(Story) An idea that has been in my head for a while.

[Phelphor, of the Deep]

This is a story that has been in my head for years. I want to pitch the idea to a network to get an animated TV show on nick, CN and or, ETC.) I have planed out pretty far (knowing how I want the season 1 to end plus how season 2 would open up. also, how I would structure the first season 1 and how season 2) I am inspired by shows like avatar the last airbender, MTG and etc. I hope you enjoy it. A small intro be ok? I do not wish to break the rules or anything.... and will keep adding as time goes on. a weekly entry where I will put in about a half of "chapter" to a full "chapter".

 

This about a group within the Ikrokya Empire and the rumors behind WTD (worse than death). Rumors have circulated throughout the empire about how this sadistic man (of various descriptions) would play with his victims and death is surely will come but at an extremely slow rate. None was spared if they angered WTD. In the years to come everyone will know at least something about WTD. Before WTD was legend that he is, during the early years of the empire there was a man that is named Asha Herrick. Asha is a young slightly tanned man with curly brown hair, has tired eyes, slightly tall, just above average height, skinny lanky structure with long dancer legs. Asha always wears long very worn shirts and pants. In his youth, Asha had no real inspirations or motivations. Asha Herrick lives in the poor end of the Ikrokya Empire and has always done the right thing, more or less. Asha was a loner and never really made an effort to make connection with others. The world where Ikrokya Empire lays, magic exist and people are born being in tuned to elemental magic but, while it is somewhat uncommon for people not be good at elemental magic, they still can do some non-elemental magic. Asha was unique in a way as he was not partially good at elemental type magic. The more rare can do multiple types of elemental magic, Asha could only do non-elemental magic.

 

It is a commonplace for members with different elemental magic to band together defend each other from their weakpoints and make new strong combination magic. WTD is famous for the combination magic that his comrades lend him, adding his twisted strength to it to the unlucky to cross him.

[Dova]

I know this isn't an actual sample of the writing, but assuming this blurb is designed to give people an overview of the world and story while also trying to get them invested in said world/story, it could use several improvements.
 
Firstly, the english. I don't know if it is your first language or not, but if not, I would recommend going about trying to improve it before writing a story in english. The grammar isn't so bad except at certain points, but there are many awkward and confusing sentences within the piece as a whole regardless. For example, the line: "Before WTD was legendary, Asha Herrick is a young man with curly brown hair." What is the relation between the two facts? You've just spent about 70 words basically telling us that WTD is an evil "legendary" person who is...somehow connected to an empire who likes to torture people who anger to death, and then you tell us to forget about him immediately afterwards?
 
Having read this, the only things I know about the world is that there's an empire, a guy called WTD does will exist, and magic of some description is also there, but fortunately I am also aware that Asha has long legs. Like a dancer. Elemental and non-elemental magic is used by the people...whatever those mean. I'm unsure if most people are good at some elemental magic or good at all elemental mag. Who's doing the non-elemental magic; everyone, or just the uncommon people? "Asha was unique in a way as he was not partially good at certain elemental magic" Don't quite understand what this sentence means.

 
Focusing on the description of the character, of which the only hint towards any personality in the line "Asha had no real inspirations or motivation." doesn't get one invested. I'm going to take the past tense as meaning "...until it all began" or something similar, as a main character without real inspirations or motivations for the duration of the story won't be very interesting to journey with. If he journeys at all, considering he would have no motivation to do so.

 

I would comment more about the idea, but you haven't given me anything to work with. Asha seems like he could be an interesting character, being an outsider who's at least initially okay with that and just lives life as it comes, but I have no idea what separates this from any other fantasy world, or even story.

 

You don't have to change the blurb, as your story could definitely speak for itself, but introductions are there for a reason regardless. They get people introduced briefly into the world, the story, or at least the themes, and yours doesn't really do anything. Fixing it up could be a good writing exercise.

[Phelphor, of the Deep]

writing is not my forte. but I will try to improve as I go. I have improved it a little and adding a little more later sometime next week.