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Yu-Gi-Oh! Skies [OOC/PG-16/Started/Accepting]

- - - - - A Zai RP Yu-Gi-Oh! Animesque Action Adventure Shonen

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#41
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Could I ask why my character was denied? Not in a pretentious way, I just want to know what I was doing wrong.


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#42
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Could I ask why my character was denied? Not in a pretentious way, I just want to know what I was doing wrong.

same here.



#43
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Could I ask why my character was denied? Not in a pretentious way, I just want to know what I was doing wrong.

Aside from the poorly designed cards, the character seems poorly thought out and not up to snuff for the rp.


same here.

Same as above, really. There's potential there, but its ameteurish and not well thought out.
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#44
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Aside from the poorly designed cards, the character seems poorly thought out and not up to snuff for the rp.


Same as above, really. There's potential there, but its ameteurish and not well thought out.

Come one, Zai. That's not really telling them anything or helping them in any way. Where's that potential, exactly? How does it fall short?

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#45
Admiral_Stalfos19

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Shoraku is now officially complete.


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^In case ya feel like adding me.

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My very own RWBY RP. I'll always be accepting applicants (on specific conditions, so check the RP itself for more details), so feel free to check it out.
Oh, and the avi? I made it myself :)

#46
BANZAI!!!!

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Come one, Zai. That's not really telling them anything or helping them in any way. Where's that potential, exactly? How does it fall short?


Welp, guess we should get to it.

Let me preface this with the fact that, were i being as lenient as I usually am with apps, both of these would have gotten in. I'm just being a lot harsher than normal.

Al's background doesnt really mesh well with the setting well. How can one be from a backwater province of a... Colony? (I guess thats what Ambrosia is)The size of long island, especially within a society that can fabricate any object they need near-instantly. the cards aren't well designed, either. Overpowered. Overall the character feels... Flat? I guess? He's a moralizing asshole. We have those and it isn't written in a way that makes it stand out.


Seraphina is a rather cliche'd character. An anti-social perfectionist. She appears to have already undergone a character arc prior to the rp, meaning there's little room for growth. There's also little explanation as to why she has to strive for perfection. Its implied that its not by her own choice. Other than that, there's little else to the character.
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#47
BANZAI!!!!

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Shoraku Arakawa, The Silent Brooder of Doom

Asshole is accepted


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#48
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Well, actually i had thought for a character arc in the rp. She would try to find a purpose and experimenting a lot of things, which is described in the last sentence of the Bio. Along the way she would try to befriend people who would help her on her sort of mission. Not trying to contradict you, just thought i would explain the direction i was going for.



#49
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Alright, that makes sense. To be honest, I finished him in a day, so it's not a surprise it wasn't that great of a character. I have another in mind, and I'll get to working on it. How long are you accepting characters?

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#50
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Alright, that makes sense. To be honest, I finished him in a day, so it's not a surprise it wasn't that great of a character. I have another in mind, and I'll get to working on it. How long are you accepting characters?

As long as the "accepting" tag is in the title.
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#51
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Hey, i was wondering. I kinda want to be a part of this, but i know i dont have the time to come in full-time. Perhaps my character can be a person who only shows up every now and then?



#52
Scarfking

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Sorry, i dont mean to bump or spam, but- you're still accepting, right? I know this is active, cause theres been a few recent posts in the IC thread.



#53
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Hey, i was wondering. I kinda want to be a part of this, but i know i dont have the time to come in full-time. Perhaps my character can be a person who only shows up every now and then?

Sorry, i dont mean to bump or spam, but- you're still accepting, right? I know this is active, cause theres been a few recent posts in the IC thread.


As long as the "Accepting" is in the title, you're welcome to apply. That said, if you dont have the time to commit fully, then no, you shouldn't apply.
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#54
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Is it possible to post a character that you yourself won't use, as you may be too busy or something, but the host or someone else can us? 'Cause I've an idea for this, but I am not sure if I've time to invest in a RP.



#55
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(EDIT: Under revision)



#56
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It still says you're accepting

If I sound grouchy or anything here, it's because I'm still waking up and haven't even finished breakfast yet; just clearing that one up right off the bat. Should also clarify that I'm not the host or a co-host; just a guy who can't keep quiet about this one.

 

So yeah, it does say we're still accepting. But it also says you need two paragraphs minimum for personality and one paragraph minimum for bio. You'd be lucky if the host considered that bio as totaling in at one paragraph, and that personality certainly doesn't (1-2 sentences then hitting enter doesn't make a paragraph). I'm gonna go over each field of your app starting at appearance, because I do like to see new people show up in RP, but it doesn't help if they don't know what they're doing.

 

Welcome to YCM, by the way (^_~)/

 

Physical Description: You've got enough text here (but just barely so if you ask me), but an image would help. This thread has both resources you can use to find an image that suits Lucian's appearance (scroll down to my post), as well as some general tips and pointers you may want to read up on to help in both looking like and actually being a better RPer. Your choice of words also begs the question why he wears white jeans "for some odd reason". What's so odd about a boy wearing jeans of a specific color? As opposed to what, black or blue jeans? It's no stranger than me wearing denim shorts in the winter.

 

Personality: Okay so first off, despite having split your text into two little blocks, what you've got here barely qualifies as even one paragraph. Good thing too, because that means you'll need to write until you have more or less double what you've already got; this should be good for you since what you've got so far tells me a whole lot of nothing about Lucian. If he tries to blend into the crowd, why does he continually wear all white? He always gets out what he's trying to say, but what kinds of things will he try to say? I'd say what you've got leaves more questions than answers, but it hasn't really left me with much of either.

 

Deck & Custom Cards: Putting these together. Didn't read over your customs because it's way too early for me to look at all that, but you did an alright-ish job I guess of describing what the deck does. It likes banishing and can play at a couple different paces, but that's all I really got out of it. Is it a aggro deck that likes to summon big monsters to overwhelm the opponent? Is it a control deck, causing the opponent to play on Lucian's terms? Is it a stun deck that doesn't like the opponent playing to begin with? Basically, tell us more about what your deck actually does instead of forcing us all to read every custom you've got and leaving us to puzzle it together.

 

Bio: I'm going to be perfectly blunt and say this is one of the most poorly-written bios I've seen since becoming active on this site site about a year and a half ago. If Lucian was named after this Lucian of Samosata fellow, how did he not know about his ancestry to begin with? Did his parents just never tell him why they gave him his name? The odds of accidentally naming your kid after an ancient figure who he happens to be descended from without your knowing of it are unfathomably low, especially considering how many names exist across all the languages of the world both then and now. Why did a house fire stop him from telling anybody about being descended from somebody that probably nobody in Ambrosia has ever heard of? Any particular reason we had to kill his mother in here, or were you just trying for the "dead parent" cliche?

 

Why couldn't his father work? Was he disabled? Sick? Just getting old? If he couldn't work and raise Lucian, how is he keeping himself afloat for that matter? See also the fact that the entire RP takes place in one giant floating sphere-type thing (you'd catch onto that if you read the OP); why would sending Lucian off be so regretful? No reason he couldn't visit daily, since he doesn't work or anything.

 

Skies takes place in Ambrosia: a floating habitat established centuries ago after an event known as "The Great Destruction" nearly wiped out humanity and scarred the surface of the earth. Ambrosia is covered by a dome and an artificial sky, and houses both a large city as well as several smaller towns and terraformed natural areas.

-Zai, OP

 

I'm not going to bring up the questions of how Lucian of Samosata managed to endure through history up to this point and how Lucian learned that the cards were based off his ancestor, but it might be worth considering on your end. This bio has left me with considerably more questions than answers, and not in the good way. I'd advise heavy revision at the very least, and a complete and total 100% re-write from scratch of the entire character at the most.

 

With all of the above said, I'm happy to try and help you improve this character and turn it into something the host will not only accept, but will happily accept. Put bluntly, there's no way you'll get in with your app as-is. Hopefully I didn't scare you with all this, as I'd hate to be that guy that scared a potential new RPer away from the site. Just send me a PM if you want some help and/or pointers (and make sure to check out that thread I linked earlier).

 

And again, welcome to YCM. Make sure you've read the rules (both for the site and the RP section), don't make an ass of yourself, and most importantly, enjoy your stay here ^_~


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you're just a well-rounded, gatorade-drinking gif machine that looks like He-Man and Shaggy had a lovechild.

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#57
Yui

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Urgh, double-posts. Whatever, I'm just here to drop off a third app.

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you're just a well-rounded, gatorade-drinking gif machine that looks like He-Man and Shaggy had a lovechild.

stuff I've won

#58
cardgameking

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Is it possible to post a character that you yourself won't use, as you may be too busy or something, but the host or someone else can us? 'Cause I've an idea for this, but I am not sure if I've time to invest in a RP.

Screw it, might as well try this. Probably will add more general characters, and lackeys for the villain if he gets accepted.

Villain app.

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#59
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#60
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