All-New AMA!

[Phantom Roxas]

I've done one of these before, but I'd rather not necro that thread, so I'll try another one.

 

(Also couldn't resist an opportunity to parody All-New Marvel NOW! with the title)

[mido9]

 

you look significantly less suicidal and self loathing than a few months ago

 

what happened?

[Phantom Roxas]

 

you look significantly less suicidal and self loathing than a few months ago

 

what happened?

 

A lot of that self-loathing comes from people making damn sure that I feel like garbage, and I take their criticism way too personally. So I've been trying to remind myself that if someone is going to be hateful, that says more about them than it does about me. They have their own problems to work on, and I have mine.

[Simping For Hina]

Wanna get married and consummate our love?

[Phantom Roxas]

no

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

I don't know how blocking works can you even see this?

[Flash Flyer - Sakura]

I don't know how blocking works can you even see this?

 

If you block someone, then you can't see their post unless you click "show anyway" (or in other cases, their signature or receiving PMs). Depending if you got into any beef with Roxas in the past or not, he might have you blocked.

 

===

Anyway....

 

1. What made you decide to join YCM in 2008?

 

2. Any highlights of your mod career?

 

3. Suggestions for new members to stick around longer than a few hours / days?

[Dad]

Who of Organization 13 would you revive here, and why?

[Phantom Roxas]

I don't know how blocking works can you even see this?

 

Yes, I can. I choose to see it, so if you wish to ask anything, I am willing to read it.

 

If you block someone, then you can't see their post unless you click "show anyway" (or in other cases, their signature or receiving PMs). Depending if you got into any beef with Roxas in the past or not, he might have you blocked.

 

===

Anyway....

 

1. What made you decide to join YCM in 2008?

 

2. Any highlights of your mod career?

 

3. Suggestions for new members to stick around longer than a few hours / days?

 

1. I can't exactly remember, but I pretty sure it was largely due to the Card Maker at first. I think this was my first real message board, so there's a sense of nostalgia that kept me around.

 

2. I really liked how I switched position. I don't think that's really ideal for most mods, but it certainly felt like it helped me find a place. The Anime & Manga section was really lackluster, and I've come to know a lot of people who encourage legal streaming options, so I wanted this site to reflect what I had become more familiar with in consuming anime through legal means, particularly thanks to Crunchyroll and Funimation's own streaming. Reforming Anime & Manga to create Animation & Graphic Novels and Film & Literature feels like the culmination of that, and I truly thank Giga for suggesting the changes to it. Generally what I felt most comfortable with was being someone that people could depend on when they were having problems. Generally I've been in situations where people will make situations horrible for me, and when I'd ask for someone in authority to help me out, my cries fell on deaf ears. I never got help no matter when I asked for it, so I wanted people to offer people the help I could never get for myself. Just because I find myself in hopeless situations doesn't mean that other people have to.

 

3. I'm not quite sure what advice to give. I'm not sure if there's any right way to do it, but I think generally just try and be comfortable and not try too hard to get people to like you. Just be yourself, and I think you'll become acclimated to this place here.

 

Who of Organization 13 would you revive here, and why?

 

Zexion and Larxene. I owe them a lot, more than I've ever really told them. I've talked with Zexion on a roleplaying site that we both joined many years ago, around my early days on YCM, although that roleplay site seems to fluctuate between major overhauls before dwindling in activity. It's pretty sad, because I really like a couple of the characters I built for that site, and I really wanted to expand on them.

 

Larxene... man, I screwed up there and I don't even know how to explain it. It's been so long that I can't remember the details, but that feeling still lingers. Zexion and Larxene honestly kept Organization XIII together, and I admire them for that. At the time, I didn't believe I could live up to them, because they just understood things in a way I never could. Larxene in particular I feel like I let down (To put it mildly), and I wish I could make up for that.

 

I don't know, Organization XIII is something I don't want to think about too much. I'm glad I met you through the Club, but the last time someone brought it up here, it was cited as an example of what an arrogant failure I am. Given how much I detest people who make desperate power plays, I hate thinking that I could be just as guilty of that.

[Phantom Roxas]

 

you look significantly less suicidal and self loathing than a few months ago

 

what happened?

 

Not sure if it's okay to bump this, but I thought about this comment and wanted to follow up on it.

 

I still feel suicidal. If I think of a reason to keep living, it's like I'm forcing myself to stay alive. Because I want to live, because there's still some obligations I believe I'm meant to fulfill.

 

Because wherever I go, I feel hopeless. I see people who thrive tormenting others, grinding them under their heel just to remind someone what it's like to feel like a piece of dirt. And whenever I try to stop those people who bully others? Someone just shoots the messenger. It doesn't matter if the message makes it clear that someone has been making others suffer. If you bring the message at all, that makes you the bad guy.

 

I'm talking about this now because of the news surrounding Harvey Weinstein, and hearing the people who defended him all these years. Rose McGowan got suspended on Twitter for posting a private number, but it still seemed incredibly suspect that she got suspended after criticizing Weinstein and the people who defended him. And Weinstein is playing the victim of how "devastated" he is from all that's happened.

 

I've been going to therapy for the past year because I've spent so much of my life trying to fight, and it always ends the same. If someone is a bully, they get to walk away from it, but because I pointed out what they were doing, I suffer for it. And yet, I keep fighting, because I'm desperate to see someone - just for once - be held accountable. But it still doesn't happen, because people will side with the people who harass others, and if you speak up against that harassment, you are the real problem.

 

So I'm back to feeling suicidal. Or maybe I'm still feeling that way and just never stopped. I don't see the point in living in a world that rewards bullies, and punishes anyone who stands up against them. I can't entirely comprehend what women, such as those in Hollywood, must feel like when Harvey Weinstein is/was such a powerful figure within the industry. But what little I can understand just terrifies me.