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[Original Work] :Alive: Book 1: The Southern Suffering [Rated M | 18+]

Violence Language Some Sexual Content Fiction

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#61
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I don't know if I was just in the groove for 24 or what, but this chapter has got to be the one I've completed the quickest.  Keeping that in mind, I want to remind my audience that this is not a final product.  I will be refining and editing :Alive: after it is completed.  There won't be many major changes, but I will be taking a lot of time to touch up and clean up each individual chapter of the story.  I've actually already done so with the first one or two chapters.

 

Anywho, Chapter 24 is completed!  I'm excited to start 25 and conclude Dirge's tale, and see just what becomes of Amaris.

 

EDIT:  Hey, look!  It's page four!


Edited by Hi I'm Dad, 03 July 2017 - 11:11 PM.


#62
Chaos Sonic

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Well...finally finished that chapter I see...hehehehehehe

 

Chapter 24: With Great Power...

Dude...the moment things were happening in the last chapter, I was pumped for this one...and you, yet again, DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!

 

Firstly, the name of the chapter. I'm a huge Spider-Man fan and this just tickled my fancy that you would choose this as the title of the 24th chapter. Kudos to you on that. Next...oh man oh man oh man!! The chase you had was amazing! Once more, you utilize the moveset I gave Amaris to a level I never once thought. Gekko, I originally planned for a healing move, but you used it in the manner of attack as well! It's a thought that never once crossed my mind even in the slightest!

 

But you know the main thing that I had been waiting for in this chapter. And this part gave me the chills reading it. This was an amazing end to a chapter...and I'm glad to have even helped you out with that small flashback regarding the time period/timeframe of Amaris unlocking his Fayth. And I know I've said it before...but I'll continue to say it: You've taken what I had on Amaris and directed him in a direction that is fantastic. You have made me proud, as the creator of Amaris Ishida. I get to see Amaris grow into such the character...

 

And next chapter...it finally begins...


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#63
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Well...finally finished that chapter I see...hehehehehehe

 

Chapter 24: With Great Power...

Dude...the moment things were happening in the last chapter, I was pumped for this one...and you, yet again, DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!

 

Firstly, the name of the chapter. I'm a huge Spider-Man fan and this just tickled my fancy that you would choose this as the title of the 24th chapter. Kudos to you on that. Next...oh man oh man oh man!! The chase you had was amazing! Once more, you utilize the moveset I gave Amaris to a level I never once thought. Gekko, I originally planned for a healing move, but you used it in the manner of attack as well! It's a thought that never once crossed my mind even in the slightest!

 

But you know the main thing that I had been waiting for in this chapter. And this part gave me the chills reading it. This was an amazing end to a chapter...and I'm glad to have even helped you out with that small flashback regarding the time period/timeframe of Amaris unlocking his Fayth. And I know I've said it before...but I'll continue to say it: You've taken what I had on Amaris and directed him in a direction that is fantastic. You have made me proud, as the creator of Amaris Ishida. I get to see Amaris grow into such the character...

 

And next chapter...it finally begins...

 

It's your continued dedication to this story that really pleases me.  And I appreciate your viewership.  I know I say it a lot, but I'm truly grateful to have you as a part of the team that put :Alive: together.  Sincerely, thank you.

 

And now, Chapter 25!

 

Chapter 25:  The Dark Side of the Moon

Edited by Hi I'm Dad, 19 July 2017 - 07:50 PM.


#64
Chaos Sonic

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Here we go...my thoughts after the chapter....

 

Chapter 25: The Dark Side of the Moon

[INTERNAL SCREAMS OF JOY INTENSIFY!!!!!!!]

 

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Dad you amazing, AMAZING person you!!! This chapter...it's what I've been waiting for since the beginning of you introducing this Broken Fayth concept! And my GOD, did you deliver! You painted the appearance of Amaris' new form in such a way I was impressed with GREATLY! The design you worked with the weapon, of course after we talked, was put into an amazing work. It's showing how well that Amaris' bonds with his friends right now has grown exponentially! Not only that, the use of a new weapon is the best! Kusarigama for the win man!! ;D

 

The fight between the Survivors and Dirge was fantastic. And at the end, hehehe, I found that reference to a certain bug-based Disney villain most impressive XD Also, Yuel's little conversation with Amaris is interesting to me. Mainly the emphasis on "Thank you". I may be looking too hard into it...but still...

 

Also, the end of the chapter is making me even more interested. I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens next with HIM if he's in the next chapter!

 

At the end of it...this chapter exceeded my expectations for Amaris! So much so that I now need a full PM of his new abilities you've given him just so I can update him with them in the Shonen Corner just for the hell of it!!! :D


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#65
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Here we go...my thoughts after the chapter....

 

Chapter 25: The Dark Side of the Moon

[INTERNAL SCREAMS OF JOY INTENSIFY!!!!!!!]

 

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Dad you amazing, AMAZING person you!!! This chapter...it's what I've been waiting for since the beginning of you introducing this Broken Fayth concept! And my GOD, did you deliver! You painted the appearance of Amaris' new form in such a way I was impressed with GREATLY! The design you worked with the weapon, of course after we talked, was put into an amazing work. It's showing how well that Amaris' bonds with his friends right now has grown exponentially! Not only that, the use of a new weapon is the best! Kusarigama for the win man!! ;D

 

The fight between the Survivors and Dirge was fantastic. And at the end, hehehe, I found that reference to a certain bug-based Disney villain most impressive XD Also, Yuel's little conversation with Amaris is interesting to me. Mainly the emphasis on "Thank you". I may be looking too hard into it...but still...

 

Also, the end of the chapter is making me even more interested. I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens next with HIM if he's in the next chapter!

 

At the end of it...this chapter exceeded my expectations for Amaris! So much so that I now need a full PM of his new abilities you've given him just so I can update him with them in the Shonen Corner just for the hell of it!!! :D

 

I would be happy to give you that list.  I'll send you a PM probably tomorrow sometime and give you the full breakdown.  As always, thank you for your feedback.  It means a lot.



#66
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Chapter 26:  Breathless

Edited by Hi I'm Dad, 19 August 2017 - 11:35 PM.


#67
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I'm not completely satisfied with 26.  It feels lackluster, but it was supposed to be that rest moment the survivors needed.  To air out what had happened with Dirge, to begin the process of the dramatic climax.  But I failed to do that.  Chapter 27 however, I feel, should better bring things back on track.

 

I also feel like I've strayed too far away from keeping the survivors fighting even standard Majin.  It's been boss fight after boss fight.  They have much more to offer and I intend to bring back that feeling in Chapter 27.

 

Chapter 27:  In Time, with All Things

Edited by Hi I'm Dad, 06 September 2017 - 09:32 AM.


#68
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Chapter 28:  Days

 

Thank you all for your love and continued support.


Edited by Hi I'm Dad, 26 September 2017 - 10:41 AM.


#69
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Chapter 29:  Calamity

Edited by Hi I'm Dad, 23 November 2017 - 01:57 AM.


#70
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This would make an awesome Marvel comic or manga. The plot, characters, and events would translate very well to a graphic novel. Sadly, someone like a New York Times journalist would snobbishly turn up their nose at the idea of Majin human eaters and magical weapon-wielders. I know those guys would never touch my work with a 40 foot pole. 

 

I liked Jared best as he is only a 19 year old kid, probably just graduated from high school, and now he has to grow up by facing an apocalypse instead of going to college. He's a relatively ordinary guy put in an impossible situation - so are the other characters really, but he really embodies the idea - but he survives and his latent intelligence and skills emerge through all his trials.  


I also liked how the setting was in New Orleans. I lived there for 8 years, so the story conjured up very real visuals for me.


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#71
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This would make an awesome Marvel comic or manga. The plot, characters, and events would translate very well to a graphic novel. Sadly, someone like a New York Times journalist would snobbishly turn up their nose at the idea of Majin human eaters and magical weapon-wielders. I know those guys would never touch my work with a 40 foot pole. 

 

I liked Jared best as he is only a 19 year old kid, probably just graduated from high school, and now he has to grow up by facing an apocalypse instead of going to college. He's a relatively ordinary guy put in an impossible situation - so are the other characters really, but he really embodies the idea - but he survives and his latent intelligence and skills emerge through all his trials.  


I also liked how the setting was in New Orleans. I lived there for 8 years, so the story conjured up very real visuals for me.

 

I'm a local New Orleanean and have been all my life.  I changed a few things about the layout of the city (especially closer to Slidell and where Six Flags used to be).  But I really appreciate your feedback.  A fresh reader is always welcome, and thank you for your support.



#72
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Chapter 30:  Dying to Live

Edited by Hi I'm Dad, 24 December 2017 - 10:32 PM.


#73
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Chapter 30:  Dying to Live

 

TBC'd.

 

This chapter looks a little shorter than the others...



#74
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This chapter looks a little shorter than the others...


You should read the rest of the page.


#75
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Chapter 31:  Force of Will

Edited by Dad, 16 February 2018 - 08:18 PM.


#76
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Looks like our characters reached the dark night of the soul as it were. I'm eager to see how they get out of this mess. How can they defeat creatures as powerful as the Majins? 


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#77
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Chapter 32: Life and Rebirth

Edited by Dad, 19 June 2018 - 09:40 PM.


#78
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Chapter 33: The Ends Justify the Means

Edited by Dad, 06 August 2018 - 12:04 PM.


#79
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Chapter 34: Family Reunion

 

TBC'd.


Edited by Dad, Yesterday, 10:36 AM.





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