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#41
Hachimitcher-Lemon

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Monkey obviously goes for sci-fi, Take One
 
Reviewing will come in later because ZZZZZZZZZ

The Portal track you chose really fits well with the nature of the story. By itself the track is already quite suitable with how ominous and thrilling it sounds but when you consider the game it came from and the realization Trret'nar had at the end, I don't know, it feels like it fits well.
 
Story itself is short and bitter and simple(not very sweet though), doesn't take very long to get to the point. You may or may not find this to be a strong point in the writing but for me, I like that after reading it I don't feel like reading more of this. It doesn't need a continuation or a few extra pages, it's perfect as a standalone, it got its point of portraying an alien's point of view as it's hunted by a seemingly inferior civilzation(humans). I don't want to know more about the universe in the story more than what was already presented in the text. It's perfect for a short story. Sometimes I read short stories and feel they're not suited for the length, like they could've been longer, they should've been longer, and I absolutely dislike that feeling. Perhaps your stance on short stories is that they should make the reader want to read more than what was written but for me I like that this doesn't. 
 
I suppose this is more of a nitpick but I feel that you shouldn't have had Trret'nar speak a line at all. It makes him seem more human when he's not and naturally he wasn't actually speaking English, was he? The narration conveys his thoughts and feelings well enough that translating his one line “Stop, I’m begging you!” felt needless and makes him less alien. I sympathized for him plenty without that line, and it would make him more 'alien' if he never had a proper line to speak, perhaps. One more thing is that you stated him to be 'mourning' at the very beginning of the story. It's a very human emotion and while I'm by no means suggesting aliens(your version of it at least) don't feel emotions but I wished you didn't quite so outright state it. It's the sort of thing I feel adding in a few extra lines to convey it in a more subtle way would be fine. It sounds like nitpicking to me as well but I can't think of anything else to mention and it'd probably feel better to get even a slightly longer review even if it doesn't say much.
 

https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing
 
I don't know how to google doc
 
Words: 1690. Three and a half pages on OpenOffice.
 
It's hard to explain things without explaining things. Also it's hard to write good. Oops.
 
somehow there's only a tumblr post for the song I chose. not on youtube????

Thanks for the review! I didn't get a quote notification so I had no idea when you added that into your other post(first time I checked the review wasn't there) so maybe this is a little late in return but, yeah, here goes.
 
I suppose the most interesting thing about yours is that it kept itself relatively exciting without ever showing the battle. It's just a couple of instructors or military people commentating on the match, it allows the characters to spout a decent amount of exposition without relying on the narration and that's great. You also have very decent prose, although it's quite noticeable. I'm not sure how to say it but say, the second line in the first paragraph, it has a very pleasant flow to it but you notice that as you read. In comparison, Mugen's story I didn't pay too much to the prose(one or two choice of words aside) and sometimes one works better than the other. Your story in particular wasn't too serious so I don't think the style was out of place but it did stand out. That aside, the ending segment really nailed it btw.
 
I suppose as a weakness, the story lacks character. It also lacks actual characters(heh). I get that it's a short story and short stories focus on the idea more than the characterization and hell I'm guilty of the same thing but the commentators aren't very notable. And there's really no one else but those guys. There's the MIW and the CAN and I suppose they are the closest to being actual characters in the story, and the MIW's actually characterized quite well for a battleship institute(We get the idea that their leader's pretty reckless and thinks outside the box) but we don't actually see tihs, we only hear people talking about it. In the end it's a short story about a number of spectators commenting on something and while you did a decent job making it exciting, I dare say it's not enough.
 
On a more minor note the very first sentence had me reread it a couple times. Thought it referred to a team called Orchestrator(I am more fond of that than 'Orchestrater', it feels better imo) at first.
 
Soundtrack choice, it's a battleship yamato OST so you wrote a story about battleships. Solid choice but I don't have much to say.

 

As you all can tell I don't think too much about what I type in when I review stuff, don't take it too seriously I guess.


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#42
Night

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I don't know how you kids can crank out 1500+ words out of your assholes like it's nothing, meanwhile I'm sitting here with 300 words after two hours of brainstorming and writing. Maybe I'm just taking this shit too seriously, but I've never been one to half-ass anything.  



#43
VCR_CAT

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What I would like to be called: Video Cassette Recorder _ Computer Assisted Technology

Primary Interests: Sci-Fi; but I've found myself more and more interested in stories that are more grounded in reality; modern day stuff with as few twists as possible.

What Like Most Writing About: Telling great stories is awesome, but I really like that behind those stories there's a message and feels that the writer has buried beneath the text in the dark tunnels of the Subtext; even better when these messages and feels are meant to impact people in meaningful ways.


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#44
Makο

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I don't know how you kids can crank out 1500+ words out of your a******s like it's nothing, meanwhile I'm sitting here with 300 words after two hours of brainstorming and writing. Maybe I'm just taking this s*** too seriously, but I've never been one to half-ass anything.  

It's less about half-assing, and more about writing without fear of consequence, as I've come to realize. At least, about myself. Like, I'll come up with an idea, and rather than pouring over every fine detail, or wondering what others may interpret my work as, or fearing critical reception, I just write and write and write until an ending appears. I worry about everything else after the fact.

 

...It's also a bit of half-assing. Maybe.


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#45
Thar

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I don't know how you kids can crank out 1500+ words out of your assholes like it's nothing, meanwhile I'm sitting here with 300 words after two hours of brainstorming and writing. Maybe I'm just taking this shit too seriously, but I've never been one to half-ass anything.  

 

It's a lot easier than it looks. As long as you know how to describe something in detail and sequence, writing it is all a matter of getting a flow going. You should never brainstorm in the middle of writing, cause it ruins the flow. Just keep writing and make shit up if you have to, then read it back and make changes if necessary.


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#46
Hachimitcher-Lemon

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Oh hey I remember when something like this was a thing and then died.


BOYS, BE AMBITIOUS!



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#47
God Emperor Cow

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Alright I was debating if to post this and how to phrase it and where. Decided to post, wing it, and here.

 

Okay so basically I'm trying to decide what I want to write. I'm trying to start fresh with a story, and try to take my time to make sure it's good, while still doing my usual writing style of not over-planning and seeing where the story takes me.

But I don't know what to do.

It would be fantasy, of some kind. I can't do technobabble to save my life and anything else doesn't feel right. It might be serious, it might not.

I need to figure out where to set it.

 

As of now I have several worlds. There's one that includes my main countries, Celta and Tevinus.

Celta is a land ruled by a line of Emperors who have total power, many lords, and is really bad at keeping his people safe but really good at keeping the country running just well enough for him to live well.

Tevinus is a land where magic is king, the Council governs over them and your status is determined by your magical ability.

 

Then there's IFNH, which some of you know of. A land of craziness and randomness filled with hundreds of races, and the main city, Centra City, is practically a country of its own.

 

And my most recent one, Plessia , which is a darker fantasy realm tied to a world similar to Earth. They don't know of each other but are connected. I don't have a ton of info about it but some can be found in my "Make a Character" thread in Misc.

 

And I could do a totally different setting, idk.

 

I have a story for Tevinus which the first novel is complete of. I have a massive amount of story/history/characters for Celta, where I don't even know where to start.

For IFNH I got a story on-going which is at about 50,000 words

For Plessia I have a first person experiment ongoing where atm I'm drawing a blank.

 

I could continue these stories but it doesn't feel right at this moment.

So basically I'm trying to figure out what I want to do now. All I know is I want a story to focus on...And I guess I'm posting here to get this said and see if anyone here has anything to help point me in a direction.


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#48
Raine

Raine

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Alright I was debating if to post this and how to phrase it and where. Decided to post, wing it, and here.

 

Okay so basically I'm trying to decide what I want to write. I'm trying to start fresh with a story, and try to take my time to make sure it's good, while still doing my usual writing style of not over-planning and seeing where the story takes me.

But I don't know what to do.

It would be fantasy, of some kind. I can't do technobabble to save my life and anything else doesn't feel right. It might be serious, it might not.

I need to figure out where to set it.

 

As of now I have several worlds. There's one that includes my main countries, Celta and Tevinus.

Celta is a land ruled by a line of Emperors who have total power, many lords, and is really bad at keeping his people safe but really good at keeping the country running just well enough for him to live well.

Tevinus is a land where magic is king, the Council governs over them and your status is determined by your magical ability.

 

Then there's IFNH, which some of you know of. A land of craziness and randomness filled with hundreds of races, and the main city, Centra City, is practically a country of its own.

 

And my most recent one, Plessia , which is a darker fantasy realm tied to a world similar to Earth. They don't know of each other but are connected. I don't have a ton of info about it but some can be found in my "Make a Character" thread in Misc.

 

And I could do a totally different setting, idk.

 

I have a story for Tevinus which the first novel is complete of. I have a massive amount of story/history/characters for Celta, where I don't even know where to start.

For IFNH I got a story on-going which is at about 50,000 words

For Plessia I have a first person experiment ongoing where atm I'm drawing a blank.

 

I could continue these stories but it doesn't feel right at this moment.

So basically I'm trying to figure out what I want to do now. All I know is I want a story to focus on...And I guess I'm posting here to get this said and see if anyone here has anything to help point me in a direction.

 

I'm sure you have a lot in your head, but as of what I've read. You've convince me of nothing, I am entirely unconvinced that your story is worth reading or has any quality to it. What are you trying to make? Are you just wanting to mass produce some fantasy line? What makes your story worth writing down? Why should I care? You didn't type much and I know you have more, but again, if you're going to lay down some plot for us to talk about, I couldn't give two shits about what you name your country or what type or Roman/Feudalism spin off you used.

 

Give me the reason why I'd reading your story, why is it important to you and who the characters I'm supposed to care about are? Everyone can world build a fake textbook if they try but if you're going to give so little information give us something to at least look at and say, "Yeah, I'd like to know more about that" or "That's be interesting."

 

 

 

Oh hey I remember when something like this was a thing and then died.

 

 

Since my friend passed away close to two weeks ago, I've been depressed and avoiding spending time forcing myself into labor I didn't have to. I've been feeling better, I'll see if I can get some reviews done.


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#49
God Emperor Cow

God Emperor Cow

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I'm sure you have a lot in your head, but as of what I've read. You've convince me of nothing, I am entirely unconvinced that your story is worth reading or has any quality to it. What are you trying to make? Are you just wanting to mass produce some fantasy line? What makes your story worth writing down? Why should I care? You didn't type much and I know you have more, but again, if you're going to lay down some plot for us to talk about, I couldn't give two shits about what you name your country or what type or Roman/Feudalism spin off you used.

 

Give me the reason why I'd reading your story, why is it important to you and who the characters I'm supposed to care about are? Everyone can world build a fake textbook if they try but if you're going to give so little information give us something to at least look at and say, "Yeah, I'd like to know more about that" or "That's be interesting."

...Iiiii wasn't trying to convince you of anything? Not gonna lie almost closed out of tab because it sounds like you didn't understand anything I said.

And the rest of your post makes me realize I shouldn't have bothered. I didn't say anything about my words trying to get you interested, or anything like that. It wasn't intended to give a run down about what it all was about, it was to get advice on how to decide on what kind of story I want to write.

But clearly I made a mistake in asking here, thanks for showing me that much.

I don't think I want to bother with this Club right now, remove me from the member list.

 

And yes, I'm perfectly capable of handling criticism. But There when there's nothing given to critique and it's not asked for, it's just being an ass.


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#50
Raine

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...Iiiii wasn't trying to convince you of anything? Not gonna lie almost closed out of tab because it sounds like you didn't understand anything I said.

And the rest of your post makes me realize I shouldn't have bothered. I didn't say anything about my words trying to get you interested, or anything like that. It wasn't intended to give a run down about what it all was about, it was to get advice on how to decide on what kind of story I want to write.

But clearly I made a mistake in asking here, thanks for showing me that much.

I don't think I want to bother with this Club right now, remove me from the member list.

 

And yes, I'm perfectly capable of handling criticism. But There when there's nothing given to critique and it's not asked for, it's just being an ass.

 

Yo, Cow. I'm not attacking you, I'm not even saying you were wrong to post that here, if fact I was glad you did. What I was saying is that, when you write a story, it's the story we should be interested in. The world is a function of that, you typed out names, and facts, and vague ideas for the world. But I was trying to force out of you, that I wanted to know about what you were trying to communicate rather than what you built in your head for the sake of itself. I was really not trying to be an ass, I'm harsh because I am but I never intended to insult or offend you. The kind of story you want to write is something you should be inspired on, it's never  a task, so I was trying to draw from you the story YOU wanted to draw from it rather than trying to force you to write one not of your own inspiration. I'm truly sorry if it came off that bad, it was never my intent.


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#51
Thar

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I guess I'll take this time to officially say I'm pulling out of this prompt cause it is just too vague for me. There are just too many songs that sprout too many story ideas. I'll try to read through others' stories and give my two cents, but until a narrower prompt is given, I won't be writing anything cause I work a lot better with those.


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#52
God Emperor Cow

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Yo, Cow. I'm not attacking you, I'm not even saying you were wrong to post that here, if fact I was glad you did. What I was saying is that, when you write a story, it's the story we should be interested in. The world is a function of that, you typed out names, and facts, and vague ideas for the world. But I was trying to force out of you, that I wanted to know about what you were trying to communicate rather than what you built in your head for the sake of itself. I was really not trying to be an ass, I'm harsh because I am but I never intended to insult or offend you. The kind of story you want to write is something you should be inspired on, it's never  a task, so I was trying to draw from you the story YOU wanted to draw from it rather than trying to force you to write one not of your own inspiration. I'm truly sorry if it came off that bad, it was never my intent.

It's okay I overreacted. Which is why I left till now. And the reason I put the worlds down there was to give what little info of the past stuff done, and try and get a place to start.

I'm not sure what the story I want to create is. I mostly want to write interesting characters, dialogue, and fights. And I need a story and setting to do that successfully. Just I'm unsure what kind of story, what kind of setting.

When i write I just do. So it's hard for me to decide on a starting point.


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#53
Mugendramon

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I guess I'll take this time to officially say I'm pulling out of this prompt cause it is just too vague for me. There are just too many songs that sprout too many story ideas. I'll try to read through others' stories and give my two cents, but until a narrower prompt is given, I won't be writing anything cause I work a lot better with those.

 

How bout we pick your song for you, if you just can't decide which one of your stories to follow?


When you let Arm mess with a gif...
rekt
Workin like clockwork

Ptolemaios gdi

WaAaAlL-eEe

53384Mugen.jpg

-As made by Arm.


Concerning Digimon .tri

I believe the release dates are: November 2015, February 31st 2068, Fuck You, and We Forgot to Make It.


#54
Hachimitcher-Lemon

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I guess I'll take this time to officially say I'm pulling out of this prompt cause it is just too vague for me. There are just too many songs that sprout too many story ideas. I'll try to read through others' stories and give my two cents, but until a narrower prompt is given, I won't be writing anything cause I work a lot better with those.

This was my problem until the last two days of the due date as well, then I decided to screw it and stick with a song and not think too much and write whatever images come to my head. When I started thinking about what story ideas to go with which songs I couldn't get anywhere. Honestly I agree it's too open of a prompt but it's not impossible. Pick a song, write something, if you're bored with the song or with what you're writing, pick a new song and start writing a new story. You'll get there eventually. I went through five songs and five unfinished pieces until I got to the current one.

Since my friend passed away close to two weeks ago, I've been depressed and avoiding spending time forcing myself into labor I didn't have to. I've been feeling better, I'll see if I can get some reviews done.

Was bored cuz of the lack of new prompts to do rather than reviews, I forgot about that sorry.

 

Alright I was debating if to post this and how to phrase it and where. Decided to post, wing it, and here.

 

Okay so basically I'm trying to decide what I want to write. I'm trying to start fresh with a story, and try to take my time to make sure it's good, while still doing my usual writing style of not over-planning and seeing where the story takes me.

But I don't know what to do.

It would be fantasy, of some kind. I can't do technobabble to save my life and anything else doesn't feel right. It might be serious, it might not.

I need to figure out where to set it.

 

As of now I have several worlds. There's one that includes my main countries, Celta and Tevinus.

Celta is a land ruled by a line of Emperors who have total power, many lords, and is really bad at keeping his people safe but really good at keeping the country running just well enough for him to live well.

Tevinus is a land where magic is king, the Council governs over them and your status is determined by your magical ability.

 

Then there's IFNH, which some of you know of. A land of craziness and randomness filled with hundreds of races, and the main city, Centra City, is practically a country of its own.

 

And my most recent one, Plessia , which is a darker fantasy realm tied to a world similar to Earth. They don't know of each other but are connected. I don't have a ton of info about it but some can be found in my "Make a Character" thread in Misc.

 

And I could do a totally different setting, idk.

 

I have a story for Tevinus which the first novel is complete of. I have a massive amount of story/history/characters for Celta, where I don't even know where to start.

For IFNH I got a story on-going which is at about 50,000 words

For Plessia I have a first person experiment ongoing where atm I'm drawing a blank.

 

I could continue these stories but it doesn't feel right at this moment.

So basically I'm trying to figure out what I want to do now. All I know is I want a story to focus on...And I guess I'm posting here to get this said and see if anyone here has anything to help point me in a direction.

when in doubt roll a d6 die

 

Well you can always write a typical story of a person from our world transported/reincarnated into one of your fantasy worlds and explore things from that direction. Alternatively, transplant one of your characters from one of your worlds into another world for a similar but potentially more interesting result for you as an author. That's all I have.


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#55
bury the year

bury the year

    reach heaven through violence

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s'up

Username: Rinne.
What you want to be called: Dealer's choice.
What are your primary interests in writing: Uhhhhh, I'm writing now hashing out characters for a superhero 'verse, but in the past I've dabbled with fantasy, steampunk, sci-fi, slice of life... Lots of shit, really.
What do you like most about creative writing: Unapologetic craziness.

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#56
Night

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#57
God Emperor Cow

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Okay so I was debating, do I want a story with fledgling fighters growing, or one where I can do some interesting and unique fights.

And I think I'll take a middle path, and put a couple weaker characters in with stronger ones, and see how that goes.

Yes I know that's a weird point to start with but gotta start somewhere.

This is what inspired me to write that.

 

Since I haven't contributed much I think I'll try and post the first chapter here once I finish it.


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#58
Night

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y'all motherfuckers need to post more 



#59
Aix

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Hm, I'm making a web serial once I get caught up on real life stuff that caters to the fantasy light novel crowd, specifically the fans of the portal fantasy and reincarnation fantasy subgenres.

I know Mitcher likes the genre and he read the little prologue I wrote months ago. Anyone else interested in reading a fun, grand scale fantasy?

My primary inspiration will probably be DnD or Forgotten Realms and what little I've read on MtG Salvation, but it'll be sorta animesque... like my RPs.

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#60
Cosmo.

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Omg i'm such a mess i forgot i was in this. need to drop out, i'm way too forgetful.




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