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BREAKING NEWS: Local man shoots his alarm clock with AR-15 after it disturbed his patriotic wet dream.


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“That damn alarm clock interrupted my dream about being the dreamboat commie slayer,” The man said, trying to hide his extremely obvious southern accent. “Ain’t no commie alarm clock gonna disrupt my dreams, ya got it? I did what any real American would do; I got my rifle and shot the funker into metal pieces. This is a lesson for all you muthafuckin alarm clocks; Don’t mess with Amurica jabroni.” For unknown reasons, France surrended to this lone man, despite not having any subtle romantic relationships with known commies.

 

However, our beloved Dad had this to say; “Were that my house, I would grab the belt and whoop the ‘murica right out of his jabroni ass. I ain’t no commie. In fact, I light those muthafuckas up on every block.”

 

What did MACHISMO have to say? “My brother outshined me in “murica funk yeah” again :(“ MACHISMO was last seen listening to Last Resort by Papa Roach.

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