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BREAKING NEWS: Bombing in Comments & Suggestions, 37 dead, 55 injured


Just Crouton

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Early today, YCM was shakened by a bombing in the beloved Comments & Suggestions section.

 

Witnesses claim that user !! Donny !! entered the section, complaining that he didn't feel well. The witnesses saw a lot of blood coming from his rear-end. Minutes later, he exploded.

 

So far, 37 members have been reported dead, the ones identified so far !karategirl!, #1 Yugioh Master, #1997, $samster$, and >masterofcards<. Many of the other members were burned beyond recognition.

 

The only two YCMPD detectives, rookies Thomas Zero and Swag Compton, have linked the bombing to a cult known as The Church of Assbombers, who worship Assbominus, the only god that survived MACHISMO's deicidal rampage years ago that led to his acquiring the universal power of MACHISMO. Thomas reportedly wanted to seek out MACHISMO, who disappeared off the grid months ago, for help, but was immediately shot down by Winged Kuriboh.

 

The cult leader, Salazar Von Itwazmi Evildouche, denies any involvement, claiming The Church of Assbombers is a church that promotes love and unity among all sentient life.

 

A visibly shaken YCMPD Chief Goose declared that the YCMPD will bring the offenders to justice, brandishing a stack of Volcanic Shells while clearly holding back tears.

 

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BREAKING NEWS: 

After months of debate, YCM Congress has decided to pass the YCM Patriot Act of 2018, allowing the mods to check the federal records of anyone they suspect to be involved in terrorism. 

 

The legislation sparked a massive debate, and almost everyone had an opinion that differed from everyone else. The YCM Fire Department and YCM Environmental Department were put on high alert after an incident where SkaterTheDJWolf, infamous for becoming obsessed with certain things at certain times for a while and being caught up in waves of irrational butthurt, accidentally sliced open a KaibaCorp TeraSafe Trash Erasure Unit that was still erasing the trash inside of it during a debate with his angry, cutting remarks about the Patriot Act and a certain individual who supported it, resulting in a massive spill of bits and bytes of data, and a later incident where a building was set on fire by Dad roasting Skater for being so butthurt.

 

Here are some samples of opinions.

 

"YCM just CAN'T DO THIS TO US. This is an ERASURE of HUMAN RIGHTS TO PRIVACY. now any mod can accuse anyone they don't like of being involved in terrorism, and screen them to obtain their data and zucc that person for profit. UNACCEPTABLE. I demand my rights!" -SkaterTheDJWolf

 

"It's not like this affects us at all, given that the mods could already check everyone's data when they wanted, and besides, as a former mod, I can testify that no one was selling anyone's privacy back then. Why would this document cause any particular problems if it doesn't really change much and the mods wouldn't abuse it anyway?" -Yui

 

"I don't trust YCM and I think they shouldn't trust themselves with this legislation" -White

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"It's not like this affects us at all, given that the mods could already check everyone's data when they wanted, and besides, as a former mod, I can testify that no one was selling anyone's privacy back then. Why would this document cause any particular problems if it doesn't really change much and the mods wouldn't abuse it anyway?" -Yui

What part of "please don't use me for these types of posts" is so difficult for people to comprehend?

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