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Self-Improvement


Snatch Steal

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First and foremost, this post will sound very embarrassing, so don’t respond if your only response is to belittle me, or so that you feel superior. You have been warned.

 

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the way my mind works and I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to change the way I think and act.

 

Most importantly, I’m an embarrassment. My reputation on this site has been tarnished beyond the point of return. No forgiveness will ever redeem me from the terrible mistakes I’ve made and cancerous opinions I have voiced. As much as I have learned from this website, the consequence comes from grudges which, even subliminally, I am always reminded of. Furthermore, I have attempted to present my lackluster art and writing, only to realize that I have proven to this forum that I have no talent whatsoever. This lack of talent then becomes a label which everyone can use to identify me as “cringy,” and any ounce of validity as a user is completely eroded.

 

My opinions have also made my forum presence dejected by the community. Even though I do not wholeheartedly believe everything I say, or have not properly explained the way I feel, I have proven that my mind is dysfunctional at best. As a liberal, and as a homosexual, I can never hope to be valued by the more logical, right-leaning people I encounter, whose friendship would be extremely valuable to me, and whose association with would inherently make me a better person. On the other hand, as a white male born to a rich family, anything remotely good about me is completely devalued because I have never really earned anything in my life.

 

Finally, although I would like to work towards earning something that would boost my confidence, I’ve only ever experienced trying my hardest and failing. For two years, I ran five to six days every week, only to end up with a 7:20 mile time. As such, my hard work and dedication have only ever ended up resulting in still being pitiable. I understand that running shouldn’t be a catch all for achieving goals, but it’s just my best example, and although I could reference swimming, English, and other athletic and academic realms of activity, that would make this post too long.

 

When I think of members like Dae or Hina, who always know how to be confident, how to carry themselves, and how to be cool, or Enguin who never cares about what others think and just enjoys making fun of people who he deems cringy, I realize that I’m not living the life I’m supposed to. I’m the laughingstock of this community, and not in a positive way. I still have screenshots saved of when I used to beg for attention, and when I blocked people for pointing it out, and it’s tragic that I made that my identity.

 

At this point, I would like to figure out a way to put an end to being cringy, and to instead be more likable. Unfortunately, I don’t know exactly how to do this, as I’ve come to find that every time I try to calm down and be cool, I end up seeking attention or posting cringy art or voicing an unpopular opinion. As such, I’d like to figure out the following:

 

• What kinds of opinions I should have regarding gender, race, immigration, social programs including medical coverage, religion (especially Islam), marriage legality, and anything else important. If something is far too divisive, then the plan is not to have an opinion on it.

• How to tell what makes something funny in a text post, and how to tell if I shouldn’t say something that would be cringy

• How to stand up for myself and put people in their place if they are abrasive (without raging), or the less desirable option, how to ignore them

 

I know that YCM isn’t exactly a miracle cure for lack of people skills, but just little pointers on being cool are mainly what I’m looking for. If it were as simple as just changing my opinions and not being embarrassing, I would have done that the moment I joined, but bittersweetly this site has taught me the hard way that changing myself is difficult.

 

Thank you for reading whatever portion of this you read, considering how long it is. I may end up regretting this post later, so if these words are killing you, then try not to take it too seriously.

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lolwtf

" As a liberal, and as a homosexual, I can never hope to be valued by the more logical, right-leaning people I encounter, whose friendship would be extremely valuable to me, and whose association with would inherently make me a better person. "

 

lolwtf

 

"I still have screenshots saved of when I used to beg for attention, and when I blocked people for pointing it out, and it’s tragic that I made that my identity."

 

Are you gonna screenshot this post too.

 

"At this point, I would like to figure out a way to put an end to being cringy, and to instead be more likable. Unfortunately, I don’t know exactly how to do this, as I’ve come to find that every time I try to calm down and be cool, I end up seeking attention or posting cringy art or voicing an unpopular opinion. As such, I’d like to figure out the following:"

 

Damn dude idk what to say asides from like. Don't worry about the size of your e-peen on YCM man. If you think you're going to post something that you might regret later or people will find "cringy" just don't post it. It's as simple as that. You're 17 you shouldn't be worrying about what people think of you on a dead forum lol. I can assure you I have said and done more stupid sheet you have said on here at a younger age. I don't look back and regret it. Just look at your past mistakes and don't make them again; if you can even consider them mistakes lol.

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Let me start by saying this:

 

You don't need YCM.  Not to tell you how to feel, not to validate you.  You don't need to be validated.  You deserve to be happy the same as anyone else.  You don't need logical right-wingers or emotional lefties.  You need people you can trust and who will be real with you.  Friends who will call you out on your bullshit but still support you when you need it most.  Whether or not you're a homosexual or a liberal or a hillbilly or a conservative, that sheet doesn't matter when it comes to what people think of you.  Only when they start threatening you because of your life or your views should that affect you.

 

As far as this money thing goes, your money doesn't mean sheet until you put it towards something.  If you are actively seeking to take the wealth you have and use it in ways to improve yourself, the people around you, or something you care about, then that's a step in the right direction (so long as it doesn't infringe upon someone else's rights).  

 

And if you think you're the laughingstock of the community, you haven't been paying attention.  

 

Snatch Steal, you need to realize that this community has one person it laughs at more than anyone else:  Enguin.  And ninety-nine percent of the time, he's laughing with us (I just assumed his funking gender get at me son).  Not to mention the roast is this weekend, so that could very well change.

 

My point is, you're not as bad as you make yourself out to be.  When you first arrived you were a pain in the ass, but honestly, I don't have any real issues with you.  I can't tell you to stop feeling this way.  Maybe you're overcome with this depression.  It's not as simple as just "getting over it".  That's a stupid funking concept.  But I can tell you it's not as bad as you want it to be.  You said you're actively striving to improve yourself.  Good.  Keep going.  Pick up those funking pieces of yourself that were chipped off, glue that sheet back together, iron out those kinks, and keep funking striving.

 

I'm no psychologist but I think if you take a step back and look at it from another person's perspective, you'll see what I'm talking about.

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I have done so many cringy and regrettable things on this site. Posted pictures of myself that I have taken down. Made posts/topics that I immediately regret and so have them dealt with by the mods. In fact, whenever I've been afraid of tarnishing my figure here on YCM, you'll find I'd have vanished. Too many cards to deal with, and the guilt of not dealing with them? Disappear for a few months. Join several RPs, surprise holiday with no internet, feel bad for being unable to post and continue the story? Just don't show up afterwards for a while. Done a whole bunch of cringey things over a confident weekend? Just panic and leave this realm. So easy to do, and yet even the consequences of these actions remain. You'll see this become a theme later on.
 
So, where am I getting at?
 

At this point, I would like to figure out a way to put an end to being cringy, and to instead be more likable. Unfortunately, I don’t know exactly how to do this, as I’ve come to find that every time I try to calm down and be cool, I end up seeking attention or posting cringy art or voicing an unpopular opinion. As such, I’d like to figure out the following:
 
What kinds of opinions I should have regarding gender, race, immigration, social programs including medical coverage, religion (especially Islam), marriage legality, and anything else important. If something is far too divisive, then the plan is not to have an opinion on it.


Why do you think I haven't posted in General/Debates that often? You'll often see me reading new threads, and seeing what other YCM members have to say, so it's hardly one of a lack of interest. I am instead afraid of tarnishing my own reputation on this site. I've made friends, and by isolating myself from the rest of the site from the outset, there are many who don't really know me, and I do not want to do something cringy or controversial. I feel these things are divisive, and since I can't figure out what to say to seem like the glowing figure of reason I hope to be, I remain absent, simply saying nothing, as this is the easiest route to take. And, of course, I never get to know the people here myself, further isolating myself and making it worse.
 

• How to tell what makes something funny in a text post, and how to tell if I shouldn’t say something that would be cringy


I so badly want attention. It may or may not be obvious through this persona, but I imagine occasionally making the best card, or being the best RPer, and suddenly being a beacon among the YCM community. Anything that got in the way was pushed aside, with only brief relapses to my natural self to crack through my jury-rigged armor.
 
Naturally, this was not fun.
 
I did feel that people were looking up to me, but I wasn't being myself. I was sucking up to vets, saying what I thought they would approve of. I remained out of events (for the most part), not wanting to commit to anything seriously in case I messed up. True, I was learning in Custom Card, and making friends who I felt I could actually open up to a little, for the most part it felt like I was isolating my real self from YCM in general. Just Dova, Dova Dova Dova. Validation that I craved, and yet that felt so rocky I did everything I could to increase it, make sure I never had a chance of being disliked.
 
Of course, here comes the part where I reveal the epiphany I had, and how finally opened myself up to YCM in general.
 
Except I didn't.
 
Even now, writing this post, I am fighting the urge to do something I might regret. I may not be saying anything at all, this may be looked down, hell, people might even support it, but it feels like a risk. And the part of me caring about what people think about me, and being liked, doesn't want to take that risk. I don't want to appear cringy, have a bad opinion, or anger someone on this community without meaning to.
 
You see this avi of mine? A drawing of mine; one of the few ever seen on YCM (#notselfsponsored). I never wanted them to be seen here with the occasional exception, afraid of how pitiful they were, or what people might think of my interests. It took me hours to deliberate in regards to posting this, as to whether I was willing to change who I was/appeared to be, to not seem as "cool", for want of a better term. As you can see, I did it. Nothing's changed, and perhaps nothing will from that. But judging from this post of mine, perhaps I am permanently opening up, willing to not care occasionally.
 
When you make a post, message someone, or even say something in real life, unless you want a persona to hide behind, you shouldn't worry about something being "cringy" or not. If you want to do it, and you think that people find it that way, well, you start to feel that people will find you that way. And it all just goes downhill from there.
 
Of course, this has just me been hitting strawmen. Perhaps you have always been yourself on this site, and your reactions you have gotten have indicated to you that you do indeed need to change. If this is the case, by all means go ahead, and I wish you the best of luck. The struggle to get over one's flaws is a constant throughout life, and releasing that you actually need to fight in this struggle is the first step to getting the upper hand.  
 
As I've said before, I don't even remember why I didn't like you. I barely see you now, true, and I have been absent many times from this site, so of course one's memory of the people on it will fade with time. Whatever you have done in the past I don't wish to know. Look ahead to how you can change; and posts like this are the first steps into not making the same mistakes again, whatever they actually might be. When you regret something, don't run away from it like I did. Don't ignore it and pretend it didn't happen. And worst of all, don't let it hang over your head and remain a regret forever. You obviously regret it for a reason, and although you can't change the fact that you did it, you can definitely make sure it doesn't happen again.

 

You shouldn't change because you want to be liked. You should change to become a better person.
 

And hey, you know what? If this post is just a rant, if it wasn't any help at all, if I said things I shouldn't have, I want you, or anyone reading this, to tell me. While this may be something I regret doing, if so, hopefully I can learn from it.

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You can have whatever opinions you want about anything. You don’t need people to tell you what to think. Don’t constantly look back, wondering if you shouldn’t have done that.

 

Believe me, I have written waaaay cringier stuff than anyone else on this site. Did I ever say this was my only website?

 

The point is, you don’t need people to tell you what to feel. If you feel you need to change, do it. If you are fine with who you are, then that’s fine too.

 

I don’t care if you are white, black, male, female, or anything in between those things. Be who you want to be, not what others want you to be.

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Okay so:

The people who matter don't care [about superficial sheet, but are otherwise caring people who do care about you for you.]

The people who care [about superficial sheet but aren't generally caring people and don't care about you for you] don't matter.

 

That's a bit of a mouthful though. 

 

"Evade shallow bastards." would be my proposed personal platitude, but I also evade platitudes so I have a bit more room to manoeuvre. 1818.png

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