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Take a Gander


Goose

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Credit to Thar for being a bae

Welcome to Take a Gander, a blog about the life of yours truly.  Expect content infrequently, and expect it to be unedited.  Specifics are too specific and long-winded introductions are too long-winded and specific so that's all I shall write for now.

 

[spoiler=Past Entries][spoiler=Life, the Universe, and Everything]It's been over a year since I last created this topic, making this a necro-bump.  This leads me to wonder what the intrinsic issue with a necro-bump is and I assert to you there is none.  Unless the information in a topic is outdated, it is better to keep all the information contained to a single thread then to create a new one.  I'm not a computer expert, but I imagine this should also help our traffic from google to some extent because our threads will become cornucopias of information rather than six post nothings.  But that's neither here nor there nor anywhere really.

 

Something more worth talking about is my application for university.  I was accepted back in February to an M.A. program, but recently I've found that it was the only school of four that accepted (and they accepted me without initial funding).  There is something very bittersweet about this experience.  Being accepted to a school (and with $10,000 CAD worth of TAships at this point) is obviously the sweet side to it and is of little relevance to this post except to say that my supervisor is a professor I took the time to email earlier in the year.  What I would like to talk about is the feeling of unwantudness and disappointedness that has arisen, perhaps only in my mind.

 

Obviously being rejected from three schools of four is not a good feeling.  Two of them were somewhat expected because they are a caliber above the other two, but being rejected from the third was a hard hit.  I wasn't even waitlisted.  To add to that, I hadn't received any funding from the school I was accepted to, and I'd been in communication with my supervisor so I feel as if I only just made it into the school and perhaps even I don't deserve the spot.  This is a hard feeling to shake as someone of weaker mental fortitude.  I'm more likely to slip into a patch of depression than to use this as a bouncing block and show people they were wrong.  It's a fault of mine and I try to fight it every day, but c'est la vie.

 

It's not my own disappointment that I'm concerned about.  Obviously I was disappointed I didn't make it into my dream school but I got over that already.  I'm more worried about my parents being disappointed.  Some background for those who don't know, I'm a twin and the youngest of four siblings.  There is a seven year gap between me and my older brother.  I am the unwanted extra child of potentially an unwanted pregnancy.  Further, I am by far the least successful of my siblings and a step below my parents.  My father applied to Harvard late and so was rejected naturally, but then when they saw his application they accepted him anyway only for him to decline the spot.  My sister also declined a spot at Harvard.  My older brother won a national swimming championship for universities even after entering university at a younger age that normal.  My twin brother has been accepted with funding at my dream school and another school on par with it, as well as being significantly more social and involved in campus life.  It shouldn't be hard to see why i feel like barely making it into an M.A. program at a b-tier university by Canadian standards makes me feel like a failure.

 

In other news, I bought a new floral tie.  It's skinnier than I would normally wear a tie, but since it's floral I think I can handle the reduced formality.  If anyone knows a store that sells nice grey faded floral ties of a medium width, I will love you forever.

 

Goose out.

 

[/spoiler][/spoiler]

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  • 1 year later...

[spoiler=Life, the Universe, and Everything]It's been over a year since I last created this topic, making this a necro-bump.  This leads me to wonder what the intrinsic issue with a necro-bump is and I assert to you there is none.  Unless the information in a topic is outdated, it is better to keep all the information contained to a single thread then to create a new one.  I'm not a computer expert, but I imagine this should also help our traffic from google to some extent because our threads will become cornucopias of information rather than six post nothings.  But that's neither here nor there nor anywhere really.

 

Something more worth talking about is my application for university.  I was accepted back in February to an M.A. program, but recently I've found that it was the only school of four that accepted (and they accepted me without initial funding).  There is something very bittersweet about this experience.  Being accepted to a school (and with $10,000 CAD worth of TAships at this point) is obviously the sweet side to it and is of little relevance to this post except to say that my supervisor is a professor I took the time to email earlier in the year.  What I would like to talk about is the feeling of unwantudness and disappointedness that has arisen, perhaps only in my mind.

 

Obviously being rejected from three schools of four is not a good feeling.  Two of them were somewhat expected because they are a caliber above the other two, but being rejected from the third was a hard hit.  I wasn't even waitlisted.  To add to that, I hadn't received any funding from the school I was accepted to, and I'd been in communication with my supervisor so I feel as if I only just made it into the school and perhaps even I don't deserve the spot.  This is a hard feeling to shake as someone of weaker mental fortitude.  I'm more likely to slip into a patch of depression than to use this as a bouncing block and show people they were wrong.  It's a fault of mine and I try to fight it every day, but c'est la vie.

 

It's not my own disappointment that I'm concerned about.  Obviously I was disappointed I didn't make it into my dream school but I got over that already.  I'm more worried about my parents being disappointed.  Some background for those who don't know, I'm a twin and the youngest of four siblings.  There is a seven year gap between me and my older brother.  I am the unwanted extra child of potentially an unwanted pregnancy.  Further, I am by far the least successful of my siblings and a step below my parents.  My father applied to Harvard late and so was rejected naturally, but then when they saw his application they accepted him anyway only for him to decline the spot.  My sister also declined a spot at Harvard.  My older brother won a national swimming championship for universities even after entering university at a younger age that normal.  My twin brother has been accepted with funding at my dream school and another school on par with it, as well as being significantly more social and involved in campus life.  It shouldn't be hard to see why i feel like barely making it into an M.A. program at a b-tier university by Canadian standards makes me feel like a failure.

 

In other news, I bought a new floral tie.  It's skinnier than I would normally wear a tie, but since it's floral I think I can handle the reduced formality.  If anyone knows a store that sells nice grey faded floral ties of a medium width, I will love you forever.

 

Goose out.

 

 

 

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