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Never had the kid reviewed on the first go-round so here ya go.

 

 

[spoiler=Leo Vega]

Leo_Vega_headshot.jpg

"In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to be here fighting."

Name: Leo Vega

Age: 17

Gender: Male

Faction: SAF (TRAP)

Occupation: Frame Pilot

[spoiler= Appearance]Leo_Vega.jpg

Leo stands at 5'10", and is a little bit on the thin side. Though he isn't bulky, Leo has a decent amount of tone due to a regular regimen of exercise, and since joining TRAP has gotten into noticeably better shape. His blonde hair is a bit long and generally unkempt, and Leo's bangs occasionally cover his eyes. He's good looking, though most people would describe him as 'cute' rather than 'handsome' due to his effeminate facial features and big, hazel eyes, which he inherited from his mother. He also has a small scar on the left side of his head, just above his hairline, from a battle wound he received during an engagement over the Atlantic Ocean. It isn't readily visible, though Leo will often absentmindedly run his fingers over the sensitive area. When not dressed in a SAF uniform or his flight suit (both of which he tries to avoid wearing as often as possible), Leo tends prefer comfortable, loose fitting clothing like sweatshirts and baggy jeans. When not actively engaged in activity, Leo's eyes tend to wander, with others often commenting that he looks lost in thought. He can often be seen admiring something (or occasionally someone) that catches his eye, writing song lyrics down on a notepad, or strumming a riff on his electric guitar during whatever free time he has.

 

[spoiler=Personality]Leo is kind, thoughtful, shy, and loyal, and possesses a great deal of intelligence, creativity,  and sensitivity, as well as a couple eccentricities. Perhaps in part due to the loss of his parents early on in life, Leo has always been sympathetic to the plight of others. Helpful, sweet, and generally good natured, he can always be counted on to lend others a hand or be emotionally supportive. In addition, Leo is rather adept on picking up on emotional cues, and as such is often able to tell when something is bothering a person. Despite this, however, Leo himself is shy and withdrawn. He tends to avoid social interaction, and finds himself uncomfortable in a large group or with people he's unfamiliar with. Because of this, as well as a lack of self esteem, Leo tends to be self concious. He can be easily flustered, and some would even say bashful.  With the onset of his puberty, this has become especially true when it comes to members of the opposite sex. Leo finds it very difficult to keep whatever cool he may have around someone he is attracted to; a reddening face and the stumbling of his words being a dead giveaway that this is the case. 

 

Being a teenager with an introverted personality, it can be rather difficult to get Leo to voice his opinion or contribute to a conversation on his own. Instead, he prefers to listen to others around him. Though he's easy to read (Leo often wears his emotions on his sleeve) its often very difficult for Leo to express himself, both in the sense that he finds it difficult to articulate how he feels, as well as the fact that he finds it difficult to bring himself to do so. This often causes him to bottle up his emotions, which unfortunately have a tendency to abruptly and sometimes violently resurface when he is stressed, angry, or sad.  Recent events have exacerbated this tendency, and as a result he has become despondent and brooding, making him that much less able to properly vent his frustrations. However, when push comes to shove, Leo can almost always be counted on to rise to the occasion. He's proven that he's more than willing to put his teammates before himself, and on some level feels personally responsible for TRAP's recent losses.

 

Though he isn't the most adept socially, Leo makes up for it with his intelligence. He is an excellent problem solver, and his ability to memorize facts and absorb information is remarkable. In addition, his mental faculties have allowed him to be very creative. Most often, this is expressed in his musical talents, be it singing, playing guitar, or writing lyrics and music. However, this creativity also extends to how Leo deals with everyday life. He often comes up with unorthodox solutions to problems, and can be counted on to find answers where others may be stumped. These traits, in addition to his high level of AMS compatibilty, make Leo a natural (if a bit methodologically unorthodox) frame pilot, as he has shown on quite a few occasions an ability to adapt to and out-maneuver enemy tactics.  However, his creativity and intelligence, combined with his social difficulties and upbringing, have caused Leo to develop a few eccentricities as he has grown older. He spends an inordinate amount of time focused on his music, and is prone to fidgeting and daydreaming. He's also rather enamored with CF technology, having gotten up close with his ace pilot sister's machines several times growing up. Since becoming a pilot himself this has only increased, with Leo often using many of his on-duty hours assisting TRAP's mechanics.

 

Despite his oddities, Leo is still very much a teenage boy. He is emotional, and prone to the swinging moods that adolescence often brings. He longs to be accepted by his peers (and more currently his squad mates), and is prone to defiance and acting out in much the same way any other teenager would be. In short, despite the circumstances life has thrust upon him, Leo is still trying to find his place in the world. He is simultaneously confident in his abilities ( in the same foolhardy way that many teens are) and unsure of both himself and his future.

 

[spoiler=Biography]Born on Shell Avalon in 2203, Leo is the son of Michael and Cheryl Vega, a computer programmer and an artist, respectively. The youngest of two children, Leo's early childhood was a rather normal, albeit uneventful one. Leo began to display a high degree of intelligence from an early age, and as a result he often found himself bored with school work. As he began growing older, he developed a passion for music, and it wasn't long before he began learning how to strum out notes on his first guitar.

 

However, when Leo was 10 years old, both of his parents were killed in a traffic accident. With no other family to speak of, Leo ended up in the custody of his then-18 year old sister Lauren, who provided for the both of them by joining SAF as a frame pilot while Leo made his way through grade school. Leo spent an awful lot of time to himself during those years, preferring the company of his guitar and his few friends to having a wide social circle. Though she was oftentimes forced to be absent due to a SAF deployment, Leo stayed very close with his sister as he grew older, with the two often corresponding through letters. The siblings would often confide on one another, and it was Lauren that Leo turned to whenever he was having a problem, whether in school or life in general. As such, her disappearance has hit him rather hard, made no better by the fact that he's been forced to replace her as the pilot her Synchro Frame: Canis.

 

The past month and a half or so of Leo's life has been rather tumultuous. Though he's found some security in the daily training regimen forced on him, Leo has had a great deal of difficulty adjusting to military life. He's unable to properly cope with killing enemy soldiers in combat, and the physical stresses his high performance machine has been putting on his body have begun to take their toll with the loss of teammate Melissa Juniper in combat three weeks ago only exacerbating the situation. Thankfully, he's had help adjusting from one of his commanding officers, and so his mental health has not severely deteriorated as of yet.   

 

Machine: SFS-09X Canis

[spoiler=Skills/Specializations]

  • High AMS Compatibility- Leo has the second-highest level of compatibility with the AMS on SAF's records, meaning that he is able to operate Synchro Frames with an extremely high level of synchronization. With enough training and a properly tuned AMS, Leo has the potential to become frighteningly effective with a Synchro Frame. Though each individual AMS must be permanently tuned to a specific pilot, Leo's brainwaves are similar enough to his sister's that he is able to operate the Canis at 95% compatibility, with no ill effects.
  • Natural Piloting Ability- Like his older sister, Leo possesses great reflexes, a high IQ, and superior situational awareness, giving him a large degree of natural skill with operating complex machines like combat frames.
  • Above Average Intelligence- Leo is extremely intelligent, and as a result is able to grasp concepts and learn information much faster than most people his age.
  • Piloting/Combat Training- In his first two weeks in the military, Leo was given an extremely basic crash course in military procedure and combat skills. Since joining TRAP, he's been training daily with CO Gavin Decker, greatly improving his combat skills and his knowledge of military protocol. Though he's still very much a rookie, Leo's skills have markedly improved, to the point that he is now able top keep up with the much more experienced members of TRAP. 

[spoiler=Misc. Info]Theme- Shining

Misc. facts-

  • Leo is a rather talented guitar player, singer, and song writer, though he hasn't garnered enough practice and experience to make full use of his musical talents.
  • As far as his musical tastes are concerned, Leo mostly enjoys Punk Rock, though he dabbles in other styles such as alternative rock on occasion. He owns a rather extensive collection of antique music media.
  • Leo is self concious about the fact that he's never kissed a girl or been on a date. 
  • His favorite color is white.
  • Leo adores Italian food, and is extremely fond of teammate Melissa Juniper's cooking.
  • His callsign in TRAP is Raven-9. 

     

RP link for shiggles: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/352272-synchro-frame-identity-ooc-under-constructionpg-16not-startedaccepting/?p=6872374

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First of all, Stalfos.  How dare you.  Big as these God damn apps are, you will get one review outta me.  How dare you attempt to make me work.  You'll be receiving a strongly worded letter.

 

Second, I like to do these piece by piece.  Bare with me.

 

[spoiler=Skyler Gallegos, Daughter of an Infamous Criminal Mastermind]


4PPP8Wl.png
"Oh, no. What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

 

 

 First thing that comes to mind, she doesn't seem to be very confident.  Now granted, the look on her face isn't really discernible.  So there's no real way of telling if--before I read the rest of the app--if she's actually confident or not.  But that quote makes me feel like she's uncertain, maybe even weak minded or just--again--generally not confident of herself.  I'm curious as to why you chose it.  Also, red eyes?  Get this woman some Clear Eye please.

 

[spoiler=Skyler Gallegos, Daughter of an Infamous Criminal Mastermind]


4PPP8Wl.png
"Oh, no. What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
Personal Information:
Name: Skyler Gallegos
Gender: Female
Race: Faunus - Snake

Age: 16
Reference: Herrerasaurus
Team: SRUZ

 

 

Her name's Skyler.  Uncommon.  Pretty.  I really like it actually.  Probably because the girl named Skylar (spelled 'ar' in the series) from Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. was really hot, so that may or may not have an effect on why I like her name.  Aaaaaand she's a snake.  What the funk is going on.  I really should've read the RP description but what did I just funking walk into.

 

[spoiler=Skyler Gallegos, Daughter of an Infamous Criminal Mastermind]


4PPP8Wl.png
"Oh, no. What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
Personal Information:
Name: Skyler Gallegos
Gender: Female
Race: Faunus - Snake

Age: 16
Reference: Herrerasaurus
Team: SRUZ
[spoiler=Appearance:]From the top of her scalp to the tip of her tail, Skyler's full body length measures out to be a massive 216cm (7' 1") long. However, she only seems to stand at a much less impressive 165cm (5' 5") tall, and she weighs 63kg (139lbs) all up. While not impressive, Skyler does sport a good figure, with a BWH ratio of 23-20-20 if measured in inches and 58-51-51 if measured in centimeters. Although it may not look it on the surface, Skyler has a vast array of scars all over her body. Only one of these scars, specifically the one below her left eye, is covered up by a bandage; one more can be found on the back of her left hand and another along her right wrist, but the rest are all covered up by her clothing. This consists of a black jacket with yellow insides and stripes, a burgundy tube top and a long blue skirt that falls low enough to cover the entirety of her tail, although not so low that she risks tripping over it. Skyler has a gas mask around her neck, in case she has an urgency to hide her face.
 
sample_33919a1354829191c6ca4855dc4bb764d

 

 

 

Seven foot--!?  Girl you better go play basketball, get these rebounds.  Oh, wait, that's total length, right, right, right.  My bad.  I'm actually really digging that jacket.  Though I still don't get the mask.  What would she have to hide her face for?  She's a snake.  Hiding her face wouldn't prevent someone from freaking out at a GOD DAMN SEVEN FOOT LONG SNAKE SERIOUSLY WTF.  And I'm just gonna assume this skirt was made for her specifically.  Cuz I ain't never heard of a skirt that covers seven feet.  I do wanna know how she got those scars tho.  

 

[spoiler=Skyler Gallegos, Daughter of an Infamous Criminal Mastermind]


4PPP8Wl.png
"Oh, no. What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
Personal Information:
Name: Skyler Gallegos
Gender: Female
Race: Faunus - Snake

Age: 16
Reference: Herrerasaurus
Team: SRUZ
[spoiler=Appearance:]From the top of her scalp to the tip of her tail, Skyler's full body length measures out to be a massive 216cm (7' 1") long. However, she only seems to stand at a much less impressive 165cm (5' 5") tall, and she weighs 63kg (139lbs) all up. While not impressive, Skyler does sport a good figure, with a BWH ratio of 23-20-20 if measured in inches and 58-51-51 if measured in centimeters. Although it may not look it on the surface, Skyler has a vast array of scars all over her body. Only one of these scars, specifically the one below her left eye, is covered up by a bandage; one more can be found on the back of her left hand and another along her right wrist, but the rest are all covered up by her clothing. This consists of a black jacket with yellow insides and stripes, a burgundy tube top and a long blue skirt that falls low enough to cover the entirety of her tail, although not so low that she risks tripping over it. Skyler has a gas mask around her neck, in case she has an urgency to hide her face.
 
sample_33919a1354829191c6ca4855dc4bb764d

[spoiler=Personality:]On the contrary to what one would believe the leader of any team (let alone the leader of Team SRUZ) to be, Skyler is a shy, timid and very submissive individual, who makes up for her lack of confidence and self-esteem... with a severe dose of paranoia and distrust around complete strangers, as well as a slight fear of crowds. The unfortunate thing is that she has the makings of a coward, and this is especially evident when any of her teammates get into a fight or when someone is after her. This isn't helped by Skyler's first instinct during each battle being to go hide, which seems to take priority even before she makes an attempt to command her team. Speaking of "team", Team SRUZ is somewhat of an unruly and anarchistic lot, and while they seem to be in agreement that Skyler is a shoddy leader, what they most definitely can't agree on is who should've taken her place. Skyler too doubts that she can be a competent leader, and insists that her Semblance and abilities are nothing special in the slightest.

 

While her grades for Mirage Academy had always been passable, Skyler has never truly excelled in her training to become a Huntress. A lot of that has to do with her naturally defeatist manner; when she witnesses a Team SRUZ member perform better in a mission than she has, Skyler automatically assumes that she herself had failed and is quick to do so. Skyler is also concerned that, should she unleash her full potential, she may lose control of herself out of blood-lust, and hurt innocent people as a result if not her own teammates. However, if there's any one thing at all that Skyler can do better than most, it's self-preservation. She can keep herself completely out of harm's way whilst her teammates do most of the tanking of Grimm or opposing Huntsman attacks, and although she loses out on chances to kill, she can still use her Semblance to detect hostiles and warn her teammates accordingly. But should any of her friends or teammates be in grave danger, Skyler may finally grow the stones necessary to go all in on her attempt to save them. This out-of-character act maybe enough for Skyler to gain some respect, even if it doesn't last. All in all, Skyler just wants to have a safe haven where she can have some friends and some fun, just like any other 16-year-old girl would want... yet her upbringing prevents her from thinking this is even possible for her.

 

Skyler doesn't like to talk about her past, and won't confide in anyone out of fear that it might bite her in the ass. She wishes she can open up more, but rarely does so for the exact same reason as why she won't confide in anyone. Unfortunately it's gotten to the point where she feels more comfortable lying straight to the faces of those that she's meant to trust than spilling the beans and telling the truth about herself; this is especially the case when she's desperate for a topic that she has personal issues with to be dropped. However, whether she realizes it or not, something about this gigantic facade that Skyler's putting on has to give...

 

 

 

So I was right.  She has no confidence in herself.  Which is what makes her interesting to me.  A lot of characters written on YCM are bold, boastful, highly determined, yadayadayada.  She's. . . a coward.  She's afraid.  But what's best about this is that she knows she has what it takes, but she's afraid to take advantage of this.  Tho I can imagine as a teenage snake-girl, she's overcome with all KINDS of hormones, anxiety, fears, etc.  God only knows what she has to deal with because of her physical make-up.  And she's going through puberty too?  Christ, how is she still alive?  

 

[spoiler=Skyler Gallegos, Daughter of an Infamous Criminal Mastermind]


4PPP8Wl.png
"Oh, no. What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
Personal Information:
Name: Skyler Gallegos
Gender: Female
Race: Faunus - Snake

Age: 16
Reference: Herrerasaurus
Team: SRUZ
[spoiler=Appearance:]From the top of her scalp to the tip of her tail, Skyler's full body length measures out to be a massive 216cm (7' 1") long. However, she only seems to stand at a much less impressive 165cm (5' 5") tall, and she weighs 63kg (139lbs) all up. While not impressive, Skyler does sport a good figure, with a BWH ratio of 23-20-20 if measured in inches and 58-51-51 if measured in centimeters. Although it may not look it on the surface, Skyler has a vast array of scars all over her body. Only one of these scars, specifically the one below her left eye, is covered up by a bandage; one more can be found on the back of her left hand and another along her right wrist, but the rest are all covered up by her clothing. This consists of a black jacket with yellow insides and stripes, a burgundy tube top and a long blue skirt that falls low enough to cover the entirety of her tail, although not so low that she risks tripping over it. Skyler has a gas mask around her neck, in case she has an urgency to hide her face.
 
sample_33919a1354829191c6ca4855dc4bb764d

[spoiler=Personality:]On the contrary to what one would believe the leader of any team (let alone the leader of Team SRUZ) to be, Skyler is a shy, timid and very submissive individual, who makes up for her lack of confidence and self-esteem... with a severe dose of paranoia and distrust around complete strangers, as well as a slight fear of crowds. The unfortunate thing is that she has the makings of a coward, and this is especially evident when any of her teammates get into a fight or when someone is after her. This isn't helped by Skyler's first instinct during each battle being to go hide, which seems to take priority even before she makes an attempt to command her team. Speaking of "team", Team SRUZ is somewhat of an unruly and anarchistic lot, and while they seem to be in agreement that Skyler is a shoddy leader, what they most definitely can't agree on is who should've taken her place. Skyler too doubts that she can be a competent leader, and insists that her Semblance and abilities are nothing special in the slightest.

 

While her grades for Mirage Academy had always been passable, Skyler has never truly excelled in her training to become a Huntress. A lot of that has to do with her naturally defeatist manner; when she witnesses a Team SRUZ member perform better in a mission than she has, Skyler automatically assumes that she herself had failed and is quick to do so. Skyler is also concerned that, should she unleash her full potential, she may lose control of herself out of blood-lust, and hurt innocent people as a result if not her own teammates. However, if there's any one thing at all that Skyler can do better than most, it's self-preservation. She can keep herself completely out of harm's way whilst her teammates do most of the tanking of Grimm or opposing Huntsman attacks, and although she loses out on chances to kill, she can still use her Semblance to detect hostiles and warn her teammates accordingly. But should any of her friends or teammates be in grave danger, Skyler may finally grow the stones necessary to go all in on her attempt to save them. This out-of-character act maybe enough for Skyler to gain some respect, even if it doesn't last. All in all, Skyler just wants to have a safe haven where she can have some friends and some fun, just like any other 16-year-old girl would want... yet her upbringing prevents her from thinking this is even possible for her.

 

Skyler doesn't like to talk about her past, and won't confide in anyone out of fear that it might bite her in the ass. She wishes she can open up more, but rarely does so for the exact same reason as why she won't confide in anyone. Unfortunately it's gotten to the point where she feels more comfortable lying straight to the faces of those that she's meant to trust than spilling the beans and telling the truth about herself; this is especially the case when she's desperate for a topic that she has personal issues with to be dropped. However, whether she realizes it or not, something about this gigantic facade that Skyler's putting on has to give...

[spoiler=Biography:]Skyler Gallegos grew up with an older sister named Lillianna Gallegos and a single father named Malachi Gallegos, a man who'd later be infamously portrayed on news across the four kingdoms of Renmant. Of course, Malachi was hoping for a son, but considering the way he decided he'd "spray his seed", he doubted that he could conceive more than two children without troubles from the authorities... and unfortunately for him, probability wasn't on his side. As she was the last child born from Malachi impregnating another woman, Skyler felt as though she already failed her father, but she still wanted to try and prove her worth. Well... at least she thought she did.

 

As his two daughters grew up, Malachi put Skyler and Lillianna through a series of cruel tests; the first of which would supposedly test their will of self-sacrifice, as well as determine their pain threshold to some extent. Lillianna ended up gouging out both her eyes through this test, whereas Skyler had cut herself multiple times. The only good thing that came out of this accursed test was that Malachi allowed the two sisters to keep the weapons that they used to almost kill themselves with. However, the second and third tests combined were even worse. For the second test, Malachi presented two boxes with ring targets slightly above the center of them, which had both been sealed shut. He told them that there was something inside these boxes and tasked them to kill whatever it was that was inside; but what he didn't tell them was that each box contained an innocent woman that had been kidnapped, drugged and placed inside to rest. And as if the sudden revelation of this wasn't enough, Malachi revealed two more women that he kidnapped, this time of who were bound to a pole and able to do naught but scream bloody murder and try to plead the trio into letting them go.

 

Rather than listening their pleas, Malachi tasked Skyler and Lillianna into killing these two women in addition to the two they killed unbeknownst to them, and to make it easier for them to pass this third test, he cropped up an imaginary scenario in which the two sisters were leaders of their own team, and the two women, who were supposedly in that team, had betrayed the others and left their love interests and most formidable allies to be slain by the Creatures of Grimm. This seemed to work fine for Lillianna, who beheaded her target with little effort, but Skyler still couldn't bring herself to kill the other woman that Malachi had captured, and as a result, found herself conflicted between failing her own father... again she thought, or throw her conscience to the wind and potentially overwhelm herself with guilt. Tears streamed down Skyler's face as she was steering at the impossible, but after turning up the music that was playing through her scroll to its maximum volume so she wouldn't have to hear the poor woman's screams of suffering, Skyler through one of the many Mulligan Incisors at the woman's chest, the explosion putting the woman out of her misery.

 

That was the among the last of all the horrendous deeds that Skyler had to perform under Malachi's tutelage, as the latter was arrested by police after long and tiresome chase, and brought into court and tried for his actions. Malachi was originally charged with 6 counts of kidnapping and 6 of murder, until Skyler pleaded with the judge to letting her father go, confessing to 2 of the murders that he'd been charged with in the process. Lillianna, reluctantly, also confessed to 2 murders. However, the remaining 2 counts of murder, as well as the original 6 counts of kidnapping, were still more than enough for the judge to sentence Malachi with life in the Vacuo Correctional Facility without the possibility of parole. Had these figures not been altered, they would've actually been enough to sentence Malachi to death, but Skyler's desperate plea had moved the judge into revising these figures. Unfortunately for her, it wasn't enough, and she was left brokenhearted and without a father. Even to this day, this tragedy seems to have taken a grave toll on her confidence levels, but her hand was forced into moving on nonetheless.

 

Lillianna had been looking after Skyler and acted as her guardian for a time, as she was the only blood relative that could be at her side whenever she needed to be. She had gotten an invitation to attend Sanctum Academy which was all the way in Mistral, but she refused to go; not until Skyler would be in the care of capable hands. Thankfully, Lillianna managed to procure a face-to-face meeting with Levi Farrier, the headmaster of Mirage Academy within her home kingdom of Vacuo. This concluded in Levi personally enlisting Skyler into the academy itself. Within Mirage Academy, Skyler's grades proved to be passable, but a sudden influx of other students being scouted to join Shade Academy's ranks in place of her had her believing otherwise. Skyler asked Levi about this sudden influx, causing the latter to breath a heavy sigh before answering.

 

It turned out that Levi had been sending reviews of the higher talented students' grades to the headmistress of Shade Academy herself, as he had personally been informed that the White Fang had intended to perform a mass-recruitment that would specifically target the faunus students of Mirage Academy. He explained that this way, he could at least prevent the talents of those with exceptional promise from falling into the wrong hands, and that he sent reviews of some humans' grades as well as those of the faunus that he believed were too valuable to lose for... equality purposes. As he was explaining this, Skyler realized that she was vulnerable to the mass-recruitment as well, and begged Levi to send hers too, but he insisted that she wasn't ready. A heated argument ensued between the two, before Levi ordered Skyler to get out of the headmaster's office. On the way out, however, Skyler stealthily slipped out an application form while Levi busied himself with paperwork and took it with her, figuring that if he couldn't save her, then she'd have to save herself. So she filled it out, falsifying key fields that would prevent her from being accepted if she were to write them in an honest manner, and trying her best to keep her writing steady so it wouldn't raise any red flags. Skyler couldn't believe her luck that her lies were enough to get her through to Shade Academy, but unfortunately for her, this would end up being her biggest regret she ever had.

 

 

 

So.  She was born into a broken home, abused by her father, mentally scarred for life, nearly died to her own father's hands, falsified information to go to school, and she basically regrets everything she's ever done.  She's got a sister who's blind and as far as I'm concerned out of her funking mind, so she basically has no one.  And Levi doesn't count.  A lot of people would've given up and possibly succumb to depression, suicide, or even just living on the streets.  The fact that she's still funking kicking and at least trying says to me she's either desperate, or has a stronger will than she lets on.  Possibly the former, considering how poor her self-esteem and confidence is, but I guess it could even be both.  Though, to be honest, I would like some more clarity.  How does her mind work at this point?

 

Has she just been pushed and knows she has no other opportunity, or what?  What the funk is she thinking?  Honestly, I'm confused.  She has no clear direction.  But at least she's a badass snake.  You still get points for that.

 

[spoiler=Skyler Gallegos, Daughter of an Infamous Criminal Mastermind]


4PPP8Wl.png
"Oh, no. What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
Personal Information:
Name: Skyler Gallegos
Gender: Female
Race: Faunus - Snake

Age: 16
Reference: Herrerasaurus
Team: SRUZ
[spoiler=Appearance:]From the top of her scalp to the tip of her tail, Skyler's full body length measures out to be a massive 216cm (7' 1") long. However, she only seems to stand at a much less impressive 165cm (5' 5") tall, and she weighs 63kg (139lbs) all up. While not impressive, Skyler does sport a good figure, with a BWH ratio of 23-20-20 if measured in inches and 58-51-51 if measured in centimeters. Although it may not look it on the surface, Skyler has a vast array of scars all over her body. Only one of these scars, specifically the one below her left eye, is covered up by a bandage; one more can be found on the back of her left hand and another along her right wrist, but the rest are all covered up by her clothing. This consists of a black jacket with yellow insides and stripes, a burgundy tube top and a long blue skirt that falls low enough to cover the entirety of her tail, although not so low that she risks tripping over it. Skyler has a gas mask around her neck, in case she has an urgency to hide her face.
 
sample_33919a1354829191c6ca4855dc4bb764d

[spoiler=Personality:]On the contrary to what one would believe the leader of any team (let alone the leader of Team SRUZ) to be, Skyler is a shy, timid and very submissive individual, who makes up for her lack of confidence and self-esteem... with a severe dose of paranoia and distrust around complete strangers, as well as a slight fear of crowds. The unfortunate thing is that she has the makings of a coward, and this is especially evident when any of her teammates get into a fight or when someone is after her. This isn't helped by Skyler's first instinct during each battle being to go hide, which seems to take priority even before she makes an attempt to command her team. Speaking of "team", Team SRUZ is somewhat of an unruly and anarchistic lot, and while they seem to be in agreement that Skyler is a shoddy leader, what they most definitely can't agree on is who should've taken her place. Skyler too doubts that she can be a competent leader, and insists that her Semblance and abilities are nothing special in the slightest.

 

While her grades for Mirage Academy had always been passable, Skyler has never truly excelled in her training to become a Huntress. A lot of that has to do with her naturally defeatist manner; when she witnesses a Team SRUZ member perform better in a mission than she has, Skyler automatically assumes that she herself had failed and is quick to do so. Skyler is also concerned that, should she unleash her full potential, she may lose control of herself out of blood-lust, and hurt innocent people as a result if not her own teammates. However, if there's any one thing at all that Skyler can do better than most, it's self-preservation. She can keep herself completely out of harm's way whilst her teammates do most of the tanking of Grimm or opposing Huntsman attacks, and although she loses out on chances to kill, she can still use her Semblance to detect hostiles and warn her teammates accordingly. But should any of her friends or teammates be in grave danger, Skyler may finally grow the stones necessary to go all in on her attempt to save them. This out-of-character act maybe enough for Skyler to gain some respect, even if it doesn't last. All in all, Skyler just wants to have a safe haven where she can have some friends and some fun, just like any other 16-year-old girl would want... yet her upbringing prevents her from thinking this is even possible for her.

 

Skyler doesn't like to talk about her past, and won't confide in anyone out of fear that it might bite her in the ass. She wishes she can open up more, but rarely does so for the exact same reason as why she won't confide in anyone. Unfortunately it's gotten to the point where she feels more comfortable lying straight to the faces of those that she's meant to trust than spilling the beans and telling the truth about herself; this is especially the case when she's desperate for a topic that she has personal issues with to be dropped. However, whether she realizes it or not, something about this gigantic facade that Skyler's putting on has to give...

[spoiler=Biography:]Skyler Gallegos grew up with an older sister named Lillianna Gallegos and a single father named Malachi Gallegos, a man who'd later be infamously portrayed on news across the four kingdoms of Renmant. Of course, Malachi was hoping for a son, but considering the way he decided he'd "spray his seed", he doubted that he could conceive more than two children without troubles from the authorities... and unfortunately for him, probability wasn't on his side. As she was the last child born from Malachi impregnating another woman, Skyler felt as though she already failed her father, but she still wanted to try and prove her worth. Well... at least she thought she did.

 

As his two daughters grew up, Malachi put Skyler and Lillianna through a series of cruel tests; the first of which would supposedly test their will of self-sacrifice, as well as determine their pain threshold to some extent. Lillianna ended up gouging out both her eyes through this test, whereas Skyler had cut herself multiple times. The only good thing that came out of this accursed test was that Malachi allowed the two sisters to keep the weapons that they used to almost kill themselves with. However, the second and third tests combined were even worse. For the second test, Malachi presented two boxes with ring targets slightly above the center of them, which had both been sealed shut. He told them that there was something inside these boxes and tasked them to kill whatever it was that was inside; but what he didn't tell them was that each box contained an innocent woman that had been kidnapped, drugged and placed inside to rest. And as if the sudden revelation of this wasn't enough, Malachi revealed two more women that he kidnapped, this time of who were bound to a pole and able to do naught but scream bloody murder and try to plead the trio into letting them go.

 

Rather than listening their pleas, Malachi tasked Skyler and Lillianna into killing these two women in addition to the two they killed unbeknownst to them, and to make it easier for them to pass this third test, he cropped up an imaginary scenario in which the two sisters were leaders of their own team, and the two women, who were supposedly in that team, had betrayed the others and left their love interests and most formidable allies to be slain by the Creatures of Grimm. This seemed to work fine for Lillianna, who beheaded her target with little effort, but Skyler still couldn't bring herself to kill the other woman that Malachi had captured, and as a result, found herself conflicted between failing her own father... again she thought, or throw her conscience to the wind and potentially overwhelm herself with guilt. Tears streamed down Skyler's face as she was steering at the impossible, but after turning up the music that was playing through her scroll to its maximum volume so she wouldn't have to hear the poor woman's screams of suffering, Skyler through one of the many Mulligan Incisors at the woman's chest, the explosion putting the woman out of her misery.

 

That was the among the last of all the horrendous deeds that Skyler had to perform under Malachi's tutelage, as the latter was arrested by police after long and tiresome chase, and brought into court and tried for his actions. Malachi was originally charged with 6 counts of kidnapping and 6 of murder, until Skyler pleaded with the judge to letting her father go, confessing to 2 of the murders that he'd been charged with in the process. Lillianna, reluctantly, also confessed to 2 murders. However, the remaining 2 counts of murder, as well as the original 6 counts of kidnapping, were still more than enough for the judge to sentence Malachi with life in the Vacuo Correctional Facility without the possibility of parole. Had these figures not been altered, they would've actually been enough to sentence Malachi to death, but Skyler's desperate plea had moved the judge into revising these figures. Unfortunately for her, it wasn't enough, and she was left brokenhearted and without a father. Even to this day, this tragedy seems to have taken a grave toll on her confidence levels, but her hand was forced into moving on nonetheless.

 

Lillianna had been looking after Skyler and acted as her guardian for a time, as she was the only blood relative that could be at her side whenever she needed to be. She had gotten an invitation to attend Sanctum Academy which was all the way in Mistral, but she refused to go; not until Skyler would be in the care of capable hands. Thankfully, Lillianna managed to procure a face-to-face meeting with Levi Farrier, the headmaster of Mirage Academy within her home kingdom of Vacuo. This concluded in Levi personally enlisting Skyler into the academy itself. Within Mirage Academy, Skyler's grades proved to be passable, but a sudden influx of other students being scouted to join Shade Academy's ranks in place of her had her believing otherwise. Skyler asked Levi about this sudden influx, causing the latter to breath a heavy sigh before answering.

 

It turned out that Levi had been sending reviews of the higher talented students' grades to the headmistress of Shade Academy herself, as he had personally been informed that the White Fang had intended to perform a mass-recruitment that would specifically target the faunus students of Mirage Academy. He explained that this way, he could at least prevent the talents of those with exceptional promise from falling into the wrong hands, and that he sent reviews of some humans' grades as well as those of the faunus that he believed were too valuable to lose for... equality purposes. As he was explaining this, Skyler realized that she was vulnerable to the mass-recruitment as well, and begged Levi to send hers too, but he insisted that she wasn't ready. A heated argument ensued between the two, before Levi ordered Skyler to get out of the headmaster's office. On the way out, however, Skyler stealthily slipped out an application form while Levi busied himself with paperwork and took it with her, figuring that if he couldn't save her, then she'd have to save herself. So she filled it out, falsifying key fields that would prevent her from being accepted if she were to write them in an honest manner, and trying her best to keep her writing steady so it wouldn't raise any red flags. Skyler couldn't believe her luck that her lies were enough to get her through to Shade Academy, but unfortunately for her, this would end up being her biggest regret she ever had.


Combat Information
Weapon Name: Mulligan Incisors
[spoiler=Weapon Description:]On the surface, the Mulligan Incisors appear to just be any old ordinary kunai. However, there is a pin that can be pulled from the ring at the bottom of the handle. Once this is done, the blade of a Mulligan Incisor will sound a series of three beeps, one per second, before it explodes and sends shrapnel flying everywhere on the fourth. Skyler has developed a unique way of throwing the Mulligan Incisors, where she'd throw them similarly to the average kunai, but maintain grip on the rings instead of letting go of them entirely. The blade and handle of the Mulligan Incisors are still propelled forward without any noticeable drop in speed, and this provides enough momentum for the pins to be pulled right at the start of the throw. This way, Skyler doesn't have to do two separate motions or worry about throwing an unwieldy Incisor.

[spoiler=Semblance:]Using her semblance, Skyler is able to detect signatures of body heat from any being within a 360o radius of her position. There is no known limit to the number of heat signatures that Skyler can detect at any time, as long as they're at a range that would put them in her line of vision once she turns around. This may sound like a great boon to Skyler, but from a psychological standpoint it's a double-edged sword; especially considering the fact that she's prone to paranoia. Thankfully, Skyler is able to differentiate one heat signature from another while the bodies themselves are far enough apart. She can even tell which heat signature belongs to who if it belongs to someone she's familiar with, as well as what type of Grimm is there if it belongs to one. In a crowd, however, all the heat signatures present would just become a gargantuan blur to her. Skyler also has trouble keeping up with fast-moving enemies, whether they're in her natural vision or they were detected by her Semblance.

 

There's one more thing about Skyler's Semblance that one should know; if it detects a Grimm of immense power, such as a Goliath or an Adult Ground Dweller, Skyler will suffer a severe mental trauma that assaults all her nerves at once. She can disable her Semblance just like any other Semblance can be disabled in order to prevent the trauma from inflicting any (more) damage to the rest of her brain, but if the Grimm she's fighting against happens to be highly evasive as well, then she will effectively be fighting it almost blind, and if she keeps the Semblance active for too long, her mind will deteriorate just with the creature's presence alone. If Team SRUZ ever finds itself facing off against a Grimm of immense power, then Skyler will have to adjust between disabling and re-enabling her Semblance, and learn to fight through the pain that her mental trauma will no doubt inflict. That is the only way that Skyler can make the most of her Semblance despite the severe setback.


Miscellaneous Information
Main Theme Song: Sweet Sacrifice, by Evanescence
Battle Theme Song: Parasite Eve I OST: U.B.
Ideal Voice Actresses: Edie Mirman (En)/Yuka Tokumitsu (Jp)

 

 

I like how you carried the snake theme into her weapons.  Detecting heat signatures is really funking cool.  The kunai I don't care for, but probably because I see kunai so often.  I mean, yeah the way you designed it to be explosive is neat, but for me, as it's kunai, I just don't care much for it.  But back to the heat signatures, again, I really enjoy this.  I can see it playing out when something really scary shows up.  She gets this massive headache and says something ominous like, "Something's coming".  Really digging it.  Lose the kunai and focus more on her snake properties.  

 

But that's about all from me.  I don't care for a number scoring system so I won't grade the app, but I will tell you I am SATISFIED.  

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I felt like doing a review.

Never had the kid reviewed on the first go-round so here ya go.

 

 

[spoiler=Leo Vega]

Leo_Vega_headshot.jpg

"In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to be here fighting."

Name: Leo Vega

Age: 17

Gender: Male

Faction: SAF (TRAP)

Occupation: Frame Pilot

[spoiler= Appearance]Leo_Vega.jpg

Leo stands at 5'10", and is a little bit on the thin side. Though he isn't bulky, Leo has a decent amount of tone due to a regular regimen of exercise, and since joining TRAP has gotten into noticeably better shape. His blonde hair is a bit long and generally unkempt, and Leo's bangs occasionally cover his eyes. He's good looking, though most people would describe him as 'cute' rather than 'handsome' due to his effeminate facial features and big, hazel eyes, which he inherited from his mother. He also has a small scar on the left side of his head, just above his hairline, from a battle wound he received during an engagement over the Atlantic Ocean. It isn't readily visible, though Leo will often absentmindedly run his fingers over the sensitive area. When not dressed in a SAF uniform or his flight suit (both of which he tries to avoid wearing as often as possible), Leo tends prefer comfortable, loose fitting clothing like sweatshirts and baggy jeans. When not actively engaged in activity, Leo's eyes tend to wander, with others often commenting that he looks lost in thought. He can often be seen admiring something (or occasionally someone) that catches his eye, writing song lyrics down on a notepad, or strumming a riff on his electric guitar during whatever free time he has.

 

[spoiler=Personality]Leo is kind, thoughtful, shy, and loyal, and possesses a great deal of intelligence, creativity,  and sensitivity, as well as a couple eccentricities. Perhaps in part due to the loss of his parents early on in life, Leo has always been sympathetic to the plight of others. Helpful, sweet, and generally good natured, he can always be counted on to lend others a hand or be emotionally supportive. In addition, Leo is rather adept on picking up on emotional cues, and as such is often able to tell when something is bothering a person. Despite this, however, Leo himself is shy and withdrawn. He tends to avoid social interaction, and finds himself uncomfortable in a large group or with people he's unfamiliar with. Because of this, as well as a lack of self esteem, Leo tends to be self concious. He can be easily flustered, and some would even say bashful.  With the onset of his puberty, this has become especially true when it comes to members of the opposite sex. Leo finds it very difficult to keep whatever cool he may have around someone he is attracted to; a reddening face and the stumbling of his words being a dead giveaway that this is the case. 

 

Being a teenager with an introverted personality, it can be rather difficult to get Leo to voice his opinion or contribute to a conversation on his own. Instead, he prefers to listen to others around him. Though he's easy to read (Leo often wears his emotions on his sleeve) its often very difficult for Leo to express himself, both in the sense that he finds it difficult to articulate how he feels, as well as the fact that he finds it difficult to bring himself to do so. This often causes him to bottle up his emotions, which unfortunately have a tendency to abruptly and sometimes violently resurface when he is stressed, angry, or sad.  Recent events have exacerbated this tendency, and as a result he has become despondent and brooding, making him that much less able to properly vent his frustrations. However, when push comes to shove, Leo can almost always be counted on to rise to the occasion. He's proven that he's more than willing to put his teammates before himself, and on some level feels personally responsible for TRAP's recent losses.

 

Though he isn't the most adept socially, Leo makes up for it with his intelligence. He is an excellent problem solver, and his ability to memorize facts and absorb information is remarkable. In addition, his mental faculties have allowed him to be very creative. Most often, this is expressed in his musical talents, be it singing, playing guitar, or writing lyrics and music. However, this creativity also extends to how Leo deals with everyday life. He often comes up with unorthodox solutions to problems, and can be counted on to find answers where others may be stumped. These traits, in addition to his high level of AMS compatibilty, make Leo a natural (if a bit methodologically unorthodox) frame pilot, as he has shown on quite a few occasions an ability to adapt to and out-maneuver enemy tactics.  However, his creativity and intelligence, combined with his social difficulties and upbringing, have caused Leo to develop a few eccentricities as he has grown older. He spends an inordinate amount of time focused on his music, and is prone to fidgeting and daydreaming. He's also rather enamored with CF technology, having gotten up close with his ace pilot sister's machines several times growing up. Since becoming a pilot himself this has only increased, with Leo often using many of his on-duty hours assisting TRAP's mechanics.

 

Despite his oddities, Leo is still very much a teenage boy. He is emotional, and prone to the swinging moods that adolescence often brings. He longs to be accepted by his peers (and more currently his squad mates), and is prone to defiance and acting out in much the same way any other teenager would be. In short, despite the circumstances life has thrust upon him, Leo is still trying to find his place in the world. He is simultaneously confident in his abilities ( in the same foolhardy way that many teens are) and unsure of both himself and his future.

 

[spoiler=Biography]Born on Shell Avalon in 2203, Leo is the son of Michael and Cheryl Vega, a computer programmer and an artist, respectively. The youngest of two children, Leo's early childhood was a rather normal, albeit uneventful one. Leo began to display a high degree of intelligence from an early age, and as a result he often found himself bored with school work. As he began growing older, he developed a passion for music, and it wasn't long before he began learning how to strum out notes on his first guitar.

 

However, when Leo was 10 years old, both of his parents were killed in a traffic accident. With no other family to speak of, Leo ended up in the custody of his then-18 year old sister Lauren, who provided for the both of them by joining SAF as a frame pilot while Leo made his way through grade school. Leo spent an awful lot of time to himself during those years, preferring the company of his guitar and his few friends to having a wide social circle. Though she was oftentimes forced to be absent due to a SAF deployment, Leo stayed very close with his sister as he grew older, with the two often corresponding through letters. The siblings would often confide on one another, and it was Lauren that Leo turned to whenever he was having a problem, whether in school or life in general. As such, her disappearance has hit him rather hard, made no better by the fact that he's been forced to replace her as the pilot her Synchro Frame: Canis.

 

The past month and a half or so of Leo's life has been rather tumultuous. Though he's found some security in the daily training regimen forced on him, Leo has had a great deal of difficulty adjusting to military life. He's unable to properly cope with killing enemy soldiers in combat, and the physical stresses his high performance machine has been putting on his body have begun to take their toll with the loss of teammate Melissa Juniper in combat three weeks ago only exacerbating the situation. Thankfully, he's had help adjusting from one of his commanding officers, and so his mental health has not severely deteriorated as of yet.   

 

Machine: SFS-09X Canis

[spoiler=Skills/Specializations]

  • High AMS Compatibility- Leo has the second-highest level of compatibility with the AMS on SAF's records, meaning that he is able to operate Synchro Frames with an extremely high level of synchronization. With enough training and a properly tuned AMS, Leo has the potential to become frighteningly effective with a Synchro Frame. Though each individual AMS must be permanently tuned to a specific pilot, Leo's brainwaves are similar enough to his sister's that he is able to operate the Canis at 95% compatibility, with no ill effects.
  • Natural Piloting Ability- Like his older sister, Leo possesses great reflexes, a high IQ, and superior situational awareness, giving him a large degree of natural skill with operating complex machines like combat frames.
  • Above Average Intelligence- Leo is extremely intelligent, and as a result is able to grasp concepts and learn information much faster than most people his age.
  • Piloting/Combat Training- In his first two weeks in the military, Leo was given an extremely basic crash course in military procedure and combat skills. Since joining TRAP, he's been training daily with CO Gavin Decker, greatly improving his combat skills and his knowledge of military protocol. Though he's still very much a rookie, Leo's skills have markedly improved, to the point that he is now able top keep up with the much more experienced members of TRAP. 

[spoiler=Misc. Info]Theme- Shining

Misc. facts-

  • Leo is a rather talented guitar player, singer, and song writer, though he hasn't garnered enough practice and experience to make full use of his musical talents.
  • As far as his musical tastes are concerned, Leo mostly enjoys Punk Rock, though he dabbles in other styles such as alternative rock on occasion. He owns a rather extensive collection of antique music media.
  • Leo is self concious about the fact that he's never kissed a girl or been on a date. 
  • His favorite color is white.
  • Leo adores Italian food, and is extremely fond of teammate Melissa Juniper's cooking.
  • His callsign in TRAP is Raven-9. 

     

RP link for shiggles: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/352272-synchro-frame-identity-ooc-under-constructionpg-16not-startedaccepting/?p=6872374

[spoiler=I became an jabroni in my time away from reviewing]Well first thing’s first. This guy’s face. It makes me want to punch him. He looks like such a generic anime protagonist it’s insane. But that might have been the intention, given that he’s your host-character thingy so....anyway. Written appearance, and a long one, let us see....
Well it describes him pretty well I’d say. Nothing too over the top, nice little details. Pretty good stuff there.
Also I gotta say I forgot he’s 17 and that’s a bit odd to me. I didn’t read over everything but I did see all the other apps have like, 23+ year olds. I will wait till the bio to figure out opinions on that.

Not quite as wall text personality as I expected but still fairly long. The first sentence right off the bat is kind of a red flag. First because you kind of described an entire person in one line (albeit without description) but also the fact that you specifically say, vaguely “a couple of eccentricies” which feels awkward to read, especially when you start going into detail about the other things. Minor thing, just confused me why it was there.
Okay so he’s a kind, and helpful, “protagonist” type guy. His reasoning makes some bit of sense. He has had it rough so he wants others to...not. Being able to pick up on cues is useful, and it can definitely make things easier when it comes to helping. Though, it’s also...still in the “typical protag” camp. Cause they tend to, despite how some things make them an idiot when it comes to themselves, somehow know what to say when it’s important.
It might have been actually more interesting if he was helpful, but had certain things he was bad at helping with. As in, something like...he can’t pick up when someone just wants to be left alone, and can stick his nose into business that he ACTUALLY (not a cop-out where he makes it all better) shouldn’t, at the wrong time.
Hmm it feels odd that he “always lends a hand” and such but actively avoids interacting with people. It just doesn’t seem to mesh right. It could be a nice flaw in his wanting to help people, but the implication seems to be that he does help them, as opposed to wanting to but not being able to overcome the shyness.
Oh god he’s awkward around girls. He literally is a protagonist, Zai why. XD Though, it does make some sense, cause 17, but also...it’s so stereotypical and not entirely realistic.

Having difficulty voicing opinions make sense, especially when those around him are, it seems, older....but then this is when the personality takes a nose dive. Suddenly the good natured and helpful young man has become one who struggles to articulate his emotions and who bottles up his feelings to the point where he suddenly lashes out, sometimes violently. This second paragraph honestly sounds completely different from the first. Not even in a “Well that’s odd for this character to do that” but in a “Am I reading the same person?” Also he’s brooding too, which uh...again. “good natured” was one of the first things you described.
I get that his character could have shifted due to these “losses” and such but also that means that this personality is more a before/after, which, you don’t really need to dedicate much time to the “before”. More than a couple lines saying he was once “this and this”.
And the “when push comes to shove rising to occasion” trait has always bothered me. It just feels like a cop out. Like. “Here are some flaws, but they don’t actually matter when it’s important.”

Then next part talks about how he’s clever, able to find solutions to problems, and...is good with instruments apparently. It’s a little jarring but it is nice to see a clever protagonist. Both clever and stupid ones have been done, but it’s good to see that, despite the other somewhat generic traits, you went clever instead. Though it does seem like you’ve made him a “He’s young but a naturally gifted guy”. Which means that he kind of approaches special snowflake level. His flaws are sorta pushed to the wayside often and he happens to be super skilled but super young and his talents are explained as “He’s just naturally that way.”  And it really bugs me the whole “He’s not adapt socially” but he’s able to come up with clever solutions to everyday problems and is said to be good at reading emotions and being helpful. It feels like there is two characters being described here and both of them are somewhat generic protags.
And even his oddities. Focused on music, fidgety, and really into tech. It’s not really odd things, just sort of...there. It’s nice to see things like this on a character, don’t get me wrong, but the way it’s shoved in here just makes it feel hollow.
And then the last part is literally just saying “He’s a typical teen YOU know the type.”

Moving on to the, much shorter, bio.
Okay so the bio has all the check marks of the young prodigy protagonist. Uneventful start, too smart for his age, parents die in car crash. Also his sister is 18 and a pilot, which, I should look it up more but that seems early but can’t be sure so moving on. It’s cute they kept close, and it does make the vanishing hit harder. Though it’s kind of a combination of two typical protag starts. “Parents die and he becomes a hero” and “Someone he is related to/looks up to vanished and he must take their place”
Which, btw, no where does it explain how or why he was chosen to take her place.
A simple bio isn’t bad, in of itself, but it just all combines together to make a character I really don’t care about at all.

“Second highest compatability on record”
“NATURAL skill”
“Can keep up with EXPERIENCED members, in about two months.”
Because of course he does.

I started this out with high hopes. He is literally generic protagonist who has no real reason to be a protagonist except his somehow natural skill and just so happening to be awesome, at a super young age. Not only that but his protagonist traits somewhat clash at points. So he’s not even a totally consistent generic protagonist.
I can only imagine you meant for him to be this way. Which really bugs me and feels like such a waste. I don’t care about this character at all. I give this app a 60/100 because at least the writing is clear and he was described alright. He just is boring and unrealistic and stereotypical.

 

 

jfc that was over 1000 words.

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I can eventually, not right now, sorry for false alarm.

 

But this is to answer that other question. You can check my second post in this thread to see but basically.

Dad has recently done one, just not many. DK did one and vanished. Aix did  a couple early on and isn't so active.

Cherz had a couple periods of activity.

So not much activity :P

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So... this time I'ma plant two RP characters for you guys that are on the same page, just so I know what to work on once I reboot the RP they're in itself or write it as a fanfic. I'm imagining one will do Skyler and another will do Jillian, which I'm fine with. Just don't try to do the WIP's :P

 

Chars: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark-startedalways-accepting/?p=6781862

RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark-startedalways-accepting/

Jillian McCray is a total anime personality, but that's okay I guess. The suspension of disbelief is just considerably stretched for anime. To some, the unrealistic stuff of anime can be disconcerting in written form. Just a note. But I guess you've always just written what you enjoy.

 

I will say she's not really a particularly unique or complex character. Her twitching is random and doesn't add to her character or serve any purpose than making her boobs jiggle. I've also always had a distaste for characters that have these quirks and suddenly have a dramatic change in personality to become extremely competent in battle. I've done a character(s) like that myself, but it's just cheap and Sue-ish, discarding your character's other traits so you can make them cool, unless there's a good reason for it. Like if they were something of a Blood Knight.

 

The backstory is boring and is just a generic way to explain why she has one eye.

 

I can only discuss the thematic nature of your powers and such. It just seems really disconnected for her to one hand have this weird melee range ability/summoning, and then also use witch-like magic. I guess Summoning does fall under the witch umbrella, but here it doesn't feel fitting with the whole witch theme.

 

5/10 not good not awful

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[spoiler=review]Okay first, dammit you and your names. Second of all, the appearance. I like that you put some of her personality into the appearance. As in, she took care to look nice despite the circumstance, and is clearly unused to physical activity.

I miss Emrakul

 

So as for the personality. It’s interesting to note that she doesn’t do this stuff deliberately. But it kind of begs the question as to how she doesn’t realize it, or try to not do it. The next paragraph tries to explain it but it does so awkwardly. I’m left confused as to what this condition is and, if she actively knows about it, why it’s so difficult for her not to. Sure she’s used to acting this way, though unsure why, but it makes her come off as not really caring about it. Basically this part of the app leaves me thinking that she doesn’t have any real intent to change, which isn’t what I think you intended.

The issues with the whole spoiled and haughty act is either you need to go full fledged actually a brat or you need to very clearly explain how it’s not actually what she’s like. You didn’t really do either and so it’s left in an awkward middle-ground of not knowing which way to take it. So she seems to be both actually haughty but sort of considering trying to act differently.

I see you intent with this but it just doesn’t come across very well.

The reason I can tell the intent is the next part. Where she is unsure what kind of person she wants to be. THAT is something I think should have been expanded upon more. It could help to give a better idea of all the issues I mentioned earlier. The small mention however makes it almost an afterthought, something that is largely unrelated. I do really like the idea of someone who doesn’t know who she should be.

The picky thing is fun. I had a character once in DnD who would only buy wine and not beer. However there’s the issue of “Oh but when she needs to she won’t be”. Personally I find it more interesting if she sticks to it, and either gets good quality or refuses it entirely. Like my aforementioned character. If they couldn’t have the wine, they wouldn’t drink.

It’s nice to see reasonings for her magic ability, though it is a little sudden. But it does work.

 

The whole scandal thing, while not exactly unique, is a decent way to start a bio I think. It’s fairly simple, very believable, and opens many paths for personality quirks, plotlines, and so on. The thing I find odd is the wife telling the Lord to take in his bastard but I suppose there could be a number of reasons. It’d been nice to mention exactly what would lead her to do this.

The fact that the Lord executed those people really highlights what corruption the man had, which really paves the way for what happens to them. I certainly like the way you showed what kind of person her father was so easily.

The unwanted bastard, again, isn’t unique. It’s been used many a times, and this has all the qualities of it. Not let out, ignored, and eventually finds out and it causes an emotional crisis. It is a backstory that has potential but also somewhat cookie cutter, to this point.

However, being suddenly thrusted into a position of successor is somewhat of a different path. Usually they end up leaving, being framed for something, or so on. So that’s a plus, something fairly unusual. Glad you didn’t go the route of her being blamed or something.

Granted it didn’t last long as this was just the time that the house came crumbling down.

Now here’s the parts I don’t quite get. How did the scandal get out, exactly, though that’s not so important, and why does the Lord try to send her away? I don’t really understand how that would be possible, seeing as there’s no reason for the King to allow her to carry on his name, due to treason and such.

Buuut, I do like that she took this time to say “funk it” and leave. It shows a lot of her character and how she felt about her father that she’d do that. It also could potentially bite her on the ass because it’d be super suspicious that she’d do such a thing. And I do so love my “coming back to haunt you” bios.

Also I find how stupid she was about it quite fun. It’s a neat thing to show that, hey, this isn’t a thing she thought through, and she actually wasn’t doing well after doing it.

Overall I’d say it’s nice and simple, with some good, different, things added to it. A little too generic at times, and a couple confusing moments, but overall it nicely explains things and shows what she’s like and why for the most part.

 

Won’t pick apart the stats and such much but I am greatly amused by how absolutely awful she is in any physical confrontation.

And I will say the luck thing took me a bit to even understand.

 

All together...I feel you focused on a few traits too much and left the others in the dust, which led to the wrong things being highlighted for what you were going for. It’s not bad, per say, but it is a bit misleading and lacking. Her history is mostly stale, with some nice spice, so nothing special but nothing terrible.

More or less she has some really interesting bits but a lot of that interest is surrounded by less thought out and more boring parts. Overall I’d say 73/100. Pretty good, just not...filling in the right ways.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm going to look through some of my old RP apps and maybe post one up here, then write a new one because i've had loads of different story ideas in my head and I've needed an excuse to jot them down.

But the Blood Knight trope is perfect for so many characters i think of xD

And given time, i might even try to become a reviewer here :P

 

-----EDIT-----

 

Is there any way to find the content i posted pre YCM absence? It's limiting to Sep 2015, but i really need to look at things from around 2009-2010

 

-----EDIT2-----

 

So I just found out how majorly i sucked balls at writing Bios back in the day, swear i remember being really good at it xD I'm still going to write one up though

 

[spoiler=Nova/Zero]

Just a quick idea i though of, sort of reminiscent of the Warhammer world, but with obvious differences. The driving force of the world being a mysterious magic that is unknown to most, yet even those who do know of it don't know that it actually a group of deities (where Warhammer similarities come into play, they're almost akin to the Chaos gods you could say, also being unable to actively influence the world, only being able to change slight things that may benefit them, all the while the majority of the world is unknowing of this higher power) Some get chosen by the Zero/Nova and are able to use it to their advantage if they are strong willed enough and don't bore the gods

 

 

 

I have more of the plot written but its on my phone so ill have to copy it up when i get the chance, what do you guys think for a short plot of a world?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey guys! I tried to fill a hole in Forsaken Legends, but a guy with two characters got picked over me. so I'd like to know how this character is and what I could improve for possible use in their supposed Season 2! He's more heavily based on me than most of my characters, but enough attention-whoring, here we GO!

 

[spoiler=Elijah Diamond]

iU8EggM.png

Let's light it up, Igknights!

iU8EggM.png

Name: Elijah Diamond

Gender: Male
Age: 19

 

 
Personality Elijah, on the surface, is very quiet, easy to miss in a crowd. His eyes have a sleepy, low-lidded look to them. He's more often than not keeping to himself, not talking to anyone unless approached, focused on a book or his phone. He likes peace and quiet, preferring to take downtime as often as possible, with as little interpersonal contact as he can get away with. Naturally, if you do get him talking, he's friendly and has an awful lot to say, but represses it until someone asks for his opinion. He can be satirical and comedic at times, with a dark sense of humor, and often telling a mixture of low-brow and high-brow jokes. When he talks, he gestures sharply and often, as though trying to illustrate his dialogue for those who can't follow him, especially since he can talk very fast. In this way, he's like coin, passive until he's turned over, and then he's very active.
 
But this coin has a trick to it, wherein it is truly two coins held back-to back, hiding their worse sides with the better of the other. His passive, quiet attitude has it's dark side, wherein an emotionally abusive family raised him to believe that to show how he felt was weakness, taught him that he had to suppress his true self. This leads to a depressed mindset held barely in check, and any suspicion of it deflected with his witty, talkative socializing. Which also has a dark side: Anger. Elijah's grudges and frustrations run deep, and if you wrong him, it is hard for him to let it go, even if he claims to forgive and forget, he's only half-honest. If you get him well and truly angry, he can snap hard, making him a bit of a loose cannon at times, and his sharp wit becomes a slew of cutting insults and even violent actions. Dueling helps him to alleviate this anger a bit, so challenging him to a Duel is a good way to calm him down. In a Duel, this anger is channeled into a persona that he uses to entertain anyone on the sidelines, a charming anti-hero who wants to fix his city, and no cost is too high when you have nothing left to lose.
 
Deck Elijah uses the Igknights, and boy does he know how! Along with this fiery brigade of warriors, he carries immense Normal Monster Support, as well as generic Synchro, Xyz, and Fusions they can be used for! One of his favourite cards is Sword of the Soul-Eater, which he uses to obliterate his opponent's strognest monsters. Brute force is his favourite tactic, along with destruction and burn damage. Everything about his Deck is fiery, and I'm not one to say he isn't hot in a Duel himself.
 
Custom Cards N/A, for now. I will alert you if I feel the need to make anything up, especially considering his powers.
 
Biography Hey. I'm Elijah Diamond. My friends call me Eli, so you know... Don't call me that. Champion0 wanted to make my biography easier to write, so I guess it's an autobiography now? Whatever. Here's my story:
 
I was born in Hearthome, grew up as part of a big family. Eventually, after several years of changing custody, I found myself the middle child in a family of 15 kids, with two stepparents. TWO! How the hell does that happen? A lot of remarrying, I'll tell you that much. So anyways, I grew up pushed around by my big siblings and for some reason in charge of my younger ones, so a turbulent emotional state was NOT a blessing in my eyes, and whenever I got emotional, which was often, I was told by my parents to let things go, to pretend things didn't bother me, to fake it until I make it, etc... And for a while, I was the rock of the family. Being too old to spend my time with the little ones, too young to hang out with my older brothers, and too shy to reach out for friends, I decided I needed to earn respect. So I picked up Dueling, something the older kids did and the younger kids loved. I got good fast, beat my elders, entertained my little brothers and sisters with my 'knight in shining armor' persona, and became overall better at my acting. At pretending.
 
But you can only pretend for so long.
 
So when I got into the Junior ARC League, I found something incredible. During a Duel against one particularly snotty kid from some fancy Duel School, I snapped, utterly destroyed him in the Duel, and he actually got hurt in the process. While we were Dueling, I discovered my powers. I discovered that I, out of fifteen kids in my family, was a Psychic Duelist.
 
Now, it didn't work the way you'd expect it to. Rather, I spent so much time thinking about Dueling that my powers latched onto it, and subconsciously, I can manipulate the holographic technology that Dueling uses, at first messing with the terrain, choosing what Action Cards I got, etc. I resolved to use these powers for the greater good, even if my methods had to get a little.. harsh.
 
I earned some reputation after that, and my Dueling persona went anti-hero. It took a while, but eventually I became more cynical in my Duels, talking nonsense about wanting to change Hearthome for the better. I started wandering the streets, looking for a fight, and often getting them. I started getting mixed up with the wrong crowds, harassing the gangs, trying to pummel the hole I lived in into something worth living for. I'm still working on it today, and I know I can make this place something better than a den of scum and villainy. Somewhere deep inside, somehow... I'm going to change this place. No matter what it takes.
 
 
Misc. Information
Elijah loves candy. He'll go out of his way for good candy, even when there is absolutely no time or need for it, and he's never without something sweet to snack on.

 

 

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Oh crap sorry Champion did not even see this gosh. I will try and review within a few days

 

 

I'm going to look through some of my old RP apps and maybe post one up here, then write a new one because i've had loads of different story ideas in my head and I've needed an excuse to jot them down.

But the Blood Knight trope is perfect for so many characters i think of xD

And given time, i might even try to become a reviewer here :P

 

-----EDIT-----

 

Is there any way to find the content i posted pre YCM absence? It's limiting to Sep 2015, but i really need to look at things from around 2009-2010

 

-----EDIT2-----

 

So I just found out how majorly i sucked balls at writing Bios back in the day, swear i remember being really good at it xD I'm still going to write one up though

 

[spoiler=Nova/Zero]

Just a quick idea i though of, sort of reminiscent of the Warhammer world, but with obvious differences. The driving force of the world being a mysterious magic that is unknown to most, yet even those who do know of it don't know that it actually a group of deities (where Warhammer similarities come into play, they're almost akin to the Chaos gods you could say, also being unable to actively influence the world, only being able to change slight things that may benefit them, all the while the majority of the world is unknowing of this higher power) Some get chosen by the Zero/Nova and are able to use it to their advantage if they are strong willed enough and don't bore the gods

 

 

 

I have more of the plot written but its on my phone so ill have to copy it up when i get the chance, what do you guys think for a short plot of a world?

As for you, um...I kinda forgot to respond because of the lack of character and cause I thought you were gonna edit more into it. Anyway, this looks like something that might be more fitting, with a bit more written, in Story Planning? I mean there's...not a character here so nothing much I can say about it ^^;

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Hey guys! I tried to fill a hole in Forsaken Legends, but a guy with two characters got picked over me. so I'd like to know how this character is and what I could improve for possible use in their supposed Season 2! He's more heavily based on me than most of my characters, but enough attention-whoring, here we GO!

 

[spoiler=Elijah Diamond]

iU8EggM.png

Let's light it up, Igknights!

iU8EggM.png

Name: Elijah Diamond

Gender: Male

Age: 19

 

 
Personality Elijah, on the surface, is very quiet, easy to miss in a crowd. His eyes have a sleepy, low-lidded look to them. He's more often than not keeping to himself, not talking to anyone unless approached, focused on a book or his phone. He likes peace and quiet, preferring to take downtime as often as possible, with as little interpersonal contact as he can get away with. Naturally, if you do get him talking, he's friendly and has an awful lot to say, but represses it until someone asks for his opinion. He can be satirical and comedic at times, with a dark sense of humor, and often telling a mixture of low-brow and high-brow jokes. When he talks, he gestures sharply and often, as though trying to illustrate his dialogue for those who can't follow him, especially since he can talk very fast. In this way, he's like coin, passive until he's turned over, and then he's very active.
 
But this coin has a trick to it, wherein it is truly two coins held back-to back, hiding their worse sides with the better of the other. His passive, quiet attitude has it's dark side, wherein an emotionally abusive family raised him to believe that to show how he felt was weakness, taught him that he had to suppress his true self. This leads to a depressed mindset held barely in check, and any suspicion of it deflected with his witty, talkative socializing. Which also has a dark side: Anger. Elijah's grudges and frustrations run deep, and if you wrong him, it is hard for him to let it go, even if he claims to forgive and forget, he's only half-honest. If you get him well and truly angry, he can snap hard, making him a bit of a loose cannon at times, and his sharp wit becomes a slew of cutting insults and even violent actions. Dueling helps him to alleviate this anger a bit, so challenging him to a Duel is a good way to calm him down. In a Duel, this anger is channeled into a persona that he uses to entertain anyone on the sidelines, a charming anti-hero who wants to fix his city, and no cost is too high when you have nothing left to lose.
 
Deck Elijah uses the Igknights, and boy does he know how! Along with this fiery brigade of warriors, he carries immense Normal Monster Support, as well as generic Synchro, Xyz, and Fusions they can be used for! One of his favourite cards is Sword of the Soul-Eater, which he uses to obliterate his opponent's strognest monsters. Brute force is his favourite tactic, along with destruction and burn damage. Everything about his Deck is fiery, and I'm not one to say he isn't hot in a Duel himself.
 
Custom Cards N/A, for now. I will alert you if I feel the need to make anything up, especially considering his powers.
 
Biography Hey. I'm Elijah Diamond. My friends call me Eli, so you know... Don't call me that. Champion0 wanted to make my biography easier to write, so I guess it's an autobiography now? Whatever. Here's my story:
 
I was born in Hearthome, grew up as part of a big family. Eventually, after several years of changing custody, I found myself the middle child in a family of 15 kids, with two stepparents. TWO! How the hell does that happen? A lot of remarrying, I'll tell you that much. So anyways, I grew up pushed around by my big siblings and for some reason in charge of my younger ones, so a turbulent emotional state was NOT a blessing in my eyes, and whenever I got emotional, which was often, I was told by my parents to let things go, to pretend things didn't bother me, to fake it until I make it, etc... And for a while, I was the rock of the family. Being too old to spend my time with the little ones, too young to hang out with my older brothers, and too shy to reach out for friends, I decided I needed to earn respect. So I picked up Dueling, something the older kids did and the younger kids loved. I got good fast, beat my elders, entertained my little brothers and sisters with my 'knight in shining armor' persona, and became overall better at my acting. At pretending.
 
But you can only pretend for so long.
 
So when I got into the Junior ARC League, I found something incredible. During a Duel against one particularly snotty kid from some fancy Duel School, I snapped, utterly destroyed him in the Duel, and he actually got hurt in the process. While we were Dueling, I discovered my powers. I discovered that I, out of fifteen kids in my family, was a Psychic Duelist.
 
Now, it didn't work the way you'd expect it to. Rather, I spent so much time thinking about Dueling that my powers latched onto it, and subconsciously, I can manipulate the holographic technology that Dueling uses, at first messing with the terrain, choosing what Action Cards I got, etc. I resolved to use these powers for the greater good, even if my methods had to get a little.. harsh.
 
I earned some reputation after that, and my Dueling persona went anti-hero. It took a while, but eventually I became more cynical in my Duels, talking nonsense about wanting to change Hearthome for the better. I started wandering the streets, looking for a fight, and often getting them. I started getting mixed up with the wrong crowds, harassing the gangs, trying to pummel the hole I lived in into something worth living for. I'm still working on it today, and I know I can make this place something better than a den of scum and villainy. Somewhere deep inside, somehow... I'm going to change this place. No matter what it takes.
 
 
Misc. Information
Elijah loves candy. He'll go out of his way for good candy, even when there is absolutely no time or need for it, and he's never without something sweet to snack on.

 

 

[spoiler=review]First of all that image is Squall and that amuses me. I will say it’s usually good to have height/weight listed as well, just for reference. Not a big thing though.

 

I’m not a huge fan of “He’s quite but oh if you do talk to him he talks a lot” it feels sort of a cop-out. A way not to have to talk a lot but be able to talk as much as you feel like at the time. It’s sort of a lack of character to have someone do that. Not that it can’t happen it just doesn’t really do much for a character. The coin thing I understand but it can be really iffy to use it on a character. Often it feels more artificially conflicting than anything else.

The description of his humor seems really vague and uncertain. As in, it doesn’t really nail what he actually finds funny, nor does it say how much he jokes around.

And then it crumbles with a typical “repress emotions” thing. It’s all downhill from here honestly. Just sounds generic, and uninteresting, and so very basic. It’s like you just shoved a bunch of different emotional responses into a body and called it a character. That sounds harsh probably but basically what I mean is.....

He doesn’t have much that most don’t. He has humor he uses, he’s quite, he gets angry, yeah, that’s pretty typical of a person. The fact that it’s because of abuse/repressed emotions just is a kinda dull excuse for most characters. He doesn’t have anything to him, and feels hollow and forced.

 

First person Bio is new. The 4th wall breaking is awkward especially cause it sounds almost out of character the way it’s done.

Anyway to the actual Bio. It’s uh. Basically a cardboard cut out bio. It’s not terrible and does explain some of his attitude (though again his attitude is really conflicting and vague) but it also doesn’t really...do much. It just is there. It’s like a mixture of a regular life and an edgy backstory and is almost like it can’t decide what it actually is...much like the personality.

And it really doesn’t explain why he’s fighting against the bad guys at all either. That part sort of just...happens.

 

Idk, it does its job, it shows what the character is. But there’s no real substance here or direction. 60/100

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

ALRIGHT I'M BACK!

 

I modified Elijah Diamond! How much better/worse is this?

 

[spoiler=Elijah Diamond 2.0]
Name: Elijah Diamond
Gender: Male
Age: 19
 
 
Personality:
Elijah is a brotherly figure, someone everyone looks to for help, and only the foolish dare to test. He's a nice guy, brusque but not heartless, with a dark sense of humor but a bright, contagious smile. He loves to Duel, because that's when he shines brightest. He wants to win, but he wants to work for it. When he Duels, depending on which Extra Deck type he's using, he puts on a "stage persona".
 
No ED: Elijah's regular self, Just Dueling to have a good time.
 
Xyz: "The Anti-Hero," Elijah takes on an attitude not unlike that of our ZeXal-era villains, and leaves trauma and destruction in his wake.
 
Synchro: "The Rockstar," Elijah kind of emulates the personalities of the 5D's era, swaying the crowd with sheer Dueling might.
 
Fusion: "The Kid," Elijah acts all naive, talking about how he's playing to have fun, but in the end, he's still fighting to win.
 
All Types: Consider this Elijah's "Game Face". He mostly cuts the entertainment out and becomes a more precise version of his usual self, like a bonfire focused into a blowtorch-sized flame. This is the most popular personality among his fans.
 
Background:
Elijah grew up in a family of fifteen kids, and ended up being raised by his former stepdad and stepmom, after a freakishly complex divorce and no less than three marriages afterwards. He was the awkward middle child, too young to fit in with the older siblings, too old to play with the younger ones. So naturally, he took up Dueling. This turned out great, because with his penchant for acting and his wild imagination, he discovered that he was a smash hit. Enrolling in junior tournaments, he was thrilled to see all 14 brothers and sisters showing up to cheer him on, and worked up a bit of a fanbase in his neighborhood, on account of his glowing personality and ruthless determination.
 
Sadly, all good things must come to an end. Elijah moved out of the house early, promising his little siblings that they'd be watching him Duel in the big leagues someday soon. And so he set off to become a professional Duelist, ready to take the world by firestorm! He started with underground tournaments to build his skill, develop more ruthless tactics. He consulted with master Duelists on how to better his skills. He even sought out and Dueled people that had beaten him in the past, just to see his own improvements. Now, he's ready for the big leagues, and in his past few years, he's grown up quite handsome, and he knows it.
 
Deck: Igknight Deck. Interchangeable Extra Deck focus and LOTS of Normal Monster Support.
 
Misc:
He's fluent in Latin, and will kick your ass if you call it a dead language.
Elijah loves candy. He'll go out of his way for good candy, and you could probably bribe him with the stuff. His favourite kind of candy is licorice, but NO black licorice, ever!

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  • 2 weeks later...

OOC for ReReborn-
http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/357960-yu-gi-oh-rereborn-oocnot-startedaccepting/

 

Character-

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/357960-yu-gi-oh-rereborn-oocnot-startedaccepting/page-2?do=findComment&comment=6942851

 

This character is for Yugioh ReReborn (JamesMuddy's revived RP). Wasn't in the first one, but I'm looking to get fairly involved here, and I'm trying to make a character that can be competetive and interesting while also having the potential to have good growth over the course of the RP. ANy CnC you guys have is appreciated.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sorry for taking so long. Man I wish I had some people who also did this who are listed as reviewers.......
Anyway.

 

 

ALRIGHT I'M BACK!

 

I modified Elijah Diamond! How much better/worse is this?

 

[spoiler=Elijah Diamond 2.0]
Name: Elijah Diamond
Gender: Male
Age: 19
 
 
Personality:
Elijah is a brotherly figure, someone everyone looks to for help, and only the foolish dare to test. He's a nice guy, brusque but not heartless, with a dark sense of humor but a bright, contagious smile. He loves to Duel, because that's when he shines brightest. He wants to win, but he wants to work for it. When he Duels, depending on which Extra Deck type he's using, he puts on a "stage persona".
 
No ED: Elijah's regular self, Just Dueling to have a good time.
 
Xyz: "The Anti-Hero," Elijah takes on an attitude not unlike that of our ZeXal-era villains, and leaves trauma and destruction in his wake.
 
Synchro: "The Rockstar," Elijah kind of emulates the personalities of the 5D's era, swaying the crowd with sheer Dueling might.
 
Fusion: "The Kid," Elijah acts all naive, talking about how he's playing to have fun, but in the end, he's still fighting to win.
 
All Types: Consider this Elijah's "Game Face". He mostly cuts the entertainment out and becomes a more precise version of his usual self, like a bonfire focused into a blowtorch-sized flame. This is the most popular personality among his fans.
 
Background:
Elijah grew up in a family of fifteen kids, and ended up being raised by his former stepdad and stepmom, after a freakishly complex divorce and no less than three marriages afterwards. He was the awkward middle child, too young to fit in with the older siblings, too old to play with the younger ones. So naturally, he took up Dueling. This turned out great, because with his penchant for acting and his wild imagination, he discovered that he was a smash hit. Enrolling in junior tournaments, he was thrilled to see all 14 brothers and sisters showing up to cheer him on, and worked up a bit of a fanbase in his neighborhood, on account of his glowing personality and ruthless determination.
 
Sadly, all good things must come to an end. Elijah moved out of the house early, promising his little siblings that they'd be watching him Duel in the big leagues someday soon. And so he set off to become a professional Duelist, ready to take the world by firestorm! He started with underground tournaments to build his skill, develop more ruthless tactics. He consulted with master Duelists on how to better his skills. He even sought out and Dueled people that had beaten him in the past, just to see his own improvements. Now, he's ready for the big leagues, and in his past few years, he's grown up quite handsome, and he knows it.
 
Deck: Igknight Deck. Interchangeable Extra Deck focus and LOTS of Normal Monster Support.
 
Misc:
He's fluent in Latin, and will kick your ass if you call it a dead language.
Elijah loves candy. He'll go out of his way for good candy, and you could probably bribe him with the stuff. His favourite kind of candy is licorice, but NO black licorice, ever!

 

[spoiler=Review]Hello again Squall. Nice to see you, now, let’s see...
Hmm the first thing I have to say is it’d been nice to get more info on what makes him “brotherly” because there’s a few different ways that could go. See that dark humor but bright smile thing, that’s a good kind of contrast, I like that. It is very possible and highlights each other.
I would like to see some reason for the stage personas being different depending on deck. It’s a cool concept but it feels kinda odd he’d swap like that.
The XYZ one is kinda meh. Because, depending on how duels are set up, that seems quite dangerous to act that way. And since it’s just an act it kinda takes away from his kind nature. Maybe a better way of wording that would be in order?
Synchro one is pretty neat honestly.
The Fusion one (yes I get the pattern by now) seems to be fairly fun too.
So wait if he uses all of them he gets super serious? Interesting...
See okay so I do like this idea. It’s pretty neat, but, it needs to be explained a bit better as to why each type merits each personality. I know it’s cause of the eras of the show but that feels a weird reasoning for an actual character.
Though one issue I have is, outside of a duel, he doesn’t really have anything that interests me.

jfc 15 kids. Okay I have a few issues. One that’s ridiculous and seems way too convoluted without any real reasoning. Second you can NOT tell me with 15 kids that he’s too young or old for either side. Some of them had to be within a few years. Also, from experience, I have two siblings that are 8 years older than me and we hung out. Not to say it’s always the case but it is a bit of a stretch in this particular case.
And then the next part. I like the acting/dueling thing that’s cool but...”He started with underground tournaments to build his skill, develop more ruthless tactics. He consulted with master Duelists on how to better his skills” this kinda feels...Gary Stu. Like just happened to be able to get into underground tournaments and find master Duelists willing to give advice for no reason? idk seems weird.

So overall the personality is a lot better, less conflictions and such, but a little more depth would be good. The bio is kinda ridiculous though. I say it is an improvement though. 63/100

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

OOC for ReReborn-

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/357960-yu-gi-oh-rereborn-oocnot-startedaccepting/

 

Character-

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/357960-yu-gi-oh-rereborn-oocnot-startedaccepting/page-2?do=findComment&comment=6942851

 

This character is for Yugioh ReReborn (JamesMuddy's revived RP). Wasn't in the first one, but I'm looking to get fairly involved here, and I'm trying to make a character that can be competetive and interesting while also having the potential to have good growth over the course of the RP. ANy CnC you guys have is appreciated.

[spoiler=One month later.....]Not gonna lie her appearance is a little bit...special snowflake? However...it IS a YGO RP so that is actually fairly par for the course.

 

Anyway. It’s a bit odd to say she’s rough around the edges and follow it up with that she’s a go-getter. Those two things aren’t really related and can actually clash a little. It would have been good to explain HOW she’s rough around the edges.

I do like that you’re consistent with explaining her mentality of “dealing with the now and only focus on what matters for your goals”. This is an interesting character trait and one that works well.

Ah so this is the “rough around the edges” okay then.

It was great but then we hit a wall.

First. “She struggles a lot with confidence issues in anything outside dueling, feeling its all she's good for”. This is extremely over-used and, honestly, can be quite boring.

Second. “Those who get to know her quickly learn she's a kind-hearted girl “ I have come to hate the idea of “She seems like a jerk but is actually nice, honest, seriously”. It’s something I see all the time and it comes off as someone just not wanting their character to be thought of as unkind instead of being actually fitting for the character. It’s okay to not be nice. And if you’re gonna have her be “actually nice” then it’s better to give things she’s nice about than just an overall “trust me, she’s nice”.

Third. “ She isn't afraid to get into a tussle with someone, and has been in trouble several times for fighting, being in general a scrappy individual. She is very laid-back about things that don't involve dueling”. This kind of clashes. She is scrappy but laid-back unless it involves dueling. Does she pick fights about duels? Because then she’s not laid-back. I think this is probably mostly poor wording.

It felt you tried to cram too much into a small space. There were some solid choices but then they were weighed down by not so good choices.

 

I like the bio honestly. It’s simple and short but, given she’s just a regular person and a duelist, it makes sense to have it be fairly simple. It gives her a reason to act like she does, in regards to some of her personality, and gives her a possible avenue for growth (reconnecting with parents and such). No real issues I can see.

 

Can’t say much about the cards but the playstyle...It’s interesting. Goes with the goal-focused and driven personality.

 

Overall it’s a good character that suffers from lack of focus and some tired character traits. It’s not bad but it creeps close to the “I’ve seen this way too often” line. So I will say 72.5/100. Which is pretty darn good. Good work in proving that shorter characters can still be good.

 

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Freya is the main character of a story that i've been writing. I was going to put the story in the "Creative writing section" -and link it- but my chapter's aren't nearly long enough to be allowed.

 

 

*I already posted the character before relizing this... so hopefully this works out.*
Freya comes from a world of-as you can guess- dragons. Lot's of them.

A long time ago dragons where evil. then a group showed up with the power to take a dragon's power, and nearly wiped out the dragons.
That went as you might expect. Some dragon's where hatched by humanoids and became riders. Some used a shapeshifting spell to blend in with the humans, and create half dragons. Some dragons stayed hidden.

 

[spoiler=Name: Freya]
Age:16
Gender: FM

Race:1/2 Dragon
Appearance: About 5' tall with long Bright blue hair tied in a ponytail. She has a bandage covering her left eye to her right cheek and connecting through the middle.Her typical attire usually includes plain cotton pants and shirt as well as a leather apron when blacksmithing.

Personality: Freya is generally laid back and relaxed or at least as relaxed as you can be when your favorite hobby is sparring. She is a very forgiving person, and has a strong sense of duty to protect those who are weaker and to do what is right. She is both pacifist and warrior by nature, which can often cause internal conflict. Spare an enemy who has done horrible evil, or let them die? Even when she is forced to kill, she often choses to end as quickly as possible.

Most of the time Freya keeps her head down around people, not liking to have needless attention drawn to herself, but when her emotions get the badder of her she can become like a storm in a crowd of people

Biography: Freya was raised by both parents. A loving mom and a strict father. She lived a fairly normal childhood, learning blacksmiths and sword-wielding from her father and first aid from her mother. Her entire world was flipped upside down when she learned that her mother was a blue dragon-having taken on human form; while simultaneously watching her murder by her father.
[spoiler=Abilities:]
~Swordsmanship. Having learned, from her father, the skill to take down full adults even as a teen,
~Blacksmith- At a young age Freya worked as her fathers apprentice in his metalshop. leading her to pick it up as a trade.
~First aid and basic medical- do to injuries being a regular part of Freya's childhood, she quickly picked up first aid from her mother.
~DRAGON POWERS-Freya's dragon-blood gives her a variety of dragon powers. Including-
-Magic reserves-which nowhere near the magical power of a full dragon, Freya has magical reserves surpassing the average human.
-Scales/wings/claws-Her body can transform into a dragon form to utilize the physical attributes of a dragon.
Fire breath- kind of speaks for itself.

Dragon eyes-Can see in the dark and otherwise acts as protective safety gases.

No tangle hair- Freya's hair act's like water that can easily flow around whatever get's tangled in it.
Water and weather manipulation- Her mom was a water dragon, therefor water and the likes are included in her arsenal of magic powers


Miscellaneous: In the story Freya does not yet know about her dragon blood or powers. She has no control over her dragon powers-at current her dragon powers will only be used out of reflex or extreme emotion.
Freya is not yet able to forge a  battle ready sword. as such, she currently wields a wooden sword. The scar on her face was the result of practicing with her first attempt at a sword, which snapped in half a cut her.

 

 

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  • 1 month later...

So... leaving a couple chars here. The one I can improve on most will be the one that goes into RP Smash (once it starts accepting apps ofc). If there's no increase in difficulty between the two, then the one with the higher score will receive the honor of going in.

 

Ace: https://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/338175-undertakers-oocpg-16startednot-accepting/?p=6811135

Undertakers: https://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/338175-undertakers-oocpg-16startednot-accepting/

 

The other char I was debating running in Smash: https://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/304149-the-grand-crossover-rp-pathway-to-origin-ooc-pg-13startedapps-closed-for-arc-iv-final/?p=6234634

Respective RP that char was in: https://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/304149-the-grand-crossover-rp-pathway-to-origin-ooc-pg-13startedapps-closed-for-arc-iv-final/

 

...

 

Bear in mind that the one below was one I made like... literally 5 and a half years ago, so even with the improvement of quality it might've had in being introduced to the GCRP, there's still that notable difference said char and Ace. So... yeah. Let's slavedrive Cow a bit and make him review both, shall we? :]

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Freya is the main character of a story that i've been writing. I was going to put the story in the "Creative writing section" -and link it- but my chapter's aren't nearly long enough to be allowed.

 

 

*I already posted the character before relizing this... so hopefully this works out.*

Freya comes from a world of-as you can guess- dragons. Lot's of them.

A long time ago dragons where evil. then a group showed up with the power to take a dragon's power, and nearly wiped out the dragons.

That went as you might expect. Some dragon's where hatched by humanoids and became riders. Some used a shapeshifting spell to blend in with the humans, and create half dragons. Some dragons stayed hidden.

 

[spoiler=Name: Freya]

Age:16

Gender: FM

Race:1/2 Dragon

Appearance: About 5' tall with long Bright blue hair tied in a ponytail. She has a bandage covering her left eye to her right cheek and connecting through the middle.Her typical attire usually includes plain cotton pants and shirt as well as a leather apron when blacksmithing.

Personality: Freya is generally laid back and relaxed or at least as relaxed as you can be when your favorite hobby is sparring. She is a very forgiving person, and has a strong sense of duty to protect those who are weaker and to do what is right. She is both pacifist and warrior by nature, which can often cause internal conflict. Spare an enemy who has done horrible evil, or let them die? Even when she is forced to kill, she often choses to end as quickly as possible.

Most of the time Freya keeps her head down around people, not liking to have needless attention drawn to herself, but when her emotions get the badder of her she can become like a storm in a crowd of people

Biography: Freya was raised by both parents. A loving mom and a strict father. She lived a fairly normal childhood, learning blacksmiths and sword-wielding from her father and first aid from her mother. Her entire world was flipped upside down when she learned that her mother was a blue dragon-having taken on human form; while simultaneously watching her murder by her father.

[spoiler=Abilities:]

~Swordsmanship. Having learned, from her father, the skill to take down full adults even as a teen,

~Blacksmith- At a young age Freya worked as her fathers apprentice in his metalshop. leading her to pick it up as a trade.

~First aid and basic medical- do to injuries being a regular part of Freya's childhood, she quickly picked up first aid from her mother.

~DRAGON POWERS-Freya's dragon-blood gives her a variety of dragon powers. Including-

-Magic reserves-which nowhere near the magical power of a full dragon, Freya has magical reserves surpassing the average human.

-Scales/wings/claws-Her body can transform into a dragon form to utilize the physical attributes of a dragon.

Fire breath- kind of speaks for itself.

Dragon eyes-Can see in the dark and otherwise acts as protective safety gases.

No tangle hair- Freya's hair act's like water that can easily flow around whatever get's tangled in it.

Water and weather manipulation- Her mom was a water dragon, therefor water and the likes are included in her arsenal of magic powers

 

Miscellaneous: In the story Freya does not yet know about her dragon blood or powers. She has no control over her dragon powers-at current her dragon powers will only be used out of reflex or extreme emotion.

Freya is not yet able to forge a  battle ready sword. as such, she currently wields a wooden sword. The scar on her face was the result of practicing with her first attempt at a sword, which snapped in half a cut her.

 

 

[spoiler=Review]She is super short first of all. Like surprisingly so for a half-dragon especially. Also what's with the bandage? That seems like an odd thing to have all the time without any given reason. Just a bit of oddness.

 

Honestly the personality is a complete mess. It's kinda dull but the worst part of it is...well, it's literally just contradictions. Every line is "She's this but also this opposite thing".

 

...And the bio is maybe the most typical I've seen. Sorry I can't find a whole lot to say about this ^^;

 

The abilities are just kind of a cluster of "This is a hero" abilities and a very confusing fire breath from a water dragon.

 

Honestly there's not much to say here so all I can say is she's kinda typical and conflicting and that's it. :T I suppose she'd be fine as a non-main character in an RPG but other than that, idk what to say... 52/100.

 

I feel like a jerk :P I will say the story idea could be fun with some polish and expansion.

 

I'll try and edit/post at least one of Stalfos's a bit later.

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So... leaving a couple chars here. The one I can improve on most will be the one that goes into RP Smash (once it starts accepting apps ofc). If there's no increase in difficulty between the two, then the one with the higher score will receive the honor of going in.

 

Ace: https://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/338175-undertakers-oocpg-16startednot-accepting/?p=6811135

Undertakers: https://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/338175-undertakers-oocpg-16startednot-accepting/

 

The other char I was debating running in Smash: https://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/304149-the-grand-crossover-rp-pathway-to-origin-ooc-pg-13startedapps-closed-for-arc-iv-final/?p=6234634

Respective RP that char was in: https://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/304149-the-grand-crossover-rp-pathway-to-origin-ooc-pg-13startedapps-closed-for-arc-iv-final/

 

...

 

Bear in mind that the one below was one I made like... literally 5 and a half years ago, so even with the improvement of quality it might've had in being introduced to the GCRP, there's still that notable difference said char and Ace. So... yeah. Let's slavedrive Cow a bit and make him review both, shall we? :]

[spoiler=Ace Review]I am gonna take this chance to mention something, Stalfos. You overuse italics sometimes for quotes XD

Anyway.

 

First of all how dare you have an elf image without showing the ears smh.

 

The “says what’s on her mind but also silent treatment” thing was almost an issue until you saved it with “wears her emotions all over her face”. Honestly I like this character because, if done well, the kind of emotional and rude character can be really fun. Granted it’s also very possible for them to just come off as annoying rather than fun.

Though I do think you focused a bit too much on the silent treatment thing. The idea she’s silent more often now because of what was going on is fairly interesting.

I like that she’s so determined but it would be nice to have a reason for WHY other than for the typical “I don’t want a character that’s TOTALLY bad”. (As in one that adds a throwaway “They’re totally not a bad person” line just to cover for the negative traits.) It’s not the worst thing but it can be a bit of a red flag.

 

Bio confused me until I realized you were using the IRL name. I like that the diving into the class suits her personality but I do think you spent a bit much time explaining why she took the class. It’s kind of interesting to see that she spent so long figuring out what she wanted...but that doesn’t really tell much much of her life.

It’s somewhat of a basic bio but also one that doesn’t...tell much much. Not actually. It only covers the game and also doesn’t say much about even that. Just some specific things.

 

Can’t say  much about the combat style besides “Oh okay then.” Doesn’t tell me much beyond that she likes to shoot things XD

(for the record if she were in Smash they’d have to not poison cause that’d be ridiculous)

 

The real world image makes me uncomfortable on so many levels so I’ll ignore it.

 

Overall she’s a potentially fun, if not complex, character that might need a bit more touch up to not have any vague and seemingly tacked on attributes. I don’t really know anything about her history though and that kind of hurts the app.

But overall it’s a good example of how simple can be good. I’d say 73/100. Given a decent bio probably would bump her to the 75 mark at least.

 

 

[spoiler=Sarah Review]Oh goodness this is strange to read.

Also typos “suggesting an athletic yet build”

 

Oh god color changing eyes. I am sure there’s better reasoning but the way this was written totally screamed “special snowflake” not gonna lie.

Why does a golem have a bust?

 

I’m unsure what “turned sorceress” means because I didn’t realize that was...a race? Anyway, the bio screams cliche in the extreme. It has

>Demon/monster/evil doer attacking town

>Parental figure dying to fight it off

>Evil thing curses the child

>Child kills other parental figure and thus learns/tries to repress her powers.

It’s been done a lot and, while it works, it’s really dull and, by itself, not enough to get interested in a character.

The other half of the bio is just kind of messy and doesn’t really show much except that she decided to use her powers to fight something and that it all just sort of worked out for her. And then she was poisoned but then not but a magic voice told her stuff? It’s all very confusing and jarring.

 

Alcoholic was a surprise, don’t see that often around these parts. It’s good she has a reason for it, despite it being a cliche reason. (I’ve used the reason myself before so here’s a tip. Add even something small different. For instance for mine I had them WILLINGLY kill their parents then later regret it.). Most of this personality seems to be “She feels guilty and to blame about everything” which really isn’t enough to get a good idea of what she’s like. Basically all we’ve got is angry, guilty, alcoholic.

 

The abilities are basic but they work...and then telekinesis for no reason it seems. That was odd.

 

Honestly I don’t like this one much. There’s not much to her and she’s very cliche. I don’t feel interested in her. She’s got the basics but I don’t care to see more. Plus the way it was written makes it even more confusing.... 59/100. You’ve improved a lot since then :P

 

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