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The chest that is bigger on the inside (Original Work)


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#1
xray1324

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    Last Visit Jun 14 2018 07:07 PM

There was nothing in the attic but one small wooden chest. The moonlit shone through one lone window in the attic, illuminating the barren attic. The wooden floor of the attic was bare and made out of mismatched wooden planks of various kinds. It wasn’t taken care of very well. That was true because the whole house had not been visited for a very long time. An ‘eternity’, in-fact. This home had been unbought, unused for centuries. It showed, as no maintenance had been done on it. But it was still standing... Barely.

 

A young boy with black matted and dirty hair, sneaked into the house with a sneaky grin, while outside, a crew of government-hired demolishers waited for permission to blow up the house. The boy was led by supernatural forces that were unseen by the boy. He was guided quickly by his ‘gut feeling’ that was actually more of a spirit’s trickery to push him into their domain. Part to use him, and part to save him from his untimely death. But either way, going to their domain, would kill him regardless.

 

He entered the attic, and ‘curiosity’ brimmed as he walked slowly and carefully towards the small wooden chest, that glowed peculiarly, slowly putting his hand on it. He put his other hand on the opening of the wooden chest, and slowly opened it as it made an eerie creaking sound.

 

There was a flash of bright blue spooky light as the boy’s body fell to the floor. But it wasn’t over.

It was far from over.

The demolition experts from the government were surprised by the flash from the attic, but ignored it, blaming it on phenomenon.

 

The boy found himself in another room now, lying on stone cold ground that was almost colourless. It had barely a shade of white. His body had a strange transparent sheen to it that was completely unnatural. He shakingly stood up, feeling weak. But he fell back down again when he found he was chained to the ground by… something. There was no words to describe what was holding him down, but just ‘something’. Just that he had no idea where he was, or how to break free, and with each second he felt his body getting weaker. Soon, he felt like he wanted so desperately to just fall asleep. With the faintest of determination he had left, he kept himself awake.

However, quickly this was not enough.

He felt his whole will, all of his being come into one, and then in an instant, it all fell apart. He ceased to exist, as his energy went into a glass chamber that was now 75% full.

They needed one more human’s life energy to break free and get into the human realm. The beings from the other world had agents from their side to do this. All they needed to do was wait. Then, their conquest would begin.



#2
tristyjo

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    Last Visit Mar 07 2018 09:15 PM

Great Intro to a story. May I know when the continuation will be posted?



#3
xray1324

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    Last Visit Jun 14 2018 07:07 PM

This was a short story that I wrote as part of a competition, there will be no continuation (probably)



#4
MewMew3

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    Last Visit Jun 03 2018 02:29 PM

Certainly got me hooked into the story. Shame for the raven-haired kid. I was getting to like him and you killed him off. 



#5
Mazerrick

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    Last Visit Mar 18 2018 12:56 AM

If you don't mind some constructive criticism, I'd work on your word choice.

 

 

There was nothing in the attic but one small wooden chest. The moonlit shone through one lone window in the attic, illuminating the barren attic. The wooden floor of the attic was bare and made out of mismatched wooden planks of various kinds. It wasn’t taken care of very well. That was true because the whole house had not been visited for a very long time. An ‘eternity’, in-fact. This home had been unbought, unused for centuries. It showed, as no maintenance had been done on it. But it was still standing... Barely.

 

A young boy with black matted and dirty hair, sneaked into the house with a sneaky grin, while outside, a crew of government-hired demolishers waited for permission to blow up the house. 

-snip

 

You establish that the attic is empty, and then use the adjective 'bare' to describe it twice. The first one is fine honestly, but using the same word again in the next sentence when you've already said that the attic was empty save for the box is pushing it. 

 

If you see a word that you've repeated just use a thesaurus or google synonyms because you shouldn't really be repeating words like that.

 

Ex.

 

A young boy with black matted and dirty hair, sneaked into the house with a mischievous  grin...

 

That conveys the same message with better flow.

 

Keep at it! 


I still play Magic Cylinder.





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