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Shyness, Stage Fright, Anxiety, etc


mido9

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Have you ever had/have any sort of shyness/etc?

 

I have, but I got over it just bc I realized a lot of people don't have any sort of big expectations or expect much, and if you basically do even sorta decent you're going to look like a star/look assertive/be really good. They also aren't very excited themselves, if you do any sort of cool move you're going to look high energy. That and nobody's gonna remember any mistakes you make anyway other than completely insane moves, so whatever.

 

Also, all the people I remember who were really good were just kinda OK but you remember their best a lot more than their decent/bad.

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When I was really young, I used to be very shy and antisocial. I never initiated conversation, and didn't pursue getting to know strangers, instead kinda just letting everything happen. In 8th grade, I had a crush on a girl who was a friend of mine, and she was very social. Not exactly popular, but moreso the friendly, wacky type. Since I wanted her to like me, I kinda just decided that would be the kind of person I would be.

 

Over the next few years after that, I made efforts to get to know the people around me, to socialize with people I otherwise wouldn't, and to just be a more interesting person all around. Though the crush on her quickly faded, the ways I changed myself did not. At this point in my life, I firmly believe my social skills to be my single strongest asset. That weird personality test that pops up on year every year or so shows me to be extremely extroverted, and only going further in that direction as time passes.

 

There really is nothing wrong with being shy, introverted, or just plain quiet. For a lot of people, it's simply a more comfortable way to live, as everyone gets different things out of life and has their own personal tastes and experiences. For me, however, moving past that was something that was absolutely a change for the better, and I love being the person I became as a result of this change.

 

So yeah, thanks middle school crush.

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Approach anxiety.

Holy hell, lately I have been dealing with this one big time. In PUA (Pick Up groups), there is something called approach anxiety, which is when people get anxiety from the prospect of going up to a girl (or anyone in that matter). It can come in any form, but the premise is one which halts someone from going up to someone to ask them out, going for what they want. I used to be on top of this and I wouldn't let it stop me too often, because I had almost nothing to lose. But I have been caught up on this girl for way toooooo long that I don't know what the funk I am doing when it comes to her or other people, yet I already know that I just have to go up and talk to them.

 

I get nervous that I'll be seen by this girl as a player or as if I am talking to other people, when she already knows about my dating past, and I am not in a committed relationship with her, (yet?). So, I haven't gone up to anyone to talk to ask them out because I am hung up on someone else, and it stunted me from being more on top of talking to other people. I just don't go up to other people nowadays, when I used to do it, regardless of wanting to date them or just talk to them.

 

I am not usually shy or introverted, as I still talk to my friends and people I am already acquainted with, but I am not acquainting myself with anyone new like I used to. My friends have this thing about me where I know everyone practically. If I don't, I'll get to know you regardless just because I am going up to talk to you. I still have that stigma, but I am not following it. The saying is one that I used to take pride in, part of my mantra to everyday life. I haven't followed it much lately, especially since I started dating this girl. I don't know if that is good or not, but I am not liking it too much. We'll see how things go. I am not too worried since I have a great friend group and still have a lot of different friends all around that I can hang out with or making friends through.

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Honestly my anxiety can be so degrading at times. 

 

I have a hard time making actual friendships because when I'm meeting people for the first time my nerves spike up and my mind goes on auto pilot. I'll say some really dumb stuff, or I'll have a hard time making normal conversation/not sounding like a complete ass. 

The other part of my anxiety rests in college. Whenever I have to deal with financial aid my blood pressure spikes up and I feel myself avoiding it for as long as possible. As a kid I was more outgoing and I never really had an issue with saying stupid stuff but as I've gotten older I've built up a lot of anxiety over how I present myself, and at times I've come off as a jerk because I can't seem to relax. I've also realized that I kinda hate parties because I worry and psyche myself out over them for days at a time. 

 

So idk, I really value established friendships because I'm not stressing as much.  

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