Monkey obviously goes for sci-fi, Take One
Reviewing will come in later because ZZZZZZZZZ
The Portal track you chose really fits well with the nature of the story. By itself the track is already quite suitable with how ominous and thrilling it sounds but when you consider the game it came from and the realization Trret'nar had at the end, I don't know, it feels like it fits well.
Story itself is short and bitter and simple(not very sweet though), doesn't take very long to get to the point. You may or may not find this to be a strong point in the writing but for me, I like that after reading it I don't feel like reading more of this. It doesn't need a continuation or a few extra pages, it's perfect as a standalone, it got its point of portraying an alien's point of view as it's hunted by a seemingly inferior civilzation(humans). I don't want to know more about the universe in the story more than what was already presented in the text. It's perfect for a short story. Sometimes I read short stories and feel they're not suited for the length, like they could've been longer, they should've been longer, and I absolutely dislike that feeling. Perhaps your stance on short stories is that they should make the reader want to read more than what was written but for me I like that this doesn't.
I suppose this is more of a nitpick but I feel that you shouldn't have had Trret'nar speak a line at all. It makes him seem more human when he's not and naturally he wasn't actually speaking English, was he? The narration conveys his thoughts and feelings well enough that translating his one line “Stop, I’m begging you!” felt needless and makes him less alien. I sympathized for him plenty without that line, and it would make him more 'alien' if he never had a proper line to speak, perhaps. One more thing is that you stated him to be 'mourning' at the very beginning of the story. It's a very human emotion and while I'm by no means suggesting aliens(your version of it at least) don't feel emotions but I wished you didn't quite so outright state it. It's the sort of thing I feel adding in a few extra lines to convey it in a more subtle way would be fine. It sounds like nitpicking to me as well but I can't think of anything else to mention and it'd probably feel better to get even a slightly longer review even if it doesn't say much.
I don't know how to google doc
Words: 1690. Three and a half pages on OpenOffice.
It's hard to explain things without explaining things. Also it's hard to write good. Oops.
somehow there's only a tumblr post for the song I chose. not on youtube????
Thanks for the review! I didn't get a quote notification so I had no idea when you added that into your other post(first time I checked the review wasn't there) so maybe this is a little late in return but, yeah, here goes.
I suppose the most interesting thing about yours is that it kept itself relatively exciting without ever showing the battle. It's just a couple of instructors or military people commentating on the match, it allows the characters to spout a decent amount of exposition without relying on the narration and that's great. You also have very decent prose, although it's quite noticeable. I'm not sure how to say it but say, the second line in the first paragraph, it has a very pleasant flow to it but you notice that as you read. In comparison, Mugen's story I didn't pay too much to the prose(one or two choice of words aside) and sometimes one works better than the other. Your story in particular wasn't too serious so I don't think the style was out of place but it did stand out. That aside, the ending segment really nailed it btw.
I suppose as a weakness, the story lacks character. It also lacks actual characters(heh). I get that it's a short story and short stories focus on the idea more than the characterization and hell I'm guilty of the same thing but the commentators aren't very notable. And there's really no one else but those guys. There's the MIW and the CAN and I suppose they are the closest to being actual characters in the story, and the MIW's actually characterized quite well for a battleship institute(We get the idea that their leader's pretty reckless and thinks outside the box) but we don't actually see tihs, we only hear people talking about it. In the end it's a short story about a number of spectators commenting on something and while you did a decent job making it exciting, I dare say it's not enough.
On a more minor note the very first sentence had me reread it a couple times. Thought it referred to a team called Orchestrator(I am more fond of that than 'Orchestrater', it feels better imo) at first.
Soundtrack choice, it's a battleship yamato OST so you wrote a story about battleships. Solid choice but I don't have much to say.
As you all can tell I don't think too much about what I type in when I review stuff, don't take it too seriously I guess.