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Thar

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If it's essentially GoT retold using ycm kids then what's the point in that. I assumed it was merely inspired by GoT rather than just bad GoT.

 

No, it's not just GoT retold. That's just stupid. The discussion was just related to the GoT canon, not what I'm about to write.

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If it's essentially GoT retold using ycm kids then what's the point in that. I assumed it was merely inspired by GoT rather than just bad GoT.

 

That is pretty clearly not what this is. I haven't seen all of GoT, but I have seen the first few episodes and they are not set up like this at all.

 

 

EDIT: tfw 3 people tell off Night within a minute. 

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[spoiler=5 - Flight of the Halberd *1142 words*]The harsh winds of winter led an assault onto Black’s fur cloak, for which did not budge his strut forward along the winding paths of the bazaar of TCG that stood strong to the same conditions. Many of the stalls succumbed to layers of snow building up on their products, but since cloth was too easily ruined by such conditions, the costs for cover have grown too great to consider.

 
“Ugh, this damn sword…” Black groaned, breathing heavily at the weight of the weapon on his back, “Why did I agree with this? She asked me what my weapon of choice was, and I picked the goddamn halberd, but she just had to convince me otherwise…”
 
“Are you not satisfied?” Black scoffed at the sight of Koko standing like a professional saleswoman in the harsh, snowy winds, literally like a statue, “From what I presented of what you’re carrying, you were pretty interested. Was my decision disappointing to you?”
 
“Very,” Black spat, huffing from his nostrils with curled lips, “I’ve changed my mind.”
 
“Ha!” she cackled, “I figured you’d do so so shortly. Follow me.” She led the way through the bazaar and under the main arch that bannered the entrance to the courtyard of the stronghold of TCG. From there, she strode towards a door with a sign over it, which contained a monochrome logo of two swords clashing against each other over a shield. The symbol was the default for a blacksmith’s shop.
 
“Why do I get the feeling that I’ve JUST been here?” Black sighed, eyes fixed on the sign.
 
“Probably because you were,” Koko chuckled, “Do come in.” Black obliged as Koko opened the creaking door that sounded like a woman at the sight of a rat scurrying towards her with rabid teeth. The shop was minimal. It consisted of a darkwood floor, wall, and ceiling build with a lightwood counter erected only a few feet from the door. Among it was an opening for which the smith would walk through to conduct their business, which Koko did out of habit. With her arm leaned against the lightwood finish, she eyed Black with a paralyzing gaze, “Well, I’m listening.”
 
“First of all, funk this greatsword!” Black huffed as he unhassled the weapon from his back and tossed it onto the counter with a loud clang. Koko did not flinch, however, for she knew Black would do such a thing. She merely stood up from her leaned position on the counter and casually pulled the blade from the counter from the strap.
 
“Alright, now what is it that you truly want?”
 
“I want a halberd.” Black said almost instantly, and with a slight hint of excitement.
 
“Ah yes, halberds are magnificent,” Koko responded, almost in slurs. She strutted to the back of the shop, throwing the giant blade onto the ground like a scrap of metal as she was visably rummaging through a cupboard, pulling out a bottle of liquor and taking a swig.
 
“Ugh, sonuvajabroni, Koko…” Black sighed, pressing a hand against his forehead, “Tell me you weren’t drunk before you approached me at the bazaar…”
 
“Oh, I was, and if I can be blunt with you, I kinda need to be in order to tolerate you sometimes,” Koko’s tone grew sassy, and the face she wore represented it almost perfectly within a fraction of a second after drinking. She slammed the bottle on the surface at the top of the cabinet hard enough to make a cringe-worthy glass bashing sound but not hard enough to break it, which she could not care to tell the difference for. She strutted around the corner where Black could hear the sound of metal clashing against each other like pots and pans in a cluttered cupboard.
 
“Everything alright?” Black shouted, trying to sound concerned.
 
“Here it is,” Koko appeared from the corner, holding a weapon longer than she was tall, “the halberd. I only have one of these in stock.”
 
“Let me see it.” Black was almost giddy at the sight of it, for which Koko only rolled her eyes as she came to the counter to lay the weapon down upon it. Black examined it as if he were a bug inspector, eyeing every element of geometry and every detail etched to the slightest grain. His eyes were wide and his pupils tossed like lightning dancing across the thickest storm cloud.
 
“Are you done?” Koko sighed, rolling her eyes wishing she still had the bottle of liquor.
 
“Yes, this is perfect!” Black boasted, pulling out a sack of coin from his belt, “This should cover it.”
 
Koko inspected the sack, “Looks like you planned ahead for the purchase. Either way, this looks like too much. This weapon isn’t worth half of what you’re giving me for i-”
 
“I saw you go in there, Black! You piece of sheet! Come on out and fight me!” A provocative voice was heard outside the door. Black had to turn his head while Koko merely looked on forward, grinning. Almost in delight, she could see Black wearing the same expression from the shape of his cheek from the view of the back of his head. Black reached out and grabbed the handle of the weapon as the door was abruptly kicked open by the man who issued the challenge. Almost instantly, Black thrusted the halberd through the doorway into the man’s bottom left belly, impaling him and lifting him up with one hand. The man began to spurt coughs of blood and screams of suffering as he flailed in attempts to escape the impalement.
 
“Please… please, I beg you! Get it out of me!”
 
“You challenge me, yet you beg for mercy not even two seconds after you lose,” Black boasted, his eyes ignited with a seemingly evil smirk as he looked at the impaled man squirming at the end of his weapon.
 
“Okay, I admit…” the man could barely speak, as the pain of the halberd through him was unbearable, “...I underestimated you! I admit defeat! Please, let me go!”
 
“You admit defeat, but do you also admit humiliation?” Black’s tone went from evil to brash.
 
“I’M HUMILIATED! I KNOW THAT I MUST NOT CHALLENGE BLACK UNTIL I’M READY, HOWEVER THAT DAY WILL NEVER COME! I AM NOT WORTHY TO CHALLENGE BLACK! PLEASE…” The man was in tears, “...please, spare me…”
 
Black sighed, “Fine.” he lowered the halberd so that the man can slide off as he fell crouched, gurgling and weezing in agony as everyone around who was watching beckoned for a doctor. Black watched this all unfold, sighing as he turned to see Koko watching indifferently through the doorway, shrugging.
 
“Seems it fits you,” she sighed, “Well, may the winter thicken your skin, you jabroni.”
 
“Yeah,” Black laughed, “and may the fire from your furnace warm you, you piece of scrap.”

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That is pretty clearly not what this is. I haven't seen all of GoT, but I have seen the first few episodes and they are not set up like this at all.

 

 

 

The first episode started with a group of night's watch kids getting funked up by white walkers. This series started with a bunch of guards on a cold wall getting attacked by something pretty similar to the white walkers.

 

I'm not saying it's exactly like got, just that it's too similar. Regardless it's still too soon to tell, maybe I'm just attributing too many similarities on my own.

 

Anyway my only point is that your writing holds its own best when it's unique and genuine, do that and you're fine bud.

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The first episode started with a group of night's watch kids getting funked up by white walkers. This series started with a bunch of guards on a cold wall getting attacked by something pretty similar to the white walkers.

 

I'm not saying it's exactly like got, just that it's too similar. Regardless it's still too soon to tell, maybe I'm just attributing too many similarities on my own.

 

Anyway my only point is that your writing holds its own best when it's unique and genuine, do that and you're fine bud.

 

As another GoT enthusiast, I feel you, bruh. And yes, I admit that the dwellers are a bit too similar to the white walkers, but I have a plan to make them unique, so sit tight.

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[spoiler=stuff from latest chapter]

I see Black got his halberd then, no more Guts/Cloud jokes. :o Hmmm, time to find more things to compare him to...

Also dayum, the animosity is real. Intense.

I like how you managed to get a whole chapter out of such a small detail, pretty neat.

 

 

 

I personally love halberds far more than swords, so his request was easily understandable.

 

As much as I hate reading, I love writing about minor situations in chapter-esque detail.

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I personally love halberds far more than swords, so his request was easily understandable.
 
As much as I hate reading, I love writing about minor situations in chapter-esque detail.

personnally, i love reading and swords > halberds. halberds are just axes with a spiky bit or two.
 

 


[spoiler=5 - Flight of the Halberd *1142 words*] “From what I presented of what you’re carrying, you were pretty interested. Was my decision disappointing to you?”

Did Koko say that bit? if not, i am very confused.

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personnally, i love reading and swords > halberds. halberds are just axes with a spiky bit or two.

 

I've always had a bias for polearms, more specifically for axes and spears, and since halberds are pretty much both of those, it was the perfect combination

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I've always had a bias for polearms, more specifically for axes and spears, and since halberds are pretty much both of those, it was the perfect combination

overall, i think bows are really the best. probably cause they're the only weapon i can actually use (besides gun, which i haven't ever handled). after that swords for their sleek elegance. then halberds cause they look epic as sheet.
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overall, i think bows are really the best. probably cause they're the only weapon i can actually use (besides gun, which i haven't ever handled). after that swords for their sleek elegance. then halberds cause they look epic as sheet.

 

I have a compound bow that I use occasionally, and it's amazing every time I use it. As for halberds, I made a LARP version of one and I could not have been more proud, as it went surprisingly well with the Spartan shield that I made from a disc sled.

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I have a compound bow that I use occasionally, and it's amazing every time I use it. As for halberds, I made a LARP version of one and I could not have been more proud, as it went surprisingly well with the Spartan shield that I made from a disc sled.

that's really cool. both things.

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You would be his long-lost sister who was raised in RP rather than general.

 

Welp, I guess I gotta think of something different now.

 

I find the amounts of descriptive writing in proportion to the actual action going on to be a bit dense at times. I'm all for detailed description, but when there's too little going on I don't quite wanna know what the creaking door sounds like.

 

It's natural for me to describe something with that much detail, though sometimes I feel like I don't describe enough. Without detail, the story feels rushed, which I'm not really a big fan of. I'm the kind of guy who loves the detail of everything in the environment cause it's one of the best things about a scenario; where the character is, what they're seeing, how it affects them, how it can be used by the character in the situation they're in, etc. With enough detail on the environment, the possibilities are endless.

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