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The Fear In Our Eyes


Nathanael D. Striker

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Everyone has at least one fear, even if that fear isn't that significant. For me, one of my greatest fears is the fear of failure. Why failure? Failure means I didn't do as good as I thought I should have done, I didn't put enough effort into it, etc. Sure, failure is good for people, but I hardly see it that way when I fail at something I shouldn't have. Note that the fear of rejection falls under the fear of failure for me, which kinda makes it worse imo. Another fear I have is the fear of the unknown. What will happen to me after I graduate from Portland State? Where would I live? I like having an idea of what will happen, and not knowing just puts me on an edge that I don't want to be on.

 

So YCM, what are some of your fears?

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  • Definitely failing courses in college, given the time limit I have right now.
    • I cannot afford any more failure if I'm to get out of college by 2020 at the latest, because I'm on my own in terms of health coverage afterwards. May be much earlier if a certain man modifies the healthcare system again. And yeah, keeping burden down on my family.
    • I mean, I can go out saying that I tried my best, but I need to pass to move on. (And by that, just get the credit and the minimum of passing; plus retain min GPA overall, which I am)
  • Partial heights (but that's mostly due to if there's no barrier and the risk of slipping if something happens at high elevation.)
  • Death (don't we all?)
    • I have a lot of unfulfilled commitments for my life and it will suck if I'm gone before they're all taken care of, either if nature takes its course or man-made.
  • Loss (Moreso because I don't have siblings to fall back on, my relationships with cousins/relatives range from nonexistent to rare for various reasons that were caused by them and yeah, parents are getting older. Or moreso, my social circle is very small.)

I probably got minor ones that are somewhat irrational, but these are the major ones. And yeah, I'm worried about how well I did this fall, especially for one course (even if the instructor was legit bad and rushed everything / didn't explain well). 

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