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~Deep-Sea Tempest~ [New Single]


Sicilian

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Hi, today I  just bring a regular card I've made a while ago, one of the first I've made as a matter of fact.
My idea was to bother the opponent in case they are carrying a swarming deck to piss them off/burn hands
if possible and give support to WATER monsters. I hope you like it and I'd appreciate some feedback.
 

db89.png

LORE~

2 Level 7 WATER monsters
Once per turn, while you control "Legendary Ocean": WATER monsters cannot be targeted by any
card's effect(s) on the field. A monster attacking this card is returned to it's owner's hand after damage step.

Once per turn, during either player's turn: You can detach 1 XYZ Material from this card; All other monsters
on the field with an ATK equal to or less from the XYZ Material are returned to it’s owners hand.

I don't  like how the effect is written but couldn't find a better way to write it. the "Once per turn" sounds repetitive to me.

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I'd suggest changing the "Legendary Ocean" to "Umi", since it wouldn't force that specific card but still include it. The card is insane, sadly. The mass bounce is too strong for a quick effect I feel. Perhaps removing once per turn from it but only making it bounce 1 monster would be more balanced, since the card is already a beater with immunity to targeting and punishes things for attacking over it.

Oh, and the first effect doesn't make sense. If they can't be targeted, then there is no way to exhaust the once per turn part of it. If it negated a targeting effect once per turn then it'd make sense, so I'll word it underneath.

 

My suggested changes to the effect:

"Once per turn, while you control "Umi", negate the effect of a card that targets a WATER monster you control. A monster attacking this card is returned to the hand after the damage step. During either player's turn: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card, then target 1 monster your opponent controls with ATK less than the ATK of the detached material; return it to the hand."

 

Great start however. Level One members these days seem to be better than most I've seen, which is great.

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