God Emperor Cow

(video seems bit distorted at the start)

Yeah that's a mouthful. Anyway. So I, for a couple years, did carry-out at work. I cashier now but I also do carry-out. What that means is basically I bring in the carts and help people load things in their cars all day (and some more but that's the main thing). So I'm out in the parking lot 90% of the day. And there are some...odd things that I come across.

Note: I may have forgotten some things that were weirder these are the ones that first came to mind.

#5: The fight against alcoholism never ends.

Around the first month of working there I was with one of the other carry-outs by one of the cart corrals (Big, steel, canopies where people are supposed to leave their carts).

I noticed a full six pack of beer, unopened, next to one of the trash cans. I can only assume someone decided that their husband/wife/etc needed to cut back. I let the other carry-out deal with it...which he apparently did by putting it in his car. I wouldn't trust it but he didn't die so....

#4: Winter is coming, who needs to keep things chill?

This one was tonight. At around 7-8 PM I was going to a cart corral to grab a line of carts when, in the dark, in the rain, I noticed a dark object. Thinking maybe it was a box someone left (people like to, if something doesn't quite fit in their car, take it out of the box and dump said box in the parking lot) I went over to grab it.

It was a mini fridge. I stared at it for a bit wondering if I should open it. What if there was like...a head or an animal in it? I decided just to open it and let whatever happens happen. It was...empty. And clean. In fact except for the area around the cord, which was a bit dirty, it was perfectly clean. I brought it back to receiving so they could figure out how to dispose of it (It's not even a brand we sell) and one of the guys plugged it in.

It was fully functional.

I don't know what prompted someone to dump a usable fridge in the parking lot but now it's in our used appliances area. My first thought was perhaps someone took it out to load something and forgot but it was actually INSIDE the corral, not just next to it.

#3: This is either a sad or creepy story.

I can't remember exactly when this was. Sometime in my first year of working though. It wasn't the winter, either. In any case I found this after close, after all the customers were gone, when I was doing a final check for carts.

By one of the light posts was one of those lunch box cooler things. It seemed so...intentionally placed that, in my tired and hungry mind, my first thought was that it might be a bomb.

So of course I check. No noise, nudged it, nothing. Opened it up.

It was filled with baby clothing. I am not even sure I want to know what happened here but I still wonder about it to this day.

#2: With legs like these who needs a hunting license.

This was sometime last year. I found, in one of the parking spaces, a severed deer leg. Now, this is a hunting area, it's not entirely surprising that perhaps it fell from someone's truck (still weird). But the oddest part of this, for me, was that the SECOND deer leg was found in a completely different parking space. Maybe the deer wanted to go for one last run. I can't help but wonder where the other two legs were.

Now, how do you top animal parts? Well, with more animal parts of course!

#1: That's...not ice.

This was during my first Winter at the job. Nearer to the end of Winter. There was snow and ice around but it wasn't as prevalent as earlier in the year. About the first hour of my shift. I was heading over to one of the farther corrals which was pretty full. I noticed that one of the carts inside the corral, at the end of a row of them, had what I thought was a large chunk of ice. Thought that was odd but maybe it fell in somehow.

So I went over to it to pick it up and toss it aside. Only when I leaned in I noticed...fur?

Upon closer inspection I realized that it was a chunk of frozen deer carcass. It seemed to be some fur, bone, and a bit of meat, probably about two feet long. Somebody took it off their vehicle, put it in a cart, and pushed said cart into the corral.

So I had to take this thing out to a swampy area around back and dump it. Since then nothing has topped that weirdness (at least, as far as objects found goes) and I am not sure what could.

Bonus: Drug free zone

I didn't find this but I was working when it was found. A customer came into the service desk area and told the girl working there that someone had left a needle and syringe out in one of the parking spaces. Someone checked and sure enough, there it was. Manager had to come out with some gloves to dispose of it. Not sure if there was anything in it, or what was inside, but I have a pretty good guess.

no fighting pls

So...to begin with this isn't gonna be all too pleasant. I'm not naturally harsh so it won't be too bad but I will say the best that I can give and feel comfortable with my score is "Okay". Which is unfortunate as usually there's at least a couple great ones.

Keep in mind this is my opinion. I'll also have a second score (Oh, right, these are /10) for how difficult it was for me to guess you.

Posting these in the order Black gave in the Monster Hunt thread

Daft Punk: So I will say this as a start. Of the duos...this was the weakest. I felt like their personalities didn't really shine through super well. Granted that could be in part my lack of knowledge on the "personas" but it seemed somewhat lackluster. Add to that their game, which could have been interesting, they gave up on around the time they ghosted. There was just not nearly enough development for me to rate this one highly and they had the unfortunate position of being the weakest of the duos.

3/10

Difficulty: Honestly once I looked at it in the big picture there were only a few I could imagine doing this format and the music stuff really made it clear. But I had pegged the member for another and due to Black's handicap he gave me (I wasn't allowed to know which ones I got right just the number) I didn't want to guess them after I already spent my very first wave of guesses thinking they were King Dice.

6/10

Danny Sexbang: Great idea, thought it could be really fun, but...fell flat. Not much was really done with it besides putting up videos most of which were too lengthy to really expect most to watch. It sorta relied on people knowing the GameGrumps. It also felt weird because Danny is the chill one and sometimes the character was off there. Plus it was a shame that Ninja Brian wasn't included in some way.

Basically I felt that there was potential but the character wasn't really used in a way to bring that potential out.

4/10

Difficulty: Well...there was only so many of the list that liked the Game Grumps enough to do this. And of them one had done Youtube characters before and the style of jokes/posting just fit them to a tee so it wasn't tough at all.

2/10

King Dice: Ehh...Usually I feel you're more interesting than this one. He didn't really do much and I know he'd need reactions to really do things but I also felt that King Dice didn't really set up enough for people to go off of. He sorta just kept doing the same thing over and over without getting much of a bite. It didn't help the accent slipped here and there so it felt kinda awkward at times.

2/10

Difficulty: Honestly surprisingly tricky. One of the only ones I didn't get almost off the gate. Partially cause I figured you for someone else but also cause...I didn't know you liked Cuphead. Once I took away that bias though it did feel like your style so it made sense.

6.5/10

Bersback/Ember: So sad about this one. I figured out early on how this was gonna go but I was pretty excited to see it happen. Partially due to my love of Ember. I thought you had a pretty good pace going but then...stopped when it was gonna get really good basically. It was unfortunate cause this was one of the monsters that was doing pretty well, relatively, on the interaction front. And then the OOC stuff later really killed it and dropped the score more.

What I'm saying is that this monster blueballed me.

4/10

Difficulty: The moment I realized where it was going I just knew who it had to be. The monster itself and the style was just very obvious.

2/10

Mark Hercule Satan: Hm. This is a tough one to rate. You were very in character for the whole thing and that was fun to see. Just felt like...it was very obvious from the posts that you weren't super into it (likely due to the lack of motivation overall) and it made your posts have a slight bored tone. I can't help but feel that there could have been more done to make this monster really pop.

4.5/10

Difficulty: Literally only thing I was concerned about was that it would be TOO obvious. The character choice gave it away basically. But the posting habits certainly helped. When you posted, how you posted, who you responded to. Chaos liking so many of your posts....

1/10

Mike Tyson: gdi man I know you're busy but really? There was a lot, lot, lot more you could've done and you didn't follow through with what you did do. Plus no lisp. Probably more harsh on this one due to previous much better years from you yourself. At least I got the sense you GOT the character.

2/10

Difficulty: Should've realized it sooner but didn't. Given you're the one person I ever saw talking about this show besides maybe a couple who weren't in this. Plus it's just troll-y enough of a choice to fit.

3/10

Murdoc Niccals: Basically didn't exist. I don't even remember what was done.

0.5/10

Difficulty: First person who came to mind. Character choice...and sadly the lack of posting gave it away.

0.5/10

Mysterio: You tried really hard and I could tell and appreciate that. However you fell into a trap I notice happening with other characters of yours at times. Which is falling back on one trait and riding it for too long. It was a good trait and there was other stuff you did do but I must admit sometimes I felt like I could've not read your posts and figured out how you responded just based on previous posts. That being said you were more enjoyable than most and kept to it more often.

5/10

Difficulty: There's only a few I could imagine dedicating themselves to this character and actually getting them right. Plus you still...seem to have that "tone" of yours throughout in small ways. It just felt like you.

2.5/10

Praline a la Mode: Bit awkward. Cause you played the CHARACTER well but I don't feel there was quite enough of it and the character was starting to feel a bit too one-note as it went on. The monster was enjoyable to a point there just wasn't nearly enough flair to it to really get me to notice her all that much. She worked. But not much more than that.

5/10

Difficulty: gdi. As soon as I knew where she was from I knew. But before I was honestly kind of confused. But there weren't many it could be in the end and the style of character fit.

5/10

Scaramouch: I'm so upset about this. He seemed like a fun monster and the posts made had so much promise but...there just...weren't much of it at all. You didn't even respond in your own thread really. Basically I could tell this one was GOING to be good but they didn't do anything so...

2.5/10

Difficulty: The character choice fit and the posts reminded me of reading posts from the POV of your more eccentric characters. So it wasn't all too difficult for me in the end.

3/10

Shurelia: Actually the worst monster of this year. I was really looking forward to seeing how you wrote a character and...it was this. I still have no idea who this is supposed to be or what they are like cause basically every post beyond one or two was...you, with a slight theme to it. You even meme posted. It was....dreadful. At least you didn't do much at all.

0/10

Difficulty: Read the above.

0.5

Squid Sisters: FINALLY. Okay so this one was actually really fun. Had a clever, my favorite actually, idea for a game and stayed in character and interacted decently well. And they were just fun. Sadly...they, too, didn't do a whole lot at a certain point. I feel this one could have really done a lot to pump up the event but it felt like you didn't really want to go beyond which is unfortunate. So you are one of 3 with the best scores. However that score is....

6/10

Difficulty: Guessed you right away and only doubted due to Yui's trolling. The character choice and the formatting was very you. Plus the posting habits was even more you.

1/10

Statler and Waldorf: Best monster overall. But still not great due to again lack of activity after first few days. Another that could have branched out more but it kinda felt like you didn't want to extend past a few threads here and there. The jokes weren't always the best but they were quite on point and from what I remember very in character. Got some genuine good times from this one but still just a...

6/10

Difficulty: Knew it as soon as I saw the name. Plus the comedy style.

0/10

The Pilgrim: Why? Why did...what was this? I just was confused half the time and the story you attempted you gave up on. I get not many people reacted but the issue was...it wasn't very entertaining. I felt no desire to really interact with what I was presented with. But will say that the art was fun to look at.

1.5/10

Difficulty: Sadly it was mostly the lack of posting and the habits of posting that gave this away. And it was just your kind of "what is this" idea for better or worse.

2/10

The_Red_Guy: Okay, the most active monster and the only thing keeping it from being dead much earlier tbh. Really put in the work. I enjoyed a few of the posts, and it was great to see the threads made, but they sometimes felt a bit too unnatural to really get me invested in what was happening. At times it felt like someone playing the part. Also fell victim to the ghosting curse.

6/10

Difficulty: gdi, I was so sure I had this one right until I realized I didn't. Overall you know why I realized who you were but to everyone else it was basically a really weird instinct caused by former years connecting in my head.

7/10

undyingUmbrage: I still don't know what this is. That being said I had fun with your few posts and felt you were one who tried to actually DO things outside of reactionary stuff but there was just not enough at all. Could have been honestly entertaining if not for that fact. But sadly one of the more inactive monsters.

3/10

Difficulty: Was kind of process of elimination combined with the idea that it was such a specific character and personality that it really could only be a few individuals.

5/10

Yuya: Late to the party yet still somehow one of the first to ghost. Didn't do much of anything and what was done was kind of generic.

1/10

Difficulty: The lateness of the entrance kinda gave it away but also the...generic choice of character made it clear.

1/10

Now I might as well do Boss Monsters. Won't do difficulty as they were all super obvious to me and weren't meant to..not be.

Mettaton: Kinda...burnt out on this guy honestly. You write them well but....eh. Plus for this event specifically you didn't even really try and get anything going.

1/10

Bojack: So I assume being late was part of the character. And I did get a laugh out of the few things you did...sadly near the end.

3/10

Neon: I'm gonna pat myself on the back here for trying and for, imo, doing at least okay at writing the character. That being said as she was supposed to be there to taunt the other monsters into doing things she didn't really do her job so

3/10

Overall...not good. The ghosting killed it but a big issue was that it felt that too many were too reliant on others and didn't really go out of their way to make a space for themselves to shine.