowledge and consent. You’re the head of this house; you’ll be seen as responsible. You’ll probably be in the next noose to me. This orphanage will be closed and your sisters and your children will be left to fend for themselves. They will want to make everyone suffer for what I did. It’s what they do. Don’t you get that? Do you really want to just stay here? We don’t have a choice.”
 
Sister Joanne sighed wearily and leant back into her chair. “And where do you suggest we go, hmm? Where do you suggest we run to? We have eight of the sisterhood work here in total, caring for twenty children. How do you suggest to move so many people, unnoticed by the Empire, and to where? Where do we go to safety and out of the reach of those coming for you Erin?”
 
Erin tried to speak, but nothing came out. The old nun sadly shook her head. “As I thought. You have a good heart Erin, to want to protect all the children and the sisters here. But you are naive to believe it possible. Like you said, we don’t have a choice. We have no choice but to wait for the Empire to come down upon this house, and pray that we are treated mercifully for your actions.”
 
With that she nodded to the door, an air of finality in her tone. It made Erin choke. She couldn’t move. Not like this. She couldn’t just leave them all at the mercy of, or certain lack of, the Empire. Not after the care the orphanage had shown her and Mel for the past two years. Not after they’d all become some sort of... family. But then the blasted woman had a point. Where could they go? How could she lead near thirty people out of the clutches of the Emperor without detection, and to safety? But there had to be something she could do. There had to be. Desperate and frustrated she lunged over the desk, as if to pull the stubborn old nun to her feet and drag her off with her, but a second after she did so she cried in pain and withdrew, clasping her hands. Sister Joanne had quick as a flash leaned back, grabbed the cane, and rapped it over her knuckles. Now she was stood again, standing over her as she hunched down crying and trying to shake out the stinging pain, looking helplessly up at her.
 
“Please... There must be something I can do...”
 
Sister Joanne looked down at her scornfully, and once again just shook her head.
 
“Naive child. There is nothing you can do.”
 
...
 
Five minutes later, and Mel was in class when Erin found him. The mood in the classroom this morning had been muted and tense anyway, but when a dreadful teary-eyed looking girl barged in and tried to pull her little brother out it went deadly silent. The two sisters leading the class protested, but she ignored them and picked a stunned Melanc up and almost carried him out without a word, slamming the door in the sister’s flustered faces. Outside two hastily packed bags were waiting for them.
 
“Erin, what are you doing?”
 
“We have to go Mel. Please... just pick up your bag and come on. We have to go quickly.”
 
Mel was slow to follow, making her scowl irritably. He was too young to understand. He wanted to ask what was going on, if it was because of what had happened with Gaius earlier, but again she just told him to pick up a bag and come with her. At this point one of the nun’s came out and demanded Erin tell her what she was doing, and she was so shocked when Erin glared at her that she ran off. No doubt who she was going to fetch, but it didn’t matter now. She’d given the old woman her chance; what happened to her couldn’t be her problem anymore. Turning her attention back to her brother, he had finally picked up his bag, but to her disbelief was stood there rummaging through to check the contents!
 
“Erin, my rabbit’s not in here. Can I...”
 
“No Mel! Forget the rabbit!” Mel recoiled away from her as if he’d been stung, and Erin choked when she realised that in her frustration she’d just shouted at him. He was so startled to be yelled at by her; he looked on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout. But we don’t have time to go to our room and get him; we really must go right now. I promise I’ll get you a new one okay?”
 
Albeit reluctantly, the message finally went in as Mel nodded and shouldered the bag, and scuttled off with her back towards the main hall. As she pulled him along, overly forcefully as he struggled to keep up with her possessed marching and with the awkward size of his pack, he kept on asking her questions.
 
“But Erin, where are we going?”
 
“Just... you’ll see soon Mel. We’re going to a good place... one that will be better than here.”
 
“But I like it here.”
 
“We can’t stay here.” Erin groaned as he continued to question her. “I’m going to take us somewhere safe. Somewhere where we can be really happy, okay? As long as you’re a good boy and listen to your big sister, I promise we’ll go somewhere wonderful.” Mel looked confused by what she was saying. She just hoped it had enough conviction to get him to come along, as much as she was making promises she had no idea how to keep right now. But she had to say anything she could to get him to come. The nun’s might have accepted their fate, but she wouldn’t leave him here with them to face what she’d bought.
 
As they entered the main hall, the teacher nun was waiting for them, and as expected had summoned Sister Joanne in tow. Mel immediately ducked behind Erin, as he’d seen she had bought her cane with her, and was looking at his sister with great fury. “Erin, what are you doing now?”
 
“I’m leaving, and I’m taking my brother with me. You can sit here and wait for the guard if you want, but you can’t expect me to do the same, or leave him to their ‘mercy’.”
 
The sisters might have been blocking the door to the entrance hall, but they seemed to have forgotten about the gaping exit she’d made earlier. Pulling Mel around after her, she marched to the hole Brionac had destroyed in the wall earlier, and stepped out into the courtyard...
 
With a surprised gasp of horror she stopped, as an arrow instantly embedded itself in the ground at her feet. Pushing Mel back in and staggering inside, she looked back to see the archer sitting on the wall across the courtyard in front of her, mockingly waving at her with another arrow in hand. Suspecting the worse, she glanced around the perimeter. All around the isolated home, she could see there were dozens more armed and ready, covering every exit, all well out of her reach and too many to do anything about.
 
‘Oh no. They’ve already surrounded us. We’re trapped.’
 
...
 
The waiting was awful. Forced to sit in the wreckage of the hall, with the threat of archers ready to shoot her or anyone else who entered the courtyard made clear, Erin was made to sit and wait for hours. If she moved about and got too close to an exit, another arrow would land near her, just to serve as a reminder. The other children were being kept away and fed elsewhere. Erin wanted to help in some way, but Sister Joanne had, perhaps understandably, forbade her from going near them. Mel was sat a little way from her, playing with some toy he’d found to pass the time, but his discomfort was clear. She’d not allowed him to leave her sight, not even to use the bathroom unattended; for fear that she’d never get him back if the sisters got a chance and took him away. If it came to the worse and the guard made a move on her... she shuddered. She’d have to make a decision then. But until then she had to wait, and it was maddening, as premonitions of death and other wild thoughts continued to freely keep running round and around her head at bay without distraction.
 
‘That archer could have killed me the second I stepped outside, but instead he fired a warning shot, to deliberately miss. I can understand that being too quick and easy for me, but why haven’t they charged in and arrested me yet? They must be certain I can’t get out without being seen, and they can’t be all that afraid of what I might do if they forced in here. They could easily overwhelm me and anything I do with great numbers. None of this makes sense. What the hell are they waiting for? Why did Gaius have a duel disk and monsters of his own? And why do I get the feeling someone is planning something especially unpleasant for me...’
 
And so the wait continued. All through the afternoon and into the fading light of early autumn evening. As the dim streetlights began to come on, the number of soldiers started to increase, and began moving civilians out of the streets. The people were soon replaced by the movement of some heavy looking machinery and wooden scaffolding on carts, being dragged by horses and under the direction of the guard. Erin swallowed as she looked out at them positioning themselves. Well this seemed a little over-elaborate, but whatever was happening, it looked like she was going to find out about it soon.
 
She jumped as someone tugged at her arm, resulting in an equally scared reaction. It was Mel of course, who looked down as he presented her a plate of... something or other. It looked awful whatever it was. Taking the plate from him, she glanced at the cook who was stood at the other end of the hall. “I see. Is this supposed to be that meal?” The cook shrugged and told her it was whatever she made of it, and that it was better than nothing. Not feeling especially grateful, she forced herself to calm down as Mel sat beside her and started to eat his own plateful, still not meeting her eye.
 
“Erin, what’s going to happen? Are... are they going to take you away like... our parents?”
 
Erin swallowed as Melanc sat there; looking at his knees and on the verge of tears. She hadn’t noticed how much she was shivering. Well, she’d never get another chance now; she would have to be honest with him. Hopefully he’d understand.
 
“Yes, I think so.”
 
“It’s because of what you did to those men earlier, isn’t it?”
 
“Yeah...”
 
“Then why’d you do it sis?!” Mel suddenly looked up, and she was shocked to realise there wasn’t just tears in his eyes. There was something more. “Why’d you attack him like that, if you knew this was going to happen? Why do they have to take you away?”
 
“I... I did it because he hurt you.” The small boy gasped as his sister suddenly hugged him. She didn’t usually act or talk to him like this. “I’m sorry Mel. Everything I do, I’ve done to protect you. But people like them out there, they don’t like it when that happens, and I went about things the wrong away. I should have protected you better to begin with. I couldn’t do anything I promised. I’m... sorry.”
 
Somewhere outside something bright was switched on, dazzling them both for a second, as a great spotlight lit up the orphanage, followed by a second one illuminating the courtyard beyond. The shadows of the archers behind them could be seen repositioning themselves, and someone was moving into the lighted courtyard, yelling into a loudspeaker. She recognised that voice.
 
“Alright slum girl! I know you’re in there” Gaius barked into the amplifier. “I told you it wasn’t over. Come out right now. And bring your duel disk with you!”
 
Bring her what? Erin blinked. Surely he had meant to say ‘with your hands where I can see them’, or something similar, unless he just wanted her to throw her disk away once in sight. Well, in either case, she removed the device from her bag and attached it. As she stepped into the full glare of the spotlight, she could just see Gaius, sneering disdainfully at her. Well, if he wanted it, she’d give it to him. She took a step outside, but Melanc grabbed her around the waist and shook his head, crying desperately.
 
“No Erin, please don’t go! You can’t leave me like this!”
 
“Mel, please. Do as your sister asks. Go inside and join the other children. Mix yourself in with them and be brave for me, okay.”
 
“No! I won’t! This isn’t fair!” Mel cried, clinging to her as she shoved at him. “Don’t go!”
 
Resigned to it, hating herself for it, Erin looked down and waved for the watching nuns for help. They failed at first, it was only when they asked the cook to help that he managed to prise Mel away from her waist. He screamed and kicked like fury, she felt his pain just as much, but she forced herself to stand there limply until he was off and she could take a sorry look back. He was bawling and hammering at the shoulders of the cook who carried him away, looking terrified at her and screaming “Sis! Sis no!” until he was gone from the hall. Only then did she take a deep breath, crossed herself and stepped out.
 
As soon as she did, the archers drew their arrows in readiness. Once she had gotten used to the glare of the lights shining at her, she could see more mobile towers placed down the sides of the courtyard and directly ahead, which had people in them doing something. She couldn’t guess what they were for. Although one smaller one looked like a... yep; she could see the man with the black hood by the one over behind Gaius, preparing his rope. Gaius was stood waiting with his arms folded, his shield in place and at the ready, and frowning at her. What was going on?
 
“All a bit much for one little slum girl isn’t it?” she shouted.
 
“This isn’t about you. It’s an exercise in public order and restraint” Gaius replied stiffly. He wasn’t happy about something. As she approached he armed his duel shield anyway. “You must realise that our little... incident, from this morning... has now become the hot topic of the town. The tale of how an orphan girl duelled and defeated the mighty Gaius of the guard; how excited it must be getting the people who wish to bring trouble to our fine state? You think the Emperor would let this go unchecked, or that I would let my name be tarnished? I want my rematch, and I’m going to beat you down, on state television...” So they were camera gantries then, as Gaius indicated the other towers. “... and show the whole nation how anyone who dares commit these acts of treason will be dealt with. How those who consort against the Empire in this way will be beaten down like the bugs they are. And then... I’m going to hang you!”
 
‘Trouble to the state? Consorts against the Empire? What the hell is he talking about?’ Erin wondered. Well that was the least of her worries, as she armed her duel disk. Still the situation seemed off. Gaius was taking a huge risk in doing this. “You must be pretty confident; to take me on live television having already lost to me once? You’re not gonna save your reputation if that happens again.”
 
“Oh don’t worry little girl. We’ve taken measures to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”
 
Erin recoiled as the scent hit her first. An arousing perfume, full and thick, was drifting towards her from somewhere behind Gaius. From the shadows another knight walked towards them, a woman, her sharp emerald eyes narrowing intently on her. On her wrist was a smaller silver shield. Erin trembled as the blonde swordswoman approached and stopped beside Gaius. She recognised her from the news and the Emperor’s parades, and her appearance filled her with even more dread than the general did.
 
“You’re... Lady Camilla... aren’t you? The famous war heroine of The Empire... The Black Thorn?”
 
“Oh, so you’ve heard of me?” The knight smiled slightly, as if she was flattered. “I’m charmed. Likewise, I’ve heard about you too Miss Erin. Many people are starting to her about you after this morning. So has the Emperor, and he’s ordered a public display needs to be made out of you. To quell the fighting spirit of any other duelists who you might inspire you see. Your live execution should be more than enough to do that. Hmmm....” Erin shuddered as Camilla studied her critically.
 
“You’re prettier than I thought you’d be, for a slum girl. That’s unfortunate; people feel more sympathy for girls who are pretty. You don’t look very powerful either. I was certainly surprised when I heard you’d defeated Gaius. I guess your looks must hide some true power. But whatever the case, it wouldn’t be enough for you to defeat me, let alone the pair of us.”
 
“What?” Erin gasped as Camilla revealed her shield had a similar device to Gaius’ built into it, before arming it. “I have to fight both of you?”
 
“Don’t feel too bad; I’m not totally happy with it either” Camilla shrugged, and Gaius also scowled as he readied himself. “I would certainly be able to deal with you by myself, but Gaius wants his revenge badly so, and the Emperor’s orders are orders. He wants to be absolutely sure you have no chance of winning, and no-one disobeys the Emperor. You are about to find that out the hard way. Now prepare yourself.”
 
Horrified by the way her situation was getting more and more out of hand; Erin took up her disk as the two generals of the Emperor’s army did suit, confident in having every advantage. A staged execution, with the odds tilted completely in their favour, displaying their dominance over all with no mercy, just what the Emperor wanted to remind everyone. Upon the signal the guards in the viewing towers started to roll with the recording of the spectacle, and they were live.

 

“Duel!”

 
‘Fight, you have to’ Erin thought, as she drew her hand. They had double the life points to her, double the turns, double everything. Even having the first turn was a disadvantage, as it would allow whoever went next to go straight for her if she couldn’t defend herself. She was terrified, but she couldn’t let them see it. That’s what they wanted. She had to steel herself. ‘If they really think I’m this person they’re making me out as, I’m going to damn well give it to them, even if my chances of winning are impossible.’
 
“I’ll start, with the continuous magic card Water Hazard. This lets me special summon a level four or lower water attribute monster from my hand once a turn, as long as I have no monsters on the field at the time. So I’m going to use its effect right now and summon Strategist of the Ice Barrier.” The bearded elder of the ice tribe materialised before her (Lv4, ATK 1600), and was shortly joined by the shaven headed shaman (Lv2, ATK 1300). “I’ll summon Cryomancer of the Ice Barrier as well. Then I’ll end my turn with two face downs.”
 
“Humph, this opening move again?” Gaius scoffed. “We’ll see how well your barrier holds up this time against my armed swordsmen. I’ll take my turn first. Draw!” As the powerful knight drew and examined the result, his eyes narrowed. ‘Excellent, I got it already. Poor little wretch. Now I know your deck, you don’t stand a chance, not with this card. I will have my revenge...’ “Spell card; Reinforcement of the Army, lets me add a Warrior-type monster to my hand for me to summon. Gearfried the Iron Knight.”
 
The black plated warrior emerged from his portal and hit the field hard, but he was barely there for a second (Lv4, ATK 1800). “Next I activate the magic Release Restraint. By sending Gearfried the Iron Knight to the graveyard, I can summon Gearfried the Swordmaster directly from my deck.”
 
Erin winced as the half-naked swordsman returned to battle her again. If it was possible, he looked as hell-bent on revenge against her and her dragon as his master did (Lv7, ATK 2600). Across the field, she noticed Camilla had also acknowledged the warrior’s arrival too. There was something odd about the way she was looking at it. Some glint in her eye that suggested more to her than simply confidence in her partner. Something... darker? Gaius didn’t pay her any attention however, as he turned to his drawn card. “Now you will pay little girl! I equip Gearfried with the equip spell card Lightning Blade!”
 
Erin realised what was coming as a long two handed sword, crackling with bolts of lightning, appeared in the hands of the swordsman. “Lightning Blade increases the attack of my warrior type monster by eight hundred, and as you already know its activation also triggers Gearfried’s effect; allowing it to destroy your Cryomancer immediately.” The sparks converged at the tip of the sword (ATK 3400), building up and blasting a shot of high voltage energy straight through the shaman’s heart, obliterating it instantly. Erin grimaced at the immediate break of her defence, and with his success, Gaius’ smirk darkened.
 
“Now with him out of the way, Gearfried is free to attack, and the other effect of Lightning Blade comes into effect. As long as it is on the field, all water attribute monsters lose five hundred attack points!” Erin gasped as the attack strength of the elder, already outmatched, dipped further (ATK 1100), as Gaius gave the command. “Go Gearfried! Lightning Slash!”
 
Lightning passed through the elder’s body, destroying him instantly. The bolts continued and straight into Erin, she couldn’t get out of the way in time. She screamed as the current tore through every part of her body, burning every part of her, before launching her a few feet and into the ground. The sensation passed quickly as the attack ended, but left her breathless and groggy (LP 1700). Still, the precedent was worrying, and yet another handicap for her to face.
 
“I set one card and end my turn” Gaius smirked, pleased with himself. “They’ll be plenty more where that came from...”
 
“Humph. Enough of this!” Both of them blinked as Camilla interrupted him mid-gloat, getting on with her turn the second she could. “I activate the magic card Sacred Sword of Seven Stars. By banishing a level seven monster from either my hand or side of the field, I can draw two more cards. So...”
 
Erin was expecting the exchange to come from her hand, however to her amazement the swordsman Gearfried, the warrior itself looked shocked as its body started to fade, before it disappeared entirely, and Camilla snatched two more cards, smiling slightly as she did so. She was surprised by this, but Gaius was absolutely apocalyptic. “What the hell? That’s my monster! What are you playing at?”
 
“It might be yours, but technically it’s on my side of the field. Besides, now that she doesn’t have any more of her water monsters out, he won’t be needed anymore” Camilla smirked. Gaius tried to object further about his Lightning Blade strategy, but Camilla ignored him, revealing another card from her hand. “Now I activate the effect of one of the cards I drew. Because it came to my hand via a card effect, I can immediately special summon it to the field. Appear, Rose Fairy.”
 
A tiny fairy in cherry red clothes appeared in a small swirl of petals (Lv3, ATK 600). Behind her, Camilla held up another card with a quietly confident smile. “Now I’m going to use Rose Fairy to tribute summon a monster. Usually I can release a single monster to summon one whose level is only five or six. However the monster I’m summoning can be called by tributing a single monster, as long as it’s a plant type. Descend Queen Angel of Roses!” The small fairy disappeared in a cascade of petals; the storm of them picked up and became a tornado as a woman in scarlet regalia floated down on rose petal wings. She brandished a long silver sword (Lv7, ATK 2400).
 
“Gaius has cleared the field for me, and you couldn’t defend yourself from his attacks. Can you defend against this? Or will you really prove to be just a fortunate one off?” Everyone watching this was about to get the answer they wanted. “Angel of Roses; attack her directly!”
 
At the angel’s command, a blizzard of rose petals swirled around her. She cried in surprise; these ones were razor edged, cutting and slashing at her skin. Flailing against them Erin fought desperately to find the card she needed to prevent, or at least postpone her defeat. “I activate... ouch... Defence Draw. This reduces battle damage to zero.” Mercifully, the attack ended quickly and without further pain. “Then I get to draw one card.”
 
“Humph” Camilla frowned and withdrew into her default stance. “So you held it back for the finishing attack? Or maybe you simply didn’t realise how much damage you’d take with Lightning Blade on the field. No matter. As we will be continuing this thing after all, I’ll set two cards for now. Let’s see if you can actually do anything.”
 
‘You smug cow. You really thought you’d got me on your first turn’ Erin thought as she drew her card and recomposed herself. She’d dearly love to stick one to her for that, but as much as her monsters were freed up now she didn’t have anything strong enough to defeat Angel of Roses. She’d have to deal with that later. For now she needed to get this one on one, fast. ‘And thanks to your own confidence, you’ve left your so-called partner wide open.’
 
“I summon Shock Troops of the Ice Barrier.” The masked trident wielder leapt from his snowy gateway, before immediately going on the charge. “Now I’ll have him attack Gaius directly!”
 
“Naive!” Both she and the worried looking Gaius blinked as it was Camilla who responded. “I activate the trap card Wall of Thorns. Similar to Mirror Force, when you attack while I control a plant type monster, I can activate this to destroy all your attacking monsters.”
 
“I chain my own trap, Magician's Circle!” Erin countered immediately. “Since I’m attacking with a spellcaster type monster, I can summon another one from my deck...”
 
“That’s not going to work on me a second time!” Gaius suddenly bellowed. “Counter trap; Dark Bribe. This negates the activation of a spell or trap card, at the expense of letting you draw a new card. But now your circle is closed.” Suddenly her magical portal shattered before the oncoming Dai-Sojo could get through, and without his protection Shock Troops was helpless to the thorny vines shooting towards him. The barrier of thorns smashed him to bits, leaving the two generals unharmed, and Erin alone and starting to panic. Looking down at her remaining hand as she hung her head, it was looking bleak now.
 
“...Water Hazard’s effect activates; allowing me to summon Mother Grizzly in defence mode.” A giant bear appeared before her, growling at her enemies before crouching into a seated position (Lv4, DEF 1000). It was a lot more defiant than she looked. “Then I set two cards... Turn end...” It wasn’t all lost yet though. She’d been stopped this time, but she still had plenty of barriers left, and if either of them fell for her ruse of giving up and summoned a monster, she could...
 
“Not so fast!” Erin gasped as Camilla, glaring at her full of contempt, moved for her duel shield again. “At this time I activate my other trap, Raigeki Break. By discarding a card from my hand, I can choose to destroy one card you control. Let’s see what you’re hiding under face down number one!” To her horror the bolt of lightning struck the left hand trap, the Torrential Tribute she’d just drawn. Her best hope of stopping the onslaught. Camilla had seen right through it. The general smiled at her and shook her head.
 
“Poor little girl, you really think I’d fall for that simple little trap? You can’t stand up to the likes of me. None of your kind can. That is what I’m going to accomplish with this. Now when I activated my trap, I discarded the card Dandylion, and its effect now activates. When it’s sent to the graveyard; two ‘fluff tokens’ are summoned to the field in its stead.” Two tufts of dandelion spores appeared before her (Lv1, DEF 0). As Gaius went to draw his card, Camilla turned to him with that same superior grin. “Consider them a gift for your help earlier. Use them as you wish.”
 
Gaius paused as he thought about it. For a moment he looked as if he wanted to tell Camilla where to stick her tokens. However Erin guessed the thought of the Emperor watching kept his discipline in check, as he kept his jaw shut and held up his chosen card. “Alright. I use both of the fluff tokens as tributes, to advance summon a monster. Come the mightiest swordsman, Gilford the Legend!”
 
The spores disappeared as a mighty masked and cloaked warrior rose up, plated in the finest armour and armed with a massive flamberge. One that Erin had to look at for a second. No, surely not. He couldn’t... But to her horror he did, as the blade began to crackle with static (Lv8, ATK 3400).
 
“When Gilford is summoned, he can arm himself with as many equip spells in my graveyard as possible” Gaius explained. “Currently the only weapon I have is Lightning Blade. Now Gilford, slay that bear!” The grizzly howled as the thunderbolt passed through it, Erin winced as the energy bolt blew her to pieces.
 
“Mother Grizzly’s effect activates. When she’s destroyed by battle, I can summon any water monster with fifteen hundred attack points or less from my deck. I chose Pilgrim of the Ice Barrier.” A blonde priest like figure appeared before her, sat in a position of mediation. Its attack dipped (Lv4, ATK 1000).
 
“However, you have to summon him in attack mode” Gaius was unimpressed, as he ended his turn without further action. “And now that Lightning Blade is present on the field again, all your water monsters are weakened. Face it girl, nothing you have can match my armed soldiers.” Erin could only glower at him in reply. At this rate, she’d be grateful just to have the chance.
 
‘It’s okay. I don’t need to outmuscle him. Pilgrim of the Ice Barrier effect means it can’t be destroyed in battle by Queen Angel of Roses, as her attack is too high, although I’ll still take damage. If she summons anything else that could deal more, I have the means to stop her, and get myself in a position to summon Brionac. If I can just hold out to my turn, and draw something to help restore my hand a bit... If I could just get one shot at them...All I want is one shot...’ Looking up at the camera gantries, she wondered how many people were watching her now. Were they really watching her in the desperate need of some hope? Would any of them be praying for her, hoping she’d survive somehow? Or was her struggle against the guard just confirming the hopelessness of their situation. Maybe if she could hold on, and get her one shot...
 
Camilla frowned at her as she placed her hand on her deck, making her shudder. Was she trying to discern her thoughts? Trying to work out her plan, and her face down card? Her staring made her feel uncomfortable, as if something bad was going to happen. Eventually Camilla drew, and with a horrible air of finality shook her head.
 
“Awful. Truly inept. Queen Angel of Roses effect activates during the standby phase; automatically destroying the monster on the field with the lowest attack.”
 
Erin sank to her knees as the pilgrim was suddenly erased in another petal storm. With it her last chance of getting to Brionac was gone. Never mind she was teamed up with Gaius, Camilla was too strong. She must have trained herself to battle like this; she was at a completely different level to her. The general smiled as if she could tell what Erin was thinking, or maybe she was just enjoying her helplessness. “It’s time to end this little farce. Queen Angel of Roses. Put this little upstart in her place and send her to the gallows in a storm of beautiful thorns. Direct attack!”
 
The angel swooped in to release her attack from close range...
 
“Not yet” Erin cried. “Trap card, Graceful Revival. This summons my Cryomancer out to protect me.”
 
The shaman rose just in time, taking the attack in her stead (ATK 800). However forced to rise in attack mode and weakened by Lightning Blade’s effect, he put up little resistance, and Erin still got a fair brunt of razor petals fly at her in damage. The effect knocked her down, crying in pain, she barely had enough strength left to prop herself up on her side and shakily glare at her self-satisfied foe (LP 100).
 
“I set one card and end my turn. Now come on. Is this really all you’ve got to show the nation? To those who might be looking to you? We all know you never had a chance of getting out of this alive yourself, but you could have at least taken the chance you had to show little bit of spine and make some sort of challenge against us. Make one heroic act of martyrdom.” Camilla’s smile disappeared as she shook her head in disgust at her; a bitter tone entered her voice. “The Empire will never fall. The Emperor’s might will never fail. This is a glorious age for our nation, and I’ll be damned if wretched usurpers like you are going to ruin it. There is nothing the likes of you can do to change things.”
 
Erin blinked, as Camilla’s words resonated with something she’d been told earlier in the day. Something, as she lay in the dirt unable to get up, too exhausted to even go to her deck for her draw, which kept going around and around her head, refusing to go away until she lay down in tears and accepted it.
 
‘There is nothing I can do...’
 
Just as she was about to concede her defeat and give up, the two spotlights suddenly cut out. Camilla and Gaius instantly disappeared from sight, present only in a fit of sudden curses and shouts. There was suddenly a lot of shouting. A confusing cacophony of calls all around her in the dark; for cutting the film, for archers, for shields, for help. Confused but too battered to move, she tried to pick out the figures in the towers dimly illuminated by the street lights. She could see movement; it looked like people were... falling off of them? There was a shadow ahead of her, and she cried out and tried to back away as she recognised Camilla was approaching through the dark, glaring at her with those piercing green eyes, coming for her. At the same time, she felt the air move just behind her neck, as another arrow shot just past her, and thudded into the ground between them. They and the world stopped as they both looked at it, an arrow with a tiny little tin canister tied to it.
 
The canister suddenly went off, releasing a smoky black gas, enveloping everything. Camilla cursed and covered her mouth, but Erin wasn’t so reactive. She went groggy at once; the dark world went out of focus. The last thing she felt was someone picking her up and carrying her, and she passed out.[/spoiler]

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So, we has a second chapter.

 

It was... interesting to say the least. Not as loved as the opener I must admit. I almost felt a bit... wronged at two duels in as many chapters to open things with. I mean, it felt out of place here just because of the circumstances. You introduce this new character whose apparently very feared, and have her join in a two on one against an unknown person, when if anything that wouldn't change the image they were trying to change. Only strengthen it. Erin would become a symbol in that two high ranking members of the military were needed to take her down.

 

I'd have kept Camila back, and had Gauis have a proper rematch 1 on 1, since it was his honour at stake. As it stands, you kinda made the Empire's idea... dumb to the point it seems logically like it would backfire.

 

Also what actually is Gauis's position? Has he been demoted? Since otherwise he is General of the Guards which seems like a really weird job title... Since you said Gauis of the cards... but that doesn't seem to fit with last chapter, though that would make more sense overall.

 

The bit with the Sister was weird, just because she felt to blase about it. You'd have thought at the least she'd try and get the children out somehow. Even if it was a risk, she could have at least tried to move them... since Erin was right. Nero is a... bad person (Ah the joys of a lock down on swearing) and wouldn't think twice about ordering that to send a message. It just seemed odd to me.

 

Duel was fine other than my thoughts it shouldn't have been there, and I loved the interactions between Erin and Mel (Seriously, young Mel is so adorable I just wanna stuff him and put him on the shelf)

 

So yeah, a tad bit of a downer compared to the last, but most of it is just down to preference. Still it had very very good bits amongst it all the same.

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 I'm aware of a few more readers (yeah I saw you people).

HOW HAVE YOU  SEEN THROUGH MY AMAZING CAMOUFLAGE? (assuming you saw me, of course. I never noticed you on when I was reading this, but IDK)

 

Anyway, I'm glad you're back to writing Yugiohz, I haven't really had anything to read on here (Well, Dead Zone's back, but I mean new stuff). So first off, welcome back! Second off, the fic itself. I never read the original Armageddon (I might go read it at some point, actually), so I have no idea who Erin and Mel and them are in that context. Fortunately, this is still really good due to the magical magic of prequels =D

 

I have to agree with everyone else, that the first part of the first chapter was amazing and well written. After that, the rest of the chapter was fine, and it made a good intro to the whole shebang. 

 

As for the 2nd chapter, it...really didn't make sense that Camila and Gaius 2v1'd Erin. With all of Gaius' talk of revenge, it really seems to ruin his whole purpose for dueling her again. I can understand him doing something to give himself an advantage (he does seem to be pretty bad at card games), but it would've made more sense if he did something subtle, that wouldn't have been blatantly obvious to everyone watching.

 

So lastly, I really enjoyed reading this. 24 was the best thing I've ever read on this site, besides the one pretty much everyone agrees is the best (You know. That one.) This is shaping up to be just as good as that, too, and I look forward to reading the rest of it. 

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Well, that sucked (the course of events, not the chapter). I felt bad for Mel and Erin when the former was crying and being dragged away. And I was fine with the 2v1 duel since I felt like the Empire wanted to go about completely crushing hope and doing so from the very onset would be an effective way to do so. Sure, Gaius' notions of revenge were cheapened a bit, but I didn't really care. Sucks for him, but not for me, you know?

Though I found it weird that a nun was that submissive and unsympathetic. Guess that's the effect the empire has on people.

The only thing I'm going to nitpick is

“Sister, you can’t honestly believe they will be?” Erin was shocked.

that you didn't need to tell us she was shocked, part of that showing and not telling thing. But that was the only instance I caught of that and it's easy to miss, so it's really not that big a deal. Good stuff.

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Comments. All of the comments.

 

So, we has a second chapter.

 

It was... interesting to say the least. Not as loved as the opener I must admit. I almost felt a bit... wronged at two duels in as many chapters to open things with. I mean, it felt out of place here just because of the circumstances. You introduce this new character whose apparently very feared, and have her join in a two on one against an unknown person, when if anything that wouldn't change the image they were trying to change. Only strengthen it. Erin would become a symbol in that two high ranking members of the military were needed to take her down.

 

I'd have kept Camila back, and had Gauis have a proper rematch 1 on 1, since it was his honour at stake. As it stands, you kinda made the Empire's idea... dumb to the point it seems logically like it would backfire.

 

Also what actually is Gauis's position? Has he been demoted? Since otherwise he is General of the Guards which seems like a really weird job title... Since you said Gauis of the cards... but that doesn't seem to fit with last chapter, though that would make more sense overall.

 

The bit with the Sister was weird, just because she felt to blase about it. You'd have thought at the least she'd try and get the children out somehow. Even if it was a risk, she could have at least tried to move them... since Erin was right. Nero is a... bad person (Ah the joys of a lock down on swearing) and wouldn't think twice about ordering that to send a message. It just seemed odd to me.

 

Duel was fine other than my thoughts it shouldn't have been there, and I loved the interactions between Erin and Mel (Seriously, young Mel is so adorable I just wanna stuff him and put him on the shelf)

 

So yeah, a tad bit of a downer compared to the last, but most of it is just down to preference. Still it had very very good bits amongst it all the same.

 

I.... suspected there would be some dissatisfied reactions to the premise of the 2vs1 duel and the staged execution. You're right in that some people would look at this duel (in their homes or inns say) and say "Crikey this Erin lass must be really worrying Nero to send both Gaius and Camilla after her." But the point I was going for was that they would then, or at least the Emperor intended, them to see them beat the crap out of her and hang her. And then everyone would feel depressed and oppressed again with this little resistance snuffed out instantly. It's the kind of 'you disobey we're gonna come down on you like a ton of bricks and make an example out of you and kill you' I was going for. If I'd have kept the executioner away it might have been better, if it was simply the risk of imprisonment with sentence to be declared later rather than straight to the gallows it might have been a bit more in the balance that she'd end the chapter in a prison cart. Ah well.

 

As for Gaius and Camilla, duelling Gaius 1 on 1 again wouldn't have meant much, given she's already beaten him, and remember the Emperor wants to leave nothing to chance, and his confidence in Gaius probably isn't high after that first loss. Gaius wanted the match 1 on 1, and Camilla also would have preferred that herself too. But like she said, Emperor's orders are 2 on 1, so that's that.

 

Of course you could say that the sensible thing to do would have just been to forget the whole duel and have everyone charge the place and hoist her out. But then charging in on a scared and unpredictable little girl armed with a duel disk, who knows how she would react? (well, Trishula probably). Plus there is 'for the sake of the story's continuation' of course, as much as we try to avoid that argument.

 

HOW HAVE YOU  SEEN THROUGH MY AMAZING CAMOUFLAGE? (assuming you saw me, of course. I never noticed you on when I was reading this, but IDK)

 

Anyway, I'm glad you're back to writing Yugiohz, I haven't really had anything to read on here (Well, Dead Zone's back, but I mean new stuff). So first off, welcome back! Second off, the fic itself. I never read the original Armageddon (I might go read it at some point, actually), so I have no idea who Erin and Mel and them are in that context. Fortunately, this is still really good due to the magical magic of prequels =D

 

I have to agree with everyone else, that the first part of the first chapter was amazing and well written. After that, the rest of the chapter was fine, and it made a good intro to the whole shebang. 

 

As for the 2nd chapter, it...really didn't make sense that Camila and Gaius 2v1'd Erin. With all of Gaius' talk of revenge, it really seems to ruin his whole purpose for dueling her again. I can understand him doing something to give himself an advantage (he does seem to be pretty bad at card games), but it would've made more sense if he did something subtle, that wouldn't have been blatantly obvious to everyone watching.

 

So lastly, I really enjoyed reading this. 24 was the best thing I've ever read on this site, besides the one pretty much everyone agrees is the best (You know. That one.) This is shaping up to be just as good as that, too, and I look forward to reading the rest of it. 

 

To be honest I hadn't see you Pac, but nice to see you now of course :D

 

Thanks, and yeah, if you ever feel inclined one day, the link is in my sig. Chapters aren't as long, and writing is bad, especially duels. :mellow: Anyway, nice to have a balance of new and old faces around here.

 

As I said, he wanted it one on one, and had prepared himself with his Lightning Blade card. Emperor's orders.

 

Cool. Thank you for commenting and hope you enjoy it.

 

Well, that sucked (the course of events, not the chapter). I felt bad for Mel and Erin when the former was crying and being dragged away. And I was fine with the 2v1 duel since I felt like the Empire wanted to go about completely crushing hope and doing so from the very onset would be an effective way to do so. Sure, Gaius' notions of revenge were cheapened a bit, but I didn't really care. Sucks for him, but not for me, you know?

Though I found it weird that a nun was that submissive and unsympathetic. Guess that's the effect the empire has on people.

The only thing I'm going to nitpick is

that you didn't need to tell us she was shocked, part of that showing and not telling thing. But that was the only instance I caught of that and it's easy to miss, so it's really not that big a deal. Good stuff.

 

Uhhhhhh... oh. *deep breath after reading first two words*

 

Good, got the powerful scene there right, which is nice. And relevant to following chapters (spoilers) And yes, someone's on my side with this! One of the big things about this, along with the state of oppresion and control as you saw, was getting Camilla over. (Again, spoilers) ;)

 

D'oh, yep, oversight on that comment >.< Still at least they've been minimal so far I hope.

 

Regarding general comments about Sister Joanne, yeah, again I think it's the state of the Empire that has made her unable to even think of doing something like fleeing or hiding. To her the idea of doing something like that is just asking for trouble as they'd be caught. Think calling her blase was harsh :o Erin was right, and the Emperor is a violent and vengeful git, but she knows this. But in her eyes the only way for her orphanage to get out of the situation is to pray and beg for mercy, and also give them Erin. And she's right in a way at the same time; the chances of her being able to move 20 kids and half a dozen nuns like Erin wants into some sort of hiding from the Emperor are basically nil.

 

Well, cool stuff people, thanks for commenting and giving such good feedback. The comments have been really good and informative so far and helped identify stuff I missed :) Hopefully the next 2-3 chapters will see this thing step up from pretty good/enjoyable into the next level.

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Figured it made more sense to kick this off with one of the most talked about (and arguably with good reason) stories to grace the CW section lately.  I’ve always been a huge fan of Bahamut/Matt’s writing and I like to think he was one of the inspirations for Accel with his 24! Story which was also really good. 

 

I don’t remember too much about the initial Armageddon, so while I’ve read it, I’m going to have to brush up on it before I get too far into the story, but it makes sense to start with this one for the first review, and I know Matt loves the feedback and criticisms almost as much as I do.  So without any further hesitation, let’s get to it!

 

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Episode 1: A Sequel Worth Checking Out? Finally.

 

[spoiler=Yu-Gi-Oh! Armageddon, Chapter 1]

Chapter 1: The Orphans
 
It was raining. In the bitter December air, each hammering droplet stung against her cheeks. Still she stood there though, frozen in place in the darkness and the rain, unable to move as she stared at the splintered front door hanging off its hinges in front of her. The smashed windows. The wisps of smoke billowing through the shards into the chill outside. She knew, deep in her stilled heart, what the inside awaiting her would be like. The destruction. The ruin. The remains of her home; broken and shattered.
 
Steeling herself; she went inside, but still choked at the scene she was already expecting. The place had been ransacked completely. Everything had been smashed as the intruders searched high and low for what they were after, and the rest simply because they could.

[Before I get too far into the actual plot, and I can tell it’s gonna kick off pretty strongly with an opening like that, I should compliment the extremely effective visual image that the author is able to paint from the get-go.  It’s quite a feat no matter how good of a writer you are, especially when someone who is just starting out as far as reading it is able to get a full, visual image in their head.

 

On top of that, it does make the story easier to follow which is significantly impressive.  Anyway, back to it.]

 

Picking through the wreckage towards the splintered remains of the kitchen table, she stopped as one item caught her eye. A framed photograph from a few years ago; battered and cracked, but largely undamaged. She picked it up and shook the shards of broken glass away. There was the strapping, commanding figure of a man with a broad grin and wavy white hair, handsome and proud as ever. His arm was round the shoulders of his wife, smiling up at her. Her lovely pale skin, her long light blue hair flowing down the length of her back, and her piercing blue eyes - almost hypnotic as she stared hopelessly back at her happy face. In her arms was a small baby; peacefully asleep. And finally, by her side, waving and smiling for the camera, was a smaller girl who even then looked almost identical to her mother. The younger version of herself. A tear fell, and splashed against the photo.
She had to tear herself out of her trance and put the photo down. That family, that time, was gone now. It was shattered, just like the frame. But unlike the frame, it could never be restored.
 
The girl quietly moved upstairs where the carnage continued, perhaps even intensified, and tried to hope against hopelessness. Hope that something had to be here. Something had to have survived. It just had to. Please let it be here, unharmed. She passed her parents room; it had been completely destroyed by the invaders ruthless search, and into her own. It likewise had been ransacked, not one personal or private possession had been left sacred. She knew what they had been looking for, but they wouldn’t find it. She kept those items on her always. Her disk had been found and taken, but she expected that and it didn’t matter much. Nothing mattered, as long as one thing at least survived.
 
And, mercy beyond all mercy as the faintest, tiniest whimpering snivels reached her alerted senses, it had.

 

[To interject here, one thing that kind of threw me off a little was I feel like you spent just a little bit too much time saying the same thing.  What do I mean?  More or less, that entire section was talking about her search and what she was looking for, but you basically repeated that very point five times, which while I understand the reasoning behind it, perhaps it might have been a little smoother if you’d done it a little less.  Less is more, after all.  One really strong sentence can tell the same story as five somewhat-strong sentences.]
 
She burst into the last bedroom; this one had mercifully escaped the raider’s interest for the most part. Her sudden entry caused a sudden muffled gasp came from under the bed, the hider trying to recover silence and regain the position they’d already given away to the returning aggressors, but ducking down she could clearly seem him. A just turned six year old boy with a mess of similarly pale aqua hair to those in the family photo, clutching a rabbit doll and crying quietly to himself. Trying not to scare him too much, she tapped him on the shoulder.
 
“It’s me Mel. I’m here.”
 
The boy yelped at first, but once realising who it was he recovered, although couldn’t calm down. He continued to huddle into a trembling ball under the bed and clutch at the doll, still too scared to come out. But he reached out for her as well, forcing her to crawl under to him. The boy held and squeezed her tightly as she joined him under the refuge of his bed, desperate for the safety of her presence, burying his face into her shoulder as tears streamed down it.
 
“Erin? Where are mom and dad? What happened to our house?”
 
“I... I don’t know...” Erin couldn’t bring herself to tell Mel what she knew full well had happened, not yet. “But we can’t stay here, it isn’t safe. Please come out and get dressed quickly, and wait here for me to come back. If you hear anything scary, hide again straight away.”
 
Mel gulped and nodded, wiping away the tears on his pyjamas, and she helped pull him out. He ducked back down though and reached under again, coming out with a treasured possession he’d hidden with him; a recent and last birthday present from their father. He stared at the small pack of cards for a second, perhaps hoping for some miraculous answer to come from within and make everything right again, before scuttling off to get into warmer clothes. Erin left him to dress himself and returned to her room to look for any remains they might need. There wasn’t much. As she moved her upturned dresser to search through what was left, her eyes caught something in the gloom. Her little jewellery had mostly gone, but on the floor in front of her was a necklace they had missed, glistening in the little light. Her mother had handed this down to her recently. She picked it up and cradled it, the silver chain with a single teardrop shaped opal on it, and glanced at the mirror in front of her. In her reflection, in her own ghostly pale face, flowing aqua hair, and welling glistening eyes, her mother’s face stared sadly back. Swallowing, Erin slowly put the necklace on herself, the opal gem dangled cold against her breast. It still being here, it must have been fate. This was the last reminder of her parents; she would never let it go.
 

[So a lot of this was really good, but I do have something that I can’t seem to get past.  I’m not really sure how to correctly word this, but I feel like you’re a little over-descriptive in some areas.  When she’s looking in the mirror and having that emotional moment, you describe her hair and her eyes again, which you did just a few paragraphs prior.  When it’s that strongly done, it comes across as though you’re just hurling descriptions at us as opposed to letting the story tell itself.  You want to show, not tell, so to speak.  Again, not sure how to word that to convey what I was really trying to get across.  It was good, just a bit overwhelming.]

Then, grabbing her bag, she returned to Mel, and holding his trembling hand tightly, they made their way downstairs, took a last haunting look and a deep breath , before pulling up their hoods and stepping out into the chill and the rain, leaving the ruined remains of their home and lives together.
 
...
 
Two years later...
 
Erin blinked as the first rays of sunlight touched her face. Another night had gone by, and still the memories of that terrible night of her parent’s loss invaded her dreams. Groaning as she stretched and forced herself up, she had long gotten used to them now, at least in terms of accepting they’d never stop anyway, and looked over the edge of her bunk at the figure below. Her little brother Melanc was still peacefully asleep; he must have had a much better night than she had. She smiled as she watched him, before dropping down and getting dressed and ready for another day.
 
Erin was sixteen now, and thus was of legal - and by legal meaning, unless you were a noble child, compulsory - working age, but she was at least working for her continued keep here at their home. Melanc would turn eight in a few weeks, but he would still have plenty of chores once he was done with his classes for today. Erin pulled on her uniform; a standard white shirt and blue jeans, finished with hard work shoes, did her hair and little makeup, and studied herself critically. These clothes would likely soon not fit her if her body; now tall and slim and, in her opinion modestly attractive, grew and changed anymore than it already had, as she approached the last stages of change from child to full womanhood. Uncomfortable and irritated, she finished dressing and drew the curtains, fully letting in the light to wake up her brother and allowing her to look out upon the city beyond the grounds of their refuge; the hovels and shacks across the cobbled street, the bigger houses just peeking over their roofs as the land rose up into the city, and rising up in the distance at the heart of it, dominating the scene, the royal palace, where the Emperor responsible sat on his black throne. This was the capital of the mighty Empire, the great city Senn’enki no Toride, and this was their life in the Orphanage of Saint Alexis.
 
The orphanage was small and poor, and home to around twenty children of various ages, all either orphans of the Great War between the two major nations three years ago, or of the ‘Duelist Purge’ a year later, like the siblings were. Ever since the Empire had won the war and taken over most of the land they knew, the Emperor’s rule had become steadily more iron-fisted and oppressive. His first peacetime decree had been to make the actions of anything related to duel-monsters - a game where two duelists could summon the spirits of powerful creatures through card vessels - a criminal offence, punishable by execution. The Emperor had used duelists and these creatures as soldiers in the war, but he feared their power could spark a revolution against him, thus all threats had been hunted down and eliminated. Staring at the palace looming over her, Erin knew this was true, as she touched the place where her necklace dangling inside her shirt. Because this was why they were here. It was why she was going to start working on breakfast for the younger children, and why she was the only family Mel had left...
 
[This whole exchange was good.  Very, very good actually.  You set the scene quickly and efficiently without too much wordplay, and then let the readers kind of get into the way she was feeling.  Those of us who may not be 100% refreshed on the original story are more or less “up to date” (though a full-read through is clearly in order) and can understand that this Emperor is far from a good guy and therefore you’ve established a villainous presence that doesn’t feel generic at all.  A+ on that regard.  The whole thing was good and the sympathy you established was even better.]

There was a thud, causing her to blink and shake her fists. So lost in thought, she’d punched the windowsill without realising. A second, louder thud signalled Melanc had fallen out of bed.
 
“Ugh, sis...” he whined, rubbing his eyes. “It’s still early.”
 
“Yes, but early is when I have to start, and if you were good you’d help your big sister.” She stopped and smiled at Melanc’s groan. It was only a mild tease, but enough to cover up and hide what she was really feeling inside. “Don’t worry, you get yourself ready. I’ll see you downstairs.”
 
With that and without looking back at her bleary-eyed brother, she quickly left.
 
The kitchen was cramped and poorly equipped, but the cook had got most of the food on the stove cooking already, leaving Erin to set the common room that served for meal times and other activities. The orphanage was run by nuns from the local church. They were tasked with homing, educating, and caring for these children as part of their mission. As the eldest here now, Erin did what she could to help out, although she distanced herself from the education side. She knew the nuns meant well and were just acting as they had to, at least she hoped they were, but she refused to teach these kids the warped propaganda of the Empire as it was now, and to her relief the nuns preferred that anyway. Slowly the ragtag bunch of children, Melanc included, trickled in and Erin helped served the porridge bought out by the cook. It couldn’t be the most nourishing stuff, evident by how small and underdeveloped most of the kids were for their ages, but what could the nuns do but their best with what they had to work with?
 
Something that would soon be made abundantly clear.
 
As Erin and one of the sisters started to clear away and the children began to file out for their early lessons, a group of them went to the window, and suddenly broke into a panicky whisper. One of the kids broke away and ran up to the senior sister. She gasped as the boy grabbed her and shakily said “It’s the guard miss. Gaius is coming!”

 

[I mentioned it briefly, but I do want to comment again on how you’re effectively setting a scene without using too many words.  Better put, you’re not stockpiling it, you’re telling just enough and getting so much out of it.  Though there are some assorted spelling and grammatical errors throughout, it’s nothing significant enough to detract from the story and so far I’m totally engaged.  In fact, even here I’m forcing myself to take a break and do a little analyzing because otherwise, how effective would a review be?  Very gripping.]
 
The warning didn’t do much for them, as the sound of the front doors being barged open was followed by the quickly stifled squeaks and cries from the children already exited into the corridor beyond. Erin frowned as the soldiers thoughtlessly shoved their way through, knocking down any of the small kids disrespectful enough, or in truth just unable to get out their way fast enough, and into the common hall. The first two were clad in basic steel chainmail armour over their blood burgundy robes, armed with broadswords, and the Empire’s insignia emblazoned on their round shields; just standard foot soldiers. Path cleared they stood to attention either side of the door and saluted. The children in the corridor fell silent, and the sound of heavy footsteps slowly came through as their leader entered. Thump... Thump... Thump. The heavy, militant, foot to the throat like steps that heralded the arrival of the guard Erin hated the most of them all, entering and standing smugly over her and the sister now. Gaius.
 
The general had at least a good foot in height over Erin and more over the elderly sister trying not to meet his dark eyes anyway. But his broadness, enhanced by his armour of polished bronze plate that fitted his powerful frame perfectly, made him a real mountain of a figure, real intimidating. He didn’t wear a helmet on civic duties, thus revealing his sharp face, with his finely styled short goatee covering his thick jaw, and his cropped spiked black hair. A scar ran diagonally across his face; between and just missing the eye and running over his nose and the side of his snide mouth. Over his back, hidden by a fine red cape, a mighty two handed great sword was slung, and attached to the left gauntlet was a heavy rectangular shield, again quality bronze and inscribed with the royal emblem. Gaius ignored Erin’s glaring, focusing on the haggard old woman cowering before him.
 
“Sister, please forgive me for intruding on your honourable duties.” He spoke eloquently as someone of noble birth, but given his smarmy tone he obviously couldn’t care less about her forgiveness. “But I come under orders from the Emperor. I am here to collect back-taxes that this orphanage owes to our Excellency. Please be so kind as to go and bring me the necessary payments.” The lady suddenly looked up at the knight in shock.
 
“B-b-b-back-taxes? I... Lord Gaius, I don’t understand” the old lady stuttered. “A... All of our taxes for the month are up to date and paid to the Emperor.”
 
“I’m afraid that you are not up to date sister. You are short by a good forty silvers” Gaius interrupted smoothly, disdainfully removing some dirt from his gauntlet. The two women baulked at the announcement. Forty silvers was, to an establishment like Saint Alexis’, a huge amount to suddenly lose in taxes. It was the difference between having four days of having food, or not. Gaius was quick to stifle their objections. “The royal accountants have checked your figures, and it seems the shortage was due to non-payment of the new care scheme fund. All households designed for either the care of children or elderly are to pay into a collective, communal fund - two silvers a head - and all the monies raised by the scheme will be put towards communal projects, repairs, and equipment for those contributing facilities. It’s all about all the care-homes supporting each other together. So you see, you really have much to benefit from your enrolment into the scheme, as long as you do your bit towards it. Now, if you could...”
 
Gaius stood there and waited, smirking. He made it sound all pleasant with that silky lie, but they all knew that the orphanage would never see one coin of that money again. The poor old lady tried to protest, but gave up under his stare, mumbled an apology, and went to shuffle off to try and find the money. That was until Erin grabbed her arm.
 [Well, could have seen that part coming.  But truth be told, it’s necessary and well done.  Again, the fact that I’m able to visualize it all so well really does make it much more intense.  I do like Gaius’ demeanor as a villain but I feel like a lot of the way he speaks contradicts itself.  He’s supposed to be of nobility but also (and obviously) a smarmy douche, but I feel like his words don’t reflect that as well as his actions do.  Just a thought.]

“Sister Margaret, we can’t afford this” she begged, trying to ignore the frowning knight. The old woman tried to shake her off, but she clutched her tightly. “This isn’t right. We don’t have the money.”
 
“Erin, you have to let me go.” Sister Margaret replied slowly and bluntly. Her voice was shaky, her eyes flicked back towards the knight. Erin looked up at him. He shook his head at her, cracking his knuckles and nodding towards his two associates, who made to draw their swords. A couple of children started to cry. As she stood there, desperately trying to stop Sister Margaret giving in to this thieving, exploiting general, she realised she had no choice. She had to give into him. Furious but helpless to do anything, Erin limply let the woman go and hung her head, letting her hobble off. Immediately the tension diffused as if nothing happened, as the two lackeys sheathed their weapons.
 
Gaius’ smirk broadened as he looked down on this upset child as though she’d suddenly just become remotely relevant to him. “Good girl. We have to do our duty to the Empire, and pay our just dues.”
 
“Just? You know we can’t afford this cooked-up tax” she muttered without thinking. She could feel the children staring at her as his eyes narrowed again. Still she tried not to falter against him, but he was just so big, so commanding. He had all the power; he could do whatever he wanted to any of them. She felt so small against him. She was terrified of this man. They all were. But she had to try to look like she wasn’t for them. “We have twenty young children here; we need that money to feed and clothe them.”
 
“You don’t seem to understand” Gaius grinned. “This isn’t just about your one little.... I guess you call this a home. Don’t be so selfish, this is about the whole community. You will get your share back, and more, when it is deemed necessary. If that dilapidated thing you call a roof was to fall in for example, the Empire will have the funds to look after all your children. Don’t worry; this is all worked out by our great Emperor and his clever accountants, I think they know how to run this city better than pretty, airheaded little girls like you.” Erin choked as Gaius grabbed her by the chin, held and examined her, his studious gaze made her skin crawl as she stood weakly paralyzed in his clutches.
 
“Hey, let her go!”
 
Erin gulped as they both looked up at the speaker. Melanc had broken ranks from the watching crowd inside the hall and ran up to the armoured brute, and was hammering as high as he could reach up the man’s back. Gaius’ frown deepened, turned savage even, as he looked back down at the little boy and snarled. Sudden terror clutched Erin instead as she realised what he was going to do before it happened, and tried to speak. Tried to warn Mel. Make him go. But Gaius was faster.
 
“Impudent brat” he swore, and with one powerful butting motion he clubbed Mel away with the back of his shield arm. Mel cried as the shield struck him in the face, forcefully enough to knock him backwards a few feet, before he collapsed on the floor, panting and snivelling. Horror-struck, Erin broke from the knight’s loosened grip and ran around to him, kneeling beside her brother.
 
“Bah, peasants like you are no more than useless vermin.” Erin glared back at Gaius, who was towering over them with that disdainful, disgusted look. “You just want to take and take and take; all the resources we have to waste on you. Homing you, feeding you, protecting you. And what does the Emperor get in return for his generosity and love? Nothing but ungrateful wasters, beggars and thieves. I don’t know why we bother with you. We should let you all starve.”
 
And with that, just to put the final authoritative nail in the matter, Gaius took aim and spat in Erin’s face.
 
For a few seconds, nobody moved. Erin didn’t move, as the disgusting spit trickled down the side of her face. She didn’t notice it though. She didn’t notice anything. Not the children’s horrified reactions. Not Melanc’s. Not that she was trembling, violently as she was. Not her erratic breathing or heart beating fit to burst. All she was aware of as she knelt there was Gaius, the replaying image of him beating Mel down, and that the long building wave of blind fury inside of her was emphatically spilling over.
 
Without a word, Erin pulled Mel to his feet, dusted him off, and marched past the stunned audience out of the hall and upstairs, nearly knocking over another sister she didn’t even see, and back up to their room. Kicking the door in she went to her bunk and yanked the mattress down, and started to tear into a small hole she had once sown up. Buried amongst the straw inside was a small white contraption; with a flat blade with several slots across it, and a small panel attached over a wrist guard...
 
Back downstairs Gaius simply shrugged and dismissed the stunned looks off his two allies. His focus was now returned to Sister Margaret, who was hobbling her way back into the room.
 
“Excellent. I’m glad we could sort out this little slip up... amicably.” Gaius made little effort to hide the mocking edge in his voice as the woman approached him with a little purse of silver coins. “Thank you dear sister, your co-operation is appreciated, the model behaviour of a respectable civilian. A shame that is hasn’t yet rubbed off on some of your elder children.” He chuckled to himself as the nun reached his side and presented the money for him to take, the two accomplices quickly followed suit. “But I guess there’s only so much you can do for some wretched creatures...”
 
Gaius stopped mid-insult as he saw it coming at him. Only the soldier’s instincts got his shield up in time; the bronze plate taking the full brunt of the torrent of icy mist that shot over the shoulder of the old nun and drove into him with force that kept pummelling him, driving him skidding backwards across the hall as Sister Margaret, the other children, and the two other guards dived for cover. As the blast abated he looked, and scowled as Erin returned, head high and staring straight at him, armed with the contraband weapons of a Duel Disk on the arm, and holding a card bearing an image of a monster entombed in ice.
 
Gulping, the two other soldiers tried to steel their nerves and advance towards the girl with their swords drawn, but a second blast of icy wind saw them hop and shout, and they quickly retreated again.
 
“Idiots! Hold your ground! Hold, Your, Ground!” Gaius barked. He was furious clearly, but he collected himself as he turned to Erin with a recomposed smirk. “Well now... isn’t that interesting? Now where would a pretty little slum girl like you get illegal weapons like that from?”
 
“Does it matter?” Erin shrugged, keeping her gaze firmly on the lead soldier. “Let’s just say we’re not all as useless and air-headed as you believe. All that you need to worry about now is that I’ve got it, and that unless you leave this place and these children alone right now, then I’m going to bury what’s left of you in the ice in the garden. Understand?”
 
Half the threat was bravado, but not entirely without merit. A lot of things around duel monsters had never been fully understood. Duel Disks had holographic projectors built in, but many believed there was more to things than just a simple hologram. Something more... real. The guards did, certainly now, which was why they were keeping their distance while she held this ‘weapon’. The Emperor believed it too. It was why he used duelists as soldiers in the war, and their duel monsters as weapons. It was why, with a campaign of hyperbole and ‘incidents’ showing how duel monsters were a threat to civilization, he drilled into people a state of fear towards the monsters and the once celebrated people who used them. It was why her parents.... Erin shook her head. She didn’t know what to believe, but there was definitely some ‘other power’ within the small card she held, as evidenced by the force that pushed Gaius back a good ten metres. She’d thought this threat would be enough to get them to go. However...
 
“Humph, you talk big little girl.” Gaius smirked and rolled his shoulders. Something was starting to worry her. She couldn’t understand why he was reacting like this. After all the misinformation that had been driven into the people over so many years, most people ran a mile when a duelist occasionally showed up, guards included. But he still had that bloody smirk on him. “However, unfortunately for you, an elite general is always prepared for such an eventuality...”

Gaius opened his arm up, and with dreadful horror Erin then realised why he was so confident. As did Mel and the gathering onlookers. On the inside of his shield was a modified Duel Disk of his own.
 
“But...why? How can you have one?”
 
“Surprised huh girl?” Gaius laughed. Damn right she was, given how he’d just touted about how these things were illegal. “What, you thought you could just attack me, a general of the Emperor’s army, with that little bit of magic and get away with it? Well I’ve got some bad news for you. The Emperor’s most trusted and high ranking generals have now been issued with our own D-Disks from those we confiscate, in order to better deal with troublemakers who would commit acts of treason. Troublemakers like you.”

 

[Very effectively done here.  No complaints.  Again, it was a bit predictable but that’s not always bad.  I do like the way Erin comes across as a badass but not such that it’s Mary-Sue like either.  You want to root for her as a character simply because she stands up for what’s right but it’s not as though she’s completely defying the odds.  It’s a simple tactic like that that makes the reader more invested because you’re not taking the same route, especially in an intro episode.  Well done.]

 
Erin was starting to panic. Any connection to anything related to duel monsters or those who were was seen as treason against the Emperor. And that meant... well, the gesture Gaius was making by looping his hand around his neck and upwards made it clear what that meant. But she had attacked in her anger only because she was certain that he’d be unable to defend himself against the power she held, and that would be enough to get rid of him and his cronies, at least for now. Since when did the guards have duel equipment!? He had it fully armed now, and was motioning for his two aids to get into position ready to pounce or block an escape. His plan was clear; he was going to attack her, aiming to beat or wear her down enough for the others to take her. She glanced at Mel, he was mercifully hidden amongst a group, and he was white as a sheet and had tears in his eyes. Swallowing, she looked at flashing panel on her Disk; indicating her starting life points score and flashing turn randomizer. In blind rage she’d dumped herself into a right mess, now somehow she’d have to haul herself out of it.
 
“If you wanna pick a fight, you should be prepared for when people fight back.” Gaius smirked as he took his starting five cards, threatening to attack right away with them unless she did the same. “But against the elite general of the guard and with my elite deck? Little girl, you don’t stand a chance!”
 

“Duel!”

 
“Th... Th-en you should be to!” Erin tried to retort, but there was little conviction in it, as the randomizer gave her the opening privileges, her deck offered her a sixth card. She was unprepared for this. Now that her rage had subsided, the reality of what she’d done was setting in. She had duelled with Mel a bit, in the dead of the night under the covers when they were certain not to be disturbed. Nothing like this. As she glanced at her hand, and the three figures cloaked in various blue and white garbs emblazed with the same crystal symbol somewhere on their person, she had to hope that it, and the deck she had been given so long ago, would be enough to protect them. “I’ll... fight you... with everything, starting with my first turn! I summon Strategist of the Ice Barrier!”
 
As she placed the card on her Duel Disk, a glistening portal opened before her, through which emerged an elderly man in dark navy robes, grasping an amulet bearing the snowflake symbol of the Ice Barrier clan, and a ceremonial fan. This was a member of The Ice Barrier; the tribe that she not only had used ever since she’d been introduced to Duel Monsters, but also symbolised her, and now all she had left to protect herself (Lv4, ATK 1600). “Strategist’s effect activates. Once per turn, I can discard an Ice Barrier monster from my hand, in order to draw a new card.” She performed the exchange quickly. “Then I activate the spell card Surface. This summons a low level fish or aqua type monster from my graveyard in defence. I’ll be summoning my discarded Cryomancer of the Ice Barrier.”
 
A different portal, one to hell opened in the ground, from which a dark skinned shaman armed with a short wand made of ice rose up through and knelt before her. Its defence was a lamentable zero, but that didn’t matter much to him (Lv2, DEF 0). “While Cryomancer is on the field along with another Ice Barrier, no monsters can attack that are rated stronger than level three.” Hopefully that would protect her for a bit. Finally, the images of the backs of two more cards, hidden in identity, appeared behind the two icy men. “I’ll set two cards face down and end my turn.”
 
“Then it’s my turn” Gaius declared, forcefully drawing for his deck. His smirk broadened. “So already you are on the defensive. How weak. But there is no hiding from, no escaping from the might of the Empire. I’ll smash down your barriers. Summon, Marauding Captain!”
 
A veteran, battle-scarred warrior armed with two broadswords landed beside his commander (Lv3, ATK 1200). “When Marauding Captain is summoned normally, I can immediately perform a special summon to call another monster from my hand. Gearfried the Iron Knight.” A taller, broader warrior, covered from head to toe in cursed black armour, joined the captain (Lv4, ATK 1800). Erin gulped. The captain’s level was low enough to already break through her lock, and then the stronger Gearfried could take her Strategist. But at least she’d survive intact. Gaius however was not yet done.
 
“Now, I’m going to activate the Equip Spell, Divine Sword Phoenix Blade. This sword increases the attack of a warrior type monster by three hundred. Since Gearfried can’t be equipped with anything lasting, I’ll use it on the Captain.” The weapon exchange didn’t seem to do much (ATK 1500), but Gaius revealed another spell which made Erin gasp, and him chuckle in reply. “Next I activate Shield Crush. This destroys one monster that’s on the field in defence position immediately.”
 
Erin winced as the helpless Cryomancer was obliterated by a shaft of light that smashed right through its guard. On the charge, Gaius punched towards her with his command. “Gearfried, destroy that old man!” The plated warrior obeyed, charging the Strategist, and Erin lost her composure, shying away from the attack. The old man was flattened by one blow, disappearing in a shatter of snowflake like particles as he hit the floor, and Erin shuddered as the difference in strength was fed back to her in damage (LP 3800). Delighted, Gaius went again.“You’re wide open girl! Marauding Captain attacks you directly!”
 
“Aah! No, please!” Erin cried out as the veteran leapt at her with swords raised. Of course mercy was not going to be forthcoming. Instinctively she threw her hands up to protect her face as both swords came crashing down, clashed into her D-Disk. Startled and shocked as the impact fed through her from the disk, Erin staggered and fell backwards, shaken by the attack (LP 2300). The children watching gasped in horror, Mel among them was shaking as much as she was. Gaius laughed at her reaction.
 
“Pitiable. After all that front with your sneak attack, you don’t like it when it’s coming back your way.” Erin just sat there panting, numbed by what had happened. She wasn’t hurt by the attack, just shocked. Her first attempt at defence, and it had been ripped through near effortlessly. And she realised, now the battle phase was over, she could have prevented it if she hadn’t panicked! Sensing an opportunity, the guards went to move in. Seeing them move made her quickly stagger back to her feet, and they backed off again. But it was a reminder; any more serious damage... and she’d be vulnerable to them.
 
“I... Is... Is that all you got for me Gaius?”
 
Gaius scowled. Perhaps he had actually expected that to be enough to make her give up. “Humph, so you managed to get back up this time. I promise you won’t the next. But for now I place one card of my own face down, and end my turn. Not that you’ll do much in response.”
 
“W... We’ll see about that. Draw!” Erin stammered. Furious with her failures in the opening rounds, she had to focus on her cards again, and the revival spell she had drawn. ‘Calm down, and think about what you’re doing. What you’re going to do. You want any chance at all of getting out of this in one piece, you have to beat him! Now deep breaths, stay calm, think about your move, and do it.’
 
“I activate the spell card, Premature Burial. By giving up eight hundred of my life points as payment, I can bring back a monster in my graveyard and equip it with this card. Then I summon Shock Troops of the Ice Barrier.” Another masked warrior in blue robes landed before her, clutching a trident (Lv3, ATK 1500), whilst another hellish portal opened, pulling the Strategist back from the dead. Erin flinched as her life dipped again, but it was worth it (LP 1500). “Now battle. Strategist, attack Marauding Captain.”
 
“Is that really all the attack you can muster?” Gaius sighed, almost pitying of her weak effort. “All you can do is a measly one hundred damage, and that’s if I even let the attack go through to begin with. However, I’m going to let you and your monsters run right into my trap instead, by activating Mirror Force. When you attack, this powerful trap card destroys all attack position monsters you control.”
 
Erin gasped as the potentially devastating trap opened in response to Strategist’s movement, and the crowd gasped. If she lost all her monsters a second time... ‘No Erin, you can’t afford to let fright overcome you again. You knew this could well happen, now react to it. You can do this.’
 
“I activate my own trap card, <a data-ipb="nomediaparse" data-cke-saved-href="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Magician" href="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Magician" s_circle"="">Magician's Circle. When I attack with a spellcaster type monster, this card gives us both the chance to summon another spellcaster from our decks in attack mode.”
 
“Uh, what’s the point in that?” Gaius sniffed, making no attempt to summon anything. “You know card chains resolve backwards right? Your monster will be summoned before Mirror Force resolves, you’re just going to waste an extra monster.” He was expecting this news to bring more terror to this pathetic urchin. However it was his turn to be surprised, as for the first time she smiled instead.
 
“I don’t think so. The monster I’m summoning is Dai-Sojo of the Ice Barrier!” A magical man burst forth from the portal; athletic and dark in build, his face obscured by wild white hair and a large bladed hat as he struck a dynamic pose (Lv6, ATK 1600). “And while Dai-Sojo is on the field, all my Ice Barrier monsters are protected from the destruction effects of spell and trap cards by his magic.” Gaius gasped as he realised... “Mirror Force does nothing! Strategist’s attack continues, and destroys Marauding Captain.”
 
An icy blast smashed into the captain’s chest, blowing it to particles. The general grunted as he took a small amount of damage (LP 3900). “Pretty clever for a little slum girl. But even that monster doesn’t have enough attack to take down Gearfried.”
 
“Not until I activate this!” Gaius blinked as Erin, her confidence suddenly rising, revealed a spell in her hand. “Now I’ve taken care of your defence, I can safely go ahead with this. The quick-play spell Shrink can be activated during the battle phase, cutting the attack points of your monster in half. Dai-Sojo, attack the weakened Gearfried!” The suddenly downsizing and alarmed iron knight was obliterated by another magical blast, and Gaius’ life took another dip (LP 3200). “Now Shock Troops, attack directly!”
 
The warrior moved at speed and lunged at Gaius, striking him across the shield. He grunted and lost another bit of ground (LP 1700), emerging from behind his block panting and scowling. Still the assault kept coming. “Now that all my high level monsters have attacked, I’ll activate my other trap, Graceful Revival. This summons the low level Cryomancer back once again, and now he can attack you as well.”
 
The other shaman was back, materialising a set of magical ice knives and launching them at Gaius’ head, who snarled as he took evasive action again. The tables were completely reversed now, and so was the mood inside the hall. Each knife thudded into the raised shield, the general lost more ground with every hit, until he was backed against the far wall. The children, suddenly inspired, cheered with every hit, completely ignoring the watching nuns trying desperately to shush them. Little Mel was amongst them, dancing and shouting in glee. The guards were panicking now, unsure whether to assist their senior or to attack Erin. Belatedly they chose the latter, but it was too late. As soon as they made a step towards her, the four warriors of icy brotherhood immediately stood in their way, blocking their path. They were helpless to do anything now. Erin allowed herself a small smile at their dilemma, but quickly refocused. She wasn’t out of the woods yet. Gaius had recovered and was glaring furiously at her, all his haughty, goading air had gone now. He was battered and bent over, exhausted from the constant barrages of icy magic, but he wasn’t quite finished (LP 400). And his dark eyes were so fixed on her; piercing through her. Not with contempt anymore, now with utter hatred. She shivered, now he was really dangerous...

 

[This might be something you’re going to have to explain to me, but the whole premise here (which is similar to what I’ve done in Accel) is that the monsters are more than just holograms, right? More than likely different methods of going about it, but I’m guessing that’s the way she’s able to defend herself and vice-versa.  What I’m wondering is whether that’s only in official duels or if it’s been established that these creatures exist through magic.  Say, would someone be able to summon a monster outside of a duel?  And if so, is there some sort of damage to their body from exhausting that energy?  Just some things that I ‘m curious about.]

 ‘I just need one more attack to finish him. But I’ve got nothing left to play to do it, or to protect myself for his turn. The only thing I could do now is use the effect of Shock Troops. By releasing it and another water monster, I could add any Ice Barrier monster of my choice to my hand. I should maintain some hand, and since Strategist is reliant on Premature Burial staying on the field, I should release it. But then... what should I choose? Maybe Dew... no. He has two cards to initiate a reversal, what can he do to get through this field? Dai-Sojo protects me from any field wiping spells, and Cryomancer will stop any strong attacks. I’m safe now, and besides; look at how this field presence is intimidating the guards. I should keep it.’
 
“I... end my turn.”
 
Wordlessly, Gaius drew his card, glancing only for a moment at the result before turning back to her. Slowly, horrifying, the ugly grimace turned back into a slight smirk.
 
“I activate the spell card, Monster Reborn.” Erin scowled at that card’s appearance. Whereas she had to make do with what she could with the limited cards she had, Gaius clearly had access to a pool of the most powerful types. Still, Gearfried was the monster he was bringing back, and there wasn’t much he could do with that now other than stall against her weaker monsters. Unless... Gaius revealed his drawn card. “Then I activate the spell Release Restraint! This card shatters the binds that restrict my iron knight, and allows it to unleash its full power. Gearfried, break free from your armour and show that wretched child the power of your full form!”
 
A hush overcame everyone as the gaps in Gearfried’s armour started to glow, before the black iron that imprisoned him suddenly exploded, freeing the true warrior within. A powerful warrior with long wild hair, his muscular body almost entirely uncovered, burst forth from the blast, landing with such power that the floor shook. “Behold, Gearfried the Swordmaster!” (Lv7, ATK 2600)
 
Erin swallowed as Gaius revelled in his ace. She daren’t look at Mel; she couldn’t let him see her fear. Gaius could see it in her though. “I admit you had a good little flurry there girl... But not good enough. I activate the effect of Divine Sword Phoenix Blade from my graveyard. By removing Marauding Captain and Gearfried the Iron Knight from play, I can return it to my hand, in order to re-equip it to my Swordmaster.” The blade materialised in the warriors empty hands, raising its strength accordingly (ATK 2900) as it raised the weapon towards her, pointing at Cryomancer. “Now Gearfried’s effect is triggered. Each time it is equipped with a new weapon, it immediately destroys one monster on the field!”
 
Erin gasped as the warrior lunged, and Cryomancer was destroyed again. Spitting furiously in his anger, Gaius went for the jugular. “Now with him out of the way, attack her trooper! Divine Slash!”
 
Another lunging slash and the masked warrior fell in a shattering of snowflakes. The resulting blast of the attack, damaging shocks passing through her Duel Disk into her body, made Erin cry and drop to her knees, leaving her whimpering slightly. This was too much. She couldn’t get back up. She couldn’t even look up. Her life points were at the minimum (LP 100). The room was silent now. The guards were only kept at bay by the remaining presence of her two sorcerers. Not that they would be able to protect her from Gaius’ Swordmaster for long.
 
“Turn end.” Gaius declared smugly. “Face it little girl. You’ve lost. And when I defeat you next turn, after your actions here, owning an illegal item and attacking an official servant of the Empire, you’re going to lose everything.” Everyone stared at her, but still Erin just knelt there, looking at the floor and trembling.
 
‘I’ve... I’ve blown it. I should have added Dewdark to my hand when I had the chance. Even if I drew him now, he’d be no help to me as things are. I’ve kept making silly mistakes, right from the moment I went and attacked him. I just... the Empire just makes me... they just keep taking... and when he attacked Mel like that... oh you stupid girl! How can you protect Mel from the Empire? You can’t if you do stupid reckless things like this, and get yourself killed! What the hell was I thinking attacking this man? Foolish girl, you’ve let him down.’ She could feel everyone was looking at her, waiting for her. Fools, what were they expecting? For her to make some sort of miraculous recovery and defeat Gaius? To somehow make everything alright? She scoffed to herself as she hung her head. She couldn’t face them. She couldn’t look at Mel. Not after letting him down like this. ‘Miracles don’t happen here. Not in the Empire...’
 
Looking at her deck, she could see a card had automatically offered itself for her draw. Well she was in this deep; she might as well go down fighting. Shrugging, knowing full well it wouldn’t make much difference; she drew and looked at it.

She blinked as she looked at the result. ‘Wait a second... this card...?’ The seconds dragged as Erin stared at it. And the orphans stared at her with baited breath. So did the nuns. So did the guards, poised and ready to arrest her. And Gaius, snorting with contempt at this battered, delinquent little girl who was transfixed by her card, the little magic card depicting a sea recovery operation, shaking as she held it.
 
‘Oh my... thank you...’
 
“I activate the spell card; Salvage!” Gaius jumped as the beaten girl suddenly hauled herself up and slammed it into the disk with some renewed strength, a crane appearing behind her and reached into the depths. “This card retrieves two water attribute monsters from my graveyard with fifteen hundred or less attack points, and adds them to my hand. Then I summon Cryomancer once again.”
 
“Grr, stalling again?” Gaius growled as the shaman returned once more to frustrate him. “It hasn’t worked for you once yet. You can’t keep Gearfried out forever!”
 
“Who said anything about me stalling?” To his amazement, Erin shook her head. “There’s one more thing about my Cryomancer that you should know, and that is he is a tuner monster. So now the stage is set, I will unleash the true power of the Ice Barrier. I tune my level two Cryomancer with the level four Strategist, to summon a more powerful force from my extra deck whose level is six. I Synchro Summon!”
 
Many gasped as the bodies of the two monsters turned to snowflakes, but this time they rose upwards and joined in a flurry of white rings and stars, forming a new snowy portal. As the gate opened, an arctic wind began to billow around the hall, forcing everyone to huddle down, trying not to be blown away by the growing blizzard. Gaius fought the wind furiously, trying to slowly inch towards Erin, until a terrible scream echoed through the portal above her. “From the depths of the icy realm, through the power of the divine’s pure prayer, a miracle will emerge to protect the weak. I Synchro Summon the result of that prayer. Brionac, Dragon of the Ice Barrier!”
 
The snowflakes blew apart, and from them appeared a great crystal blue serpent, with great icy wings and a snowflake shaped face, an icy mist emanating with its breath. Its yellow eyes burned down on him, before it screeched again (Lv6, ATK 2300). Below it, Erin just stood there, transfixed and relieved. Still Gaius remained defiant. “Bah, I don’t know why you look so happy. That dragon isn’t strong enough to defeat Gearfried. This isn’t a miracle. This is just another false hope for a stupid, arrogant little girl.”
 
“We’ll see about that!” Erin retorted. Her voice was the strongest it had been since Gaius had entered the building. “Brionac’s special effect activates. By discarding the Shock Troops card from my hand, I can return up to one card on the field to the owner’s hand. Gearfried is helpless...” The swordsmaster leapt at the dragon desperately, but to Gaius’ shock was caught straight in the chest by an icy blast from its maw. Leaving him with nothing, as the dragon turned her attention on him. Below it, Erin had to shout over the cacophony of noise in the hall. “...and you’re through! Brionac, attack him directly! Ice Burial!”
 
...
 
The passersby outside the small grounds of Saint Alexis’ got the shock of their lives as a wooden wall of the orphanage suddenly ripped open, a blizzard erupting from with the hall. To their amazement, Sir Gaius of the Royal Guard was launched through it, landing heavily in the courtyard on his back, wincing and groaning as he tried to pick himself up (LP 0). Two more soldiers came running through the hole after him as the wind abated, followed by - and if they hadn’t voiced their surprise yet they did now - as a pale faced snow dragon stuck its head out of the hole. Gaius was yelling at his allies and pointing furiously at the girl who had just run up to the gap after them, looking exhausted.
 
“Don’t just stand here! Get her! Get the kid! Get someone!”
 
The soldiers eventually did as they were ordered, but a rumbling growl from Brionac, along with its ally Dai-Sojo emerging to join the fray, quickly made them change their minds. There was no way they were going to fight that thing. So they sheathed their weapons and ran, out of the gate to the courtyard and fled into the narrow streets of the slums, ignoring the tirade of abuse following them as Gaius staggered to his feet. He was clutching his side, and breathing raggedly. He was too exhausted to fight anymore, they both knew it. So they stared at each other for a long while, neither willing to break first. Erin’s face was blank, but held fear. Gaius made no attempt to hide his fury, until finally he conceded and backed towards the gate. But not without giving her one last dirty look, and jabbing an accusing finger at her.
 
“Don’t think this is over.”
 
With that he hobbled off into the slums, shoving anyone in his way to the ground in anger, leaving Erin stood in the hole she’d broken in the side of the hall, trying to take it all in. And as she slowly regained awareness of the mutterings of the orphans and the nuns behind her, of the people in the street ahead, and as she felt Mel’s shivering body press against hers; a growing, horrible realisation dawned on her.
 
‘Oh my god... What have I done?’[/spoiler]

 

And we’re done. 

 

First of all, that was really good.  I personally find that if one is going to use Duel Monsters as an important story element, making it more than just a game is the best path to take because it opens the door for a lot of story possibilities.

 

That’s something you’ve definitely pulled off here.  The best part about this is that even if for some reason I hadn’t read the original Armageddon, I could theoretically jump right into this story and be good to go with the great set-up you’ve established.  As far as a first episode goes, it’s probably one of the best I’ve ever seen on the site.

 

As far as complaints go, I think other than the spelling errors here and there (which in my personal opinion aren’t nearly as important as telling a good story, so I can overlook that, might just be something worth checking out before you post a chapter in the future), the only thing might have been the overabundance of description in a few areas.

 

You’ve established likeable characters that as a reader, I want to root for.  You’ve also established a backstory on top of a backstory that sets you up with plenty of story to tell for however long you want to.  Seriously, though I was expecting to be impressed, you went above and beyond that and delivered a really solid story.

 

I was a big fan of 24, aside from the generic-ness towards the end (Horsemen, Death, etc.), but I’m really optimistic about this going forward and assuming I can actually get this review series to take off, could see it being a permanent fixture. 

 

WHAT I THINK: Highly recommended read

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Figured it made more sense to kick this off with one of the most talked about (and arguably with good reason) stories to grace the CW section lately.  I’ve always been a huge fan of Bahamut/Matt’s writing and I like to think he was one of the inspirations for Accel with his 24! Story which was also really good. 
 
I don’t remember too much about the initial Armageddon, so while I’ve read it, I’m going to have to brush up on it before I get too far into the story, but it makes sense to start with this one for the first review, and I know Matt loves the feedback and criticisms almost as much as I do.  So without any further hesitation, let’s get to it!
 
86ByksX.png
Episode 1: A Sequel Worth Checking Out? Finally.
 
*insert a lot of reviewing goodness*

 
Thanks again for the review Neo. I have to try harder to not go so overboard on repetitive descriptions, I'm getting worried about chapter lengths in places so could really do with stamping down on it, although would like to think I'm getting better at the 'show not tell'. Am slightly concerned about the highlighting of spelling mistakes though. I take you mean you're spotting stuff like 'where' in place of 'were' and such right? Seems odd as it's been proofread a few times, but will be going over the rest of what I've done with a fine comb in the coming weeks and hopefully will cut outh these silly errors and get the stuff toned down. Will also amend Gaius' further speechs that may come later (or may not. He might not appear again and I'm just screwing with you all... :huh:
 
Hooray, a lead character who isn't a Mary-Sue! This must be critically maintained! :D
 

[This might be something you’re going to have to explain to me, but the whole premise here (which is similar to what I’ve done in Accel) is that the monsters are more than just holograms, right? More than likely different methods of going about it, but I’m guessing that’s the way she’s able to defend herself and vice-versa.  What I’m wondering is whether that’s only in official duels or if it’s been established that these creatures exist through magic.  Say, would someone be able to summon a monster outside of a duel?  And if so, is there some sort of damage to their body from exhausting that energy?  Just some things that I ‘m curious about.]

 
Pretty much. In short, in the Armageddon universe there is a human world and a duel spirit world (oh god I hear you all groan, bear with it) with a thin boundary in between. Cards kind of act as keys or gateways to allow the chosen monster to pass through from place to place. Monsters do appear to have an effect on people having crossed the boundary, but it is limited by certain laws that are not fully understood *Chapter 5 covers this in a little more detail as to what said rules are*. But basically they only appear to interact with conscious beings and not physical objects. It appears anyway. As for your other two questions, possibly, you'll just have to find out as we go I'm afraid. :) As a lot of this is uncertain and abstract theory at best to these characters, a duel is used as a device of controlling this sort of power precisely and in an ordered way, rather people just pulling all kinds of random stuff. Kind of like how magic works in the Inheritance cycle, where magician's duel in an ordered way so they don't just both vapourize each other in a flurry of magic at the same time. I think that was the original basis logic I borrowed used anyway.
 
Well, I think this chapters got all the feedback it's gonna. Thank you to all of those who did with such honest critisism (and also thanks to the topics first follower for doing so). Although of course I should point people are still welcome to comment on previous chapters and not hesitate from doing so if they are behind the story ;) I expect to be busy the next week, so this is probably the best chance to get Chapter 3 up quickly before I go to work, picking up the aftermath of the events we've seen.
 
Spoiler: Only a little duel action in this chapter, but lots of story progression, and new characters to meet. Some of whom will be new to every reader new and old, but there may also be a few familiar faces...
 
Enjoy
 
[spoiler=Chapter 3]Chapter 3: The Rebels
 
‘Where am I?’
 
The darkness that had surrounded her slowly began to lift as she tried to open her eyes. Erin could feel she was lying down somewhere, but all around her was a veil of white. Little lights above her flickered and faded in and out of her vision, blurry indefinable shapes were hidden in the corners of her obscured sight. She tried to shake the haziness clear, but she didn’t have the strength. She could barely move.
 
‘What’s happening to me? Why can’t I think clearly?’
 
Straining desperately she tried to move, to clear her eyesight, and when she failed again she tried to shout in frustration. No words came, as her voice failed her in the same way her eyes had. She could see a little faint movement above her, the blurry outline of someone moving. Maybe two people. The shapes moved in and out of focus, in and out of sight, then came back to her. She couldn’t tell what they were doing. Her whole brain was muggy. Frightened, she tried to cry out again. But still no sound came.
 
‘What are you doing to me? Please, help me! Please help me out of this... this place I’m trapped in!’
 
The two figures approached and came slightly more into focus. They both looked male. The smaller one was pale-skinned, and the other bigger shape she could make out was darker. She couldn’t make out any more than that. She could hear them talking as well, but couldn’t catch any of what was said. Their conversation ended, and the small paler shape leaned in closer to her. As he did, a new sensation to her prior numbness started to come to her, originating in her arm. It took a moment for her to place what was going on, when suddenly a great cloud on her memory lifted and she realised. He was injecting her with something! Alarmed she tried to move, to kick and scream out, but still her body wouldn’t respond. Instead she was getting weaker. She could feel her consciousness sliding away, as the two shapes faded back into darkness...
 
As the young girl slowly slid back into the depths of sleep, the tall dark skinned man standing over her nodded to his young associate, before leaving him with her and exiting from the room. Outside, an assortment of several figures were hanging around waiting for him, each looking at him with varying degrees of uncertainty and expectation. He didn’t say a word to them either. He simply nodded, before leaving the group to wait as he would for the girl lying in the room beyond, trying to clutch at the last of her cloudy thoughts as her dogged but tired mind finally gave in to the injection.
 
‘Mel...’
 
...
 
Guards stepped aside and saluted as the two generals marched past them through the hallway, each having to hold back the questions they had. The events that had transpired in the Raviel slums a few hours ago had been watched by many of them, and had now spread throughout the ranks of those who hadn’t. How the duel was going, how there was no sign of anything, and then suddenly the lights went out and the camera’s cut. Many of the sentries were worried and confused, and in need of answers and guidance from their superiors. They wouldn’t get them for a while, as the generals involved in the operation had been summoned to relay the details of what happened after the footage had cut to their superior first. Camilla led the way, striding forward and keeping her focus dead ahead, her expression unfathomable. Gaius followed behind shortly her. He looked less calm; suddenly whirling on one man and laying into him with a torrent of abuse about the dirt on his armour for nearly a minute, until Camilla’s glaring bought him back to the reality of their duty. Some of the older guards could understand why he was on edge. They wouldn’t like to be the ones having to answer to failing twice in one day...
 
Ascending to the uppermost floor of the main palace building, the two commanders waited in the foyer while the sentry posted here stepped through the large oak doors to the room beyond and announced their arrival. Gaius began to fiddle with his gauntlets. Camilla stood in her regular stance except with her arms folded and waited, impervious to any feelings she might be quelling. The sentry returned, pulling the door open for them and bade them admittance to enter the Emperor’s throne room.
 
The throne room was a dark and forbidding place. Shadows obscured the high ceilings and walls of the expansive space, hiding movements of forbidden things behind the columns. The trio of people already at the other side of the hall stopped their conversation and paused as they entered, waiting for them to approach. Their footsteps echoed around the hall, the temperature dropped noticeably as they went across. At the end of the room was a raised platform, upon which was the one integral feature; a large, cold, marble throne, laced with gold. Two figures stood either side of it. One was a much older man dressed in a ceremonial soldier’s garb. Gaius gulped at the sight of the lord commander of the whole army and their boss; Longinus. The other was a noble of the emperor’s court, in charge of public shelter management, so Camilla believed. He looked awful, a shivering wreck, which didn’t bode well. The generals approached together until they reached the foot of the steps, and knelt into a bow before their lord half obscured by the shadows. Upon the throne sat the Emperor himself. His Excellency; Nero VIII.
 
“So... our little experiment did not go as planned...”
 
“I am afraid not my lord” Camilla replied, seemingly unaffected by the Emperor’s cold drawling tone. The Emperor remained impassive to this. Taking a deep breath, she went into a more detailed report. “You were right to suspect something would happen if we made the girls execution live to the public. The display did draw out the enemy you predicted was forming as planned, but I am afraid that they anticipated our trap. This confirms all your suspicions were correct about what you prepared us for. It seems their numbers are greater, and they are better equipped, than we first imagined them to be. After sabotaging the spotlights, their archers were better hidden in the darkness to take on our small force. They also used some old military hardware as part of their ambush and escape, which could have come from several sources. We have confirmed and indeed learned much from the exercise, but I’m afraid we have little real substance to show for it. None of the group was captured, we sustained five fatalities, and they escaped with the girl in the commotion. We... failed you.”
 
Deathly slowly, the Emperor sighed a long rattling breath, and leaned forward into the little candlelight. He was still impressive and healthy for a man nearly seventy years of age, with unblemished tanned skin and a full white beard and hair. He was still a tall and lean and powerful man, dressed impressively in white, scarlet and velvet robes. His eyes were cold though, squinty and tainted with darkness, and his face was fierce and malicious.
“You failed me? My dear general, you... Lady Camilla fon Rallis, the proud Black Thorn, and assisted by the great warrior Sir Gaius fon Rausenburg, failed me? You two were given instructions by me; given a plan to strangle this infant group before it grows into a serious threat, and to re-establish my authority over the population of the city. And now you come back to my throne room, followed by the howls of triumph and laughter of the ungrateful dogs of the slums, and you dare to tell me... that you failed me?”
 
Camilla winced as the spit and fury of the Emperors words cut through her. He was glaring at her with such intensity like daggers were stabbing at her, daring her to answer him, to beg him for forgiveness. She just maintained eye contact and waited for the inevitable. It was certainly coming, until Longinus interrupted.
 
“My lord, we all know of Lady Camilla’s many achievements throughout her service. The same can be said for Sir Gaius. I assure you they are two of our best...”
 
“If they are the best the army can produce under your tutelage, then perhaps you are the core reason for their inadequacy!” Nero rounded on his advisor, making the old warrior quail, before leaning back into the throne and turning his attention back to Camilla and the mute and head-bowed Gaius. “However... I am indeed aware of Lady Camilla’s many fine deeds in the past, so I am willing to listen, and hence judge my actions accordingly. So...”
 
He waited, drumming his fingers together, for Camilla to give him a reason to spare her. Hopefully she had one that would satisfy him. “I have... a contingency plan. One that I’ve already put into place as a matter of fact, as soon as we realised the attackers and the girl had escaped. They seem to believe she could be of great importance to them, given the risk they took however well-planned. But I can get her to come out, and when she does I will be waiting, and now she will be able to give us information about those who oppose you. She may actually end up more useful to you alive and with them than just being executed tonight, well for now at least, if we can get her and she can tell us what we need to know now. And she will tell us. She’ll have no choice. As for her rescuers, it would seem either they have a well financed backer, or an insider past or present to your council supplying them. They might support and equip her in her cause, but we’ll be ready for anything this time, and take down anyone who’s with her. I will crush them down for you my lord.” She raised her balled fist and shook it as if to strangle something within it. “With me as your arm, your enlightened rule will remain strong and insurmountable.”
 
She waited as the Emperor took another deep sighing breath, to consider his verdict...
 
“Very well general. Go ahead with this plan of yours. I hope that it is more successful than tonight’s operation has been. You are dismissed. As are you Tectum; to carry out your own orders. As for Gaius... we need to discuss a few things further.” The colossal knight swallowed as this much smaller, older man sneered down at him. Camilla didn’t look at her associate; simply bowed to and thanked the Emperor before turning to leave along with the scared noble Tectum, who looked like he couldn’t get out of the throne room fast enough, leaving Gaius and Longinus to try and argue his fate. “Oh, and Camilla...”
 
She looked back to see the Emperor was still staring at her with a cold glint in his eye.
 
“Do not fail me again.”
 
...
 
‘................................’
 
The darkness was lifting now. Trying to open her eyes again, she could make things out a little clearer this time, as if she was just coming out of a really deep sleep. The little lights above her were the same, illuminating the white walls. Straining to recollect conscious thoughts as the senses started to return, only one mattered first and foremost;
 
‘Must... wake... up...’
 
With a groan, Erin blearily opened her eyes fully and pushed herself up on her side. She was in a bed in what looked to be a small medical room. A very small room, in fact she was on one of only two beds. It was sparsely equipped too; a couple of boxes of medical equipment lay scattered against the walls, but little major stuff. A young doctor, a spectacled fellow with a very neat appearance, was digging into one in front of her. She was too shocked to react as he looked up at her, acknowledged her awakening with a reassuring smile and curt nod, and then went back to what he was looking for as if it was nothing. Like she was a regular patient who he knew well, which was ridiculous. She’d never met him before. Deciding to leave him alone for the moment while she got her senses and a better grasp of her surroundings together, something seemed odd about the ward. Something about the lighting maybe, or because the white painted ceiling looked an odd texture? Or maybe it was because there weren’t any windows in this room for some reason. Shaking the lingering mugginess of her slumber out of her, she felt awkward in the surrealism, and tried to remember how she might have got here. She could ask the doctor. Or, as she turned to sit upright and nearly jumped in doing so, she could ask the other person in here. As sat on the edge of other bed across from her, in the absence of any chairs, was her visitor.
 
“Good, you’re awake” said the large dark skinned man sat before her, smiling as he did. He was dressed in a long purple coat; a very expensive looking item which he wore open and without a shirt, exposing a broad chest which was covered almost entirely in tribal tattoos. The grandeur continued with smart dark green trousers and adorned with many gold rings, necklaces, and piercings. He’d clearly taken time and care for his appearance; his hair combed back around neatly and into a long knotted ponytail, and finely trimmed stubble covered the underside of his jaw. But these things could not detract from the mass scarring that tore down the side of his face and neck. It made Gaius’ scar look like a minor scratch it was so savage. “It’s... Erin I believe, right? You have been asleep for a few hours. How are you feeling?”
 
She was so taken aback by his appearance it took her a moment to stammer out a reply.
 
“Er... y-yeah? I’m fine, I think. Maybe a little groggy still. Um... who are you?”
 
“That’s good” replied the man, ignoring her question and reaching into a pocket in his long coat. From it, she was shocked to recognise a small canister like device he delicately showed to her. “I’m not surprised you are feeling a little out of it right now. These gas canisters are more potent than I thought when my associate showed me them. They were previously in use in the war on stealth missions, not something I was involved in much, but are disused now. Probably why he was able to get us a good few of them that were still left. Complete mental shutdown for hours for those who breathe it in. I wonder if he could experiment with different kinds of effects for me...”
 
The man studied the device critically, seemingly talking more to himself than to her. As he distracted himself with it, the doctor came over and quickly examined her without any reaction to her hesitance; checking her pulse and the like, before telling her she was fine and would not suffer any lasting effect of the knockout gas, before simply going back to his unpacking. Feeling confused, but not immediately threatened, Erin coughed politely to regain the rich looking man’s attention again. “I’m sorry, you didn’t answer my question.”
 
“Oh...” the man said, as if he’d only just remembered she was still here. “Of course, of course. But I think it would be best all things considered if you answered my question first.”
 
“Um... I did...” Erin was even more confused now. “Didn’t I?”
 
“When I asked how you were feeling, I was only in part referring to the effect of the gas canister” the man replied carelessly, still fiddling with the device in such a way Erin feared it might go off again. “The answer to that was obvious, and it was only a courtesy remark. What I want to know is; how are you feeling?”
 
“Er...” Erin started. Was this guy for real? How about completely confused, and quite irritated by your rude behaviour? He looked at her expectantly with those dark eyes of his, and she guessed they weren’t the answers he was looking for or that she should dare them. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. My feelings about what exactly? Can you please explain to me where I am, and what do you want from me?”
 
“I apologise for being cryptic with you” the man replied, finally pocketing the device and interlocking his fingers for his chin to rest on. His scar stretched every time he talked. “All I can say, until I know that you can be trusted, is that I am looking for like minded people. And given what I’ve seen and heard of you from today’s events I think you might be someone of that like mind. The Emperor and his generals seem to have an interest in you, and even if it was that you were seen as just collateral before, they certainly will be very interested in you now. What I want to know is: what are you feelings towards the Empire? Towards the Emperor himself, Nero? To the state we find ourselves living in, such as your quaint little orphanage? And what unholy sequence of events led to you to finding yourself fighting with two of his most valued generals in a game of duel monsters live on his television network?”
 
“Um...” Erin was stunned. This powerful - and to be honest quite scary - looking man was sitting with her and was very pleasant in his manner, but was refusing to explain what she asked him to and was asking her questions that, depending on her answers and whether he liked them, he might respond to in any number of very unpleasant ways. He certainly looked like he would do so if she refused to answer. What should she say? She hadn’t realised she was curling herself up into her bed, inching away from the man opposite like a scared little mouse. What made it worse was that even though he was still now and had his back to her, she could sense the feelings of the doctor. He was edgy too. What did he want her to say? What would happen if she said something he didn’t like? Before she could stop herself, she ended up blurting out probably the worst thing she could say. “How can I trust you?”
 
She realised and clasped her hands over her mouth too late as the man blinked, as if considering how to respond to a surprising question, an awkward silence hung around the ward for a moment. Eventually the dark man signed, and she stopped breathing as he reached back into his pocket... ‘Oh shi...’
 
...and to her unexpected gasp he smiled kindly, as he withdrew and held up the last thing she had been expecting him to offer her; a duel monster card! He was holding it so that the name and image of the monster were mostly obscured by his fingers, she assumed deliberately, so all she could tell from it was that it was a dark attribute monster, a little unnerving choice given the situation, was a high level, and it had a question mark in place of a regular attack score. The man seemed to have gathered her fear, and put his free hand over his heart before speaking.
 
“It’s alright Erin; I promise I am not going to hurt you. I just want you to tell me your story truthfully, and your feelings about the state we live in. I will listen to you without interruption or judgement, and then when you are ready, I will explain who I am, and you might realise then why I am behaving like I must.”

Well that threw her. Was he genuine, or was that just a trap to lower her defences? Despite her shock and fear, she was going to have to make a decision soon. Trust the guy; tell him the truth and hope? Or stick to the same old ‘keep your head down, say sir a lot and you’ll be fine’ lie she and everyone else had to live every time someone from the Emperor’s circle came by. Well, it was too late for that now. Sighing and resigning herself to the worst either way, she stepped off the edge. “Alright... I hate the Empire.”
 
So Erin told the man everything that had happened to her over the day, and also stretching back a little into the past too to fill in the gaps. She certainly felt like there were gaps throughout her telling; the gas effect must be lingering more than the doctor thought as she struggled to think why she had got into a fight with Gaius to begin with, and why she felt so hollow as they sat there, but she got the main details across about her orphanage, her duels, and what transpired with the two generals that evening. As promised the man sat and listened with question or comment, giving her time when her memory wavered, and allowing her to finish on the moment the arrow carrying the gas bomb landed between her and Camilla, ended with a little snivel. At this point he nodded, and pressed for her conclusion.
 
“So the Empire has treated you badly, and today something triggered you to just snap and strike back at them. So now I ask you one final question; what do you wish to do now?”
 
“Um... I don’t really know” Erin sniffed, this time completely honestly as she rocked back and forth in her little ball. “I mean... a part of me... a big part of me, wants to run away and hide, as fast and as far away from the Empire and everything it touches as I can get. But then there is a part of me that wants to... I don’t know... make things better? Go back to how things were before the war y’know? I was younger then, but things didn’t seem as bad as they are now. But I know; that’s just being wishful right? There’s nothing I can do to make that happen. We’re all stuck with it, there’s nothing anyone can do, least of all me.”
 
It was then the man smiled at her, the broadest grin she thought she’d ever seen. He shook his head and stood up, his full powerful frame looming over her scared hunched up little figure, and he offered her a giant hand. “That’s where you’re wrong Erin. You can changes things, and I can help you. My name is Vardus Jackson, and I am the leader of The Resistance against the Empire. Come with me.”
 
Erin looked up at the giant man before her. She was still shaking. Her head was ringing. Vardus Jackson. The name rang a bell somewhere, but she couldn’t quite place it. Still he seemed a very confident and powerful man, and he was stood over her, warmly offering her something amazing, and wanting her to be a part of it. A Resistance? A force against the Empire? Truly? Was this a dream still, a dream of what she wanted to hear? Was this what she wanted to hear? Well yeah she wanted the Empire gone, but to be at the front making that change. Could she possibly do that? She was nobody special; just an orphan who had managed to keep their deck through the purge and recklessly fluked a win over a guard. But here she was, currently a person wanted dead by the Emperor, and here he was, offering her his hand...
 
Nervously, she reached out and gently put her small hand in his. “...ok.”
 
“Excellent” Vardus grinned, pulling her to her feet with surprising gentleness and strolling towards the door on the far side. As he crossed the doctor stopped him with rather urgency, reminded Vardus of something he’d clearly forgotten. “Oh yeah, that. Erin, before we leave, would you be so kind as to take the pills my colleague has for you.”
 
“Um... okay?” Erin took the small white pill from the kindly young doctor. “What’s it for?”
 
“It’s to neutralize the effect of a memory wiping drug that was administered to you shortly before you woke up” Vardus replied matter-of-factly, making her jump. “Sorry if that knocks your little trust in me, but as you may have guessed you are in a place that demands utmost secrecy, especially concerning its location and my own identity, and I find it much less difficult and traumatic for all concerned to administer the drug beforehand and cure our new friends after if I find them to my liking. My colleagues tell me I shouldn’t reveal myself to potential new allies to begin with. But I prefer to meet young people who excite us and share our vision to them. My sincerest apologies for the dishonesty.”
 
“I see...” She didn’t really, but she didn’t want to upset her new ‘ally’. She guessed this was why she had struggled during her retelling of events to Vardus, as you looked to the doctor for reassurance. “So.... can I ask what would have happened if I wasn’t suitable for you?”
 
“Don’t worry; it’s not the strongest drug. Just enough to wipe your memory of the last few hours so we could safely take you home. It would have been unfortunate if we had to do that with you, since not only forgetting me but also your encounters with the guards would probably have ended very badly for you. But never mind about that now; we know now we are allies and don’t need to discuss such unpleasant skulduggery further. Now that should flush out the last bits of fogginess from your mind, and I see you are standing and moving alright, so let’s get to it. I have much to show you. Please follow me.”
 
Well, whatever she was in, it was too deep to get out now. Taking the little pills she quickly hurried after the mysterious Vardus through the door, and on the other side was a sight that took her breath away.
 
They were stood on a pathway on the edge of a raging underground river; a man-made canal that raged through the tunnel and around a corner out of sight. Stretching beyond them was a gigantic stone antechamber built underground; all lit up by great arc lamps high above, with arches and pillars of rock supporting the high tunnelled out ceilings. Stalactites dripped down from the ceiling, she could tell from the size of them they were centuries old. Coming back to ground level similar, calmer waterways ran between the pillars and large platform areas in between rivers, with little bridges over the water connecting the various paths that went around the riversides. She could see people on the platforms and walking around the edges. Only a few of them, but people living down here under the city! Vardus smiled at her astonished reaction and beckoned her to follow him down towards his watery sanctuary. As they followed the path inwards, she noticed more doors built into the rock, dozens of them, and there were many paintings and symbols all over the walls and ceilings which she couldn’t work out the meaning of. Vardus chuckled as he touched some of the runes near to him.
 
“Fascinating aren’t they? I have seen some places in my time, and this one doesn’t rank badly amongst them I tell you. I have researched long about this citadel, and have been able to translate some of the texts to discover a few of its secrets.”
 
“You can read this?” Erin was astounded. “Wait, Vardus Jackson... I have heard of you somewhere.”
 
“Possibly. Everybody has to be known by somebody” Vardus chuckled. “This place was built millennia ago - long before the capital city of Senn’enki no Toride way above us - by a water worshipping people. A tribe a thousand strong at its peak. They came here into the depths of the earth to devote themselves to their gods; entities like Bahemung and Leivain” he pointed to a massive drawing in the stone above them, depicting two gigantic serpent like creatures entwined together. “Aquatic deities who gave them great power for their faith. The power to construct this place for them to live and worship in safety for example. Such a construction is far too advanced for the technology of the period. So how could they do it Erin? Was it the will of their water gods, or some power bestowed by them?”
 
“Um...” she tried to think. How did he expect her to possibly know that? Unless the answer was something simple, that she would know about? “Wait, are you trying to suggest they used... no way?”
 
“Yes Erin, they used the power of spirits to help them. Spirits from the world of duel monsters” Vardus laughed at her stunned reaction. Duel monsters built this place? Was he mad? He was no doubt a very vibrant man and passionate about these things, but seriously? She wanted to object, but Vardus carried on in an enthusiasm that flowed almost as freely as the water around them. “Humans working together in tandem with these envoys from the spirit world, they constructed this magnificent place for both. There have been many such examples of this otherworldly co-operation throughout history, and now it is a history that Nero is trying to eradicate, out of fear of losing his power and Empire. It is a behaviour far from the Emperor of old that I once knew; like he has gone mad or possessed with power, or simply has become bitter and twisted with age. No matter; he must be stopped, and it is up to us to do it.”
 
Something about that last comment set more little bells off inside her head, but to her great irritation she still couldn’t grasp what they were linked to, so she followed him onward through the waterway. Continuing to make their way down into the centre of the waterway, Erin could see some of the people were using the empty central platforms as training areas. There was a space dedicated to weapons training, with a sword rack and an archery range. She could see two young men standing by it, practising with the arrows. As if sensing they were being watched, the pair looked around and at her and Vardus going around the place. The elder of the pair nodded and got back to practise, but the younger one - a lad with light green hair and bright eyes - continued to look at her with an amazed expression. Vardus explained as he opened a door they passed, showing her a small living space built into the rock that was a standard quarters for two people, before moving on with his tour.
 
“My friends on the surface have and continue to secure weapons from various sources across the Empire to equip a substantial force. And like I said, there was living space down here for thousands once, although we don’t have anywhere near that many down here now. Since I established the Resistance two months ago, there are now twelve official members of our group. As you can see, a lot of our group are orphans like yourself; from either wars or the Duelist Purge. Poor kids have suffered at the hands of Nero, his war mongers and his Extermination Squads like you have, they had nothing left. Don’t pull that face; they’re not all kids down here. Just a few we bought in off the streets or out of the slums, some of them were getting into all kinds of trouble. But here they are given purpose and discipline, and although I cannot change the atrocities in their pasts, I want to help them secure a better future. For everyone who has been unjustly struck down by the tyrant. For everyone made to suffer through his greed and neglect. We will rise up for them. This is the purpose of The Resistance...”
 
Vardus paused for a moment, leaning against a rail that was one of several inconsistently placed along some of the waterways and stared into the water running below. For the first time he’d stopped smiling. The enormity of the task he had appointed himself with must be getting to him, or perhaps... something else? Maybe now was the best chance Erin would get of asking him some questions to clear things up.
 
“Um... so Mister Jackson... I think before anything else, I need to thank you for the rescue, you and your friends. If it wasn’t for you all acting when you did, I’d be dead now.” Vardus grunted in reply. “But how did you learn about the live execution, and act in time? Your group must be very skilled to mobilize and find me in time if you only saw us on the television when the duel started...”
 
“Please, call me Vardus” he smiled as he leaned against the rail to face her. “I am flattered by your praise, but I must confess that we could never have got to you on such short notice, we were lucky. Or rather, we were allowed to be lucky. You see one of our group - the young lad you saw on the archery range in fact - he was getting food in the area at the time. I’m sure you can imagine his surprise when the captain of the guard suddenly came blasting out of a house, followed by an icy dragon. And then out you came. Right away he came back here like a shot, straight to me, to tell me of what he’d seen. We are always on the lookout for new members, especially those who are trained in duel monsters, as they will be a pivotal factor in this war. So we came to get you. That’s when we found your orphanage surrounded, and rumours spreading about a special broadcast later that night. I’m sure you won’t have considered it, given the urgency of your own situation, but I suspect that the public spectacle made of your execution was in fact a lure; a trap for any who may wish to rescue you. A trap for us.”
 
“Oh...” Erin replied simply. “Well, to be honest, I thought it was all very strange.” Vardus laughed at her.
 
“I’m sorry if that bruises any ego you were getting about the whole army coming to take you down” he poked cheerfully. She knew he meant well, but his joking did make her feel a little less proud of her actions. “Nero is many things, and paranoid is one of them, but he is no fool. He has eyes everywhere, and as careful as we have been to remain undetected for as long as possible, it couldn’t last forever. It might not be a bad thing to raise awareness of ourselves now, anything that gets the people talking, talking about hope and change, will strengthen us and weaken him. But we must remain underground and secretive for now until we get much stronger. Nero had probably begun to suspect that some form of opposition was beginning to stir, and must have been excited to be given an opportunity to entice us out. I wonder how much Gaius and Camilla are paying for squandering it now...”
 
“But, if the Emperor did know there was a resistance movement forming against him, he must be getting his army to start actively searching for their hideaway now” Erin blurted as a fearful vision suddenly came to her. “Would he know about this place? Couldn’t he find you all down here?”
 
“It’s a possibility of course” Vardus shrugged, before strolling ahead to continue the tour. “These ruins and waterways aren’t common knowledge, except among the Empire’s upper hierarchy. The capital was purposefully built upon them after their discovery in fact, as a handy and infinite supply of water to the city. It was the early city engineers who installed the lights and built the network of channels, as early on all of the machinery that got the water to the surface was situated down here. But now with automated systems in place the pumping and purification plants were moved above ground and the waterways were slowly abandoned, and have been for many years now. As you can imagine there are still many ways in and out of this place, but we have concealed the various entrances well. Even if the idea struck him, I doubt Nero would believe a bunch of lowlife rabble commoners could ever find this place. I’m confident we won’t be found, and the ancient tribe did leave some defences to protect their grounds...”
 
Erin could only hope he was right about his suspicion. As they continued on, Vardus opened a door that revealed a sort of waiting room and informed her that his office and quarters was in the room beyond, and he’d usually be in there if she needed him. A secretary was sat at the desk, she nodded to her curtly. By this point she had to ask, and try to force her memory of where she had heard of this man before. “So... how did you find out about this place? Were... were you part of the Empire’s upper hierarchy? Just who are you?”
 
“Please, another time” Vardus was clearly enjoying himself as he grinned at her awestruck expression. “I like your enthusiasm and that you are bursting with questions, but for now I’d prefer you to learn more about our whole family than just focusing on myself, although some of the suspicions you might have... may be close to the mark. Besides, I need to keep some secrets about myself. You will come to learn about me in time.”
 
Given the tone of finality in his voice, that would be that for now, so they moved on silence. Vardus pointed out to her more training areas, their strategy room, the kitchens and small mess hall where they all ate together, and other rooms that were all dotted around randomly amongst the living quarters, the Resistance must have been forced to order their headquarters based on the merits of each room left for them, rather than their combined locations. Approaching the far end of the impressive chamber, which was half concealed by the supporting pillars on this side, shouts and clashing noises began to reach them. There seemed to be quite a ruckus coming from around the bend. Something that sounded more serious than archery practise, as suddenly the fearsome roar of some terrible beast echoed around the waterways, making Erin jump. Vardus chuckled.
 
“Ah good, my friends are making good their instructions for practise. They have been very keen to meet the girl who defeated Gaius. It took some stern orders to training to get them to leave the medical bay. So, how about we quell their impatience and introduce you huh?” Erin paled at the prospect as another bloody roar rattled the pillars, but Vardus walked fearlessly towards it. “Now, if you ever have questions or need help when I am not available, there are many who you can go to instead. There are other senior figures that run the Resistance with me, who are old friends I have met on my many travels around the world. Sometimes they may come to you with assignments; be sure to treat my generals with the same respect as me and do as they say without question. We take discipline very seriously down here, so make sure you are always willing to obey, and I’m sure you will do well in our eyes. Ah, here we are...”
 
Moving around another giant supporting pillar, they could see another training platform come into sight lower down amongst the rivers. Four people were stood across it, two on each side, and all very different figures. Before each of them were similarly varying monsters of different kinds; warriors and beasts and plants and creatures of all kinds. Here they were; duelling freely in the somewhat open, without fear of reprisal or intolerance. To Erin’s surprise they were all equipped not with duel disks like hers, but shields similar to those the generals had used. One of the figures, an elderly bearded man in rich robes, shouted across the arena as his monster lined up that of a younger, startled looking girl.
 
“You have left yourself wide open. Shi En, destroy her Naturia Beast!”
 
Erin and Vardus watched as the samurai he commanded leapt and sliced through the leaf green cat creature she controlled, and the girl sank to her knees. Beyond them, a similar battle was taking place between a giant axe wielding beast, controlled by a wild and barbaric looking man, and another twin bladed swordsman in gold armour belonging to an older blonder haired boy. The axe wielder won out, and an anxious look overcame the blonde as the barbarian pointed at him.
 
“Now that Gaiodiaz has defeated your Hyunlei, his effect activates, inflicting upon you thirteen hundred points of damage. Can you not stop his gladiatorial might Alex?”
 
Evidently this ‘Alex’ couldn’t, as he was slashed at by the creature with the axe, passing through him with a slight shudder, and went to ground in a similar fashion to his female partner. Vardus applauded as the two monsters remaining at the duels end faded away, before descending the stairway that breached the canal to reach them. The two students got up and paid respects to their victorious seniors, before all four of them gathered around their leader, each trying to sneak a curious glance at the girl who was following him and nervously trying to hide behind his mighty frame.
 
“Bravo my friends; very nicely done. As for our young couple, you fought valiantly I’m sure, don’t be disheartened by your defeat. They are here to help you get stronger through practise. But enough of that for now, you’ve all been very patient, so it’s time I introduced you all.”
 
Vardus stepped aside to unveil her to the assembled group, and she suddenly felt very shy under their collective gazes. “Everyone, this is Erin. She has agreed to join our cause and fight alongside us. Erin, this is some of our family. First is my second in command, Nataka. He is from the nation the Empire defeated in the war. Indeed it was there we first met, although as men of the opposing sides that day. One I believe was a pivotal turning point in our lives.  Now he is in charge of our strategic operations and training.” The samurai man with the long white hair and beard and narrow eyes frowned intently at her, examining her critically, but bowed curtly enough to suggest she had passed whatever test he had set.
 
“And this is my other senior commander, Chetema, who looks after and makes some of our weapons.” The grizzly barrel-chested barbarian grunted in reply, his dark eyes obscured by a mess of dreadlocks. “I met him long ago on my journeys around the southern reaches of the world, where I encountered his warrior tribe, in what became rather... hostile circumstances. I could not believe the incredible strength he fought with. In fact he was the one who charged in and carried you out of there earlier, in an operation Nataka orchestrated most astutely. My ever eternal thanks once again to you gentleman.”
 
Erin weakly said thanks to them too, receiving another grunt from the dark barbarian.
 
“Now that leaves some of our junior members, who were also involved. These two have been with us since the second week of our formation, having grown up in various states of poverty in the city. They have been bright and dedicated students, and will be your training partners and you will operate on assignments with them. The young lady is called Clove.” The girl looked her age although was shorter than she was, with cropped dark hair and a slight frame. Erin thought she had hints of Eastern ethnicity to her features. She didn’t offer much in way of acknowledgement. “And this fine young man here is Alexander, although we call him for Alex for short.” He was definitely older than her, quite a broad shouldered young man with light flecks of a blonde beard growing similar to his short hair. Cheerfully he offered her a handshake, which she accepted nervously, although Clove remained as she was. As the introductions were made, the two boys from the archery range earlier appeared to have followed on and came to join their allies with the welcomes.
 
“This young man was our latest recruit before you” Vardus explained, indicating the young boy with long green braided hair and a still glazed over expression as he walked up to her. “His name is Aerial. He might not look much, but he is a talented archer, as you have experienced firsthand from tonight from him using the arrows with the gas canisters. And finally we have Skaro. He is another of our early recruits, and is Clove’s brother.”
 
Brother? Erin went numb; oblivious to the older tanned boy with misty eyes and strange glyphic lines on his arms who was offering his hand to shake. The whole Resistance, the whole world, just crumbled and fell away as the lingering block on her mind and memory was lifted by that one word, triggering a flood of missing pieces of memory that all came back to one thing, the most important thing.
 
“Mel!”
 
“Excuse me?” Vardus blinked in shock as the girl suddenly rounded on him, her already pale skin nearly turning chalk white and a wild fear in her eyes.
 
“My brother. I have a little brother. He was at the orphanage with me. You rescued him too right?”
 
The blank mystified expression on Vardus’ face gave her the answer. Erin crumbled as panic set in. Mel; how could she have forgotten him? Even with the drugs, she still should have remembered! Now he was all alone at the orphanage, and she was stuck here. But then again, as Vardus grabbed her to stop her falling she looked so faint, maybe he wasn’t still at the orphanage. If the Resistance had fled with her, and left the guards to pick the bones of their failed mission... “No, no my little brother is in danger. We have to go back and get him. I can’t leave him there. The guards might already have... oh god... Vardus please, I have to go now get him. I have to go now!”
 
“Whoa, steady now. Calm down for a second. Erin come on, you’re not going to behave like this here understand?” Vardus tried to snap her out of it, but there was no calming her. She didn’t care how she was behaving. She didn’t care that she was sobbing and screaming in front of all these people. All she cared about was getting out of her and back to Saint Alexis. Why couldn’t he see that? Desperately she hammered on his chest and kept yelling. “Erin, Erin! Look at me and calm down. The guard are probably still surrounding the place. I can’t risk sending people back there, not yet anyway. You can’t just...”
 
“No, please! Vardus, he’s seven years old, I have to go. I’m all he has left. He’s all I have left. And if we leave him there then the guards are going to come back for him! We have to go and get him. You can’t just leave him up there vulnerable to them. Come on, you say you’ve all lost people to the Empire, you must understand!” Still Vardus shook his head at her, she yelled in frustration. “Well I’m going, even if I have to go alone. You can stuff your family! I have my own to look after. I won’t join you until he’s safe.”
 
“You’re not going anywhere until you calm down miss!” Erin gulped as Vardus grabbed her wrist and squeezed, making her cry further. “And you’re certainly not going to dictate terms to me. We want your co-operation, but you can get out of your head right now any thoughts that we are depending on it. I have my own family to look after and will not senselessly endanger them right now. Now stop.”
 
The crowd watched with baited breath for a victor to emerge from the struggle, although there was only ever going to be one. Struggling against his grip was pointless. Helplessly Erin gave up and fell limp and silent in his grasp. Vardus needed a moment himself to take a deep breath, before continuing in a more composed tone. “Now please listen. I completely understand your angst. I have family too you know, and if I was your age and in your position now, I would probably act the same way. But I am older and wiser. Old and wise enough to know that if the guard want your brother, they will have already taken him, and no amount of storming off is going to change that. If they do not, he will still be there in the morning, when things have calmed down. Now I will send Skaro and Clove out early tomorrow to retrieve him from the orphanage and bring him here. If he is no longer there, then we will find out what has become of him and re-evaluate from there. This will happen tomorrow, and not a moment sooner.”
 
There was to be no arguing further. Erin nodded glumly that she understood, and Vardus let her go. Holding her sore wrist, she gave Skaro and Clove a detailed description of what Mel looked like, before they went off with Nataka to do something. She couldn’t stick around to see what. Vardus ordered that she be taken back to the medical bay to be watched overnight, and the massive bulk of Chetema was not to be fought against as he wordlessly escorted her back there. The Resistance doctor kindly looked after her once he was bought up to speed, and gave her some cocoa and more drugs to help her get some sort of sleep. She already knew she wouldn’t even with them. In the same way that she already knew that Skaro and Clove would return in the morning, and Melanc would not be with them.[/spoiler]

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So opinion time.

 

Essentially I am of the view that for me, this chapter was a good improvement.

 

I... Kinda get why the duel was set up as it was now (I still think there was a much better way of having it than this), which was very nice. I felt like the obvious resistance ploy to save Erin really should've been used better. Like using the fact that two of Nero's generals were then to take this once in a life time opportunity and try to kill them. Since obviously Nero knows they are around, and it would be a really major way to make themselves a proper threat and gather more support. But I do get presumably the reasoning for what not (Because Nero would raise hell on them in return). 

 

Now as for each scene in turn: First part was fine. Almost great in fact, despite the fact you could guess who at least one of the people were (My only recollection of the two generals from the first one was that one of them was not white), which partially spoiled the mystery the scene was building for. 

 

I have to admit to loving the bit with Nero, the build up to it with Gauis (Still waiting on his official title here) going overboard on the random guy was a lovely touch. Nero was less... evil than I remember, but that's a good thing after all (To much evil in a universe with Demon, Fygomore and Nero is a bad thing), though I felt like he went overboard with Camila, and not enough with Gaius. Gaius really should've paid because he lost twice. At the very least she should've tried to pin the blame on him which is what I'd want to do if Nero was my boss. Given you know... the evil.

 

Then the rest of it: I missed Vardus, he's such a cool character. I mean, all the characterization in this part was good (Despite the fact we know that one of them at least will be dead by the end of this) I like them all as well. Liked the extra detail put into the the background of the hideout, and liked the badly vieled Final Fantasy references. (With Shiva and Ifrit be appear by the end of this? =P) The only thing I didn't like was.... There's twelve of them.

 

I get that the resistance has to be small, but that's unbelievably small. Far to small I think for Nero to really be devoting that much attention to, even with leader being who he is. Also to small for it logically to be such big knowledge to Nero, it'd still a relatively easy thing to hide because you know... it's only 12 people. Even by Paranoa's sake, that's just to much for me to really believe.

 

If it were something like 20, or 30 that'd be fine. Because you know believable threat, but 12 people... most of whom are kids... It's hard to suspend belief there.

 

And obvious cliff hanger ending was obvious (Not nessicarly a bad thing, but it was real obvious)

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I didn't realize that I had already fallen behind on the reading. So far I have only read through chapter 2, but fear not I plan to get caught up eventually. 

 

For the most part, I liked Chapter 2. The scene with the sister seemed a bit strange because she was just so resigned to the fact that they would all wait for the Empire's wrath, but I suppose that kind of passivity comes with being a nun. 

 

I also find it a bit strange that you brought out such a big gun like Camilla so early in the story. Obviously she has quite the reputation, and I would have thought that you would have waited to bring her in. However, I find it interesting that you brought a double duel in so early, and it is nice to see that the protagonist didn't necessarily win either. I didn't like how the duel ended so abruptly. What happened to the monsters on the field? We obviously know that they hold a great deal of power, even in this physical plane, so I wonder why Camilla and Gaius didn't use said monsters to deal with the problem or at least just command them to finish the girl off in the confusion. 

 

I wish I had enough time to read chapter 3, but alas there is homework to do. I hope to read it soon though. Keep up the good work. :D

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Well I must say when it nearly got to 24 hours of the chapter being released and no comments made me slightly concerned. :( Having read Renegade's comments about missing chapters below, would it help people if I put 'Chapter X' in the thread title rather than just the tag lines or something? Let me know if it would help and I'll start doing that. Also thank you 2nd follower for... er... following?
 

So opinion time.
 
Essentially I am of the view that for me, this chapter was a good improvement.
 
I... Kinda get why the duel was set up as it was now (I still think there was a much better way of having it than this), which was very nice. I felt like the obvious resistance ploy to save Erin really should've been used better. Like using the fact that two of Nero's generals were then to take this once in a life time opportunity and try to kill them. Since obviously Nero knows they are around, and it would be a really major way to make themselves a proper threat and gather more support. But I do get presumably the reasoning for what not (Because Nero would raise hell on them in return). 
 
Now as for each scene in turn: First part was fine. Almost great in fact, despite the fact you could guess who at least one of the people were (My only recollection of the two generals from the first one was that one of them was not white), which partially spoiled the mystery the scene was building for. 
 
I have to admit to loving the bit with Nero, the build up to it with Gauis (Still waiting on his official title here) going overboard on the random guy was a lovely touch. Nero was less... evil than I remember, but that's a good thing after all (To much evil in a universe with Demon, Fygomore and Nero is a bad thing), though I felt like he went overboard with Camila, and not enough with Gaius. Gaius really should've paid because he lost twice. At the very least she should've tried to pin the blame on him which is what I'd want to do if Nero was my boss. Given you know... the evil.
 
Then the rest of it: I missed Vardus, he's such a cool character. I mean, all the characterization in this part was good (Despite the fact we know that one of them at least will be dead by the end of this) I like them all as well. Liked the extra detail put into the the background of the hideout, and liked the badly vieled Final Fantasy references. (With Shiva and Ifrit be appear by the end of this? =P) The only thing I didn't like was.... There's twelve of them.
 
I get that the resistance has to be small, but that's unbelievably small. Far to small I think for Nero to really be devoting that much attention to, even with leader being who he is. Also to small for it logically to be such big knowledge to Nero, it'd still a relatively easy thing to hide because you know... it's only 12 people. Even by Paranoa's sake, that's just to much for me to really believe.
 
If it were something like 20, or 30 that'd be fine. Because you know believable threat, but 12 people... most of whom are kids... It's hard to suspend belief there.
 
And obvious cliff hanger ending was obvious (Not nessicarly a bad thing, but it was real obvious)

 
Oh, thanks. Well that's good. I think the proof of the story's quality is always in the non-duel chapters when you don't have stuff blowing up to wow people so easily. There's a few non-duel chapters that hopefully will really develop the characters and plot when they come along (there are some nice little bonus scenes ahead).
 
You're right about the Resistance could/should have had a potshot at eliminating Gaius/Camilla here, given the element of surprise they got on the army despite they were suppossedly waiting for them. I admittedly didn't think about that 'cuz plot' and just got lost in the confusion of what did happen as much as Erin did =/ The Resistance is in its infancy, and yeah it would have been pretty big scalp to take.
 

Almost great in fact, despite the fact you could guess who at least one of the people were (My only recollection of the two generals from the first one was that one of them was not white), which partially spoiled the mystery the scene was building for.

 
This kind of irritated me at first. One, the chapter is called 'The Rebels', so for people who've read Armageddon it wasn't ever going to or meant to be the biggest mystery in the world. And then from what I've read from that you've guessed wrong anyway! :D I think you're thinking it was Nataka and Chetema as 'the non-black one' reading that. It was the medic and Vardus.
 
I'm glad Nero did well. I didn't mean for it originally, but I'm glad if you think Nero appears less evil at this time, given that he's still 2-3 years off Armageddon Nero, so that's natural that he's not all the way there yet. But you say Camilla bought the brunt of his wrath, well, why do you think Gaius has been held back at the end? :mellow: Nero's expectations of his abilities were already low after one failure, but Camilla failing to get the job done was a nasty surprise and blow for him. And Gaius' title is 'Sir' (although for how much longer after this latest screw-up, who knows?)
 
Those were more references to the 'real' Laevatian and Bahamut than those ones (ie this Bahamut) but glad the Resistance guys all came across well. You know me too well! But the second comment that irritates me, sorry but it did when I first read it, was the 12 people being a gripe. Like Vardus said, the movement is only 6-8 weeks old and most of that has been him, Nataka and Chetema setting stuff up like their base in preparation, so of course it's going to be small for the moment. Although it didn't help that in the original the Resistance was only 30-40 people at its peak then :mellow: *punches 20 year old me for that* so that constrained it as well. Yeah I know it's not a mass force that should be capable of giving Nero sleepless nights, but this is Nero we're talking here.

 

Besides, less characters to get confused with, and also one other deliberate thing, think about what it means. Just for a moment. You'll work it out ;)

 

Obvious ending, well possibly. But it's Chapter 3 I'm not too fussed about having chapters always ending with a load of 'what the hell is going on?' We had too much of that in 24 <_< Thank you for commenting though and glad it got better, I think now more characters are getting in on it might help because admittedly the general consence has appeared to be sort of 'good. Not great, but good.' Doesn't seem to have caught a spark with anyone yet...
 

I didn't realize that I had already fallen behind on the reading. So far I have only read through chapter 2, but fear not I plan to get caught up eventually. 
 
For the most part, I liked Chapter 2. The scene with the sister seemed a bit strange because she was just so resigned to the fact that they would all wait for the Empire's wrath, but I suppose that kind of passivity comes with being a nun. 
 
I also find it a bit strange that you brought out such a big gun like Camilla so early in the story. Obviously she has quite the reputation, and I would have thought that you would have waited to bring her in. However, I find it interesting that you brought a double duel in so early, and it is nice to see that the protagonist didn't necessarily win either. I didn't like how the duel ended so abruptly. What happened to the monsters on the field? We obviously know that they hold a great deal of power, even in this physical plane, so I wonder why Camilla and Gaius didn't use said monsters to deal with the problem or at least just command them to finish the girl off in the confusion. 
 
I wish I had enough time to read chapter 3, but alas there is homework to do. I hope to read it soon though. Keep up the good work. :D

 

See comment at top of my post. But no worries Rene.

 

I guess you'd have to be in that oppressive situation for it to come across as believable, but yeah, essentially. Think resignation is the best word to describe her feelings in that scene.

 

Fair enough about the duel, I think most people here don't like duels that end without a conclusion (although this one was clearly not going to be reversable). I toyed with Erin actually losing outright for a bit, but decided against it for better or worse. It was mainly a plot device to establish how things work in the Empire, put Camilla over, and create a 'how on earth will Erin get out of this?' feel right away, which is pretty much the situation she and 99% of the Empire's population is kind of in. Point about Gilford and Queen Angel still being about is also fair; again it was all lights went out and people were fighting in the dark around them so all confusion kinda broke loose and distracted them. The more pressing thing for them might have been to defend themselves from attacks at that moment. Maybe? It seems as much as I try to think everything through and spot logic problems at the moment I'm still missing a few. Still, I'd expect 12 readers to be able to point out stuff me and beta Dion miss from time to time and it's all cool that happens (as long as nothing is glaringly bad <_<)

 

Alas, the cursed homework! Thanks, will do.

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Chapter 3 was a nice reintroduction to Vardus! I was sad to admit I forgot he was a character (nothing personal, I forget a lot of things), but this was a great reminder. I do think 12 is too low a number for Nero to be taking them seriously, but I understand being constrained by established circumstances that you can't retcon.

Was it coincidence that their hideout reminded me of the Varden a bit?

 

Oh yeah, any idea on how long this fic'll be?

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Chapter 3 was a nice reintroduction to Vardus! I was sad to admit I forgot he was a character (nothing personal, I forget a lot of things), but this was a great reminder. I do think 12 is too low a number for Nero to be taking them seriously, but I understand being constrained by established circumstances that you can't retcon.

Was it coincidence that their hideout reminded me of the Varden a bit?

 

Oh yeah, any idea on how long this fic'll be?

 

Glad Vardus is getting some love. And it has been 3 years or so.

 

Well, Vardus is named after the Varden, given they were a major draw of inspiration in the original story. And to be honest he is based waaaaaaaaaaay too closely on Ajihad. :( But the hideout is suposed to reflect Vardus' nature a lot. He was very mysterious and not a lot was revealed about him in Armageddon (that's IIRC =/) so he'll get a lot more of his story explained in this.

 

Is it completely out of the question that said 12 might increase over the story as the Resistance goes along? <_< Besides, it won't be 12 much longer if and when Erin joins will it? (He says dropping a massive hint as to why it's 12!)

 

Um... vaguely. It keeps going up the more I write and Dion amends it, but somewhere in the thirties at the moment looks likely, so not monstrous. They'll be four arcs, I know that much, and they're not uniform in length at all. Arcs 3 and 4 might be, haven't planned Arc 4 in meticulous detail yet.

 

Anyone else/new? I'm pretty happy with the reader base so far that I think is just over a dozen at the minute, which seems pretty good for this site nowadays. Everyone's a member from before I left though, which seems strange that there are no newbies in here given the flurry of activity I saw as a guest months ago. Still, only one way to be sure on that reader-base right? ;)

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Why is this all I see when you mention Gaius

 

The setting's a bit odd to me, but I'll give it more time. Just... modern medieval like this feels a bit too fantastic to me, so to speak. It feels almost like trying to create an atmosphere that's completely conflicting with itself.

 

As far as characters go, I do feel a bit compelled to follow Erin's story, and Vardus' as well. Erin mostly because I want to see more character to her than just her brother, but can see how her brother really is the world to her, and Vardus because he comes across as charismatic, if not a bit... scheming. He feels as if he's dynamic enough to merit interest in the long run.

 

The villains, however... they seem a bit static. Gaius and Camilla just make me think of Viral and Adiane from TTGL, though Gaius is definitely less honorable than his beastman counterpart. Just want to see more development to them soon than just "Static Villain A, Static Villainess B". The emperor as well just seems copy/paste from the bit we've seen. Originality is inferior to execution, but the execution so far has them just being no different than average.

 

Granted, I haven't read the sequel to this prequel, so I might not know characters as well as I should in the release order, and they may very well be anything but average.

 

The duels need more variety. I understand the mirror aspect you were going for with the duels so far, especially considering how it shows that Erin's a novice, but it just made the second duel boring with a side of b****. I just wanted it to be over as soon as possible in hopes future matches weren't like that.

 

And the first duel was a bit too... revival heavy. For such a short game, 3 revival spells seems excessive.

 

Descriptions seem fine, conveying exactly what you want them to. The narrative threw me off a bit with how she merged her thoughts with the narration, despite it not being in first person. It just feels awkward to see the narrator dictate her thoughts. The narrator is god, per se, but seeing them come from the narration and not her just feels... wrong.

 

You also seem to want to tell not show a lot, especially in chapter 1. You explain a bit too much about the world imo, when you could easily just have it be revealed by the characters, be it thoughts or conversation. I understand this, and the general reasoning for it, completely, but it's still a bit of a disconnect from the story and it can make readers feel like you're talking down to them a little bit.

 

Seems promising enough to keep reading. Sorry if I was overly critical, not very good at the praise thing... ^^;

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Finished the second Chapter.

 

Was going to do a full WIT review on it, but I think I'll save the next one for a few more chapters in just so there's something to compare it to.

 

I think it was good for the most part.  I wasn't a huge fan of the predictability as far as the whole exchange with the Headmaster went, and I feel that the Camilla thing was predictable too.  I would have preferred to see Camilla duel Erin on her own and perhaps explore things from that perspective, exploring Gaius' anger more at the fact that he was being shown up by a girl, or something like that.

 

Just feel like it was 5-6 chapters with the actual content within the length of 2 chapters.  Not that they weren't good, however.

 

The ending wasn't bad, either, but I was a little confused by it.  And not in a "what's going to happen next" way, but a "what just happened?" way.  A solid Chapter for sure, though.

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500 views and page two of comments. Success? Well I'll take it :) Sorry for slow replys. Busy and sleepy Matt was busy and sleepy.

 

Why is this all I see when you mention Gaius

 

The setting's a bit odd to me, but I'll give it more time. Just... modern medieval like this feels a bit too fantastic to me, so to speak. It feels almost like trying to create an atmosphere that's completely conflicting with itself.

 

As far as characters go, I do feel a bit compelled to follow Erin's story, and Vardus' as well. Erin mostly because I want to see more character to her than just her brother, but can see how her brother really is the world to her, and Vardus because he comes across as charismatic, if not a bit... scheming. He feels as if he's dynamic enough to merit interest in the long run.

 

The villains, however... they seem a bit static. Gaius and Camilla just make me think of Viral and Adiane from TTGL, though Gaius is definitely less honorable than his beastman counterpart. Just want to see more development to them soon than just "Static Villain A, Static Villainess B". The emperor as well just seems copy/paste from the bit we've seen. Originality is inferior to execution, but the execution so far has them just being no different than average.

 

Granted, I haven't read the sequel to this prequel, so I might not know characters as well as I should in the release order, and they may very well be anything but average.

 

The duels need more variety. I understand the mirror aspect you were going for with the duels so far, especially considering how it shows that Erin's a novice, but it just made the second duel boring with a side of b****. I just wanted it to be over as soon as possible in hopes future matches weren't like that.

 

And the first duel was a bit too... revival heavy. For such a short game, 3 revival spells seems excessive.

 

Descriptions seem fine, conveying exactly what you want them to. The narrative threw me off a bit with how she merged her thoughts with the narration, despite it not being in first person. It just feels awkward to see the narrator dictate her thoughts. The narrator is god, per se, but seeing them come from the narration and not her just feels... wrong.

 

You also seem to want to tell not show a lot, especially in chapter 1. You explain a bit too much about the world imo, when you could easily just have it be revealed by the characters, be it thoughts or conversation. I understand this, and the general reasoning for it, completely, but it's still a bit of a disconnect from the story and it can make readers feel like you're talking down to them a little bit.

 

Seems promising enough to keep reading. Sorry if I was overly critical, not very good at the praise thing... ^^;

 

Honestly never been so nervous to read someone's comments before, except Vector's :blink: Call it an aura you seem to have. Anyway, thanks for the through comments. Happy that you enjoyed it for most part despite the niggles and are going to continue and I hope Caeda is enjoying it to if she is reading like I think I remember you suggested (my memory is terrible).

 

Lol, Gaius is a bit broader and neater than that, but yeah I sorta see it. ;) Although I dunno who the people you reference are. Comments on Vardus pretty much nail-head, he's an interesting guy and I hope he will meet expectations. Will try to work on the villians though, and the duels. I think it's well-known I suck at Yugimonz IRL, so it is an area for constant work. I think it might help once more duelists emerge and taken the pressure off Erin, and I suppose obvious squash match was never going to be great.

 

Don't worry about it, I'm cool with critisisms and most of them seem reasonable and shared. Although if you or Neo or whoever could take the time to pick out a few examples of the narrative and the show not tell thing that might have grated for readers for me to look at and see 'this is exactly what needs to be addressed' it would be much appreciated. Hope you enjoy reading and things continue to improve and iron stuff out. :)

 

Finished the second Chapter.

 

Was going to do a full WIT review on it, but I think I'll save the next one for a few more chapters in just so there's something to compare it to.

 

I think it was good for the most part.  I wasn't a huge fan of the predictability as far as the whole exchange with the Headmaster went, and I feel that the Camilla thing was predictable too.  I would have preferred to see Camilla duel Erin on her own and perhaps explore things from that perspective, exploring Gaius' anger more at the fact that he was being shown up by a girl, or something like that.

 

Just feel like it was 5-6 chapters with the actual content within the length of 2 chapters.  Not that they weren't good, however.

 

The ending wasn't bad, either, but I was a little confused by it.  And not in a "what's going to happen next" way, but a "what just happened?" way.  A solid Chapter for sure, though.

 

Tbh there are other guys lining up for reviews so if you wanna leave it a little while then that's fine. Maybe Chapters 4-5 (no spoilers, just a suggestion...)

 

Hmmm.... but Gaius had the grudge from before to settle, as well as trying to build Camilla. Well, we'll see how it goes. Glad it was largely alright though and you're enjoying.

 

Will get a new chapter up... soonish. Over the weekend or something. In the meantime I'm going to try and rewrite the end of a duel I'm currently writing a chapter involving, and maybe more comments and people revealing themselves? ;)

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Curse the eternal yearning for more and more comments. I'd thought nearly a year away would have shaken it off. Eh, what can you do? :(

Well, hopefully I can pick up from what people have said and pointed out and the story will continue to get better. Chapter 4 is up people. Including another audacious rebel act, a slightly supect course of retaliation, and a new character being introduced...

[spoiler=Chapter 4]Chapter 4: The Rescue

It was a horrible night. Fatigue got the better of Erin eventually, but once she finally did fall asleep only nightmares and visions of the worst kinds visited her. Images of her young brother in all kinds of torture devices - from racks to spike coffins and beyond - being made to bear the punishment for her crimes in her place, each image more terrifying and gory than the next. As each new horror came, she tried to reach out, to make the torture stop and have herself put in his place, but no-one noticed her pleas. No-one could hear or see her, she could only see them. So on it went for hours...

Eventually the demons of the night decided they’d had enough for now and released her from her sleep, leaving her bleary eyed and very sick. She was surprised to learn it wasn’t as early as she had expected it to be, and that Skaro and Clove had left a while ago, but were yet to return. They expected them to do so shortly. Erin tried to escape the medical bay and find the entrance they’d most likely return through; to get the answer as soon as she could. But the doctor, who she’d learnt now whose name was Doyle and had been watching over her that night, was gently insistent that they would be back soon enough and she couldn’t make a difference to the result (the phrase still made her shudder as it reminded her of Sister Joanne’s stern face). In the meantime she would be better off freshening herself up and rebuilding the strength the trials of yesterday had taken out of her. Doyle still had to frogmarch her down to the communal showers and barricade her in. The waiting enraged her, but she knew she could use a shower really, and once she’d seen and used the nice soaps and things that were provided in these post-training baths, she begrudgingly admitted that she did feel a little better.

She was slightly alarmed to find when she got out that she had been joined by a small girl - an innocent little thing with a flower decoration in her hair who could have only just hit the teens - who was stood waiting and carrying a small bundle. “Hi. These are some clothes for you to wear while I wash yours” she repeated the instructions she’d been given, offering her the bundle. From what she had seen yesterday there was no real uniform amongst the Resistance, which was probably sensible anyway, and the girl or whoever else had found the clothes had made the effort to find something similar to her own in the white shirt and dark trousers. The top didn’t fit as well, but there was also a white woollen pullover provided. Presumably it could get chilly in the cavernous waterways during the winter months.

“Um... thank you.”

“No problem” the girl enthusiastically replied. “I’ll put your clothes in your room when I’m done. Later.”

And off the girl positively bounced, leaving Erin shocked and with a lump in her throat.

By the time she’d had breakfast with Doyle in the mess hall news reached her that the siblings were back from the orphanage, and they were waiting at the central training area for her. The doctor couldn’t catch her this time as she sprinted out of the hall, but she soon slowed down as she braced herself for the worst. And as she had dreaded, as she reached the platform and the group came into sight, looking between the stony faces of the pair and the accompanying Vardus, they’d come back empty-handed.

“Sorry Erin, but I’ve got some bad news” Skaro offered solemnly, pausing to give her time to brace herself. His pupils might have been misty and colourless, but they portrayed a genuine sadness for her. Images of torture racks immediately swam back into mind. “You were right with your fears. We got to the orphanage and couldn’t find him, so we managed to lure one of the other kids away from the nuns and told him we were Mel’s cousins, and asked him if he was around. The kid went pale, and told us that Mel weren’t there anymore, and that they’d come for him too if he told us anything.”

Erin swallowed, this was bad. “You did get something in the end though right? You did find out where he went?” Knowing he was gone from the orphanage was bad enough, but not knowing where he’d gone at all would have been too much. Mercifully though, Skaro nodded.

“I persuaded it out of him in the end. Told us that the sisters had put all the kids in a playroom while the guard were doing their publicity stunt come trap thing, and when they came back the guards were with them. Gaius picked Mel out as the one who had stood up for you when he’d come calling earlier and you’d gotten defensive over, and that there must be some relationship between you. So he carted him out. Threatened a couple of sisters who tried to protest on his way. They haven’t seen him since.”

“After we left the orphanage we decided to look further and try to find out where they’d taken him. If it had been to the dungeons in the palace that would’ve been it” Clove continued; in a rather snooty, matter-of-fact tone that wasn’t the most sensitive in Erin’s opinion, especially given the reference to palace dungeons that caused her to forget how to breathe again for a second. “We didn’t have to look that hard though, and thankfully they didn’t take him there. They’re just holding him at a nearby prison instead. You know the one near the gallows in the Raviel slums? It’s used for thieves and frauds mostly. They seem pretty calm about letting people know about it too. We heard people discussing the televised duel in the market and how disgraceful it was that they’d locked up a young boy afterward. So, yeah...”

Her airiness was infuriating. Erin wanted to shout something along the lines of ‘oh great, he’s just locked up in a prison full of criminals. That’s a relief!’ She was shaking certainly, and clenching her fists behind her back where Vardus couldn’t see them. She managed to bite her tongue however and leave it with a dismayed “Oh. Well, thank you Skaro. Clove. You did everything you could.”

“We had a nosey look at the prison as well” Skaro tried to offer some condolence. “It seems fairly overly guarded to what these places usually are. The prison itself looks about as run down as every other building in the outer slums, but look; I think Mel will be safe there. I mean, surely they’re not going to do anything that bad to him? Not to a young child like that, right? They’d be outcry, right?”

“No, you’re wrong” Erin replied sadly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think the Emperor or Gaius would be above doing something awful to him because of me. Especially Gaius.”

“Unfortunately, I think Erin is right” Vardus spoke for the first time. He seemed uneasy about things, but was sympathetic for her. “Gaius has been embarrassed by this whole incident, and the Emperor may fear that public order has slipped away from him slightly after yesterday. A public display of revenge and zero tolerance, with no exception to age or innocence, may be his instinctive reaction now. I’m not saying that’s a rational thing for him to respond to the situation, but the Emperor is hardly rational.”

“Yeah, but what can we do?” Skaro asked. “We can’t all go marching in there and storm the place. Not for the sake of one kid... eh heh, sorry Erin...”

“No no, I understand” she replied as he tried to hastily backtrack on his comments, although she was unable to hide a hint of disappointment. “I’ll just have to work something out on my own.”

“You’re not going on your own Erin” Vardus cut in. “You’ll almost certainly be captured, and that would endanger us given all you’ve seen and learned here. Don’t give me that look missy you know it would. The Emperor knows you have allies now, and he will be very keen to learn from you who, and where he might be able to meet them. Keen enough to do some very unpleasant things to you to find out.”

“I know... But still, I can’t just abandon him. You understand that I can’t leave him there right? I know it’s a huge risk, but I just couldn’t live with myself.” Vardus still looked unconvinced. She understood his standpoint of course; he couldn’t endanger his men carelessly. But he had to understand that she couldn’t leave her little brother to the likes of Gaius. She would have to try harder to persuade him.

“Please Vardus; you must have family too right? You must understand how I feel right? Please, I just need one shot to get him out; I know we can do it. After the way your group rescued me so heroically before, I’m sure your group can do it again. Then when we get back, I’ll do whatever you say from then on. Mel will too; he’ll work hard to help. And think of the statement it would make to the Emperor if you did successfully break people out of their prisons? The statement it would make to the city about the Resistance. You’ll probably be flooded with new volunteers if they see you strike such a blow. Please...”

For a second she thought she’d dared too far and that Vardus was going to give her a tongue lashing like he had the night before. He seemed to be half decided on it, but what she had said was playing on him and causing him a great deal of difficulty thinking about. The three teenagers watched - two of them in disbelief - as he frowned, paced around, rubbed his temples vigorously, before finally letting out a long, resigned groan. Maybe this girl was more trouble than she was worth after all...

“Hmm, I get the feeling I’m going to regret this, but okay. Listen to me very carefully. I’m going to give it one attempt, repeat one attempt, at getting your brother out of the prison. You will be included on the assignment, although you most certainly will not be in charge of it. You will go out with one of the other more senior members, and you will follow their instructions to the letter. Do you understand me Erin? Absolutely to the letter. If they say jump; you jump. If they say duck; you duck. And if they say abort, you will damn well abort, brother or no. After you come back, whatever the outcome, that will be the end of the matter, and I don’t want any more protest about it. Alright?” Erin nodded without hesitation. It was a chance, more than she could have hoped for. She’d just have to make it count. “Alright then. I’m going to start making plans with my other advisors. I will summon you to the strategy room shortly. In the meantime get yourself acquainted with weapons. I think you might need it. Now get.”

Amazed at her own brilliance, Erin bowed and thanked him. She could have thanked him a hundred times, but he just turned to march off towards his quarters, leaving her to follow the still awestruck Skaro and Clove to the weapons racks. There, she would pick up a small sword for the first time. But before she got to that... “Oh, and one last thing Erin...”

She was curious to realise Vardus had stopped, with half a smile on his lips as he bade her to wait. “This isn’t strictly relevant to you right now, but since you were wondering. I have two brothers...”

...

A few hours and many aching and bruised muscles later, and Erin felt little more comfortable with the weapons than she had when she’d started. She sparred with Skaro and Clove for a while, who showed her the basics with the standard swords and practised on straw training dummies, before going into one on ones with bone weapons. She was nervous to start, and took hits all over the place as they exploited her naivety, but thoughts of Mel made her get up and work on the advice Skaro gave her, although her progress was still frustratingly slow. In time an enthusiastic Alex heard the clatter of swords and offered to even up the numbers. The siblings seemed very competent in her eyes; enough to regularly land significant shots past her shaky defence anyway, but Alex was insane! Shrugging off her offer of a shield with a slight smile, he instead picked up a second bone sword and started swinging away two handed, making her work hard to defend herself against his surprising speed, and cry out when he forced her own shield to collapse into her chest with one twin bladed shove, knocking her down and all the breath out of her. This happened many times very quickly, but she felt slightly better when he proceeded to do the same to Clove and finally Skaro. It was only when the three decided on payback and teamed up against him that Alex was finally, eventually outmatched, and given his own bruises.

Hours passed, before finally Erin got the summons she was desperate for. Vardus was ready and waiting for her in the strategy room. Forgoing the others who were heading for lunch with her thanks, she hurried off in the other direction, and for the first time in ages she was quietly confident. She could see a little bit of light. Now that she had been given freedom to do this and after the training session she’d had, she was starting to believe that they would succeed. Sure this was all new to her and she still wasn’t good at fighting, and the prison would be a lot harder to attack than her orphanage, but she had a faith that Vardus would have an answer, and with him around, it just seemed everything would be alright. Inside the strategy room were a large round table, the outer walls were splattered with maps of the city and other diagrams, and other decorative war-based regalia. Vardus was sat at the far end with his chin resting on his hands, waiting for her. Either side of him were his senior comrades Nataka and Chetema. All of them looked more serious than she had been expecting. Also present was the younger boy Aerial, who was twiddling with some of his braids and looked up expectantly as she entered.

“You got here quickly” Vardus said, although he didn’t smile. “How was the training?”

“Intimidating” Erin winced, rubbing her shoulder. Alex’s final parting shot was still very sore. “I’ll need to do a lot more, but I feel it went okay. I think anyway...”

Her confidence was deteriorating under their gaze as rapidly as it had come.

However Vardus nodded approvingly to suggest she had done enough for now. “We have sent someone out to look at the situation while we examined our plans of the prison building, and I’m not going to lie, it is difficult. The prison is not normally the most heavily armed of Nero’s establishments, but it is still a place to lock up criminals after all. From what I gather from the others there is an above average guard presence, which concerns me, and it is a large gaol with plenty of places for them to hide your brother, along with anything else that might be in there. We think your most viable point of entry is on the north side...” Vardus passed her a plan of the prison floors that he had drawn on. “At least the prison cells are entirely above ground. I would imagine Mel would be held somewhere near to the top, so your best chance of escape might be to continue up and from the roof, although it will certainly have lookouts patrolling it. But going with that approach is always risky; it may be preferable to go back the way you came and out another way on ground level. It will ultimately be the call of the leader of the team at the time. Speaking of which, you will be in a team of three. Aerial has volunteered to be a part of it.”

“Um... hi” Aerial stuttered when Vardus nodded to him, waving nervously before indicating his bow. “Vardus explained what you were going to do, and I thought I could help with this... like I did last time. I can get us off the roof if we end up going that way, and take out a few guards that might give us trouble before it comes to a fight or they raise the alarm. I hope... that’s alright...”

“Alright? Of course, sure” Aerial was taken aback when Erin smiled at him. “Of course I’m glad you volunteered, after the way you shot at the orphanage last night, thank you. So, who else is coming as the team leader? One of you guys?” That was what she assumed would be the case anyway, that either the stern samurai warrior or the wild man would be her leader for this. However, Vardus shook his head.

“Sorry, but the three of us agreed it would not be wise for us to go on this one. Instead your team leader will be our very first junior recruit, who has been with us since our formation. He might only be a few years older than you, but he’s done a few assignments for us about the city, as well as some previous misdeeds of similar nature, so he knows what he’s doing and how to get things done. As I said, we sent him out to have a look at the place and judge for himself how to go about it. He’ll be back soon if he isn’t already. Follow his orders and you’ll be fine. We trust his ability; we wouldn’t allocate him to you otherwise. You should meet him soon.”

They didn’t have to wait long at all, because Vardus only just managed to finish his sentence when there was a knock on the door, before without pause it was opened and a cloaked figure let themselves in and removed his hood to look upon the assembled group. Erin’s reaction was to be absolutely stunned as the young man; Vardus had not been lying when he said he was only a little older than her, swept his long mop of flowing greyish hair out of his face. The action revealing his handsome youth filled face, so full of vigour, and his deep heavy grey eyes. She wasn’t really aware of Vardus was saying at the minute, or that he was even speaking, or that something seemed to have distracted Aerial and that he was folding his arms and looking elsewhere. The handsome boy noticed this strange new girl was staring at him, and smiled charmingly at her. Such a confident, captivating smile, she shuddered as it swept over her. Nobody seemed to have noticed though as the boy turning his attention to Vardus.

“My ears were burning. You weren’t talking about me were you?” he grinned. “Just got back, Mia said you were waiting for me here. You briefed these two on what you needed to?”

“More or less on the basics, although we still need through details with all of you, along with standard procedure and kitting out for young Erin here. How was your scouting? What are your thoughts?”

“It’ll be tough” the boy shrugged. “The prison walls look pretty secure, but I’ve got a plan. I’ve already spread the word that the guards are holding a seven year old with a view to execution...”

“Wait, what?!” Erin snapped out of her trance immediately, but the boy shook his head before she could go into full out panic and bade her for calm.

“Sorry, that was careless of me to make you jump like that. What I meant to say was that I played on the little knowledge of the young boy’s arrest, and added a few details of my choosing and spread the story around. The crowd’s reaction was suitably appalled to then be susceptible to my suggestion of a protest tonight. Just a few lies to get the public on our side and into enough of an uproar to help us. We can then use the commotion to sneak inside while the guard are busy. Nothing more sinister I promise you.”

“Hmm, good work” Vardus nodded approvingly. “Erin, I’d like to introduce to you the team leader for your rescue venture who’ll be looking after you.” The boy bowed slightly on cue. “His name is Dorian.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Erin” Dorian smiled. “I look forward to taking on the Emperor and his accursed cronies alongside you.”

Erin blanked at him and barely able to stutter out a thank you. Dorian grinned again in response, before they were all drawn back around the table to the attention of Vardus going through specific details and suggested equipment to take. As he talked, she hoped that she hadn’t blushed too much.

...

Nightfall; and the three young rebels were stood in the doorway of a hovel, in the biting cold air, listening to the increasing sound of the furious protest being staged a couple of metres away from them. A large group, way larger than even Dorian had expected, had gathered in this assembled march outside the front gate of the prison, with banners and signs at the ready, demanding the release of an innocent young boy. The guards, all in the metal plate and scarlet robes and with their helmets and broadswords, were forming a line to herd the protestors away from the entrance, with more guards armed with bows placed on the top battlement watching on. Seeing them like this and in this situation made them look a lot scarier to Erin, who clutched the brown cloak she was wearing up to cover her face more. These cloaks were the only standard uniform of a Resistance member, to possess whenever above ground, common enough amongst the city to blend into a crowd. Certainly necessary to cover up their eye-catching range of white, green, and in Dorian’s case mostly dark red and black respectively, and hidden underneath was her comparatively tiny silver sword, and a small shield slung around her back. She was also conscious of the weight of the duel disk already attached to her wrist. Aerial and Dorian had them too. Apparently the Resistance had ‘acquired’ enough for its field going members to all receive them, although they could attach their shields onto their disks. Vardus had given her specific instructions that it was there as an added precaution, and not to be used unless Dorian said so in an emergency. She hoped it wouldn’t come to that. At his signal they moved to another hiding place; directly in line between the guards and the prison wall some thirty feet away.

“Wait for it” Dorian breathed. “One of them will get carried away in a minute, just be ready for it.”

“Dorian, I thought we were going around the opposite side?” whispered Aerial urgently, clutching at his bow underneath his cloak.

“Nah. Guards are placed on all perimeters, why go anywhere near the ones who aren’t being distracted? They’ll be expecting something I wager, but I doubt they’ll be expecting us to go right through the front door...”

“The front...!? Are you insane?!” Erin hastened through gritted teeth to quieten her initial shock, although given the din the protestors were making there was no real need. “We’ll be spotted instantly!”

“Erin, have you ever been in a fight?” Dorian asked lazily, cockily smiling at her. She shook her head. “Then you wouldn’t know, but if you imagine that if you were; how much do you think you’d actually notice going on around you aside of the guy throwing punches or swinging a sword at you?”

She blinked. Well... not much, she guessed. Dorian’s grin only widened with her bemusement. “Exactly. I’m pretty sure that they won’t notice three dark cloaks running around behind them while some rioter is trying to wrap a brick around their head. Ooh, Hel-lo. This looks promising...”

Indeed, one protester had broken from the pack and was shoving at a younger guard and mouthing off in his face, and Dorian ducked in readiness. Before they could argue further the guard lost his temper and clouted him, and the flood gates burst open. A barrage of rocks came flying into the line, which despite the desperate shouts of the leader immediately lost shape as guards went piling in for the instigators, causing a few to flee, but most to roar into an all out fight. A few seconds later, the doors of the prison burst open, as reinforcements came pouring out to make the arrests. This was their chance. Dorian bolted the distance to the corner of the building, camouflaged through the darkness, before hugging the wall and along, waving the others after him. Aerial cursed and went, before blind with panic Erin followed, certain they were going to be caught or shot at any second. The fight was raging somewhere just feet away from her, surely someone would spot her. She was at the doors following Aerial and was slipping inside, surely now someone would be waiting to grab them...

But they weren’t. To her sheer disbelief, the increased force was so badly prepared and disorganised that they just weren’t, and had all joined the melee outside. The grim looking entrance was barren and empty. Quickly following some pre-planned route of his own devising, Dorian led them out of the foyer up a nearby flight of stairs to the second floor, ducking out of the way before a group of men came scrambling past to go downstairs. Once they were clear, Dorian motioned towards the warden’s office.

“Okay, so there are cells on all four floors, taking up about two thirds of each floor in rows from middle to back as we came in” he reiterated for them as he flicked through the rack of keys. “I think we’re all still assuming that your brother will be on the top floor, but I don’t really want to waste time going up there and then finding out he’s right here all along.” As they stood on lookout while he went through the keys, he pulled out his own weapon from under his cloak and began assembling it. Erin was amazed by this. Like Alex, Dorian carried two swords, but instead of wielding them separately, his clicked together at the handles to form one long dual-bladed weapon, with wicked curved blades, which he held in the middle. Armed and ready for any trouble, he found the sets he needed and raced to the far end and first of the rows of cells that plunged into the depths of the prison. To their surprise he banged on the first cell, and openly revealed himself to the rather startled middle-aged haggard man occupying it. “Hey, you see the guards bring a little boy down here? You know where he is?”

“You... you are breaking people out? Please, release me. I’m innocent. I-I-I could tell you if you let me out of here.”

“Yeah, really? I could stick a sword in your neck if you don’t” Dorian retorted, flicking up and jabbing the sharp point towards the prisoner to reiterate his point. The man quailed, but quickly Dorian huffed in annoyance and gave up on him. This procedure of him bullying, cajoling and threatening the first cellmate of each row continued, while Aerial or Erin just ran up and back down the line between the cells to check for him, Erin calling Mel’s name in the desperate hope of an answer. Having swept the second floor they moved upwards, and they could hear the riot was beginning to abate as the guards started to overpower the crowd. Dorian made a split decision; skip the third floor and go straight to the top. This floor was empty of soldiers too for now, although while they began their search again Aerial checked the stairs up onto the roof to see how many were up there shooting from the top. The answer was enough to not want to have to fight their way out that way, but at least they were all still pretty occupied. The thought that armed soldiers were only a few feet above them, and could come down at any second, or even come back in and up as they tried to leave... Erin tried to block out the fear from her mind and carry on. Dorian had given up on asking prisoners now and was doing as she was, racing up and down each aisle in turn. A few prisoners called for guards, but hopefully none were coming. But time was draining away like the last sands in a glass. If they didn’t find him soon... Desperately Erin stood in the middle of her aisle and resorted to shouting. “Mel! Mel where are you?”

“Erin!”

Her heart leapt at the sound of an answer. “Dorian?” Indeed it was Dorian, stood back at the bars of the entrance to her row and waving at her frantically.

“Got him. He’s down the next row to this; Aerial’s just finding the key. Come on! Let’s get him and go!”

Joy. Joy unconfined as she forgot the world around her. The prison bars and squalid walls just melted away as she ran effortlessly, almost in a dreamlike state, back to Dorian and Aerial, following the leader down the next aisle while the archer took guard. Right at the far end, sat on a bunk in a dingy cell with only a little light coming through the barred window, there he was. Erin cried as she pressed against the bars, Dorian fiddling with the heavy lock, as he just sat there looking down at his knees, just as she knew him. He seemed unharmed, but strangely unresponsive as she struggled to choke out any words.

“Mel? Mel, it’s me.”

Mel looked up, and blinked at the sight of two cloaked people trying to break into his cell. One of them was a woman, who was crying. “...Erin?”

“Oh Mel. Yes it’s me.” Erin removed her hood, smiling at him through tears. Though for some reason, he didn’t seem as happy to see her. He just kept glumly sitting there. “We’re here to rescue you.”

“...oh.” He still seemed oddly numbed in his response, continuing to sit and blankly stare at her even as Dorian broke in and grabbed him. Still he wouldn’t move. Erin came in and tried to talk to him, tried to explain they were with friends and they needed to go quickly, but still he sat there, completely blank.

“Come on kid move it!” Dorian barked, aggressively shoving the boy into Erin. Mel gasped as he fell forward and into her arms, but to their surprise and Erin’s shock he instantly cried and shoved himself back out of her grasp. She just knelt there, frozen in place like a wave had crashed over her, completely staggered by his reaction. Mel was still fighting and dragging his heels in refusal. Why was he being like this? Was he too scared by what was happening, or of Dorian, to move? Had the guards already done something to him? Dorian meanwhile was losing his patience. “Bah, I haven’t got time for this!” Dorian shoved his sword into her numb grasp instead and half carried, half dragged the still struggling Mel out, before he managed to get him over his shoulder. Eventually Erin regained her senses and followed.

“It’s alright Mel, please be still now. We’re going to take you somewhere safe. Just like I promised, I’ve found somewhere where we can be safe. I’m going to make everything better. Okay?”

Mel just hung over Dorian’s shoulder and looked at her with an odd expression she couldn’t understand.

“Where we going now?” Aerial asked as they rejoined him at the fourth floor lobby and relocked the cage door behind them to a howl of protests from the abandoned prisoners. Dorian looked to see what was going on outside. While they were busy, Erin paused and looked around the foyer and the wardens office, wondering how a force this size, no matter how much it was struggling to reorganise itself, hadn’t found them yet. Something seemed... wrong. “There’s a fair force up there to get by. So up or down?”

“Riots still going on, but it’s quieter than before. Think they’re gonna have it under control and finish up arrests pretty soon. We’ll go up and off the roof. Take out as many guards as quietly as you can.”

Aerial took point and sprinted off towards the stairwell to the roof, arrows at the ready, and up and out of sight. Dorian took his sword back and ran after him, having to juggle Mel’s deadweight as he prepared himself for battle. But still Erin lingered. She didn’t like this. “Guys... I think we should look for another way out.”

“Erin, what are you on about?”Dorian shouted from the stairwell, probably because he was frustrated enough that he’d already got one reluctant body to deal with. “We can get away faster and further by going up and off the roof than down through the crowd.”

“No, not down. Definitely not down” Erin was searching frantically for a third option, trying to find some other stair or chute or something. For some unexplainable reason, a hunch, told her that going back the way they’d come would be an even worse idea. “Trust me; we have to find another way off this floor.”

“Erin there isn’t... Bah! Remember what Vardus said about following orders? Now stop wasting time and come on!”

With that he disappeared after Aerial up the stairs. Well, he was right, she did promise Vardus she would follow his orders, and she couldn’t risk showing further disobedience. Hopefully she was just being nervous and paranoid, but she still couldn’t shake it off. Hopefully she’d be fine once they were out of here. So she ran after the others towards the top stairwell. There seemed to be a lot of cursing coming from up there as she approached, given they wanted to escape quietly. Then suddenly she could see Dorian running back down around the spiral case towards her, a look of fear on his face...

And that’s when the steel bar door to the stairwell slid seamlessly across the front of him and slammed shut, locking automatically into place as he bounced into the frame, trapping him inside.

Dorian punched the bars in frustration and cursed. “Damn it, someone locked the door across at the top to. I knew they were expecting us!” Aerial and Mel joined him at the bars of the narrow stairwell as he pulled against them. Eventually common sense kicked in. “Alright... Erin, maybe... just maybe, you were right about needing a third exit. Right then, you need to get us out of this before the guards come back. Quickly now. There a mechanism or something your side to open this?”

“Um, I’ll try.” Hastily Erin began fiddling with the lock that had closed on them. Maybe she could unpick or break it somehow. Sweat was getting in her eyes and on her hands as she panicked. She had to hurry, but her senses were getting dulled in her angst. Or maybe something about this cloggy, dirty prison air was starting to get at her at last. Funny, she thought it didn’t smell bad at all, and vaguely familiar...

“Hmm... you seem to be making a habit of worming out of traps little girl...”

That voice, the scent she recognised was immediately placed with the aid of that stuck up female drawl. Erin spun to see the speaker emerge from the opposite stairwell. Camilla was unchanged from their encounter yesterday, aside from a more disapproving expression than her previous air of confidence. Behind her, Aerial got an arrow ready to fire, but the angle was against him from his tight space.

“Lady Camilla?” Dorian gasped, cursing again. “Damn it, the Empire really sent its big guns out for us!”

“Don’t flatter yourself kid, you only got this far because I let you” Camilla smiled. Given the battle that had been going on outside with the protestors, she looked remarkably unflustered. “The doors at the top of your stairwell and the bottom of the one behind me triggered as soon as you opened the kids cell. The second door was supposed to close with you all inside when you got up there and realised, and that would be that, but someone had to dawdle back here” her eyes narrowed as she turned her focus on Erin. “I knew you’d come here eventually once you learned of your brothers imprisonment, it didn’t take much effort to just set the guard up and wait around for you to try something like this. Silly, naive little girl; so easy to predict. You really think you’d succeed?”

“You did this?! You... how could you put an innocent little boy in prison like this?!” Erin demanded, enraged by Camilla’s behaviour. “You’re supposed to be a great warrioress. A hero of war and protector of the people. How could you act like this?” Camilla just scowled at her.

“I do protect the people. I protect them from threats to the regime which would destabilise their lives, and that’s what I’m doing now. Like one insignificant little kid matters in comparison. I saw an advantage I could use to bring you out with your new friends, of course I used it. The Emperor’s rule is absolute; we don’t need anarchists like you bringing down our great nation. Although I must say, you lot are a pathetic effort at doing so. Honestly, you really think you and a few other street kids can overthrow our Emperor? One little insignificant stunt, and now you suddenly think you can take on the might of the whole Empire? People like you need to accept your place in this world. Grow up girl!”

Erin grimaced. “Dorian, what do you want me to do?”

“Do you really need to ask? I want you to beat her up and get us out of here!” her young leader shouted. “How you actually do it is a bit beyond me at the moment, but if you’ve got a brilliant idea then please, share.”

Ugh, he might have been good-looking, but he could be a bit more supportive of her in a crisis. But right now as she looked at her little brother stood clasping the bars and looking blankly up at her, Camilla was her main problem. She was the one who’d done this to him. Now she could show Mel that she would fight back for him. Pushing down her anxiety she pulled back the folds of her cloak and freed her duel disk, the only thing she could think of to face Camilla with, arming it in the hope it might do something. All it did was get a cocky smirk out of the blonde swordswoman.

“Heh, you just get more and more childish girl. You really think that’ll get you out of this?” Despite her confidence, she revealed on the innards of her shield that she had bought her own deck. “Still, I thought you might bring that along and use your ice barrier monsters to supply the strength you lack and force your way out, so I bought my countermeasure. So it looks like we’ll get to finish what we started earlier. But this time I promise you; there will be no miraculous rescue.”

“This time you don’t have Gaius to beat me up two on one” Erin sniped back, making Camilla laugh.

“You really think I need him to beat you down? You think pretty highly of yourself don’t you girl? Don’t worry; I’ll soon wipe those delusions of your self-importance out of you. You are nothing. Once I bury you and your little resistance in thorns until you can no longer stand, order will be restored, and the Empire will blossom in our new age.” Camilla smiled as she drew her opening hand, a lot more confident than her trapped opponent in this dingy, claustrophobic prison arena.


“Duel!”


“I’ll start” Camilla simpered as her deck offered her a sixth card. “I summon Lonefire Blossom.”

A small weed-like plant sprouted up through the stone floor (Lv3, ATK 500). “Now I’ll activate its effect. By releasing a plant type monster, I can summon any other plant straight from my deck. So by sacrificing itself, I will summon Queen Angel of Roses!”

Erin winced as the flower burned and withered, opening a portal for the monster that had caused her such difficulty before, the scarlet dressed angel rising on its petal wings, brandishing its sword at her. Her ace monster on her first turn, at the expense of just one card too, was not a good sign (Lv7, ATK 2400). Camilla smirked at the reaction, before slamming a second card into a separate area of her disk. “Next I activate the field spell Black Garden!”

Immediately the image projected by the duel shield took hold, as thick jungle vines began to crawl across the stone walls and floors all around them, startling prisoners and the trapped rebels as the thorny branches wrapped around the bars of the cells, until a green barrier surrounded them both. It didn’t seem to have an immediate effect on anything on the field, although Camilla seemed confident in whatever it did. “I’ll set one card and end my turn. Let’s see what you’ve really got... little girl?”

Erin paused as she drew the card offered her. ‘Ok, be calm. You don’t know what her field spell does, but you do know about her monster. At the start of her turn, it will immediately destroy the weakest monster on the field. But then maybe...’ She knew her usual opening defence that was available in her hand was no good to her with the angel out, and Dai-Sojo wasn’t exactly a help either. Mulling her options, she turned to the other monster in her hand. ‘Hmmm...’

“I set a monster in defence mode.” The image of a reversed card appeared before her, horizontal between the two players, concealing the identity of the monster hidden underneath. Hopefully, if she didn’t have a monster face-up on the field, then the only target for Queen Angel’s effect would be itself. Maybe, but just to be safe... “I’ll also set a card face down and end my turn.”

Her heart leapt as Camilla’s expression soured. She was right! However... “You stuck up brat! You think you’re clever or something; you honestly think I’d expose my monster to its own effect by such a low strategy? I activate my face down Raigeki Break! By discarding a card from my hand, I can destroy one card on the field!”

To her surprise it was her face down monster that was the target, the reversed card blown to bits by a thunderbolt without giving the creature a chance to show itself. Camilla wasn’t done though. “And once again, the card I’m discarding for my trap is Dandylion. Now it’s been sent to the graveyard, two fluff tokens are summoned to my field.” Two dandelion spores appeared either side of the angel (Lv1, DEF 0). “Also at this time, the effect of Black Garden takes hold. Each time a monster or monsters are summoned, the opposing player gains a rose token to their field in attack position.”

Erin blinked as a black petal rose sprouted out of the ground in front of her (Lv2, ATK 800). Letting her have any sort of monster seemed an odd strategy, however as Camilla drew her card, she was certain she’d find out the full extent of it in a second. “Now little girl, it’s time to put you in your place. Queen Angel of Roses’ effect activates, and as you so rightly guessed, it will go after the weakest monster on the field indiscriminate of sides. However, that monster is now one of my fluff tokens.” The appropriate spore disappeared in a whirl of blossoms, but the other one was not far behind it in leaving the field either, as Camilla revealed a new card. “Now by sacrificing my other token, I’ll tribute summon Rose Tentacles!”

From the earth sprouted a new plant monster, and monster was a pretty appropriate word for it. An overgrown living rosebud, with a fanged mouth and red eyes glaring at her from the stem underneath the blooming rose head. But the worst thing - or things - was the many long, barbed stem arms thrashing around threateningly before her. The thought of them striking her was scary, but then again when she saw its attack score... (Lv6, ATK 1100). “Hey, its attack is pretty low for that level monster...”

“Humph, how little you know. The second effect of Black Garden is the cause of that. While it’s on the field, the attack of all monsters then summoned is halved. I was kind of expecting you to use up a lot of your cards summoning something to try to overpower my Queen and get caught out by it, but I guess I was giving you far too much credit!”

Erin tried to shake off the remark as Camilla motioned towards her monster. “Regardless, now that Rose Tentacles has been summoned, you gain a second rose token, and even with its attack reduced, my monster is still strong enough to destroy it immediately. Rose Tentacles, tear into her!”

One of the thorny vines smashed into the new black flower, and Erin winced with the feedback (LP 3700). It still didn’t seem like much, even with Angel’s attack to come, she’d comfortably survive without having to do anything. She must have displayed her thoughts, as Camilla was quick to dash them. “Now when Rose Tentacles destroys a plant type monster, you take an additional three hundred points in effect damage!”

Erin gasped as a vine whipped back towards her, but couldn’t move fast enough as it struck her across the shoulder, knocking her sideways and drawing worried reactions from the allies trapped behind her (LP 3400). The attack left her sore and a little shaky and breathless, but still...

“Also, at the start of the battle phase, Rose Tentacles gains an additional attack for every plant on your field!” Camilla cried, punching towards her and the monstrous flower again. “Meaning it can wipe out all of your rose tokens with additional damage, and still have enough left to attack you directly!”

Erin gasped as a second vine shot through the remaining token and slashed across her chest, knocking her backwards to the ground (LP 2800). She shuddered as she struggled to sit up, if this continued... Camilla was laughing at her as she wilted before her crippling strategy.

“Come on Erin, this is the sum of your resistance against the Empire? To fall already, so dismally at the first hurdle, and in front of your precious baby brother too? You can try to stand up again if you really want, but you’ve got no more monsters to protect you and both my Roses have direct attacks left, and enough between them to strangle your weedy uprising before it even got going, so you shouldn’t even bother when you’re about to be put down for good. You’re pathetic slum girl! You and your friends are nothing but a nuisance before the Emperor. When I defeat you, I will then force you all to tell me everything about your friends. Then I will go and kill off your resistance movement! You’re nothing to me!”

Camilla laughed as her two monsters stood ready beside her, ready to advance on Erin’s crippled form hunched over before her helpless allies and little brother who were depending on her. The din from the prisoners echoed around the prison arena. The intoxicating fumes of the roses engulfed her. And unless she could come up with something against the prized general and her crippling plant deck and fast, before the guards fully regrouped below them, it would be the rosy smell of certain death.[/spoiler]

Yeah, so... comments please? :)
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