Jump to content

Welcome to Yugioh Card Maker Forum
Register now to gain access to all of our features. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, post status updates, manage your profile and so much more. This message will be removed once you have signed in.
Login to Account Create an Account
Photo

Yu-Gi-Oh: Domino Elementary [OOC/Accepting/Started]

- - - - - Yugioh OOC Accepting

  • Please log in to reply
76 replies to this topic

#61
Archtoddler

Archtoddler

    Member

  • Members
  • 44 posts
    Last Visit Dec 09 2018 05:23 AM
  • Discord:Idea#5893

 

interesting character but, despite the quirkiness of her playing a deck that she may not completely understand, she seems a little bland and I can't really find any motivation for her, unless I misread something that is also you didn't put down a birthday which is used as a plot device to let characters duel whoever they want. Onto the cards, while I appreciate the time you took to make a  complete deck list it, along with a non-custom card list (unless of course you deck doesn't use any customs) aren't required for this RP, not saying get rid of it just thought it worth mentioning. one or two of the customs are just ridiculous while a lot of the rest have some minor wording problems that make it hard to understand what they're suppose to do at first glance, such as the case of "baby bottle" where, until i saw it was an equip card after reading it a couple times (which i admit is my own fault for not seeing) i couldn't figure out what monster would be gaining ATK. I'm going to list the rest of the cards I had an issue with below (The ones that absolutely need to be changed or removed or in black), hopefully i'm just missing something and the majority of cards don't have to be redone or replaced. Rejected pending response.

Beauty Magical Experiment

based on it being it's own sentance i'm guessing the ritual summon part happens regardless of whether or not you have a spellcaster? i'm no expert with the way things should be worded but i suggest making it a single sentence and changing "Then" to "after this card relolves"

Bright Future

while it doesn't effect the outcome of the card monsters don't "gain" levels in the sense you're using it, "gain" would be used in an effect where their level just becomes that of the target, for the card to work how you want it their levels would have to be "increased"

Divine New Dawn

again the wording change doesn't affect the card, it's more just to clean it up a bit

This card cannot be negated. Choose one:
*Ritual Summon one "Reborn: The Baby Dragon of Ra" from your hand or GY by tributing monsters whose levels equal 12 or above (at least 3), this summon cannot be negated. 
*Tribute 1 "REBORN: The Baby Dragon of Ra" Special Summon "The Winged Dragon of Ra" or "Hamon, Lord of Striking Thunder" from your hand ignoring summoning conditions, this summon cannot be negated.
Floaty Castle
The destruction prevention effect is to strong even if it's coin flip dependent, especially in an RP where you can just decide the coin results, change it to once per turn
Pacifier
not sure what your intention was with it but saying the equipped monster can't activate effects doesn't stop passsive effects (if that's what their called) such as dream gardners ability to make monsters Lvl 3 and count as Lvl 5 for ritual summons
Play Pretend
for the second effect, do you banish it from the hand? the deck? the GY? it's a normal spell so you can't banish it from the field. and if it is from the GY can both these effects be actiavted the same turn?
Pot of Cookies
500 free lifepoint per turn seems a bit much, maybe lower it to 300 or add a cost?
Reborn: Dream Gardener
for the last effect change it to "You can Banish this card from your GY as a tribute for a Ritual Summon" the way you have it now is worded in a way that it would activate after the monster is summoned i think
Reborn: Omega Project Alpha Lion
While I won't force you to remove it and it is kinda hard to pull off i'd rather not have win condition effects in decks unless that's the focus of the deck, the former makes it an exciting race against the clock story wise while the latter just gives a character an easy out when they're in a tough spot
Reborn: Baby Dragon of Ra
anything that doubles your LP is OP, especially in a deck focused on gaining as much LP as possible, i'm also confused by the second ability, there's no rule that says you can't go higher than your starting LP in yugioh so there isn't really such thing as "surplus" LP
Sleepy Baby
what do you mean by "The entire tribute and up to five tributes"
Stroller
so does a monster effect have to change it to ATK or can it only change to ATK if another monster does first?
Protection of the Sacred Eagle
by "with a monster" do you mean against a monster you control, meaning you can't activate this card if it's a direct attack?
Ultimate Combustion
ignoring the wording, a card that randomly deals damage to players until it's negated or a player loses is unfair, if they didn't negate or destroy it the first time they probably don't have anything to stop it. if you can win the game with just one card that card is probably to strong

 

 

 

Hmmm... Firstly, thank you for the feedback! I am aware that some of the cards had wording problems , though I thought it best to deliver a character within a more reasonable time frame. I apologize. That said, after reading your comment, and I want to preface what I'm about to say by stating this is of course, nothing you've done wrong, I believe attempting to rework all of the details you find necessary would lead to a fundamental change in the character or deck, potentially making the later unviable. Some things boil down to small corrections or things that I simply didn't do yet because I still needed to round out the final details- Like putting in a birthday or the motivation for entering the tournament or explaining that Pot Of Cookie's cost is that while it is face up it doesn't auto-blow-up and has a much higher risk of your opponent destroying it to draw those two cards during their turn or that Pacifier is only supposed to stop ignition and trigger effects, not continuous ones. Other problems, however, are less fixable. If Ra doesn't double your LP, then I would either have to have it give a large amount of LP instead (which would arguably be even more powerful, because it doesn't account for the fact that you're likely to loose a lot of LP just from your opponent trying to win) or it probably wouldn't ever work because it relies on your LP going over your starting LP for stats. If Ultimate combustion doesn't end the game, at the risk of you loosing instead, then the entire point of its existence is null and void. Two of the deck's win conditions are suddenly gone that way, leaving only Omega Lion. On the character side, you find the conflicts I set for the character - deep envy and an attempt to nonetheless keep impressions in a situation that hurts her but where nothing particularly bad is actually happening to her - to be bland. 

 

The only real choices therefore would be to completely alter at their core both the deck and the character. I simply don't believe I would have the time or the motivation to do that. Once again: You did nothing wrong. I am not saying you did. Your comments may be a fair assessment and judgment upon the cards and the character in the light of the RP's needs. But at this time, I just don't think I can go along with altering my work to such a deep extent.

 

Thank you very much for the opportunity to apply and I wish you all the best with this RP and everything in ya're lives! 



#62
0PxPz0

0PxPz0

    It's Rotting

  • Topic Starter
  • Advanced Members
  • 494 posts
    Last Visit

Hmmm... Firstly, thank you for the feedback! I am aware that some of the cards had wording problems , though I thought it best to deliver a character within a more reasonable time frame. I apologize. That said, after reading your comment, and I want to preface what I'm about to say by stating this is of course, nothing you've done wrong, I believe attempting to rework all of the details you find necessary would lead to a fundamental change in the character or deck, potentially making the later unviable. Some things boil down to small corrections or things that I simply didn't do yet because I still needed to round out the final details- Like putting in a birthday or the motivation for entering the tournament or explaining that Pot Of Cookie's cost is that while it is face up it doesn't auto-blow-up and has a much higher risk of your opponent destroying it to draw those two cards during their turn or that Pacifier is only supposed to stop ignition and trigger effects, not continuous ones. Other problems, however, are less fixable. If Ra doesn't double your LP, then I would either have to have it give a large amount of LP instead (which would arguably be even more powerful, because it doesn't account for the fact that you're likely to loose a lot of LP just from your opponent trying to win) or it probably wouldn't ever work because it relies on your LP going over your starting LP for stats. If Ultimate combustion doesn't end the game, at the risk of you loosing instead, then the entire point of its existence is null and void. Two of the deck's win conditions are suddenly gone that way, leaving only Omega Lion. On the character side, you find the conflicts I set for the character - deep envy and an attempt to nonetheless keep impressions in a situation that hurts her but where nothing particularly bad is actually happening to her - to be bland. 

 

The only real choices therefore would be to completely alter at their core both the deck and the character. I simply don't believe I would have the time or the motivation to do that. Once again: You did nothing wrong. I am not saying you did. Your comments may be a fair assessment and judgment upon the cards and the character in the light of the RP's needs. But at this time, I just don't think I can go along with altering my work to such a deep extent.

 

Thank you very much for the opportunity to apply and I wish you all the best with this RP and everything in ya're lives! 

    thank you for clearing up a few things, addressing the issues i had with your character i don't find a "deep envy and an attempt to nonetheless keep impressions in a situation that hurts her but where nothing particularly bad is actually happening to her" necessarily boring but the way they were presented in Akacha, at least in my opinion, didn't bring anything new to the table, we have a kid who's trying to be a pro duelist for  his father in Tythes character and, while they are slightly different, the two are to similar, i'm not saying change it but more expand on how she goes about achieving her goals. as far as lacking a birthday/ reason for investment in the tournament i just mentioned those in case you'd forgotten, but i cannot stress enough that I would never want to put someone in a position where they have to change their character to a point where it's not them anymore just for me to accept it.

    I actually completely misread pot of cookies and didn't see that the turn player got the draw not it's controller so that cards clear along with pacifier now that I know you intended it to work that way and, as i said, i'm not going to reject your character for having a win condition card i'm just worried it might end up being a deus ex machina at some point, more just something to keep in mind. onto Ra and Combustion, doubling your lifepoints just isn't something i can allow, if it was a set value dependent on a factor (say something hundred times the number of spells in you GY since you have a lot of focus on spell cards, or times the number of level three or lower monsters on the field) it would be fine, I've experimented with lifepoint gain effects before and know from my own experience that even if your lifepoints can get low that doesn't balance out something doubling them, especially when comparing it to other cards. for ultimate combustion i'm not quite sure how to balance it while keeping the spirit of the card, as far as it being a risk it comes across the same issue as "Floaty Castle", in an RP you decide what the result of the coin flip is so there's really no risk unless you actually flip a coin or something which I have no way to prove, it also has the issue of being boring for the other players as they just have to watch lifepoints drain until someone loses because they didn't have a response to a single card at the time, I suppose if you wanted to keep the big damage big risk aspect, which i'm certainly fine with, it could be something like "Flip a coin until you call it wrong then inflict damage to both players equal to the amount of times the coin was flipped x(insert number here)" while that example has the same issues as the original it's still a more balanced card


Insanity.


#63
Raven Evalon

Raven Evalon

    The Rockin Talkin Furry Trans Girl

  • Advanced Members
  • 687 posts
    Last Visit 10 minutes ago
  • Discord:5ēbì☆€√äløπ#5097
  • Alias:Kyumi Niusuki

Noting Interest, Working on a character as we speak.


"Purgatory is a sad place anyway..."

My Archetypes:

The Users I look up to as a Mentor:

Goal:



Name Change History


99% of people die when they are killed. If you are part of that 1% who won't, put this in your Signature.

#64
Raven Evalon

Raven Evalon

    The Rockin Talkin Furry Trans Girl

  • Advanced Members
  • 687 posts
    Last Visit 10 minutes ago
  • Discord:5ēbì☆€√äløπ#5097
  • Alias:Kyumi Niusuki
An Optimistic Choild

"Purgatory is a sad place anyway..."

My Archetypes:

The Users I look up to as a Mentor:

Goal:



Name Change History


99% of people die when they are killed. If you are part of that 1% who won't, put this in your Signature.

#65
0PxPz0

0PxPz0

    It's Rotting

  • Topic Starter
  • Advanced Members
  • 494 posts
    Last Visit

An Optimistic Choild

A wonderfully written character but I do have a few notes, firstly i'll get the small stuff out of the way, there is no prize for the tournament, it's just an excuse for some of the NPC's to bully a kid they don't like. second I can't accept or decline without the completed cards, although I'm guessing you knew that by the note above them I just thought I'd say it to be safe. onto my only real problem with her, Amaryllis is written a bit to seriously for this RP. I'm trying to keep it light and fun, no evil duelist trying to take over the world with card games, no secret magic duel spirits, so i'm worried that a character with this much "baggage" for lack of a better word won't really fit in with the cast of regular kids that just want to play a game. pm me and we'll do a test run so I can see how you'll play her.


Insanity.


#66
Raven Evalon

Raven Evalon

    The Rockin Talkin Furry Trans Girl

  • Advanced Members
  • 687 posts
    Last Visit 10 minutes ago
  • Discord:5ēbì☆€√äløπ#5097
  • Alias:Kyumi Niusuki

Oh no, I knew that there was no prize, I was just saying that even if there was one, she wouldn't care.

I also understood that I cannot be accepted or declined till the archetype is finished, hence why I gave the little note I did saying that I wasn't finished with that part just yet.

And finally, I understand that the RP is supposed to have a light hearted theme. In no way is her backstory supposed to infringe on that. All her backstory is and would do, is that she has a horrible home life, and in RP, it would just show her running home after schooldays, or running through town to get to her mom. I only put that as a means to explain who she is, not to add anything to the main plot.

 

ALSO:

 

If anyone would like to help me make the Xyz monsters for this archetype, THAT WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED! I am having a really hard time thinking of effects for them...


"Purgatory is a sad place anyway..."

My Archetypes:

The Users I look up to as a Mentor:

Goal:



Name Change History


99% of people die when they are killed. If you are part of that 1% who won't, put this in your Signature.

#67
Ciao Babe (not really)

Ciao Babe (not really)

    Fuck me gently with a chainsaw

  • CHAZZ IT UP
  • 743 posts
    Last Visit Today, 12:03 AM
  • Discord:XOXOnotreally#6571
  • Spouse:Dae and Darj

Sorry for my absence. Will be posting later today.


Rep Card by Jay, a friend I won't forget

Thank You

Mission Accomplished

 

My Actual Wife
 

 


#68
Raven Evalon

Raven Evalon

    The Rockin Talkin Furry Trans Girl

  • Advanced Members
  • 687 posts
    Last Visit 10 minutes ago
  • Discord:5ēbì☆€√äløπ#5097
  • Alias:Kyumi Niusuki

Posting to say:

 

I HAVE FINISHED THE CARDS IN THE "CRYSTALLINE" ARCHETYPE AND AM READY FOR THE FINAL JUDGEMENT!

 

PS: I am aware that her decklist is not the best it could be. I'm leaving room for character development, new cards from the card seller, and other stuff.


"Purgatory is a sad place anyway..."

My Archetypes:

The Users I look up to as a Mentor:

Goal:



Name Change History


99% of people die when they are killed. If you are part of that 1% who won't, put this in your Signature.

#69
0PxPz0

0PxPz0

    It's Rotting

  • Topic Starter
  • Advanced Members
  • 494 posts
    Last Visit

An Optimistic Choild

Accepted, although I noticed you didn't do anything to fix Azurite Animist yet so until it's monster effect is usable I ask you avoid it in duels


Insanity.


#70
Raven Evalon

Raven Evalon

    The Rockin Talkin Furry Trans Girl

  • Advanced Members
  • 687 posts
    Last Visit 10 minutes ago
  • Discord:5ēbì☆€√äløπ#5097
  • Alias:Kyumi Niusuki
Fixed. Should I go ahead and make my first post?

"Purgatory is a sad place anyway..."

My Archetypes:

The Users I look up to as a Mentor:

Goal:



Name Change History


99% of people die when they are killed. If you are part of that 1% who won't, put this in your Signature.

#71
0PxPz0

0PxPz0

    It's Rotting

  • Topic Starter
  • Advanced Members
  • 494 posts
    Last Visit

whenever you're ready, just keep in mind what's already been established with the other posts


Insanity.


#72
Raven Evalon

Raven Evalon

    The Rockin Talkin Furry Trans Girl

  • Advanced Members
  • 687 posts
    Last Visit 10 minutes ago
  • Discord:5ēbì☆€√äløπ#5097
  • Alias:Kyumi Niusuki
Posted. I kept up with the previous posts too btw

"Purgatory is a sad place anyway..."

My Archetypes:

The Users I look up to as a Mentor:

Goal:



Name Change History


99% of people die when they are killed. If you are part of that 1% who won't, put this in your Signature.

#73
0PxPz0

0PxPz0

    It's Rotting

  • Topic Starter
  • Advanced Members
  • 494 posts
    Last Visit

@Ciao Babe (not really)

please add to your recent IC post to meet the 100 word requirement


Insanity.


#74
Ciao Babe (not really)

Ciao Babe (not really)

    Fuck me gently with a chainsaw

  • CHAZZ IT UP
  • 743 posts
    Last Visit Today, 12:03 AM
  • Discord:XOXOnotreally#6571
  • Spouse:Dae and Darj

@Ciao Babe (not really)

please add to your recent IC post to meet the 100 word requirement

 

Literally 18 words off, cant tell unless you count them out but ok. 18 words added.


Rep Card by Jay, a friend I won't forget

Thank You

Mission Accomplished

 

My Actual Wife
 

 


#75
God Emperor Cow

God Emperor Cow

    Merry Neomas!

  • Moderators
  • 11,816 posts
    Last Visit 20 minutes ago
  • Alias:Lord CowCow
  • Spouse:Shiki/Aix

Literally 18 words off, cant tell unless you count them out but ok. 18 words added.

And I do count all the words of all the posts. I'm always. watching
Usually I'm leniant but given your smart ass edit next time I won't be as much.

8PBUpdp.gif


#76
Ciao Babe (not really)

Ciao Babe (not really)

    Fuck me gently with a chainsaw

  • CHAZZ IT UP
  • 743 posts
    Last Visit Today, 12:03 AM
  • Discord:XOXOnotreally#6571
  • Spouse:Dae and Darj

And I do count all the words of all the posts. I'm always. watching
Usually I'm leniant but given your smart ass edit next time I won't be as much.

 

Noted <3


Rep Card by Jay, a friend I won't forget

Thank You

Mission Accomplished

 

My Actual Wife
 

 


#77
Tythe

Tythe

    The Aloof One

  • Elite Members
  • 4,585 posts
    Last Visit
  • Alias:Tinkerer
My character probably won't make it back to the room before the timer runs out. If you want to move forward with the next part of the assignment, you can make a post before Jacob gets back.
Hello, fine peoples!

Oh hey, something notable I guess




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users