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[OLD VERSION] Yugioh - STARS [Discontinued]


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Name: Shiraki "Kuri" Hiroshi
Gender: Male
Age: 18


f72acd1f-ba3b-4f79-83f7-ac4d62e5a4e5_560
Appearance: This with spiked hair (https://s-media-cach...13affeffc52.jpg, 2 down, 3 to the right) , a green hoodie and a Kuriboh plush on his shoulder.

 

Personality: Kuri is and probably will be the funniest person will meet. He's constantly making wisecracks in duels and causing even the so called humorless to burst out laughing at his jokes. He is also a very thoughtful person, a person who'll always notice that one lonely kid and call him over, even if he declines. Kuri loves strategics and is always thinking of them and so he always has one step ahead of his opponents. However, when he's dealing with bullies, he often gives in and tries to ignore them. He was never good with retorts, hence, he is always a vulnerable target to anyone with their brains filled with insults. In contrast, he never seemed startled by threats, as he knows when and/or where people can do certain things, so if your thinking with a death threat in mind, save it for somebody else.  


Background: Shiraki lived in many foster homes until he was finally adopted by an ex-con who lived in a countryside farm at the age of eight until he was ten. He was abused and falsely treated and was made to live in the garage and was only given small portions of food, occasionally given a meal on special occasions. Every once in a while, a rectangular sheet of laminated paper (which he would soon find to be duel monsters cards) whisked into the garage, riding on the air for a second and landing in the next. Instead of throwing them away, he started collecting them, for no reason. Finally, the young boy ran off, running faster than a athlete, his heart set on escaping the rules of the brutal ex-con. You see, along with the cards, other things flew in through the garage. Some useless, and some one hundred percent useful. The items that fell into the useful category? A bookful of laws from the CPS and a map of the city. Kuri ran, through the zebra crossing, from one side walk to another all the way to the courthouse. Long story short, the ex-con was arrested and a nice couple, the wife of which had been stripped of the power to give birth to her own, adopted him. He said farewell to the only place he had known for two years and welcomed his new life in the illustrious Ley City. He eventually showed his collection of rectangular papers and from that day onward he became a duelist known far and wide through Ley City.


Deck:  Kuri uses a deck called "Onslaught of Kuribohs". These are monsters from the Kuriboh archetype that are most annoying to deal with. Once he know what strategy the opponent is working with, they summon a wall of battle resistant monster, and strike when the foe sets up the perfect conditions to attack. But the flaw is that it takes a minimum of 3 turns to start attacking, so during these turns the opponent could mess up the strategy. At that point his only hope is his *S monster.

 

Custom Card: Kuriboh Wall - Spell Card

For 2 turns, you are immune to direct attacks by your opponent

 

 

STARS CARD: *SK Kuriboh Knight

 

Type: Dark/Spellcaster/Pendulum/Effect

LV 8

2700/2600

Pendulum scale: 8

Pendulum effect: You must control at least 1 Kuriboh monster in order to summon this card. If a pendulum monster you control is targeted by an attack, 

Effect: If a kuriboh monster on your side of the field is targeted for an attack, swap it's ATK and DEF for your original DEF. 

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Name: Shiraki "Kuri" Hiroshi

Gender: Male

Age: 18

f72acd1f-ba3b-4f79-83f7-ac4d62e5a4e5_560

Appearance: This with spiked hair (https://s-media-cach...13affeffc52.jpg, 2 down, 3 to the right) , a green hoodie and a Kuriboh plush on his shoulder.

 

Personality: Kuri is and probably will be the funniest person will meet. He's constantly making wisecracks in duels and causing even the so called humorless to burst out laughing at his jokes. He is also a very thoughtful person, a person who'll always notice that one lonely kid and call him over, even if he declines. Kuri loves strategics and is always thinking of them and so he always has one step ahead of his opponents. However, when he's dealing with bullies, he often gives in and tries to ignore them. He was never good with retorts, hence, he is always a vulnerable target to anyone with their brains filled with insults. In contrast, he never seemed startled by threats, as he knows when and/or where people can do certain things, so if your thinking with a death threat in mind, save it for somebody else.  

Background: Shiraki lived in many foster homes until he was finally adopted by an ex-con who lived in a countryside farm at the age of eight until he was ten. He was abused and falsely treated and was made to live in the garage and was only given small portions of food, occasionally given a meal on special occasions. Every once in a while, a rectangular sheet of laminated paper (which he would soon find to be duel monsters cards) whisked into the garage, riding on the air for a second and landing in the next. Instead of throwing them away, he started collecting them, for no reason. Finally, the young boy ran off, running faster than a athlete, his heart set on escaping the rules of the brutal ex-con. You see, along with the cards, other things flew in through the garage. Some useless, and some one hundred percent useful. The items that fell into the useful category? A bookful of laws from the CPS and a map of the city. Kuri ran, through the zebra crossing, from one side walk to another all the way to the courthouse. Long story short, the ex-con was arrested and a nice couple, the wife of which had been stripped of the power to give birth to her own, adopted him. He said farewell to the only place he had known for two years and welcomed his new life in the illustrious Ley City. He eventually showed his collection of rectangular papers and from that day onward he became a duelist known far and wide through Ley City.

Deck:  Kuri uses a deck called "Onslaught of Kuribohs". These are monsters from the Kuriboh archetype that are most annoying to deal with. Once he know what strategy the opponent is working with, they summon a wall of battle resistant monster, and strike when the foe sets up the perfect conditions to attack. But the flaw is that it takes a minimum of 3 turns to start attacking, so during these turns the opponent could mess up the strategy. At that point his only hope is his *S monster.

 

Custom Card: Kuriboh Wall - Spell Card

For 2 turns, you are immune to direct attacks by your opponent

 

 

STARS CARD: *SK Kuriboh Knight

 

Type: Dark/Spellcaster/Pendulum/Effect

LV 8

2700/2600

Pendulum scale: 8

Pendulum effect: You must control at least 1 Kuriboh monster in order to summon this card. If a pendulum monster you control is targeted by an attack, 

Effect: If a kuriboh monster on your side of the field is targeted for an attack, swap it's ATK and DEF for your original DEF. 

if your Star is a pendulum it's name should be *SP Kuriboh Knight, also, and this is just my opinion, wouldn't it make more sense for it to be warrior type? without any images or description of the monsters appearance spellcaster doesn't seem to make much sense since it has Knight in the name, this ones not a complaint just a question, the monster effect says "your original defense" by that do you mean the targeted monster or Kuriboh Knight or something else entirely? lastly please add spoilers, incase you don't know put your app between this [spoiler='title such as name or personalityt'.] and this  [/spoiler.] just without those periods i added

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I do require that you also list any real cards in your deck

I'm not sure if I could do that, independantly anyway. If it's 100% required then I'll try to take inspiration from other Kuriboh based decks if possible.

 

 

 

Name: Shiraki "Kuri" Hiroshi

Gender: Male

Age: 18

f72acd1f-ba3b-4f79-83f7-ac4d62e5a4e5_560

Appearance: This with spiked hair (https://s-media-cach...13affeffc52.jpg, 2 down, 3 to the right) , a green hoodie and a Kuriboh plush on his shoulder.

 

Personality: Kuri is and probably will be the funniest person will meet. He's constantly making wisecracks in duels and causing even the so called humorless to burst out laughing at his jokes. He is also a very thoughtful person, a person who'll always notice that one lonely kid and call him over, even if he declines. Kuri loves strategics and is always thinking of them and so he always has one step ahead of his opponents. However, when he's dealing with bullies, he often gives in and tries to ignore them. He was never good with retorts, hence, he is always a vulnerable target to anyone with their brains filled with insults. In contrast, he never seemed startled by threats, as he knows when and/or where people can do certain things, so if your thinking with a death threat in mind, save it for somebody else.  

Background: Shiraki lived in many foster homes until he was finally adopted by an ex-con who lived in a countryside farm at the age of eight until he was ten. He was abused and falsely treated and was made to live in the garage and was only given small portions of food, occasionally given a meal on special occasions. Every once in a while, a rectangular sheet of laminated paper (which he would soon find to be duel monsters cards) whisked into the garage, riding on the air for a second and landing in the next. Instead of throwing them away, he started collecting them, for no reason. Finally, the young boy ran off, running faster than a athlete, his heart set on escaping the rules of the brutal ex-con. You see, along with the cards, other things flew in through the garage. Some useless, and some one hundred percent useful. The items that fell into the useful category? A bookful of laws from the CPS and a map of the city. Kuri ran, through the zebra crossing, from one side walk to another all the way to the courthouse. Long story short, the ex-con was arrested and a nice couple, the wife of which had been stripped of the power to give birth to her own, adopted him. He said farewell to the only place he had known for two years and welcomed his new life in the illustrious Ley City. He eventually showed his collection of rectangular papers and from that day onward he became a duelist known far and wide through Ley City.

Deck:  Kuri uses a deck called "Onslaught of Kuribohs". These are monsters from the Kuriboh archetype that are most annoying to deal with. Once he know what strategy the opponent is working with, they summon a wall of battle resistant monster, and strike when the foe sets up the perfect conditions to attack. But the flaw is that it takes a minimum of 3 turns to start attacking, so during these turns the opponent could mess up the strategy. At that point his only hope is his *S monster.

 

Custom Card: Kuriboh Wall - Spell Card

For 2 turns, you are immune to direct attacks by your opponent

 

 

STARS CARD: *SK Kuriboh Knight

 

Type: Dark/Spellcaster/Pendulum/Effect

LV 8

2700/2600

Pendulum scale: 8

Pendulum effect: You must control at least 1 Kuriboh monster in order to summon this card. If a pendulum monster you control is targeted by an attack, 

Effect: If a kuriboh monster on your side of the field is targeted for an attack, swap it's ATK and DEF for your original DEF. 

if your Star is a pendulum it's name should be *SP Kuriboh Knight, also, and this is just my opinion, wouldn't it make more sense for it to be warrior type? without any images or description of the monsters appearance spellcaster doesn't seem to make much sense since it has Knight in the name, this ones not a complaint just a question, the monster effect says "your original defense" by that do you mean the targeted monster or Kuriboh Knight or something else entirely? lastly please add spoilers, incase you don't know put your app between this [spoiler='title such as name or personalityt'.] and this  [/spoiler.] just without those periods i added

 

Thank you for the feedback. And yes I do mean Kuriboh Knight/Mage's Defense

Name: Shiraki "Kuri" Hiroshi

Gender: Male

Age: 18

f72acd1f-ba3b-4f79-83f7-ac4d62e5a4e5_560

Appearance: This with spiked hair (https://s-media-cach...13affeffc52.jpg, 2 down, 3 to the right) , a green hoodie and a Kuriboh plush on his shoulder.

 

[spoiler=Personality:] Kuri is and probably will be the funniest person will meet. He's constantly making wisecracks in duels and causing even the so called humorless to burst out laughing at his jokes. He is also a very thoughtful person, a person who'll always notice that one lonely kid and call him over, even if he declines. Kuri loves strategics and is always thinking of them and so he always has one step ahead of his opponents. However, when he's dealing with bullies, he often gives in and tries to ignore them. He was never good with retorts, hence, he is always a vulnerable target to anyone with their brains filled with insults. In contrast, he never seemed startled by threats, as he knows when and/or where people can do certain things, so if your thinking with a death threat in mind, save it for somebody else.

 

[spoiler=Background:] Shiraki lived in many foster homes until he was finally adopted by an ex-con who lived in a countryside farm at the age of eight until he was ten. He was abused and falsely treated and was made to live in the garage and was only given small portions of food, occasionally given a meal on special occasions. Every once in a while, a rectangular sheet of laminated paper (which he would soon find to be duel monsters cards) whisked into the garage, riding on the air for a second and landing in the next. Instead of throwing them away, he started collecting them, for no reason. Finally, the young boy ran off, running faster than a athlete, his heart set on escaping the rules of the brutal ex-con. You see, along with the cards, other things flew in through the garage. Some useless, and some one hundred percent useful. The items that fell into the useful category? A bookful of laws from the CPS and a map of the city. Kuri ran, through the zebra crossing, from one side walk to another all the way to the courthouse. Long story short, the ex-con was arrested and a nice couple, the wife of which had been stripped of the power to give birth to her own, adopted him. He said farewell to the only place he had known for two years and welcomed his new life in the illustrious Ley City. He eventually showed his collection of rectangular papers and from that day onward he became a duelist known far and wide through Ley City.

 

[spoiler=Deck:]  Kuri uses a deck called "Onslaught of Kuribohs". These are monsters from the Kuriboh archetype that are most annoying to deal with. Once he know what strategy the opponent is working with, they summon a wall of battle resistant monster, and strike when the foe sets up the perfect conditions to attack. But the flaw is that it takes a minimum of 3 turns to start attacking, so during these turns the opponent could mess up the strategy. At that point his only hope is his *S monster.

 

[spoiler=Custom Card:] Kuriboh Wall - Spell Card

For 2 turns, you are immune to direct attacks by your opponent.

 

  *SP Kuriboh Mage

Type: Dark/Spellcaster/Pendulum/Effect

LV 8

2700/2600

Pendulum scale: 8

Pendulum effect: You must control at least 1 Kuriboh monster in order to summon this card. If a pendulum monster you control is targeted by an attack, 

Effect: If a kuriboh monster on your side of the field is targeted for an attack, swap it's ATK and DEF for your original DEF. 

 

This better?

i

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Kuriboh Knight's Monster effect doesn't make much sense.....So, whose Attack and Defense are exactly being swapped for your original Defense? By the way, saying "your original Defense" explains nothing. Who is 'your' supposed to be? Kuriboh Mage? The Kuriboh being attacked? Not exactly sure. You also didn't finishing writing in it's Pendulum Effect. 

 

And Kuriboh Wall's card text also makes no sense from a legitimate point of view. Sure, if someone used a spell like that, that's something they would probably say to describe it's effect, but that's not it's effect text should say. It should say something like this; 

 

"For 2 turns, your opponent cannot declare direct attacks."

 

Also, maybe give it another effect and a small cost such as tributing a Kuriboh to activate it (which would make sense for it's name)? Because right now, the card is bland. 

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Kuriboh Knight's Monster effect doesn't make much sense.....So, whose Attack and Defense are exactly being swapped for your original Defense? By the way, saying "your original Defense" explains nothing. Who is 'your' supposed to be? Kuriboh Mage? The Kuriboh being attacked? Not exactly sure. You also didn't finishing writing in it's Pendulum Effect. 

 

And Kuriboh Wall's card text also makes no sense from a legitimate point of view. Sure, if someone used a spell like that, that's something they would probably say to describe it's effect, but that's not it's effect text should say. It should say something like this; 

 

"For 2 turns, your opponent cannot declare direct attacks."

 

Also, maybe give it another effect and a small cost such as tributing a Kuriboh to activate it (which would make sense for it's name)? Because right now, the card is bland. 

Thanks a ton on the feedback. I chose a pendulum monster, because that's the newest type of monster and I wanted to be original. 

Name: Shiraki "Kuri" Hiroshi

Gender: Male

Age: 18

f72acd1f-ba3b-4f79-83f7-ac4d62e5a4e5_560

Appearance: This with spiked hair (https://s-media-cach...13affeffc52.jpg, 2 down, 3 to the right) , a green hoodie and a Kuriboh plush on his shoulder.

 

 

[spoiler=Personality:] Kuri is and probably will be the funniest person will meet. He's constantly making wisecracks in duels and causing even the so called humorless to burst out laughing at his jokes. He is also a very thoughtful person, a person who'll always notice that one lonely kid and call him over, even if he declines. Kuri loves strategics and is always thinking of them and so he always has one step ahead of his opponents. However, when he's dealing with bullies, he often gives in and tries to ignore them. He was never good with retorts, hence, he is always a vulnerable target to anyone with their brains filled with insults. In contrast, he never seemed startled by threats, as he knows when and/or where people can do certain things, so if your thinking with a death threat in mind, save it for somebody else.

 

[spoiler=Background:] Shiraki lived in many foster homes until he was finally adopted by an ex-con who lived in a countryside farm at the age of eight until he was ten. He was abused and falsely treated and was made to live in the garage and was only given small portions of food, occasionally given a meal on special occasions. Every once in a while, a rectangular sheet of laminated paper (which he would soon find to be duel monsters cards) whisked into the garage, riding on the air for a second and landing in the next. Instead of throwing them away, he started collecting them, for no reason. Finally, the young boy ran off, running faster than a athlete, his heart set on escaping the rules of the brutal ex-con. You see, along with the cards, other things flew in through the garage. Some useless, and some one hundred percent useful. The items that fell into the useful category? A bookful of laws from the CPS and a map of the city. Kuri ran, through the zebra crossing, from one side walk to another all the way to the courthouse. Long story short, the ex-con was arrested and a nice couple, the wife of which had been stripped of the power to give birth to her own, adopted him. He said farewell to the only place he had known for two years and welcomed his new life in the illustrious Ley City. He eventually showed his collection of rectangular papers and from that day onward he became a duelist known far and wide through Ley City.

 

[spoiler=Deck:]  Kuri uses a deck called "Onslaught of Kuribohs". These are monsters from the Kuriboh archetype that are most annoying to deal with. Once he know what strategy the opponent is working with, they summon a wall of battle resistant monster, and strike when the foe sets up the perfect conditions to attack. But the flaw is that it takes a minimum of 3 turns to start attacking, so during these turns the opponent could mess up the strategy. At that point his only hope is his *S monster.

 

 

Custum Card: Kuriboh Wall - Spell Card

For 2 turns, your opponent cannot declare direct attacks.

 

 

  *SP Kuriboh Mage

Type: Dark/Spellcaster/Pendulum/Effect

LV 8

2700/2600

Pendulum scale: 8

Pendulum effect: You must tribute a Kuriboh monster to summon this card. Any trap card that effects this card is negated while another pendulum monster is on the field.

Effect: If a kuriboh monster on your side of the field is targeted for an attack, swap their ATK and DEF for this card's original DEF. Increase the ATK of every Kuriboh card on your side of the field

 

This Better? 

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I have several problems with the app in general. Besides Mintywater above, your STARS card does not fit in thematically or mechanically at all in a kuribih deck. Kuriboh has always been about stalling and countering with low-level, low-stat monsters. You have no way of summoning your STARS beyond an initial Tribute summon, and I feel like it's a Pendulum for the sake of Pendulum. If you want, I've done a kuriboh deck before, and I can PM it and some custom cards to you. I just have to find my notes.

Your character himself... there's no nice way to say this. He is as boring and cliché as is humanly possible. His backstory is just a throw-together compilation of all the tropes that make up a dark and troubled past and I'd go as far as to say he feelslike a Mary-Su character. I can't accept your Ap the way it is.

The reason I need a Decklist is because I need tobe able to decide if your Deck is over or underpowered.

I'll start the RP thread today or tomorrow most likely. If you still want to join, I'll give you until we're finished with the prologue chapter to fix your Ap. That could be anywhere from three days to a week and a half so you've more than enough time.

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I have several problems with the app in general. Besides Mintywater above, your STARS card does not fit in thematically or mechanically at all in a kuribih deck. Kuriboh has always been about stalling and countering with low-level, low-stat monsters. You have no way of summoning your STARS beyond an initial Tribute summon, and I feel like it's a Pendulum for the sake of Pendulum. If you want, I've done a kuriboh deck before, and I can PM it and some custom cards to you. I just have to find my notes.

Your character himself... there's no nice way to say this. He is as boring and cliché as is humanly possible. His backstory is just a throw-together compilation of all the tropes that make up a dark and troubled past and I'd go as far as to say he feelslike a Mary-Su character. I can't accept your Ap the way it is.

The reason I need a Decklist is because I need tobe able to decide if your Deck is over or underpowered.

I'll start the RP thread today or tomorrow most likely. If you still want to join, I'll give you until we're finished with the prologue chapter to fix your Ap. That could be anywhere from three days to a week and a half so you've more than enough time.

About the pendulum, you're not wrong. I guess a better type of monster would fit. Yes, I would appreciate it a ton if you made the decklist, as it would save me a ton of time. As for the backstory, i'll try to redo it the best way i can, though a tip in right direction would help a bit. 

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If you're character is supposed to be entertaining, maybe don't make him so stereotypically abused that it's laughable. Your STARS card is probably better off being somewhat similar to winged kuriboh lv 10, where it's a nomi summonable by tributing a specific Kuriboh. PM me and I'll give you a Decklist.

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Yeah, that backstory is....Meh. Scrap it in exchange for something a little bit more believable and definitely less cliche. Libracor also has a good point in the way of the Deck itself; what he said about the Kuribohs is completely right, they've always been about low-level, low-stat Monsters with helpful effects that tend to activate in the hand. Heck, I'll make a STARS Kuriboh right here. 

 

Name: SM* Kuriboh Ascendant 

 

Attribute: Light 

 

Type: Fairy/Effect 

 

Level: 10 

 

Attack: ???  Defense: ??? 

 

Effect: During either player's turn, you can discard this card; this turn, all "Kuri" Monsters you control cannot be destroyed by battle or card effects, and you take no damage from battles involving Level 1 "Kuri" Monsters. You can banish two "Kuri" Monsters from your hand and/or graveyard, except this card; Special Summon this card (from your hand or graveyard). This card gains 500 Attack for each "Kuri" Monster in your graveyard. 

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Yeah, that backstory is....Meh. Scrap it in exchange for something a little bit more believable and definitely less cliche. Libracor also has a good point in the way of the Deck itself; what he said about the Kuribohs is completely right, they've always been about low-level, low-stat Monsters with helpful effects that tend to activate in the hand. Heck, I'll make a STARS Kuriboh right here. 

 

Name: SM* Kuriboh Ascendant 

 

Attribute: Light 

 

Type: Fairy/Effect 

 

Level: 10 

 

Attack: ???  Defense: ??? 

 

Effect: During either player's turn, you can discard this card; this turn, all "Kuri" Monsters you control cannot be destroyed by battle or card effects, and you take no damage from battles involving Level 1 "Kuri" Monsters. You can banish two "Kuri" Monsters from your hand and/or graveyard, except this card; Special Summon this card (from your hand or graveyard). This card gains 500 Attack for each "Kuri" Monster in your graveyard. 

Would it be cheating if I used this? This is a really good example. 

 

I don't like it at all. If you really want to have the abusive past, make it believable. Right now, it's so over the top that I legitimately find it funny.

That's fine.

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For some original cards, how about these?

Refractkuriboh

LIGHT Level 1

Fairy/Effect

200/300

When this card you control is destroyed while there are exactly 3 "Kuriboh" monsters with the same name in your Graveyard: You can Special Summon those 3 monsters.

 

Kuribrigade

Counter Trap

When your opponent activates a card or card effect while there are at least 5 "Kuriboh" monsters in your Graveyard with different names: Special Summon 5 "Kuriboh" momsters with different names from your Graveyard, then negate and destroy that card or card effect.

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